wanderingthoughts11 Posted April 29, 2021 Posted April 29, 2021 The older I get the more I get so uninterested in dating as it is all so very disappointing in the end. I decided I would dip my toe in the scene this year and The date ended cute-- he asked for a hug, said he had a wonderful time and was wondering if I would go out again with him. He walked me back to my car and asked me to let him know when i got home. I sent a message i got home and he said he had so much fun and was happy I came. Then he hardly text me after. Then I reached out and I was starting to set up something for the following weekend that I brought up. He was seemed keen then he asked if we could do some time for the following weekend that he has a big research project he needs to focus on that is due this week( PHD post doc). He thanked me for my understanding and we texted a bit after and his last message to me was that I was pretty with those emojis with hearts. I have not heard from him since. I did send a text which really was more like statement about the week but its been 5 days since and nothing. This is why I am like i feel like retiring from dating lol. I do have patience but I never read signals right -I either over shoot or undershoot interest. Never get a second -- if i do it is a rare moment. IF it is too soon to call him a ghost i dunno t but i will give him til Friday. Otherwise..damn..i hate dating. First dates are just exhausting and people are so confusing lol. just my rambling thoughts..
Gaeta Posted April 29, 2021 Posted April 29, 2021 Ya, it can be a pain in the neck, it's to be expected. When we register online we have to expect lots of fails before prince charming shows up. You roll with it, don't invest too much in those first dates. 1
Happy Lemming Posted April 29, 2021 Posted April 29, 2021 In the beginning, (it is my opinion) that you make time for the new person you are dating. I understand life gets busy, but carve out a couple hours for a movie or something. How busy can you be that you can't allocate 2-3 hours for dinner and a movie. If a person is important, then I'll make the time to see them. I can remember in one instance, I was going out of town (the next weekend) after starting to date this new woman. (I had been planning this trip for a couple of months with some guy friends) I brought her back a T-shirt from the event I attended, so she knew I had gone there. After that, I made sure to make time for her and show her she was important to me. As for communication, I usually try to call on a Wednesday or Thursday to set up a date for the weekend. Wednesday for a Friday night date and Thursday for a Saturday night date. I don't communicate a whole lot in between dates, as I feel I'll run out of things to say during the date if I run my mouth a lot during the week. Yes... people need to show effort. My guess is the new guy wasn't that much into you... NEXT him and move on. 1
Author wanderingthoughts11 Posted April 29, 2021 Author Posted April 29, 2021 3 minutes ago, Gaeta said: Ya, it can be a pain in the neck, it's to be expected. When we register online we have to expect lots of fails before prince charming shows up. You roll with it, don't invest too much in those first dates. I don't much either but that is all i get is first dates lol.
Gaeta Posted April 29, 2021 Posted April 29, 2021 Just now, wanderingthoughts11 said: I don't much either but that is all i get is first dates lol. I had 200 first dates in 3 years online. I know exactly what you're going through. 1
Author wanderingthoughts11 Posted April 29, 2021 Author Posted April 29, 2021 2 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said: In the beginning, (it is my opinion) that you make time for the new person you are dating. I understand life gets busy, but carve out a couple hours for a movie or something. How busy can you be that you can't allocate 2-3 hours for dinner and a movie. If a person is important, then I'll make the time to see them. I can remember in one instance, I was going out of town (the next weekend) after starting to date this new woman. (I had been planning this trip for a couple of months with some guy friends) I brought her back a T-shirt from the event I attended, so she knew I had gone there. After that, I made sure to make time for her and show her she was important to me. As for communication, I usually try to call on a Wednesday or Thursday to set up a date for the weekend. Wednesday for a Friday night date and Thursday for a Saturday night date. I don't communicate a whole lot in between dates, as I feel I'll run out of things to say during the date if I run my mouth a lot during the week. Yes... people need to show effort. My guess is the new guy wasn't that much into you... NEXT him and move on. My thoughts exactly-- i already changed his icon to a ghost lol. 1
Author wanderingthoughts11 Posted April 29, 2021 Author Posted April 29, 2021 2 minutes ago, Gaeta said: I had 200 first dates in 3 years online. I know exactly what you're going through. sheesh, I don't' think I have that in me anymore but will see.
SaraSays Posted April 29, 2021 Posted April 29, 2021 Some will disagree, of course, but If you met online, I wouldn't consider the first face-to-face meeting a date. It's a quick sense check to my mind, since it's so unlikely to amount to anything. It's very different I'd Imagine to a first date with someone we crossed paths with in-person.
