Gaeta Posted April 30, 2021 Posted April 30, 2021 I usually went from online chat to meeting in person. I've had many first meeting without a first phone conversation but if the person I am in contact with would request a videochat or a phone call I would *never* decline it. So no, it's not a necessary step but the *declining* is a huge red flag to me. 1
Author IntBrowser Posted April 30, 2021 Author Posted April 30, 2021 1 hour ago, Gaeta said: And you'd be ok with dating someone who hate their job? I think that would be a great way to evaluate this person's character. If they say they hate their job and are going to job interviews then I'd see it as a go-getter attitude. If they hate their job, have been hating it for the past 10 years, and have no plans to change job what does that tell you about them? Every single thing a person tells you is a clue to their character. Well I am not connected to an employment agency and would not be much help in that area and assume she would take care of that on her own lol
Author IntBrowser Posted April 30, 2021 Author Posted April 30, 2021 13 hours ago, poppyfields said: That was my question too! What are folks so afraid of? When you meet people out in the "real" world, do you screen them this much before agreeing to a date? No, you meet, exchange numbers, and make a date. First date, nothing elaborate, casual, low key to determine if you click, if there's a mutual energy. No different on line except you're not meeting in the real world, you met on line. So make a date and go meet. because most women over 35 cant just pick up and meet face to face due to kids, work schedule. Plus a lot of women have already been ghosted on and may not be so eager to meet face to face
Author IntBrowser Posted April 30, 2021 Author Posted April 30, 2021 18 hours ago, Gaeta said: Chatting for an entire hour is very long. That's the time wasting I was mentionning in your other thread. After you say your hello, what you do for living, what you're looking for, after that you switch to phone call. well keep in mind, this was during my work hours between 9am to 5pm. If that was a saturday, no way in hell am I talking that long without suggesting the phone and then meeting I stretched it out a little longer because I was working
Gaeta Posted April 30, 2021 Posted April 30, 2021 6 minutes ago, IntBrowser said: Well I am not connected to an employment agency and would not be much help in that area and assume she would take care of that on her own lol You've completely missed my point. It's not about helping her concerning a job she hates. It's about you understanding if she's a lazy arse about a job she hates because that's not the type of woman you want to date.
Author IntBrowser Posted April 30, 2021 Author Posted April 30, 2021 11 minutes ago, Gaeta said: You've completely missed my point. It's not about helping her concerning a job she hates. It's about you understanding if she's a lazy arse about a job she hates because that's not the type of woman you want to date. I wouldnt say HATE but working at a job that you like but not thrilled about certain aspects of it but put up with it because of the money and benefits. Realistically how many people on these dating apps LOVE!!!!!!!!! their job? lol Most of us are doing it to pay rent and buy food. Point is I try not to bring up the job too early because they not be all that thrilled about it
Author IntBrowser Posted April 30, 2021 Author Posted April 30, 2021 16 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Anyone who won't meet in a timely fashion is a red flag. So is someone (when meeting is not immediately practical) who won't at least videochat. I agree, we matched, the weather is nice and the weekend is here. So the chatting should not be that long
SaraSays Posted April 30, 2021 Posted April 30, 2021 I find work talk boring by-and-large, and think most people working to make others rich, dislike their jobs, and work because they have to. I can think of very few people who get much joy from their worklife within hierarchies, and that's across a broad range of careers and types of work. The entrepreneurial life also has a darkside, so the answer is also not to be steering the ship. I'd say quality of life was greatly diminished by the advent of devices to keep us constantly in touch. People's expectations are now to receive replies and services within an unreasonable amount of time. I've been bored to tears on many occasions at work drinks, where people's only topic of conversation was work. I'd much rather chat about other things. I'm an advocate of universal basic income, and would love to see a safety-net established for everyone in society, so people could pursue community work, charity work, creative projects, and entrepreneurial, life-changing ideas, and ordinary, boring jobs should they wish, whilst being free from the worry of being able to pay the electricity bill each month.
Fletch Lives Posted April 30, 2021 Posted April 30, 2021 You should usually wait until day two to ask for her number. But even then, some will give it to you, some won't. That's just the way dating is. 1
Author IntBrowser Posted April 30, 2021 Author Posted April 30, 2021 11 minutes ago, Fletch Lives said: You should usually wait until day two to ask for her number. But even then, some will give it to you, some won't. That's just the way dating is. you dont have to ask for it on plenty of fish or bumble because they have the phone icon but I am surprised Tinder has not included that yet. Especially since that's where 80% of my matches come from
Author IntBrowser Posted April 30, 2021 Author Posted April 30, 2021 7 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Review if you are coming across as interested or aloof. You seem to have an aversion to dating on weekends or moving toward meeting in a timely manner. Talking about the weather when someone says "glad it's Friday" is aloof offputting and could be why they next you. It's really simple. Meet at a mutually convenient time, date, place for coffee asap. Decide how ready, willing and able you are to date or if you are just curious and killing time. Why was mentioning weather aloof?
