peach302 Posted May 3, 2021 Posted May 3, 2021 5 minutes ago, Gaeta said: That's the thing. Very few people have good character online. They're good people in their real life, they go to work, pay their taxes and help a neighbor shovel during a storm but then they get online and they become horrible people with no integrity and morals. Or maybe they're just horrible in real life and online . 2
Gaeta Posted May 3, 2021 Posted May 3, 2021 2 minutes ago, Skittle2021 said: that means they don't truly have good character. Good character is how one acts and responds in ALL situations, even moreso when no one is watching. I am warning you. From a woman to another. I was online dating 3 years, I met over 200 men. It will be very hard for you to find a man with integrity online. You will be ghosted again and again. If you have a moral crisis each time, online will break up. 1
Author Skittle2021 Posted May 3, 2021 Author Posted May 3, 2021 3 minutes ago, Gaeta said: After 1 date *I am not willing to communicate* means I do not wish to pursue. The silent treatment within a relationship is an act of control and abuse to get your partner to kneel. no silent treatment doesn't communicate anything. it means you are not willing to communicate and just because someone goes silent may not always mean they dont want to pursue. maybe they are upset and need to cool down, maybe they need to figure out their feelings, maybe they are preparing to take it to the next level..who knows. The main point im trying to make is that silence leaves room for assumptions for the receiving party. they will try to find rational because they don't know. and they don't know because the person who inflicted this didn't have enough compassion to spare them this kind of mental torture. telling tether person what it is is far more gentle then having someone play mind torture inter own head. All of this is why silent treatment/ghosting is cruel. 1
Author Skittle2021 Posted May 3, 2021 Author Posted May 3, 2021 7 minutes ago, Gaeta said: I am warning you. From a woman to another. I was online dating 3 years, I met over 200 men. It will be very hard for you to find a man with integrity online. You will be ghosted again and again. If you have a moral crisis each time, online will break up. thats sad..I will never involve myself with a man who has no integrity. 1
sushiandtacos Posted May 3, 2021 Posted May 3, 2021 18 minutes ago, Gaeta said: I have NEVER ghosted a man when I was online dating and let me tell you I know why people ghost after 1 meeting. Most of the time when I had to tell a man after our 1st, or 2nd date that I didn't feel enough connection to pursue further, my message was received with arguments. They would debate with me, they would keep on texting and calling wanting to know what they had done wrong or how they should have done things differently. It's a lot of drama for a total stranger you had 1 meeting with. After ONE meeting you should not even care if the guy calls you back. I know you're new to dating and you are horrified at how things are done nowadays, but none of us can change it. You have to get with the program and understand that online dating is a jungle! You will be lied to, played, ghosted, and you need to be prepared and NOT get attached right away. 13 minutes ago, Skittle2021 said: that means they don't truly have good character. Good character is how one acts and responds in ALL situations, even moreso when no one is watching. Exactly, it's not because I wanted to ghost. I knew this would become a confrontational situation if I expressed to him that I had no interest in going further after seeing how he is IRL. Before this, I would tell someone I don't see any potential going further but I judged the situation and decided not to follow up after I saw how he was in person. I'm not justifying why I ghosted, but ghosting does not make someone a terrible person. I've been ghosted before, trust me it's not fun but I accept it and move on. I don't vilify the person and come up with every reason to question his character. I've ghosted and I've been ghosted on, in hindsight I should've let the guy know I wasn't interested but I don't owe him an explanation unless he asks for one after one date. But to make someone out to be a villain and question someone's character is completely something else.
