Would these be the early signs of a narcissist?

[babybrowns]

13 minutes ago, Versacehottie said:

I agree that narcissist is thrown about much too casually without solid evidence--and realistically if he's just some guy you are chatting with on an app, no one needs to go that deep.

I think he's potentially self-absorbed and clunky about dating.  Bottom line, he's not doing it for you so just move on--I agree with introverted that you should know this on your own without having to poll loveshack, right?  Unless your primary purpose is actually to complain about the quality of people coming into your life....

BTW, as clunky as it may be it's a proven fact that a lot of the time in the time before dating (like now) and first couple of dates, a guy will talk a lot about himself.  If you look for clues, they are trying to impress you. It's a sociological thing.  Of course, makes it hard to tell the good guys who are just trying to impress vs the self-absorbed ones who will never ask you a question about yourself.  And it does indicate that his social skills need improvement.  But if you know this fact now, hopefully it will keep you from shouting narcissist from the rooftops whenever a guy doesn't ask you questions.  There is more going on there than you are seeing.  BTW, you could also speak up about yourself.  ie the clunky comment--guys are often conditioned differently and that is how they often are brought up to interact. (ie i'll be talking about myself and if you have something to say you talk about yourself).  I'm not justifying it in a dating context but hopefully the explanation will help on future guys.  The SOLUTION is very simple: how he's approaching you is not for you, so let him go. Easy peasy.

Thanks but as a woman in her early 30’s I’ve had my fair share of dates to know that talking about oneself is a trademark of male courtship behaviour. This particular case however is an extreme and almost pathological scenario. Where it has been one week and he still doesn’t seem to even know my name. 

I already wrote him off before coming on here as I mentioned in my original post by which I had deleted him; curiosity about the basis of his behaviour was my main reason for floating it on here.

[FMW]

Instead of jumping right to narcissism, I would think he is just self-absorbed and has poor social skills.  Not that uncommon in my experience.    

[SaraSays]

People train for years, to be able to make in-person diagnosis, based in their training. Flippant references to medical conditions hurt both those qualified to comment, and those who suffer with such a condition.

It's fine to end things for any reason, so feel free to end things, wishing the person well, mindful others will likely have no problem with whatever annoys us.

[babybrowns]

Classic breadcrumbing from this man tonight:

1st text: “Great new profile picture ;)” (referring to my new WhatsApp pic)

I send a brief thanks just to be polite

2nd text: sends me a funny meme about Ireland (since he’s Irish)

I've not replied to that and nor do I plan to. I’ve had enough of dancing to his tune.

Can someone actually be anymore out of touch  What’s so fantastic is the fact that when I had deleted this man as a contact a few days ago I made my needs clear when I added him back: that I would need to see more interest from him. And I’d said to him that I would observe for a while whether I’m getting this.
If this is how he treats the ‘probationary period’ it’s a wonder how he’d treat a relationship

The only question on my mind really is whether to block him straight out or whether to accompany it with something like a “not one question about me in 7 days! Wonder how you even remember my number ”

Oh the craziness.

Edited May 1, 2021 by babybrowns

[Wiseman2]

4 minutes ago, babybrowns said:

Classic breadcrumbing from this man tonight:

1st text: “Great new profile picture ;)” (referring to my new WhatsApp pic)

I send a brief thanks just to be polite

2nd text: sends me a funny meme about Ireland (since he’s Irish)

I've not replied to that and nor do I plan to 

Can someone actually be anymore out of touch 

 

Seems like minimal effort, no? 

[ExpatInItaly]

16 minutes ago, babybrowns said:

The only question on my mind really is whether to block him straight out or whether to accompany it with something like a “not one question about me in 7 days! Wonder how you even remember my number ”

Why not just be polite but honest that you don't feel it's a match for you so it's best to stop communicating?

No harm, no foul. And then you can both carry on. 

Edited May 1, 2021 by ExpatInItaly

[SaraSays]

Don't send anything spiteful. Passive aggression reflects badly solely on the person using it.

[babybrowns]

13 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Why not just be polite but honest that you don't feel it's a match for you so it's best to stop communicating?

No harm, no foul. And then you can both carry on. 