Gaeta Posted April 30, 2021 Posted April 30, 2021 14 minutes ago, IntBrowser said: you dont have to ask for it on plenty of fish or bumble because they have the phone icon but I am surprised Tinder has not included that yet. Especially since that's where 80% of my matches come from Would you please remind me how old you are? If you are serious about meeting someone POF and Tinder aren't your best choice of platform. Those free apps are filled with time-wasters. 1
Author IntBrowser Posted April 30, 2021 Author Posted April 30, 2021 26 minutes ago, Fletch Lives said: You should usually wait until day two to ask for her number. But even then, some will give it to you, some won't. That's just the way dating is. If the convo is flowing and 15 to 16 messages are exchanges I am suggesting a phone call that day. Now someone that I matched with on bumble that convo hasnt flowed at all and I will probably not be asking for her number. But what if we are going back and forth for 30 to 40 mins online whats wrong with saying..........."I will be interested in continuing this over the phone? Why wait until day 2?
Author IntBrowser Posted April 30, 2021 Author Posted April 30, 2021 5 minutes ago, Gaeta said: Would you please remind me how old you are? If you are serious about meeting someone POF and Tinder aren't your best choice of platform. Those free apps are filled with time-wasters. 38
Gaeta Posted April 30, 2021 Posted April 30, 2021 Just now, IntBrowser said: 38 Ok, if you are serious about finding a life partner you need to get off of those *bottom of the baril* dating apps and get yourself on a serious paying dating site. 1
poppyfields Posted April 30, 2021 Posted April 30, 2021 (edited) 1 hour ago, IntBrowser said: because most women over 35 cant just pick up and meet face to face due to kids, work schedule. Plus a lot of women have already been ghosted on and may not be so eager to meet face to face Fair enough about having kids, I don't so am able to be spontaneous and meet quickly, if at work, meet after work. I prefer spontaneity, just my nature and I click best with men who share this mindset. Some of my BEST dates have been spontaneous and led to LTRs. Re ghosting, a person is more likely to get ghosted if they wait days to schedule, as they're chatting and meeting others, or the momentum dies, or too much over-thinking, so they bail or simply ghost. Strike while the iron is hot is my motto, meet asap. That's what I'm going to do anyway when I begin dating again after my move and settled in. Edited April 30, 2021 by poppyfields 1
Author IntBrowser Posted April 30, 2021 Author Posted April 30, 2021 1 minute ago, poppyfields said: Fair enough about having kids, I don't so am able to be spontaneous and meet quickly, if at work, meet after work. Re ghosting, a person is more likely to get ghosted if they wait days to schedule, as others are chatting and meeting others, or the momentum dies, or too much over-thinking, so they bail or simply ghost. Strike while the iron is hot is my motto, meet asap. That's what I'm going to do anyway. so when I was asked by someone I matched with on a Thursday, "any plans this weekend? was that my cue to set up a meet? I blew that
poppyfields Posted April 30, 2021 Posted April 30, 2021 (edited) 15 minutes ago, IntBrowser said: so when I was asked by someone I matched with on a Thursday, "any plans this weekend? was that my cue to set up a meet? I blew that Int, read my recent post on your other thread. To me it sounds like you weren't vibing, that's all. When two people are vibing, it doesnt matter what you write, as long as its respectful and not offensive. And yes when you're vibing well, set up a meet right away, do not wait. Otherwise, you risk the energy/momentum dying and/or she meets someone else she vibes with better. Edited April 30, 2021 by poppyfields
poppyfields Posted April 30, 2021 Posted April 30, 2021 25 minutes ago, IntBrowser said: so when I was asked by someone I matched with on a Thursday, "any plans this weekend? was that my cue to set up a meet? I blew that Yea, when she asked, that was your cue to schedule meeting. Low key, no pressure, light and fun. Also, learn to playful, it's an art actually. Men who know how and when to be playful in text messages score big points with me, and most women. Please don't discuss your cable bill!
