Am I dealing with a narcissist and is this a form of abuse?

[cocoa342]

Hi everyone,

I am in a bit of dilemma. I am friends with a man who is very successful in an industry I want to get into. He has been helping me (for no money) for over a year giving me hints and tips about the industry etc which I'm grateful for.

I dismissed his behavior at first but it has come to my attention that I might be dealing with a narcissist.

Some things he does that has gotten me thinking he is a narcissist is:

- He's very judgemental of anyone and everyone, especially people who think differently than him or share a different opinion

- When I run ideas past him about my thoughts on the industry he is in he says I can't see things the way he does as he is an expert in the industry (more than 20 years) and I'm just a beginner - which is true!

- He thinks he knows everything and EVERYONE is wrong, including experts

The other issue I am having with him is that he thinks he is some type of spiritual guru and that he has 'powers' to heal people. Well I've had some health issues that haven't been able to get helped by Doctors and none of his healings have worked on me then he gets angry and says I'm not trying hard enough and I need to go 'within' to get answers to my health issues. Then he when asks me how I am and I tell him I am having health issues or a hard day he says I need to not complain about my issues as I'm not listening to him. He also says he needs to take a break from me sometimes as my 'energy' is heavy.

Something that struck me as very narcissistic is that he makes jokes about things when people are going through hard times and he told me he doesn't help people as he doesn't want to onboard their karma. He tries to let me know the reason for my suffering in this lifetime is because I was a bad person in my past life.

Is this dude a narcissist and is what he's doing a form of abuse?

[d0nnivain]

I have no idea if he's narcissist & unless the field you are trying to enter is mental heath, you don't either.  It doesn't really matter.  

Nothing he has done is abusive.  However, the man seems to be very judgmental & lacks empathy or compassion. He's not a nice person but IMO that doesn't rise to the level of abuse.  

Take what he can give you professionally.  Do not share a lot of personal stuff with him about your health or anything else.  When he asks just say you are "fine."  I don't care if you are on your death bed (I do care & hope you aren't) but you never tell him anything other than you are fine.  When you disagree with him, just nod & say non-committal things like "I understand your position." 

While you want to get as much from him as you can about the industry you will probably still need to maintain distance from him.  If he's that abrasive & unfeeling around you, somebody he presumably likes, can you imagine how awful he must be to those he doesn't like?  You don't want somebody else to paint you with a broad brush & erroneously think you are just like him.  

[Wiseman2]

24 minutes ago, cocoa342 said:

I am friends with a man who is very successful in an industry I want to get into. He has been helping me (for no money) for over a year giving me hints and tips about the industry etc

You're just friends, not dating, right? So just distance yourself and stop accepting free help/tips, etc. If you dislike him or think he's a charlatan, delete and block him from all your social media and messaging apps.

It doesn't matter what he is, what he has, etc. What matters is if he's creepy, arrogant or untrustworthy, dissociate yourself.

[glows]

Stay away from him if it doesn't seem right to you. It doesn't need to get much more complicated than this. He doesn't seem like a kind or empathetic person so why follow him and his methods? 

Follow your own path and good for you that you are noticing when something is off! 

[Taramere]

On 4/29/2021 at 6:14 PM, cocoa342 said:

The other issue I am having with him is that he thinks he is some type of spiritual guru and that he has 'powers' to heal people. Well I've had some health issues that haven't been able to get helped by Doctors and none of his healings have worked on me then he gets angry and says I'm not trying hard enough and I need to go 'within' to get answers to my health issues. Then he when asks me how I am and I tell him I am having health issues or a hard day he says I need to not complain about my issues as I'm not listening to him. He also says he needs to take a break from me sometimes as my 'energy' is heavy.

 

If he's an older guy, he probably needs to take care that he doesn't get a hernia from the strain of carrying other people's heavy energy about the place.  

Once people start seeing themselves as spiritual gurus, it can be remarkably easy to get on their good or bad side.  If you go along with it and pretend that you've been in some way helped by their laying on of hands, then they'll probably think you're completely marvellous.  Especially if you tout their amazing abilities to your friends.  If you show even the tiniest bit of skepticism about it, then watch out.  Hell hath no fury like a spiritual guru without a following.