Because I want him to realise it, rather than him just putting this experience down to general incompatibility. He’s bright but he has zero Inter-personal awareness. I can save him from the next girl bolting 

Edited May 1, 2021 by babybrowns

[BaileyB]

25 minutes ago, babybrowns said:

The only question on my mind really is whether to block him straight out or whether to accompany it with something like a “not one question about me in 7 days! Wonder how you even remember my number ”

Be kind and just tell him that you have decided you don’t want to meet. Then block him. 
Stay classy. 

[BaileyB]

6 minutes ago, babybrowns said:

Because I want him to realise it.

Do you think he will care? 

If he asked and your intention was to offer feedback that may help him in future dating - sure. You could find a way to offer a suggestion. But, to offer unsolicited advice in that way is not appropriate. Your intention here is to take a swipe at him, and that’s unnecessary. He’s done nothing to you. Don’t take your frustrations with dating out on this rather unsuspecting man. 

Edited May 1, 2021 by BaileyB

[babybrowns]

10 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

Do you think he will care? 

If he asked and your intention was to offer feedback that may help him in future dating - sure. You could find a way to offer a suggestion. But, your intention here is to take a swipe at him, and that’s unnecessary. He’s done nothing to you. Don’t take your frustrations with dating out on this rather unsuspecting man. 

Well he did get quite vicious when I rejected him politely last time? Extremely scathing message. And that was on me having done nothing to him. And I’ve still done nothing to him. Even though I’ve already said to him once I want him to know the truth again behind what pushed me away when I do close this down, politely but firmly.

Edited May 1, 2021 by babybrowns

[Wiseman2]

12 minutes ago, babybrowns said:

 I can save him....

Save the next guy. 

[babybrowns]

Just now, Wiseman2 said:

Save the next guy. 

I don’t know what you mean

[BaileyB]

17 minutes ago, babybrowns said:

Well he did get quite vicious when I rejected him politely last time? Extremely scathing message.

That was your cue to end it. Full stop. 

Just because he was rude to you does not give you the right to deliberately provoke him. 

[ExpatInItaly]

25 minutes ago, babybrowns said:

he did get quite vicious when I rejected him politely last time? Extremely scathing message.

Why did you not block him right then and there, in that case? 

If a man were vicious and scathing with me, I wouldn't permit him any sort of access to me any longer. 

Edited May 1, 2021 by ExpatInItaly

[MsJayne]

10 minutes ago, babybrowns said:

Well he did get quite vicious when I rejected him politely last time? Extremely scathing message. And that was on me having done nothing to him. And I’ve still done nothing to him. I just want him to know the truth behind what pushed me away when I do close this down, politely but firmly.

There might be your main clue. A true narcissist can't cope with rejection and will still pursue you just so they can be the one to do the rejecting, (punishing).  You don't have to be Freud to identify them once you start getting to know them. Also, there's something about the dismissive way they treat you that gets up your nose and makes you want to call them out.......sound familiar? Don't do it, don't engage. The best way to sort out a narcissist is to dismiss and ignore them, it enrages them, but don't ever let them back in the door afterwards, because you will be sorry. 

[glows]

1 hour ago, babybrowns said:

Classic breadcrumbing from this man tonight:

1st text: “Great new profile picture ;)” (referring to my new WhatsApp pic)

I send a brief thanks just to be polite

2nd text: sends me a funny meme about Ireland (since he’s Irish)

I've not replied to that and nor do I plan to. I’ve had enough of dancing to his tune.

Can someone actually be anymore out of touch  What’s so fantastic is the fact that when I had deleted this man as a contact a few days ago I made my needs clear when I added him back: that I would need to see more interest from him. And I’d said to him that I would observe for a while whether I’m getting this.
If this is how he treats the ‘probationary period’ it’s a wonder how he’d treat a relationship

The only question on my mind really is whether to block him straight out or whether to accompany it with something like a “not one question about me in 7 days! Wonder how you even remember my number ”

Oh the craziness.

Why is this still coming through? Phone should be quiet or consist of messages from other people not this person.

[Taramere]

On 4/30/2021 at 10:55 PM, babybrowns said:

 

Does this sound like a narcissist?