Author Skittle2021 Posted May 3, 2021 Author Posted May 3, 2021 (edited) 7 minutes ago, sushiandtacos said: Exactly, it's not because I wanted to ghost. I knew this would become a confrontational situation if I expressed to him that I had no interest in going further after seeing how he is IRL. Before this, I would tell someone I don't see any potential going further but I judged the situation and decided not to follow up after I saw how he was in person. I'm not justifying why I ghosted, but ghosting does not make someone a terrible person. I've been ghosted before, trust me it's not fun but I accept it and move on. I don't vilify the person and come up with every reason to question his character. I've ghosted and I've been ghosted on, in hindsight I should've let the guy know I wasn't interested but I don't owe him an explanation unless he asks for one after one date. But to make someone out to be a villain and question someone's character is completely something else. no i dont agree with this either. ghosting does make you a terrible person IMO. you are not responsible for how another person reacts but you are responsible for your actions and the effects they have on people. If we interacted and you react based on that interaction by ghosting me, then I most certainly do deserve an explanation. I don't even care if we had a conversation for just 1 hour. you dont get to react and I dont. denying me the opportunity to know why you reacted the way that you did by ghosting me is wrong just wrong. You said it yourself ghosting isn't, so If you know that, and how it feels when it happens to you, and how it feels to the person you are doing it to and you still do it. why doo you continue to do it? Thats cruel. I would very much question a persons character who does that. Edited May 3, 2021 by Skittle2021
peach302 Posted May 3, 2021 Posted May 3, 2021 14 minutes ago, Skittle2021 said: no i dont agree with this either. ghosting does make you a terrible person IMO. you are not responsible for how another person reacts but you are responsible for your actions and the effects they have on people. If we interacted and you react based on that interaction by ghosting me, then I most certainly do deserve an explanation. I don't even care if we had a conversation for just 1 hour. you dont get to react and I dont. denying me the opportunity to know why you reacted the way that you did by ghosting me is wrong just wrong. You said it yourself ghosting isn't, so If you know that, and how it feels when it happens to you, and how it feels to the person you are doing it to and you still do it. why doo you continue to do it? Thats cruel. I would very much question a persons character who does that. Sometimes people don't want to give explanations after one date. But even just to say it was nice meeting you...but unfortunately i can't see us going any further..that type of thing would suffice.. i think (instead of ghosting). That's what I've done myself. If its been a longer period of time...i would personally prefer an explanation but can't force one out of someone 4
Gaeta Posted May 3, 2021 Posted May 3, 2021 24 minutes ago, Skittle2021 said: thats sad..I will never involve myself with a man who has no integrity. Of course you won't but they will be all over your path, like this guy subject of your thread. 2
Author Skittle2021 Posted May 3, 2021 Author Posted May 3, 2021 2 minutes ago, peach302 said: Sometimes people don't want to give explanations after one date. But even just to say it was nice meeting you...but unfortunately i can't see us going any further..that type of thing would suffice.. i think (instead of ghosting). That's what I've done myself. If its been a longer period of time...i would personally prefer an explanation but can't force one out of someone that would definitely suffice.
peach302 Posted May 3, 2021 Posted May 3, 2021 (edited) 24 minutes ago, Skittle2021 said: no i dont agree with this either. ghosting does make you a terrible person IMO. you are not responsible for how another person reacts but you are responsible for your actions and the effects they have on people. If we interacted and you react based on that interaction by ghosting me, then I most certainly do deserve an explanation. I don't even care if we had a conversation for just 1 hour. you dont get to react and I dont. denying me the opportunity to know why you reacted the way that you did by ghosting me is wrong just wrong. You said it yourself ghosting isn't, so If you know that, and how it feels when it happens to you, and how it feels to the person you are doing it to and you still do it. why doo you continue to do it? Thats cruel. I would very much question a persons character who does that. I dunno about you but if i was in your position...initially i would be annoyed. But then I'd be thinking its a blessing in disguise..no? Because someone who acts that way wouldn't be a worthy partner or a person of substance in the long run. Personally no matter what happened before it would put me off the guy. Edited May 3, 2021 by peach302 4
Author Skittle2021 Posted May 3, 2021 Author Posted May 3, 2021 (edited) 19 hours ago, peach302 said: I dunno about you but if i was in your position...initially i would be annoyed. But then I'd be thinking its a blessing in disguise..no? Because someone who acts that way wouldn't be a worthy partner or a person of substance in the long run. Personally no matter what happened before it would put me off the guy. I totally agree. I was a little hurt to be honest, because i thought we were on the same page and had a genuine connection. I was excited about what I thought was my new movie buddy LOL and that got crushed before it even got anywhere, if it was even going to go anywhere... im over it now. Edited May 3, 2021 by Skittle2021 1
peach302 Posted May 3, 2021 Posted May 3, 2021 (edited) 12 minutes ago, Skittle2021 said: I totally agree. I was a little hurt to be honest, because i thought we were on the same page and had a genuine connection. I was excited about what I thought was my new movie buddy LOL and that got crushed before it even got anywhere, if it was even going to go anywhere... im over it now. Have you not heard from him at all? Sometimes these types can appear out of the woodwork as if nothings happened in between. Well i get your position but next time try not to run away with things before you meet the guy or even after a few dates. I guess you're someone who wears their heart on their sleeve. Better luck next time! Edited May 3, 2021 by peach302
Author Skittle2021 Posted May 3, 2021 Author Posted May 3, 2021 1 minute ago, peach302 said: Have you not heard from him at all? Sometimes these types can appear out of the woodwork as if nothings happened in between. Well i get your position but next time try not to run away with things before you meet the guy or even after a few dates. I guess you're someone who wears their heart on their sleeve. Better luck next time! I am super sensitive so thats why things like this affect me. I wouldn't say my heart was in it. but no, I have not heard from him, he has even deleted all of his social media which is odd. When I went to block him, he was no where to be found. I had a friend check to see if I was just blocked and she couldn't see him either. Thats so very weird that someone would just delete their social media like that. Im not saying that a I had anything to do with his reason for deleting it but it certainly looks suspect given the timing. I just checked the dating app I met him on and he has not unmatched me so I really dont know WTH is going on with him.
