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First Meet/Date turned out to be a Disaster and I will learn from this in the future

IntBrowser

By IntBrowser
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IntBrowser Established Member

IntBrowser

Posted
Posted

The main thing I need to keep in mind is you cant go to any restaurant on a friday night without some kind of reservation.      I met this woman from craigslist and she was driving I wasn't.    I met her at the park and then got inside her car.     So the plan was to go to the waterfront area and sit and talk and get to know each other but the big issue was parking.     I told her I would pay for parking so I left it up to her to locate a parking lot or garage.    We went to one lot and there were no spots left which is not suprising for a friday night.        So we kept looking and looking and then I said.........."lets go to Famous daves and then we found out it closed down.     So I said well lets go to Chilli's and when we got there we found out it would be a long wait since indoor dining in my area is only 25% due to the mayor being on medication.    So we didnt wait inside we decided to go back to sit in the car and then she was saying she was cold and didnt want to wait any longer in the car.     So I just gave up and told her to drop me off at the supermarket and went home.       I felt like she wasnt putting any effort into coming up with something to do and it was all me coming up with places to go.     I didnt want to say "wannna just come back to my place" since I couldnt think of anything else to do.      I keep asking myself what would I have done differently if put back in that situation and I can't think of anything I would do differently because the parking factor killed the meeting.     

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Pumpernickel Established Member

Pumpernickel

Posted
Posted

Better planning next time, and yes, definitely make a reservation. Also - why was she driving? I would prefer meeting at a particular place, restaurant or bar or whatever, and driving separately. I mean, it’s a first date, for chrissakes. She’s awfully nice to give you a ride, and you don’t even plan anything in return? I’m sure she’s disappointed and even turned off a little. 

  • Like 2
d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted

I think you hit the nail on the head.  This was a planning issue or more specifically a lack there of.  You definitely need reservations due to limited seating in Covid.  If you had been able to be seated I think you may have had a better result.  It may not have gone anywhere but it wouldn't have been so awkward.  Lesson learned. 

Since she was driving I think it was lovely that offered to pay for parking.  Perhaps you can have a better sense of where parking was available.  There is an app called SpotHero that can help with this.  

  • Like 2
glows Established Member

glows

Posted
Posted

It sounds ambitious to go in with no reservations for dinner on a Friday (or Sat) evening. Just learn for next time. There's no use beating yourself up over this. I think the drop off at the supermarket sounds a bit abrupt and she might have been just as nervous and completely frustrated as you. 

Was the weather bad (raining/cold)? You could have ordered take out and had a picnic or gone for something more low key after that. 

You did the right thing not inviting her over. Too soon.

 

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IntBrowser Established Member

IntBrowser

Posted
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Posted
23 minutes ago, Pumpernickel said:

Better planning next time, and yes, definitely make a reservation. Also - why was she driving? I would prefer meeting at a particular place, restaurant or bar or whatever, and driving separately. I mean, it’s a first date, for chrissakes. She’s awfully nice to give you a ride, and you don’t even plan anything in return? I’m sure she’s disappointed and even turned off a little. 

she met me in the city.    we met at a downtown park.

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IntBrowser Established Member

IntBrowser

Posted
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Posted
21 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

I think you hit the nail on the head.  This was a planning issue or more specifically a lack there of.  You definitely need reservations due to limited seating in Covid.  If you had been able to be seated I think you may have had a better result.  It may not have gone anywhere but it wouldn't have been so awkward.  Lesson learned. 

Since she was driving I think it was lovely that offered to pay for parking.  Perhaps you can have a better sense of where parking was available.  There is an app called SpotHero that can help with this.  

I ended up finding that out and will keep that in mind.  Spot hero app

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted

The reservation thing still gets me too.  DH & I were usually spontaneous about going out to dinner.  I rarely remember to make reservations even though I know I must.  I have at least learned to call the day of.  Sometimes they can squeeze in a table for 2.  

For a date the minute she agrees to go out with you, you immediately make the reservation.  Then you will be covered.  

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IntBrowser Established Member

IntBrowser

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Posted
32 minutes ago, glows said:

It sounds ambitious to go in with no reservations for dinner on a Friday (or Sat) evening. Just learn for next time. There's no use beating yourself up over this. I think the drop off at the supermarket sounds a bit abrupt and she might have been just as nervous and completely frustrated as you. 

