IntBrowser Posted April 29, 2021 Posted April 29, 2021 A person who does not want to chat on the phone to break the ice after chatting online for an hour or set up a date online to meet face to face? Why would any normal grown person want to keep typing on a dating app if she finds the guy attractive and not want to hear his voice or see his face? This leads me to believe its a fake profile and the person in the profile is not real. I mean what else could it be???
glows Posted April 29, 2021 Posted April 29, 2021 Move on from that then. That person may be overly nervous or significantly younger. The younger generation are a bit skittish with phone calls or not used to it. Is there a large age gap? I don't like to read into it too much because I hardly know the person. If it doesn't match your communication style when you'd rather speak on the phone early on, simply move forwards to the next match. 1
Gaeta Posted April 29, 2021 Posted April 29, 2021 Your instinct is right. It's a person that doesn't want to show their real self. Block and move to next.
Author IntBrowser Posted April 29, 2021 Author Posted April 29, 2021 1 minute ago, Gaeta said: Your instinct is right. It's a person that doesn't want to show their real self. Block and move to next. Pretty Much. That's what I ended doing. Wasted my entire morning chatting and figured we would talk on the phone tonight.
Gaeta Posted April 29, 2021 Posted April 29, 2021 Chatting for an entire hour is very long. That's the time wasting I was mentionning in your other thread. After you say your hello, what you do for living, what you're looking for, after that you switch to phone call.
SaraSays Posted April 29, 2021 Posted April 29, 2021 You can decide you're not a good match with someone for any reason. This isn't a red flag, though. It's a woman setting a reasonable boundary for her safety, I reckon. It's also a means of slowing the pace. I would guess. It's easy to get swept away in a moment, and consent goes out of the window. A colleague I barely know was lying on his couch chatting to me recently, and it was so awkward, I asked if he could sit-up straight for the few min's we needed to chat. She's fine to not feel ready to put on a song and dance in video. You're fine to end things. 1
Stupidkupid Posted April 29, 2021 Posted April 29, 2021 2 hours ago, IntBrowser said: A person who does not want to chat on the phone to break the ice after chatting online for an hour or set up a date online to meet face to face? Why would any normal grown person want to keep typing on a dating app if she finds the guy attractive and not want to hear his voice or see his face? This leads me to believe its a fake profile and the person in the profile is not real. I mean what else could it be??? I would not talk to you ob the phone as hate that but would definitely plan a meeting if we had liked each other enough to chat for an hour. Definitely move on
Wiseman2 Posted April 29, 2021 Posted April 29, 2021 Anyone who won't meet in a timely fashion is a red flag. So is someone (when meeting is not immediately practical) who won't at least videochat. 1
wanderingthoughts11 Posted April 29, 2021 Posted April 29, 2021 i rather go from texting to planning a in person meet up. I don't like phone calls or video chats ( if this is the only thing possible then that is understandable) much before the meet up. I learned a long time ago in person interaction is more telling. 1
d0nnivain Posted April 29, 2021 Posted April 29, 2021 Too much chatting is definitely bad. I needed a bit more then some texts / written messages & a picture on the site to agree to a meet. In this day & age (Covid), if the following happened in about a week - 10 days I think it would be OK: chat on app; have a phone call; maybe have a video / Zoom call; decide if you want to meet for a date (or at least settle on a date if your schedules didn't initially mesh). Much beyond that or a refusal to do anything but chat on the app is a time waster. 1
cleverusername Posted April 29, 2021 Posted April 29, 2021 Not wanting to talk on the phone or video chat is completely normal and not a sign of lack of interest. The only people I do those things for is immediate family not strangers I've sent two texts to. A text is low pressure, you have time to think of a response, and can do so at your own convivence. Phone call or video is neither. Just ask her out over text, if she says yes great. Limit contact and set up the date. If no, move on. 2
poppyfields Posted April 29, 2021 Posted April 29, 2021 (edited) I don't get why anyone needs a phone call or worse a video chat before meeting? Serious question, I am really curious about this. Is it for safety? That makes no sense, the person could be a serial killer, you're not going to discover this by having a video chat. Why not just meet? Public place, 15 minutes. Phone calls and video chats are awkward AF before meeting and getting to know someone, you simply cannot get a realistic "feel" for a person this way, impossible. IT'S AWKWARD. What's wrong with throwing on your favorite jeans and blouse/shirt or whatever and meeting? Have a cappuccino or a drink at a pub, what's the worst that could happen? If there is no in person energy, you wish each other well and go separate ways, or become friends. 15 minutes and if you click, extend it longer. Edited April 29, 2021 by poppyfields 3
glows Posted April 29, 2021 Posted April 29, 2021 It's not either/or phone or meeting It's both. It's personal preference. People are different. It's not a huge deal whether someone likes to text, phone or video call. What matters is that the individuals click and their communication styles are similar, I think. I definitely prefer meeting in person in a more timely manner, usually within 2-3 days.