peach302 Posted May 3, 2021 Posted May 3, 2021 1 minute ago, Skittle2021 said: I am super sensitive so thats why things like this affect me. I wouldn't say my heart was in it. but no, I have not heard from him, he has even deleted all of his social media which is odd. When I went to block him, he was no where to be found. I had a friend check to see if I was just blocked and she couldn't see him either. Thats so very weird that someone would just delete their social media like that. Im not saying that a I had anything to do with his reason for deleting it but it certainly looks suspect given the timing. I just checked the dating app I met him on and he has not unmatched me so I really dont know WTH is going on with him. The last time i knew someone who did all that...as in deleted social media, they were actually incarcerated . But anyway it happens sometimes, you have no idea whats going on in his life, so may not necessarily be anything to do with you. Either way all you can do is move on. This man isn't right for you clearly 1
Wiseman2 Posted May 3, 2021 Posted May 3, 2021 3 minutes ago, Skittle2021 said: I just checked the dating app I met him on and he has not unmatched me so I really dont know WTH is going on with him. Maybe he is really on that secret covert mission? You're doing fine. You had fun, he's a flake and the world keeps turning. 1
Gaeta Posted May 3, 2021 Posted May 3, 2021 5 minutes ago, Skittle2021 said: but no, I have not heard from him, he has even deleted all of his social media which is odd. When I went to block him, he was no where to be found. I had a friend check to see if I was just blocked and she couldn't see him either. Thats so very weird that someone would just delete their social media like that. Im not saying that a I had anything to do with his reason for deleting it but it certainly looks suspect given the timing. I smell 'married'. It's not because he has an apartment somewhere that he can't be married or in a long term relationship. I've learn that the hard way. 1
Alpacalia Posted May 3, 2021 Posted May 3, 2021 1 minute ago, Skittle2021 said: Thats so very weird that someone would just delete their social media like that. Maybe his social media account was "taken."
Author Skittle2021 Posted May 3, 2021 Author Posted May 3, 2021 1 minute ago, Gaeta said: I smell 'married'. It's not because he has an apartment somewhere that he can't be married or in a long term relationship. I've learn that the hard way. it wasn't an apartment. it was house. I dont think he is married. it doesn't matter, I find ways to laugh at it now. he's weird. 1
Author Skittle2021 Posted May 3, 2021 Author Posted May 3, 2021 Just now, Alpaca said: Maybe his social media account was "taken." taken? its completely gone like he went off the grid.
Author Skittle2021 Posted May 3, 2021 Author Posted May 3, 2021 3 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Maybe he is really on that secret covert mission? You're doing fine. You had fun, he's a flake and the world keeps turning. LOL! imagine if this were true. I highly doubt it though. 1
Author Skittle2021 Posted May 3, 2021 Author Posted May 3, 2021 4 minutes ago, peach302 said: The last time i knew someone who did all that...as in deleted social media, they were actually incarcerated . But anyway it happens sometimes, you have no idea whats going on in his life, so may not necessarily be anything to do with you. Either way all you can do is move on. This man isn't right for you clearly yep, and I am moving on. I'm turned off now. eff it! 1
Wiseman2 Posted May 3, 2021 Posted May 3, 2021 Just now, Skittle2021 said: taken? its completely gone like he went off the grid. Ok, not sure why no one thought of this. He went back to his home planet when the mothership picked him up. 2 1
Author Skittle2021 Posted May 3, 2021 Author Posted May 3, 2021 5 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Ok, not sure why no one thought of this. He went back to his home planet when the mothership picked him up. lmao! 1
Alpacalia Posted May 3, 2021 Posted May 3, 2021 2 minutes ago, Skittle2021 said: taken? its completely gone like he went off the grid. He could be oversees now in Paris... Anyway, glad to hear you're on the up and up. 2
ExpatInItaly Posted May 3, 2021 Posted May 3, 2021 21 minutes ago, Skittle2021 said: I have not heard from him, he has even deleted all of his social media which is odd. When I went to block him, he was no where to be found. I had a friend check to see if I was just blocked and she couldn't see him either. Thats so very weird that someone would just delete their social media like that I bet his girlfriend caught him. 3
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