Movingforwardornot Posted April 25, 2021 Posted April 25, 2021 Went on 7 dates with a nice man but he’s not really affectionate except for a hello and goodbye kiss. I’ve given him opportunities to be more physical and he rejects that idea. We are both older so is strange. Last night he came over and fell asleep on the floor with my cat. I asked him if he’d be more comfortable in my bed and he declined. He did hold my hand as he slept on the floor with his back to me. is this a waste of time? He works a lot of hours and maybe has no energy for a relationship? He says he feel very comfortable talking to me and being in my home but really maybe he’s too comfortable?
central Posted April 25, 2021 Posted April 25, 2021 He may be friend material. His lack of interest in intimacy may be caused by ED, a religious conviction, or simple lack of physical attraction. Unless this is resolved very soon, I'd suggest moving on and dating others, whether or not he can be a friend. 1
Gaeta Posted April 25, 2021 Posted April 25, 2021 What age are you both? Do you have outside dates? Does he hold your hand? Does he compliment you?
Author Movingforwardornot Posted April 25, 2021 Author Posted April 25, 2021 He held my hand for the first time as he slept on the floor. He sometimes compliments my look but not a lot. I haven’t dated anyone else and I’m almost positive he hasn’t either since he works almost 7 days a week and his Saturday nights are with me (but he may go out other nights but don’t think so dolce he texts me that he’s looking forward to seeing me etc)
Author Movingforwardornot Posted April 25, 2021 Author Posted April 25, 2021 Sorry. He is 56 and I’m 63.
Stupidkupid Posted April 25, 2021 Posted April 25, 2021 I mean. I absolutely love to take a nap with my partner but... we've been together a long time. It could be he wants a friendship. It could be hes always exhausted. Or, as one of the other replies says, ED or something else hes nervous about.
Gaeta Posted April 25, 2021 Posted April 25, 2021 (edited) At 56 a man is far from being done with intimicy and sex. Is he in a reasonable shape? I find it unusual to sleep all night on the floor. I would kill anyone's back at any age. Yes it could be a series of reason, low libido, ED, maybe he's on meds causing ED, How comfortable are you with talking to him about it? Edited April 25, 2021 by Gaeta
Author Movingforwardornot Posted April 25, 2021 Author Posted April 25, 2021 He slept on the floor for about 45 min until I woke him up and asked if he’d be more comfortable in my bed that he declined. may this point I’ll see if he even makes plans with me again. If he doesn’t the answer is clear and if he does then I’ll have to have the “talk”. 1
Wiseman2 Posted April 25, 2021 Posted April 25, 2021 (edited) 1 hour ago, Movingforwardornot said: Last night he came over and fell asleep on the floor with my cat. is this a waste of time? It seems like a waste of time, except for your cat. Just trying to picture this . Ok he may be tired whatever, but he seems rather cold, no? Maybe he drinks to much, or ED or any number of explanations, maybe he needs a ball of yarn, but for you it seems like an exercise in futility, right? He may be a nice guy (as a cat sitter, perhaps) but as far as romance he doesn't seem like your guy. Edited April 25, 2021 by Wiseman2
norealusername Posted April 25, 2021 Posted April 25, 2021 He sees you as just a friend or he is sexually dysfunctional. At 56 I think you can rule out shyness. If you like him, have a talk with him. 1
Ami1uwant Posted April 25, 2021 Posted April 25, 2021 3 hours ago, Movingforwardornot said: Sorry. He is 56 and I’m 63. hmmm..... maybe he is really unsure on you. When did he find out your age? he also could be a shy personality that doesn’t do PDAs have you talked about his past relationships focusing on how the relationship happened. Did they come to him so he didn’t do much work in it.
spiderowl Posted April 26, 2021 Posted April 26, 2021 It sounds like he is tired and just wants someone comforting nearby.