Was the weather bad (raining/cold)? You could have ordered take out and had a picnic or gone for something more low key after that. 

You did the right thing not inviting her over. Too soon.

 

It was kind of chilly not freezing but jacket weather.    

Alfano Established Member

Alfano

Posted
Posted

Some women like when the guy takes charge.

You really didn't.

Too bad it could have turned into a good thing. Maybe it's still salvageable, call her and apologize for not being better prepared and offer to make reservations for a nice place.

 

  • Like 3
Wiseman2 Established Member

Wiseman2

Posted
Posted
2 hours ago, IntBrowser said:

So the plan was to go to the waterfront area and sit and talk and get to know each other but the big issue was parking.     

Sorry this happened. Do you want to see her again? Whose idea was meeting in a busy area at a busy time and a busy day? 

Can you make it a quick weekend daytime coffee in a less congested area?  A quick coffee where you both meet at the place is always a better idea for the initial meeting.

Parks, parking garages, each others cars, etc. is a bad choice whether you are a man or woman. 

  • Like 1
ShyViolet Established Member

ShyViolet

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, IntBrowser said:

she met me in the city.    we met at a downtown park.

Driving into a busy downtown city area on a Friday night= not surprising that there was no parking.  Should have taken public transportation.  You live and you learn.

glows Established Member

glows

Posted
Posted
53 minutes ago, IntBrowser said:

It was kind of chilly not freezing but jacket weather.    

Chilly and hungry.. very uncomfortable. Or hangry? 🥘 🍖🍝🥗

I'm curious if you heard from her after that? 

Yes, very much agree on the shorter dates too especially early on.

  • Thanks 1
Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

Posted
Posted
2 hours ago, IntBrowser said:

So I just gave up and told her to drop me off at the supermarket and went home.   

Why did you give up? Why not drive a little further to find available restaurants? Personally I would have thought the situation funny and suggest to grab a Big Mac. It's the company that's important,  not the restaurant. Actually I told that story a couple of days ago in another thread. This guy and I were suppose to meet in a coffee shop and when we got there it was closed, as well as all the other coffee shops around, they were reparing the road in that area. We were looking around for a place and there was a Subway fast food not far. Most Subways are cold, dirty, and coffee is horrible. We went, we had a good laugh and dated for a year. 

  • Like 5
Cora Established Member

Cora

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, Gaeta said:

Why did you give up? Why not drive a little further to find available restaurants? Personally I would have thought the situation funny and suggest to grab a Big Mac. It's the company that's important,  not the restaurant. Actually I told that story a couple of days ago in another thread. This guy and I were suppose to meet in a coffee shop and when we got there it was closed, as well as all the other coffee shops around, they were reparing the road in that area. We were looking around for a place and there was a Subway fast food not far. Most Subways are cold, dirty, and coffee is horrible. We went, we had a good laugh and dated for a year. 

My mom tells me the story all the time about her and my dads first date.  She got all dressed up thinking they were going somewhere fancy and he ended up taking her to McDonald’s.  She always says she doesn’t know why she ever married him when he was such a cheap date.  They’ve been married almost 50 years now. Haha 

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glows Established Member

glows

Posted
Posted
10 minutes ago, Cora said:

My mom tells me the story all the time about her and my dads first date.  She got all dressed up thinking they were going somewhere fancy and he ended up taking her to McDonald’s.  She always says she doesn’t know why she ever married him when he was such a cheap date.  They’ve been married almost 50 years now. Haha 

Awww, this was back then though when mcd's was a new thing. That's very sweet especially as they're still together. 

