Pristineuk Posted October 17, 2005 Posted October 17, 2005 Well i suppose i should tell you my story first... Last summer in july i met my ex girlfriend in Cyprus where i was working for the season, we got very close for the week she was there and she even arranged to come back out in september to see me. September came and she came out to see me, we were getting on really well and when the week finished we agreed we would meet up back in the UK, she was from Manchester and me from London (about 3 hours drive) To be honest i really liked her but was'nt sure what i wanted in terms of a relationship. Between october and christmas she came down to see me 4 or 5 times and i really didnt put that much effort in because of my uncertainty, but we got on well and had fun and it was obvious she had fallen for me. Beggining of January i went up to Manchester for the first time and it was great, i had a lovely time and i was hooked on her but still a bit unsure about what i wanted. Towards the end of January we decided to give us a go and everything was great between us. Every weekend we would arrange something and i would either go up there or she would come down here. This went on until May when we decided to go over to Cyprus for the summer season, she took a friend as well and we didnt live together but we spent all our time together day and night. I knew i had fallen in love and things were going well. One night i got a bit drunk and kissed another girl and she found out about it, she was devastated and i felt so guilty for hurting someone that cared for me so much it was a stupid mistake...one that i promised to myself and to my girlfriend i would never make again, we got through it and everything was fine. It was this incident that really made me realise that i loved her dearly!! In July I started to play football over in Cyprus and i was offered a years contract which included a house and a car, we decided to move together and she would go to uni over there and i would do the football, her friend was staying in Cyprus until August so we agreed that she would stay with her until she left and then move to the other part of the island with me. August came and she moved with me but it was obvious she didnt like it there, it was very boring, there was very little to do and she missed her family and friends, it was then that she told me that she didnt feel the same about me and booked a flight home for beggining of September. The week before she left things started to change and she told me she did love me and everything was fine again and we agreed to give us a go when she got back to England. We kept in contact and things were going well, she was sending me deep and meaningful texts and we talked on the phone all the time. Her parents came out on the 18th September with a letter from her saying how glad she was that she decided to give us a chance and how much she loved me and couldnt wait to see me. Then a week later she called me and said she didnt want to be with me anymore and we split up. We still kept in contact but it was usually me crying on the phone telling her how much i love her but she stuck with her decision, i was starting to feel a bit better about the whole thing and was slowly moving on. Things started to change for me in cyprus and i realised it really was'nt what i wanted, i was alone and unhappy over there and wanted to get home. I came back to London beggining of October and went out the first night i was back, My ex had come down to london with some friends and me being silly thought that it would be the perfect oppurtunity to get her back, i got to the club and saw her there, it was so nice to see her...it had been a month since i last saw her. She pulled me to the side and told me she had met someone else but it was nothing serious and they just liked eachother, i knew the guy quite well and it turns out they had met in cyprus and got on well and when he found out we had split up he started to text her. This broke my heart but she promised me nothing had happened when we were together and i can believe that, she told me she had never thought about him in that way while we were together and i accepted it. This was just over a week ago and we have sort of been texting eachother coz i cant get her out of my head...i constantly feel sick, i dont have an appetite and nothing seems to matter. She tells me now that she doesnt love me but im finding it so hard to believe, I cant stop calling her no matter how hard i try and just keep thinking that she will change her mind. I want her back but i dont know what to do, she says she wants to be friends and she cares about me, i just find it so hard to believe that things have changed between us after we were so happy before. I really dont know what to do now... Could we be happy together again?? Should i call or text her anymore?? Should i forget her and move on?? Should i wait and see if she changes her mind?? Any help would be greatly appreciated Thankyou
Author Pristineuk Posted October 17, 2005 Author Posted October 17, 2005 Ive looked all over the internet for help on this subject and this forum seems to give the most sensible advice, i really would appreciate some help, I know im new to the forum but im finding the situation really hard to deal with...have a heart!! Thankyou
StellarCat Posted October 18, 2005 Posted October 18, 2005 Can I ask how old this girl is? It sounds like she needs to grow up a bit. It sounds to me like she just doesn't know what she wants. I know you love her, I'm in a bad situation right now too, but I think the best thing for you to do is create some distance between you. I would try to back off. Go out with friends, do what you need to do for you. I know it's a cliche, but if it's meant to be, it will happen. I'm sorry that you're hurting right now, it sucks. I'm desperately in love with my boyfriend and he doesn't want to see me right now, so I truly understand how you're feeling. Unfortunately, all I can do back off and give him the time to work out his feelings on his own. Have you told her EXACTLY how you feel? Have you told her what you want? Maybe you just need to date casually and see how it goes. It's hard to have restraint sometimes, but often that can be the best thing. All I can say is really try to let her go. You know the phrase, "if you love something, set it free, if it comes back it's yours, if it doesn't it never was." I wish you the best and I hope that you get your hearts desire. Sorry I don't have better advice.
Sevenmack Posted October 18, 2005 Posted October 18, 2005 They call them exes for a reason. Whatever reason why it didn't work out the first go round, it won't work the second time. And in this case, it seems like you're allowing yourself to be played by her. Just dump her and work on something else like you're own self-improvement; someone better will come along. After all, to paraphrase John Lennon, relationships are what comes when you're making other plans.
Author Pristineuk Posted October 18, 2005 Author Posted October 18, 2005 She's 20 and yes she does need to grow up a bit...she still lives at home with her family, she is well looked after and to be honest she could do with a bit more independance, i think the whole thing scared her, it all moved a bit too fast!! Ive told her how i feel and she knows what i want, she just needs time to figure out what she wants and how she feels...I spoke to her last night and we talked about this new guy and she told me its not making her feel any better about herself and about me, its really not working out for her. Everytime we speak on the phone she cries...i know she still loves me but maybe she is scared to get involved again, i think she just wants to have fun!! Anyway...im gonna put distance between us for a while, im not gonna contact her and see how she responds, if it happens it happens!!
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