Wiseman2 Posted April 30, 2021 Posted April 30, 2021 1 hour ago, poppyfields said: Yea, when she asked, that was your cue to schedule meeting. Low key, no pressure, light and fun. Please don't discuss your cable bill! Agree, you came across as oblivious and unapproachable. She asks about the weekend and you talk about bills and weather? Of course you can't really reveal that you won't date on Sundays "in case the date sucks". 1
Author IntBrowser Posted April 30, 2021 Author Posted April 30, 2021 19 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Agree, you came across as oblivious and unapproachable. She asks about the weekend and you talk about bills and weather? Of course you can't really reveal that you won't date on Sundays "in case the date sucks". no i said I was going summer shopping on saturday and nothing planned for sunday
introverted1 Posted April 30, 2021 Posted April 30, 2021 2 hours ago, IntBrowser said: If the convo is flowing and 15 to 16 messages are exchanges I am suggesting a phone call that day. Now someone that I matched with on bumble that convo hasnt flowed at all and I will probably not be asking for her number. But what if we are going back and forth for 30 to 40 mins online whats wrong with saying..........."I will be interested in continuing this over the phone? Why wait until day 2? I can easily text while doing multiple other things, but that doesn't mean that I can or want to talk on the phone right that moment. Talking on the phone is a dedicated activity; text isn't. Now, if you asked to talk on the phone and she said never, then I agree you should throw that one back, unless she offered an alternative, like meeting. But if she said not now, it seems you are just cutting your nose off to spite your face. Like many who post here with dating woes, you seem to have a fixed notion of how things should go and are quick to withdraw when the script isn't followed. Again, this is of course your choice and you should have reasonable standards but also recognize that not everyone follows the IntBrowser rule book. The more rules you create for how women have to demonstrate their interest, the more women you will eliminate from your potential dating pool. 3
SumGuy Posted April 30, 2021 Posted April 30, 2021 23 hours ago, IntBrowser said: A person who does not want to chat on the phone to break the ice after chatting online for an hour or set up a date online to meet face to face? Why would any normal grown person want to keep typing on a dating app if she finds the guy attractive and not want to hear his voice or see his face? This leads me to believe its a fake profile and the person in the profile is not real. I mean what else could it be??? It could be she doesn't like talking on the phone with a person she does not know and/or doesn't want you seeing her phone number. On the first that is me to a T and have posted about why I find such calls awkward and never ask for them although I do agree to them. Invariably have had a "bad" experience with the women who seem to insist on them as a screening tool, it could be in part I find it very awkward..in person I am great, and after get to know you great on the phone, and live by the phone professionally to a large degree....and still got plenty of dates before I found my one...so it is not like I completely lack social skills. So I consider myself a "normal" grown person, I have certainly seen her face via the dating app, and voice...guess have no strong feelings about that one way or another it would have to be incredibly grating to make it a deal breaker. On the second, with a phone number, general geographical area and with or without a name, can likely find out who you are in 15-30 min max. Once I have a name and an address, even an old one...can find out much, much more, all for free and I don't even do this for a living (though have employed people who do). So not wanting to give your number to a strange man is perfectly legitimate and very reasonable in my book. So gave you two solid reasons for why it is not necessarily a fake profile, certainly there is a real person on the other end of the messaging via the app. The real test is do they want to meet? IIRC you are a man seeking women, it is usually upon you to ask her to meet. If you asked and she said no, well there you go. Either she isn't sure of you yet, or not interested but is fine with being a pen pal. Being a "fake" profile who yet spends time chatting with you on-line...far less likely than those other two possibilities although more ego soothing. 1
SumGuy Posted April 30, 2021 Posted April 30, 2021 3 hours ago, IntBrowser said: so when I was asked by someone I matched with on a Thursday, "any plans this weekend? was that my cue to set up a meet? I blew that Yes. It is exactly the cue to ask them out, it is like hinting 101. My response would be,. well interesting you ask I was just thinking maybe we could do something together. Then best if you can suggestion two days/two ideas (but one low key one works well)..simply meeting for drinks is typically fine pre-COVID...hopefully you thought about this some or have ready ideas. Be prepared (if you do not excel on your feet or have normal weekend plans that make a great first meet). Quote no i said I was going summer shopping on saturday and nothing planned for sunday And then? If you leave it like that it is up to her to ask you out...and even for women who are up for that, they fear (like men, actually more so in my experience) rejection and you had better had planted plenty of hints you are really into her and the answer will be yes.
SumGuy Posted April 30, 2021 Posted April 30, 2021 21 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Anyone who won't meet in a timely fashion is a red flag. So is someone (when meeting is not immediately practical) who won't at least videochat. On the first I would have agreed with you pre-COVID. These days people think twice. On the later...(an maybe it is my generation)..I find the opposite at least for what I am after. None of the women who I dated that were great wanted a phone call or videochat, right in line with me, and my one certainly not into it...just meet. Maybe these days if was dating during COVID might have different tune. All the women who were all about hte phone call, especially as a screening tool, no thanks...so to me it became a bit of a red flag if they were all about that. Different strokes for different folks, what I did worked for me. I (and the women I clicked with) however would say our dislike or phone calls and video chats with people we have never met, is not a red flag at all, just our dislike of the medium for initial personal communication...perhaps akin to some peoples nervous and anxiety about public speaking. Or in other words, using the desire to talk on the phone as a filter is fine, again different strokes for different folks, but sounds like it is not the filter you think it is. 1
Recommended Posts