Happy Lemming Posted April 29, 2021 Posted April 29, 2021 8 minutes ago, wanderingthoughts11 said: My thoughts exactly-- i already changed his icon to a ghost lol. One of the things I learned is that I HATE on-line dating and just won't do it. I did try it (briefly), and found it was full of crap and nonsense. The pictures were photo-shopped or they lied about their age, or they couldn't even bother to show up to the first date (they agreed to). And yes, I got stood up multiple times... I went back to meeting women in real life and had so much more success with that method. Are things opening back up in your area??
Author wanderingthoughts11 Posted April 29, 2021 Author Posted April 29, 2021 1 minute ago, Happy Lemming said: One of the things I learned is that I HATE on-line dating and just won't do it. I did try it (briefly), and found it was full of crap and nonsense. The pictures were photo-shopped or they lied about their age, or they couldn't even bother to show up to the first date (they agreed to). And yes, I got stood up multiple times... I went back to meeting women in real life and had so much more success with that method. Are things opening back up in your area?? Nope, nothing really -- state is slowly opening. Hard to meet people in person these days. Matter of fact, i hardly met men in person that asked me out before the pandemic happened ha.
Gaeta Posted April 29, 2021 Posted April 29, 2021 18 minutes ago, wanderingthoughts11 said: sheesh, I don't' think I have that in me anymore but will see. Me neither. When I go back to dating in June I am considering registering to a meeting agency and let them find me someone that is serious and compatible. 1
Happy Lemming Posted April 29, 2021 Posted April 29, 2021 Yes... kind of hard to meet people in "real life" until this pandemic thing is over. I did try "speed dating" once, I wasn't all that successful with it, but I thought the concept was better than on-line dating. I checked yesterday for another poster and it appears "speed dating" is starting to open back up in some areas. I kind of trained myself to talk to people, talk to everyone... Strike up a conversation about anything and see how they respond. You learn to read people as to whether they are interested or not. I imagine you could try that when things (eventually) open back up. I met my present girlfriend in an apartment complex pool, swam up to her, chit-chatted a bit and asked her out for drinks later that night. I guess I treat dating like a salesman... Always be closing, so I was always talking to women. 1
Author wanderingthoughts11 Posted April 29, 2021 Author Posted April 29, 2021 3 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said: Yes... kind of hard to meet people in "real life" until this pandemic thing is over. I did try "speed dating" once, I wasn't all that successful with it, but I thought the concept was better than on-line dating. I checked yesterday for another poster and it appears "speed dating" is starting to open back up in some areas. I kind of trained myself to talk to people, talk to everyone... Strike up a conversation about anything and see how they respond. You learn to read people as to whether they are interested or not. I imagine you could try that when things (eventually) open back up. I met my present girlfriend in an apartment complex pool, swam up to her, chit-chatted a bit and asked her out for drinks later that night. I guess I treat dating like a salesman... Always be closing, so I was always talking to women. Thats the thing, i am very social person and talk to anyone. I am from the south-- still nada lol. Maybe one day who knows .
Happy Lemming Posted April 29, 2021 Posted April 29, 2021 6 minutes ago, wanderingthoughts11 said: Thats the thing, i am very social person and talk to anyone. I am from the south-- still nada lol. Maybe one day who knows . I guess... keep trying. I've met women everywhere in my travels, so I know there are other people like me out there.
Wiseman2 Posted April 29, 2021 Posted April 29, 2021 1 hour ago, wanderingthoughts11 said: its been 5 days since and nothing. That's ok. Actually your experience is more common than not. The first meet goes well then poof! Unfortunately a lot of people experience the one-and-done phenomenon. People are talking to and meeting others, people hop on a dating app the moment they are off with an on/off ex, who knows? The important thing is to not take it personally. Continue talking to and meeting men. If he resurfaces, great, if not, he was a flake. 4
Interstellar Posted April 29, 2021 Posted April 29, 2021 (edited) 3 hours ago, Gaeta said: I had 200 first dates in 3 years online. I know exactly what you're going through. Respect, for actually doing something about it. A lot of people would rather complain, bellyache and act emotionally unavailable when in reality they want companionship as much as anyone. Edited April 29, 2021 by Interstellar 2
Author wanderingthoughts11 Posted April 30, 2021 Author Posted April 30, 2021 4 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: That's ok. Actually your experience is more common than not. The first meet goes well then poof! Unfortunately a lot of people experience the one-and-done phenomenon. People are talking to and meeting others, people hop on a dating app the moment they are off with an on/off ex, who knows? The important thing is to not take it personally. Continue talking to and meeting men. If he resurfaces, great, if not, he was a flake. I am more annoyed with the process than taking it personally especially after one date. like you said, that is ok it is common now. 1
Author wanderingthoughts11 Posted April 30, 2021 Author Posted April 30, 2021 6 hours ago, SaraSays said: Some will disagree, of course, but If you met online, I wouldn't consider the first face-to-face meeting a date. It's a quick sense check to my mind, since it's so unlikely to amount to anything. It's very different I'd Imagine to a first date with someone we crossed paths with in-person. Date is any set time a make plans to meet a person. Does Not have to be romantic. So this counts
Author wanderingthoughts11 Posted April 30, 2021 Author Posted April 30, 2021 I also find it strange that though he stopped messaging me- why are we still matched on the dating site still?. Normally you would be blocked/unmatched by now. Anyway-- let me go browsing again and see what is out there .