FMW Posted April 26, 2021 Posted April 26, 2021 I agree with the advice to talk to him, just directly ask him whether or not he has romantic or sexual interest in you. After 7 dates there should be a clear trajectory for the relationship so that you know whether or not you want to put forth any more effort. 2 1
ShyViolet Posted April 26, 2021 Posted April 26, 2021 It sounds like the two of you don't have chemistry. I wouldn't waste any more time on someone like this. 1
d0nnivain Posted April 26, 2021 Posted April 26, 2021 It's certainly not going to become a red hot romance. I think I'd cut him lose. 2
SumGuy Posted April 26, 2021 Posted April 26, 2021 Yah I'd ask him straight up, I'm not much younger than 56 myself and would say yes without hesitation if asked to sleep in the bed...even if I was dead tired I'd say yes and let her know...as wouldn't want her to think it was because of lack of desire. 2
SaraSays Posted April 26, 2021 Posted April 26, 2021 21 hours ago, Movingforwardornot said: Went on 7 dates with a nice man but he’s not really affectionate except for a hello and goodbye kiss. I’ve given him opportunities to be more physical and he rejects that idea. We are both older so is strange. Last night he came over and fell asleep on the floor with my cat. I asked him if he’d be more comfortable in my bed and he declined. He did hold my hand as he slept on the floor with his back to me. is this a waste of time? He works a lot of hours and maybe has no energy for a relationship? He says he feel very comfortable talking to me and being in my home but really maybe he’s too comfortable? How long have you known him, how often do you see him, how often do you chat to him, and how did you meet please?
Miss Peach Posted April 26, 2021 Posted April 26, 2021 19 hours ago, FMW said: I agree with the advice to talk to him, just directly ask him whether or not he has romantic or sexual interest in you. After 7 dates there should be a clear trajectory for the relationship so that you know whether or not you want to put forth any more effort. I would do this or just assume he's a friend. I get a lot of men in this age range asking me out because I talk to everyone in group settings and they tend to get the wrong idea. IME the men in this age range usually have a pretty good idea of what they want and see it. It shouldn't even take them 7 dates to see there is potential for something more.
Author Movingforwardornot Posted April 27, 2021 Author Posted April 27, 2021 We met a few months ago online. See him generally Saturday nights. I think I need to just come out and ask directly if he’s looking for a relationship or just company at this time since he works 7 days a week and even though he says he’d cut back if he met the right person I’m not so sure of that because he says he loves his work. I’ve learned you need to devote time for a relationship especially a new one.
chillii Posted April 27, 2021 Posted April 27, 2021 l'd say he doesn;t see you or you two as more or in that way, l had a friend l use to hang out with a bit she'd stay over or l would there too , separate rooms. We'd only have a small hug on seeing each other that was it. l assumed she knew l was obviously not interested in more l just enjoyed the friendship , if l was then l'd be acting on more . Big mistake , l obviously needed to explain myself earlier in as one night she got drunk and tried jumping me but it was pretty clear she'd been thinking more right through. l couldn't believe it tbh but unfortunately , things were never the same after that and a friend lost.
Author Movingforwardornot Posted April 28, 2021 Author Posted April 28, 2021 So I was ready to write this guy off and after some texting about each of our days, I asked him to drop off some of my dishes he took home with dessert I made him a few weeks ago and leave it at my garage. He replied that he thought he’d be seeing me again and I responded that while I appreciate he’s a laid back person his behavior to me suggests disinterest and aloofness to me. He texted back he was really sorry that’s not his intent. I reminded him I’m visiting my daughter out of state the following weekend. He wants to make plans this weekend but he has something already he booked Saturday (wine tasting he says but who knows for sure) and was trying to move a meeting he has on Friday with some contractors doing work at his home to see me. He apologized again saying he’s usually not this busy. Not sure what his deal is but if and when I see him I will need to remind him I need more communication and some affection to keep this train on course. Any other thoughts are welcome.
d0nnivain Posted April 28, 2021 Posted April 28, 2021 If he is open to giving you more of what you want in a relationship there's no harm in giving him another chance. Who's he going winetasting with & why can't he just include you? Sounds more like a date with another woman to me.
ShyViolet Posted April 28, 2021 Posted April 28, 2021 45 minutes ago, Movingforwardornot said: So I was ready to write this guy off and after some texting about each of our days, I asked him to drop off some of my dishes he took home with dessert I made him a few weeks ago and leave it at my garage. He replied that he thought he’d be seeing me again and I responded that while I appreciate he’s a laid back person his behavior to me suggests disinterest and aloofness to me. He texted back he was really sorry that’s not his intent. I reminded him I’m visiting my daughter out of state the following weekend. He wants to make plans this weekend but he has something already he booked Saturday (wine tasting he says but who knows for sure) and was trying to move a meeting he has on Friday with some contractors doing work at his home to see me. He apologized again saying he’s usually not this busy. Not sure what his deal is but if and when I see him I will need to remind him I need more communication and some affection to keep this train on course. Any other thoughts are welcome. Look at people's actions, not their words.
Recommended Posts