 

  • Like 2
dramafreezone Established Member

dramafreezone

Posted
Posted (edited)
5 hours ago, IntBrowser said:

The main thing I need to keep in mind is you cant go to any restaurant on a friday night without some kind of reservation.      I met this woman from craigslist and she was driving I wasn't.    I met her at the park and then got inside her car.     So the plan was to go to the waterfront area and sit and talk and get to know each other but the big issue was parking.     I told her I would pay for parking so I left it up to her to locate a parking lot or garage.    We went to one lot and there were no spots left which is not suprising for a friday night.        So we kept looking and looking and then I said.........."lets go to Famous daves and then we found out it closed down.     So I said well lets go to Chilli's and when we got there we found out it would be a long wait since indoor dining in my area is only 25% due to the mayor being on medication.    So we didnt wait inside we decided to go back to sit in the car and then she was saying she was cold and didnt want to wait any longer in the car.     So I just gave up and told her to drop me off at the supermarket and went home.       I felt like she wasnt putting any effort into coming up with something to do and it was all me coming up with places to go.     I didnt want to say "wannna just come back to my place" since I couldnt think of anything else to do.      I keep asking myself what would I have done differently if put back in that situation and I can't think of anything I would do differently because the parking factor killed the meeting.     

So basically you didn't plan the date well?

I'm old fashioned in this sense.  I don't rely on the woman to come up with any plans for the date, I set the date and make the plans.   All they have to do is show up.

You don't really have any right to feel that you were mistreated.  Make solid plans.

Edited by dramafreezone
  • Like 2
cleverusername Established Member

cleverusername

Posted
Posted

It's ok buddy, learn from it. Next time use an uber, or meet there, or make reservations. Lesson learned.

Also, look on the bright side you actually got a date! That's awesome! A lot better than a lot of people! Now just rinse and repeat

  • Like 2
Lotsgoingon Established Member

Lotsgoingon

Posted
Posted

Actually I don't think this was necessarily a problem of planning.

Some of the best dates I've been on featured all kinds of complications, including one time when I arrived to meet my date and her friends with not a penny on me. The ATM machine had eaten my card. She thought my story was hilarious, as did her girl friends. They howled and cracked on me. "Do you use this story with all the women you go out with?" one of them said. She treated me to the dinner with her buddies, and then we went to a bar and danced late into the night. It was a blast.

A couple in sync can survive the real world surprises and the unexpected closure of a restaurant.

This woman sounds uptight to me. I can drive like that, run into complications and still roll with the punches. This woman couldn't. So I think this was a successful date. You found out that you and she weren't really compatible.

BTW: dinner is old-school for a first date and way too expensive. You want a lower budget first date before you get to a dinner date. Go lower budget and more fun. Like sit at a bar. Much more relaxed and freewheelling. And then if things are good, then you order dinner. 

 

Cora Established Member

Cora

Posted
Posted
4 hours ago, glows said:

Awww, this was back then though when mcd's was a new thing. That's very sweet especially as they're still together. 

 

True, but even back then my mom still found it a very cheap date. Lol 

  • Like 1
d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted
7 hours ago, Lotsgoingon said:

Go lower budget and more fun. Like sit at a bar. Much more relaxed and freewheelling. And then if things are good, then you order dinner. 

 

In some states that are still on lockdown you can't sit at a bar these days.  All you can do is get a table to eat something.  Even then in busy times you will be kicked out in 1.5 hours so they can make some money with only 25% capacity.  

Crazelnut Established Member

Crazelnut

Posted
Posted

Why are you acting like SHE didn't make enough effort? Sorry, but you are just as much at fault. What kind of lame first date is it to sit in her car and talk?? That's so low effort, it's not worth getting showered and dressed. And all your "effort" was suggesting run of the mill chain restaurants to go to. On a Friday night .. with NO reservations. Sorry your date sucked but how can you not know that Friday night is busy?!

  • Like 2
Wiseman2 Established Member

Wiseman2

Posted
Posted
6 minutes ago, Crazelnut said:

Why are you acting like SHE didn't make enough effort? Sorry, but you are just as much at fault.

Agree, take charge and keep it a brief coffee in an accessible area at a mutual agreed upon time, date, place.

You drive yourself, she drives herself to that specific destination.

You meet, you greet you leave. If it's working you set up another date..

elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

Posted
Posted

OP., do you have a car?

Stupidkupid Established Member

Stupidkupid

Posted
Posted

Everyone is so different but it blew my mind that she would even meet you for a first date without knowing where you were going. There is no way I would.

 

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted
4 minutes ago, Stupidkupid said:

Everyone is so different but it blew my mind that she would even meet you for a first date without knowing where you were going. There is no way I would.

 

They had a pre-arranged plan to go to the waterfront area.  The OP simply hadn't selected a restaurant in advance, which became a problem w/o a reservation.  

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