When Is it Appropriate for Women to Make Date Plans?

[Alpacalia]

When is it common for women to initiate making plans for future dates after she's already been on a few dates with the same person?

Edited May 1, 2021 by Alpaca

[basil67]

Reading the stuff I have here, the answer depends on the woman.   Some women pull their weight in dating and others expect the guy to do all the work.   

Can I ask why you're posed the question?  

 

 

 

 

[Starrs]

if she’s interested she’ll make plans... some are shy and wait for men to make it. 

Edited May 1, 2021 by Starrs

[Alpacalia]

6 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Reading the stuff I have here, the answer depends on the woman.   Some women pull their weight in dating and others expect the guy to do all the work.   

Can I ask why you're posed the question?  

 

 

 

 

I've seen a few posts where men do the initial pursuing, and when he doesn't or becomes a little flaky, I wonder if it's because he's waiting for the women to show more initiative.

Or, is it simply that he isn't interested any longer?

My past experience the men always did the initial pursuing at least a few months into the relationship.

Edited May 1, 2021 by Alpaca

[basil67]

If I was a man, I could easily imagine losing interest in a woman who took little initiative.     And as a woman, taking 50/50 initiative has never let me down.  

Edited May 1, 2021 by basil67

[wanderingthoughts11]

Whenever she feels like it. I ask and make plans on occasion just because.

[Alpacalia]

5 minutes ago, basil67 said:

If I was a man, I could easily imagine losing interest in a woman who took little initiative.     And as a woman, taking 50/50 initiative has never let me down.  

True. Though, I wasn't so fortunate when I've taken the 50/50 initiative. 

[Sun Seeker]

Until you are in a relationship, official bf and gf, the man should be making 100% of the plans.

[Wiseman2]

6 hours ago, Alpaca said:

When is it common for women to initiate making plans for future dates after she's already been on a few dates with the same person?

I'd say it's fine to invite someone you're already seeing on a date. 

[Alpacalia]

6 hours ago, Punterxx said:

Until you are in a relationship, official bf and gf, the man should be making 100% of the plans.

I'm curious what is it that makes you think that? 

When asked out on a date, he said, "Can we go on a date?" "That would be great," I said. But because he didn't say anything else, I dismissed the notion. 

Then again with other times, when a man showed an interest in seeing me, I suggested an activity for us to do, and we went out.

Nothing ever came to fruition in such situations in terms of a relationship. When I assumed a more passive role simply because it was the natural dynamic, whereas the man was more direct for the initial dating duration, the outcome was considerably different.

[basil67]

3 minutes ago, Alpaca said:

When I assumed a more passive role simply because it was the natural dynamic, whereas the man was more direct for the initial dating duration, the outcome was considerably different.

It seems that experience tells you what is most likely to work.   So what's going on to make you ask the question?

Edited May 1, 2021 by basil67

[Alpacalia]

Just now, basil67 said:

It seems that experience tells you what is most likely to work.   So what's going on to make you ask the question?

Yes.

Hindsight.

I was just wondering if I should have had a different response when the one guy asked "can we go on a date."

We still talk from time to time, which is fine.

[basil67]

So this isn't so much about when a woman should start making plans, but more about if a woman should plan the first date if he doesn't get around to coming good on his offer?

He asked. You said yes.  He did nothing.   Game over.   He's either stagnant or not interested enough.

Edited May 1, 2021 by basil67

[Gaeta]

First meeting: Him

Second meeting/date: Him

Third date: Me

[Weezy1973]

It really depends on context. General rule of thumb is the person doing the asking should come up with the plan. But once you’re at the exclusive stage (doesn’t have to be a 100% relationship) then anything goes. 
 

But also it could depend on the personalities involved. Some people have  very specific things they like or don’t like doing and others are more easy going. In that case the “pickier” person might be well served to do the bulk of the planning, as the easy going person isn’t going to care what they do.

[introverted1]

I've always suggested dates, and not on any particular timetable.  Usually, it just sort of happens, i.e., we'll be talking about whether to get together Friday or Saturday and I might say, Oh, I've always wanted to see X band and they are playing Saturday night, want to go?  Or I might text him and say that a particular event is happening and would he like to go with me.  I've never been turned down on one of these invites.  If you are seeing each other regularly, it's nice if both people help plan outings, etc.

[lana-banana]

Once you're actually dating, nobody should feel the pressure to pursue, right? You should both feel comfortable making suggestions and coming up with plans. I would not want to be in a relationship where I didn't take initiative (let's go hiking! let's go wine tasting!) but by the same token I'd feel bad if the guy never made plans. Even if it's not strictly 50-50 you should be sharing in each other's hobbies, interests, etc, which means you're both finding new ways to spend time together.

[d0nnivain]

21 hours ago, Alpaca said:

When is it common for women to initiate making plans for future dates after she's already been on a few dates with the same person?

Common I suppose for the 3rd date.  I never let go later than that.  But the times they have changed & a woman can make the 1st move.  

[Blind-Sided]

Personally... I would like it if the girl made plans as soon as possible !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Here's why...

I'm tired of always making plans. When I was dating new people after my D... it was so nice when my friends would set me up.  They would plan it out, and I would show up. (This was a group outing)  But with my exW... I would ask her to make a choice... and I would get... "What ever you want" or "I don't know".  I would often tall her... "Have an opinion"  During the D, I got blamed for never wanting what she wanted.  But... whatever.  The point is... while the guy wants to do the pursuing during the early days of dating... he may be tired of coming up with dating ideas.   Not to mention... if the girl gives ideas... then you will get to know her faster.

With all that said.... even on the first date... if you are both talking about... go ahead, and put out an idea.  

[Marka]

Depends on what kind relationship you are looking, if traditional then wait till you are bf/gf. If not, then you can ask him out already on second date or third one, no point in counting.

[smackie9]

If the guy starts to falter that's when you ditch them, and it's not because you didn't initiate. They lost interest for whatever reason.

[Miss Peach]

On 4/30/2021 at 10:59 PM, Punterxx said:

Until you are in a relationship, official bf and gf, the man should be making 100% of the plans.

This is my take. The guys who can't do this usually aren't too interested IME. But I do mirror their effort outside of initiating dates so it's clear whether there is interest.

 

Women can make the first move but this tends to work best on more beta types of men and while I have dated guys like that they tend to expect to keep that dynamic which I don't like.

Edited May 3, 2021 by Miss Peach

[CollinW]

On 5/3/2021 at 11:45 AM, Miss Peach said:

And while I have dated guys like that they tend to expect to keep that dynamic which I don't like.

You don't like having to be useful in a relationship? How is that working out for you? 

[Marka]

11 minutes ago, CollinW said:

You don't like having to be useful in a relationship? How is that working out for you? 

Organising a date is not the only way to be useful in a relationship neither for a guy nor for a girl. Some girl like masculine guys who enjoy taking charge while others are more than fine with more feminine guys. Nothing wrong in both of them, it is just what works for you better.

[dramafreezone]

If you ask the guy out you should make plans.  If you are officially "seeing someone" and want to go out, you make the plans.  Basically whoever's idea it is to go out should make the plans.