ShyViolet Posted April 29, 2021 Posted April 29, 2021 Why are you not mentioning the other option.... meeting in-person? Is this person long-distance? 1 1
mark clemson Posted April 29, 2021 Posted April 29, 2021 22 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Why not just meet? Public place, 15 minutes. What's wrong with throwing on your favorite jeans and blouse/shirt or whatever and meeting? Have a cappuccino or a drink at a pub, what's the worst that could happen? If there is no in person energy, you wish each other well and go separate ways, or become friends. The logic of the "coffee date" (that's a prelude to a potential "real" date). If I was dating, this is the logic I would be applying. Why waste time and money on an $80 dinner with someone with whom there's no chemistry? 1 1
poppyfields Posted April 29, 2021 Posted April 29, 2021 (edited) 24 minutes ago, ShyViolet said: Why are you not mentioning the other option.... meeting in-person? Is this person long-distance? That was my question too! What are folks so afraid of? When you meet people out in the "real" world, do you screen them this much before agreeing to a date? No, you meet, exchange numbers, and make a date. First date, nothing elaborate, casual, low key to determine if you click, if there's a mutual energy. No different on line except you're not meeting in the real world, you met on line. So make a date and go meet. Edited April 29, 2021 by poppyfields
spiderowl Posted April 29, 2021 Posted April 29, 2021 I prefer to message or text for a while to get a feel for the other person. If we've come into contact via a dating site, then they probably have a picture on there (and vice versa) so I have an idea what they look like. I don't have to video chat with them to confirm this. If we met in person and they were nothing like their picture, then that would be it. I do not rush into meeting or chatting on the phone. I want to be fairly sure I'm not giving my number to a stalker before I do so. It does not mean I am not interested; it means I am careful. If a guy loses interest if I won't meet his demands early on, then that's up to him. If he is demanding more pictures or something, then I lose interest. I am not interested in a guy who is only interested in looks. Safety is the first consideration with online dating. 2
mortensorchid Posted April 30, 2021 Posted April 30, 2021 If the person is doing something you find strange, go with your gut feeling and next them. Doesn't matter whether you are talking with them on the phone, texting, etc. - if something doesn't feel right it usually isn't. 1
Author IntBrowser Posted April 30, 2021 Author Posted April 30, 2021 8 hours ago, Gaeta said: Chatting for an entire hour is very long. That's the time wasting I was mentionning in your other thread. After you say your hello, what you do for living, what you're looking for, after that you switch to phone call. That's what I thought so now I guess if that doesnt happen then I can just move on. When I gotten the phone number in the past I did talk a little longer but starting tomorrow my limit is 15 mins to 20 mins BTW: I stopped asking women about their job because everyone doesnt like their job
Author IntBrowser Posted April 30, 2021 Author Posted April 30, 2021 5 hours ago, poppyfields said: I don't get why anyone needs a phone call or worse a video chat before meeting? Serious question, I am really curious about this. Is it for safety? That makes no sense, the person could be a serial killer, you're not going to discover this by having a video chat. Why not just meet? Public place, 15 minutes. Phone calls and video chats are awkward AF before meeting and getting to know someone, you simply cannot get a realistic "feel" for a person this way, impossible. IT'S AWKWARD. What's wrong with throwing on your favorite jeans and blouse/shirt or whatever and meeting? Have a cappuccino or a drink at a pub, what's the worst that could happen? If there is no in person energy, you wish each other well and go separate ways, or become friends. 15 minutes and if you click, extend it longer. I want to confirm I am speaking to a woman O w
Wiseman2 Posted April 30, 2021 Posted April 30, 2021 Review if you are coming across as interested or aloof. You seem to have an aversion to dating on weekends or moving toward meeting in a timely manner. Talking about the weather when someone says "glad it's Friday" is aloof offputting and could be why they next you. It's really simple. Meet at a mutually convenient time, date, place for coffee asap. Decide how ready, willing and able you are to date or if you are just curious and killing time. 1
