SumGuy Posted May 7, 2021 Posted May 7, 2021 8 hours ago, Movingforwardornot said: .... In either event, I’m almost feeling like I need to see him at least another time and not be so available to the other boyfriend just to see how this plays out. So does anyone have any thoughts? Maybe give "kisser only" one more chance but seriously he lacks all ability to hear you and understand you, or has a libido way below yours. Either way very incompatible to me. On widower guy, don't force attraction and chemistry but if he is fun to see as even just a friend why not. I'd say time to find some new guys/keep looking.
Wiseman2 Posted May 7, 2021 Posted May 7, 2021 9 hours ago, Movingforwardornot said: I did find someone online who is a widower we spoke and we met for a walk last week and while I’m not especially attracted to him at this point, he is very very nice and has experienced the same type of thing that happened to me with my late husband. He’s a little older than I would like and I’m not sure if that’s a nonstarter for me. Excellent. Since after a few dates and no sexuality you're not exclusive, it's fine to talk to and meet others.
Author Movingforwardornot Posted May 11, 2021 Author Posted May 11, 2021 (edited) He responds to my texts immediately but I don’t hear from him that much during the work week unless I text him. last night he seemed to really like the idea of “being” with me physically but today I got a “hi” text this afternoon and I replied hello with a smile. Then nothing. It’s already 8:30 pm and nothing further. I know he’s done with work by 6 or so. Is that weird since I’ve learned when a man is interested he will make time to reach out to you. I don’t know if I’m used to more attention from a man or he’s really not emotionally available or something else. Edited May 11, 2021 by Movingforwardornot
Miss Spider Posted May 11, 2021 Posted May 11, 2021 Why not escalate it yourself? At least you’ll know then if he’s into it or not.Honestly, I’ve never hung out with a guy for seven dates and he never made a move. That’d be super weird to me
Author Movingforwardornot Posted May 11, 2021 Author Posted May 11, 2021 I did move it along by texting him last night and asking him if he’d like to keep me company in my bed instead of my cat and he replied very interested. If that’s the case why doesn’t he try to keep in touch and find out when he can see me again?
Acacia98 Posted May 11, 2021 Posted May 11, 2021 12 minutes ago, Movingforwardornot said: I did move it along by texting him last night and asking him if he’d like to keep me company in my bed instead of my cat and he replied very interested. If that’s the case why doesn’t he try to keep in touch and find out when he can see me again? Because this is who he is. I agree with the person(sorry, I can't remember who now) who advised you to focus on a person's actions, not their words. What you're experiencing right now is this guy at his best. This is him trying to impress you. If you settle down together, he's ultimately going to get relaxed and do so much less. You're already unhappy now. Imagine how much worse it would be in the future once he started taking you for granted. 1
Miss Spider Posted May 11, 2021 Posted May 11, 2021 23 minutes ago, Movingforwardornot said: I did move it along by texting him last night and asking him if he’d like to keep me company in my bed instead of my cat and he replied very interested. If that’s the case why doesn’t he try to keep in touch and find out when he can see me again? Next time you’re with him.... Lean over; touch his face, and smooches. Start making out then kiss his neck and trail your hand down to his... you know what to do. but I don’t know this sounds weird. Are you sure he isn’t gay
Author Movingforwardornot Posted May 11, 2021 Author Posted May 11, 2021 He seems to enjoy kissing me so I don’t think he’s gay. I’ll give him 1 more try. I agree that a persons actions speak louder than words. I think in his case he’s interested but very hesitant to get in too deep. He’s been married and divorced twice and I get the sense he’s very ashamed of that.
norealusername Posted May 11, 2021 Posted May 11, 2021 I'm thinking you should give up on this guy now or soon, but it's up to you. You gave him plenty of chances. He seems to make no attempt at being intimate and he's not giving you much attention besides that. Nobody really knows what his issue is. If he was into you, he'd be making more of an effort to please you. 1
Wiseman2 Posted May 11, 2021 Posted May 11, 2021 16 hours ago, Movingforwardornot said: last night he seemed to really like the idea of “being” with me physically but today I got a “hi” text this afternoon and I replied hello with a smile. Then nothing. Avoid nonsense texting like this. He's just not that interested if he's not making dates in advance and send garbage like "hi". He may be juggling a bunch of dates. Unless all you want is random "hey" texts and hookups, this is not a guy worth spending any time on. 2
Author Movingforwardornot Posted May 13, 2021 Author Posted May 13, 2021 (edited) I didn’t hear from him to make plans this weekend so I texted him and said I’m rested after my trip to my daughters last weekend but I haven’t heard from him about any plans so I suppose I’ll be expending my energy on others. He replied that he has to work Saturday but hoped to see me during the week next week and next Saturday as well. I also mentioned I’m open to a phone call instead of texting all the time. fyi. He admits he doesn’t need to work 7 days a week and has plenty of money. I don’t expect him to change his desire to work that much for a date but how are we supposed to launch a relationship if he’s working every weekend. Typically he only works until early afternoon on Saturday and a few hours on Sunday afternoon but every now and then he works the full day on Saturday like this Saturday. I haven’t seen him since almost a week ago. Is this just a companionship thing for him? he insists he wants to be with me and continue to see me so I told him sometimes his actions don’t match his words which he admitted to. Even though I really like him I’ve decided to go out on a few casual first dates this weekend with a few men I met online. Just coffee or a walk in park. I got nothing to lose and he certainly isn’t going out of his way for me. Should I even continue seeing him? I feel like saying I’ve told him I’m looking for a relationship (which I’ve mentioned any times) and because he has decided to work 7 days a week I don’t believe that’s possible with him since it takes time and effort. the irony is that I broke up with someone long distance several months ago because we only saw each other on weekends but I saw him a lot more than this guy. btw he still is only texting. Edited May 13, 2021 by Movingforwardornot
spiderowl Posted May 14, 2021 Posted May 14, 2021 On 5/2/2021 at 2:03 PM, Movingforwardornot said: He just said he got very comfortable in my house and had worked all day and drank wine so he fell asleep. He assured me it has nothing to do with the way he feels. I wore a lower cut blouse the other night and he said I looked very sexy. At least that’s something. He has a friend who is involved in the wine trade. Just how much does this guy drink? If he is drinking too much, it will affect his life and his dating life. He had an 'excuse' on that occasion but maybe it's something to keep an eye on?
Acacia98 Posted May 14, 2021 Posted May 14, 2021 On 5/11/2021 at 1:50 PM, Movingforwardornot said: I think in his case he’s interested but very hesitant to get in too deep. He’s been married and divorced twice and I get the sense he’s very ashamed of that. And that makes him the wrong person to date. He should have dealt with the hesitancy and shame before he started dating. I'm more curious about why you're still doing this, especially considering you ended another relationship because you only saw each other on weekends, while you see this guy less. Has what you want out of a relationship changed? Focusing on this guy and why he's doing what he's doing seems to me to be a waste of time. I get the impression you will continue seeing him and developing an attachment to him no matter what. You would probably get more out of focusing on your own actions and motivations.
Miss Spider Posted May 14, 2021 Posted May 14, 2021 I don’t buy it just cuz he was divorced before. Just don’t
Wiseman2 Posted May 14, 2021 Posted May 14, 2021 On 5/13/2021 at 8:02 AM, Movingforwardornot said: Should I even continue seeing him? I feel like saying I’ve told him I’m looking for a relationship (which I’ve mentioned any times) and because he has decided to work 7 days a week I don’t believe that’s possible with him since it takes time and effort. He doesn't seem available to date, so yes, start dating others and let this fade out.
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