Alfano Posted April 30, 2021 Posted April 30, 2021 If you never get a first date then the guys you meet are expecting something else. Recheck your profile, especially pictures for accuracy. In other words if the pictures are from 10 years, 50 lbs ago, then it's understandable you never hear from them again.
kendahke Posted April 30, 2021 Posted April 30, 2021 21 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: people hop on a dating app the moment they are off with an on/off ex, who knows? This is so true... If you're going to deal with online, this is what to expect. It is what it is. The wild thing is that the one you really don't want to deal with is the one who acts the way you want them to.
Miss Peach Posted April 30, 2021 Posted April 30, 2021 (edited) 22 hours ago, wanderingthoughts11 said: Nope, nothing really -- state is slowly opening. Hard to meet people in person these days. Matter of fact, i hardly met men in person that asked me out before the pandemic happened ha. Do you have meetup groups in your area? I haven't even done OLD since my last relationship broke up. I've had more than enough dates. I was juggling 5-6 guys until about two weeks ago. All guys I met in person mostly through meetup events. If you're only getting first dates I would figure out how to better vet these guys for compatibility/chemistry or consider what signals you might be giving off. There is a book called "Why He Didn't Call You Back" which might be a good place for ideas. Do you do anything flirty, fun, touch his knee, etc. on your dates so he has a good time and realizes you might be interested? Edited April 30, 2021 by Miss Peach
Author wanderingthoughts11 Posted April 30, 2021 Author Posted April 30, 2021 26 minutes ago, Alfano said: If you never get a first date then the guys you meet are expecting something else. Recheck your profile, especially pictures for accuracy. In other words if the pictures are from 10 years, 50 lbs ago, then it's understandable you never hear from them again. nope--- they are all current-- and I meet a lot just not this past year for obvious reasons.I also, let them look at my instagram because they are pictures of me traveling so they can get a gist of how i really look so there are no surprises.
Author wanderingthoughts11 Posted April 30, 2021 Author Posted April 30, 2021 1 minute ago, Miss Peach said: Do you have meetup groups in your area? I haven't even done OLD since my last relationship broke up. I've had more than enough dates. If you're only getting first dates I would figure out how to better vet these guys for compatibility/chemistry or consider what signals you might be giving off. There is a book called "Why He Didn't Call You Back" which might be a good place for ideas. Do you do anything flirty, fun, touch his knee, etc. on your dates so he has a good time and realizes you might be interested? i straight say what I am looking for-- no surprises. When I was NYC that was a nightmare because i got played and each time they just wanted to hook up. I did not want that. So that is why it was lunch/dinner/drinks and done. Now that I am back in the south---i dunno. I stay constant and honest and this one just got me good lol. Like damn, we talked, he said how excited he was to have met me. Then slow ass fade. like well, damn..if you did not want to see me again, why you bring it up 3 times while walking me to my car and y'all when i say he was nervous he was nervous asking me that he did not even hear me say" yes, i would like that as well" etc and repeated himself -- then contacted me for a bit then postponed and faded to a ghost-- so i dunno -- and yes i was and am flirty ( If i am interested) and did touch his back a bit and he did the same back to me as well so i dunno lol. It is what it is I guess *shrugs*
Author wanderingthoughts11 Posted April 30, 2021 Author Posted April 30, 2021 24 minutes ago, kendahke said: This is so true... If you're going to deal with online, this is what to expect. It is what it is. The wild thing is that the one you really don't want to deal with is the one who acts the way you want them to. your last sentence made me laugh -- very true. 1
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