He does sound pretty narcissistic.  Whether it's an actual disorder for him is a different matter.  Obviously like everybody is saying, we can't go delivering diagnoses, but that doesn't mean you can't make any sort of judgement call about his personality and signs of him being fairly narcissistic.  There are probably millions of people out there who have pretty narcissistic personalities that get on other people's nerves, but that don't impact on them to the extent that they'll ever end up in front of a psychiatrist being diagnosed with a disorder and prescribed medication for it.  Whether other people (partners, subordinates at work etc) will be as unaffected by their narcissistic behaviour is a different matter.  

Just out of interest, have you had previous dealings with anybody (partner, boss, relative etc) who had strongly narcissistic traits?

[babybrowns]

His messages are still come through  because I’ve not blocked him just yet. I decided I would wait till the end of today Sunday to do it.

Another exchange last night which reinforces the self-absorption; he tells me he’s worried about a hospital appointment that he has next week. Being from a medical background, I give him some advice. He proceeds to send me the 2-page doctor’s letter. I give him a little advice on it. He was doing what a lot of narcissists do here: looking to see whether I really am the “empath” that a narcissist likes to benefit from. I was careful to not overdo it with giving him support and advice.

Then came a glimmer of light amongst the week’s worth of me-me-me when he asked me how I am. I told him I’m fine and that I’m getting ready for a half marathon I’ve got soon in city X. Rather than take this as an opportunity to enquire into my liking for sports, he uses it as a springboard to talk about his connection with City X and how he supports their football team. And the conversation ended there: I said something else and he left me on unread. Let alone no followup questions from him.

A few more hours before I block this boring narcissistic personality forever 

Edited May 2, 2021 by babybrowns

[elaine567]

12 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Why did you not block him right then and there, in that case? 

If a man were vicious and scathing with me, I wouldn't permit him any sort of access to me any longer. 

This is always the issue with BB, she finds some guy he doesn't suit or he doesn't act properly or he is out of reach and BB tries to keep him around, despite all.

[babybrowns]

3 minutes ago, Taramere said:

He does sound pretty narcissistic.  Whether it's an actual disorder for him is a different matter.  Obviously like everybody is saying, we can't go delivering diagnoses, but that doesn't mean you can't make any sort of judgement call about his personality and signs of him being fairly narcissistic.  There are probably millions of people out there who have pretty narcissistic personalities that get on other people's nerves, but that don't impact on them to the extent that they'll ever end up in front of a psychiatrist being diagnosed with a disorder and prescribed medication for it.  Whether other people (partners, subordinates at work etc) will be as unaffected by their narcissistic behaviour is a different matter.  

Just out of interest, have you had previous dealings with anybody (partner, boss, relative etc) who had strongly narcissistic traits?

Yes fully agree. There have been one or two narcissists coming to my life, which taught me how to spot the signs. This man is making it just too clear. Also whenever he talks about himself he puts others down at the same time. Far too clear!!

[ExpatInItaly]

51 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

This is always the issue with BB, she finds some guy he doesn't suit or he doesn't act properly or he is out of reach and BB tries to keep him around, despite all.

Yes, that certainly seems to be the pattern. 

BB, what do you gain from continuing to engage with men like this? 

[Wiseman2]

50 minutes ago, babybrowns said:

 Being from a medical background, I give him some advice. He proceeds to send me the 2-page doctor’s letter. I give him a little advice on it.

How creepy. Why are you giving a complete stranger "medical advice"? 

Don't you get paid for what you do? Unless someone is paying you your usual hourly rate or consultation fee, why are you doing this?

It's hard to imagine this extent of "relationship" discord replete with the overused faux psychiatric labels, wanting to save him, wanting to teach him how to date etc.

Your time must be worth more than this, no?

Online dating is to meet people, not fix them, turn them into patients or teach them how to date.

[Alpacalia]

Why do you want to associate with him if you believe he is toxic?

If you work (or worked) in medicine, you have the opportunity to positively affect the lives of others. But don't forget to think about your own feelings and what will make you happy and healthy.

[BaileyB]

2 hours ago, elaine567 said:

This is always the issue with BB, she finds some guy he doesn't suit or he doesn't act properly or he is out of reach and BB tries to keep him around, despite all.

And then, when she finally comes to the realization that he is not who she wants him to be, she gets angry and decides to block him. Or, in this case - call him out. At this point though, there is usually some conflict or drama because it’s gone on longer than it should.

Edited May 2, 2021 by BaileyB