d0nnivain Posted April 30, 2021 Posted April 30, 2021 11 hours ago, poppyfields said: I don't get why anyone needs a phone call or worse a video chat before meeting? Serious question, I am really curious about this. Is it for safety? That makes no sense, the person could be a serial killer, you're not going to discover this by having a video chat. Why not just meet? Public place, 15 minutes. Phone calls and video chats are awkward AF before meeting and getting to know someone, you simply cannot get a realistic "feel" for a person this way, impossible. IT'S AWKWARD. What's wrong with throwing on your favorite jeans and blouse/shirt or whatever and meeting? Have a cappuccino or a drink at a pub, what's the worst that could happen? If there is no in person energy, you wish each other well and go separate ways, or become friends. 15 minutes and if you click, extend it longer. I need the phone call because I wanted to make sure the other person could hold a conversation. If they were awkward, they weren't somebody I wanted to spend time with. I like gregarious people. I can talk to anybody. If somebody couldn't manage to talk to me, I was not interested. Remember, thought I always had a type; I usually dated actors, lawyers, politicians, & salesmen, all folks for whom conversation is effortless. Two of the 3 disaster OLD dates I had were with the awkward engineering types for whom conversation was like pulling teeth. Even DH was initially too quiet for me. It wasn't an option then but now with Covid, I'm not taking the risk or meeting somebody with a mask on until I see how they act & move over video. I read people better in person; all that non-verbal communication is important to me. I have a pretty accurate BS detector in person but a lousy on on line to through text. That video call can be the 15 minute coffee date which also eliminates the awkward who pays for the coffee issue. Plus I live in the sticks. There was no such thing as a 1st meet taking 15 minutes. It was always more like 2+ hours & that doesn't count the preparation -- picking out an outfit, doing my hair & make up, etc. I never wore jeans to one of those meets. It was always an after work thing so I had to stress about an outfit that could get me through a formal business day in a a world where suits are the norm for men & women but that wouldn't look overly stuffy on a date. I would have to drive to the location which was usually 45 minutes minimum without traffic one way. Before you say why didn't I go home & change before the date, there was no time & home was usually 1/2 hour each way in the other direction.
Gaeta Posted April 30, 2021 Posted April 30, 2021 7 hours ago, IntBrowser said: BTW: I stopped asking women about their job because everyone doesnt like their job And you'd be ok with dating someone who hate their job? I think that would be a great way to evaluate this person's character. If they say they hate their job and are going to job interviews then I'd see it as a go-getter attitude. If they hate their job, have been hating it for the past 10 years, and have no plans to change job what does that tell you about them? Every single thing a person tells you is a clue to their character. 1
introverted1 Posted April 30, 2021 Posted April 30, 2021 (edited) 17 hours ago, IntBrowser said: A person who does not want to chat on the phone to break the ice after chatting online for an hour or set up a date online to meet face to face? Why would any normal grown person want to keep typing on a dating app if she finds the guy attractive and not want to hear his voice or see his face? This leads me to believe its a fake profile and the person in the profile is not real. I mean what else could it be??? I wouldn't want to talk on the phone after one text session. And I would prefer to just meet rather than have all these awkward intermediate steps - phone call, video chat, etc. Pretty sure I am a normal grown person. It's fine for you to have your own preferences, of course, but I don't think this is a red flag or indication of a fake profile. Just a different dating style (and/or possibly low interest). Edited April 30, 2021 by introverted1 2
SaraSays Posted April 30, 2021 Posted April 30, 2021 To me, the disconnect here is simply the timeframe - too many expectations too soon of a stranger. In the same day as a long period of texting, then to want a video call is too much, too soon to me. It's rushing. Texting one day for a short period of time, having a video call in a few days, meeting beyond that, if all goes well... That's the way to pace it, I'd say. Texting so much, then expecting a video call on the same day creates too much pressure, and new sparks are delicate, and need to be gently fostered.
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