Pink86 Posted April 25, 2021 Posted April 25, 2021 So this guy and I have been dating since January but talking since October 2020. He helps me with my work allllll the time. Very helpful loving guy. I recently flew to his second house to spend 5 days with him. The whole time he was lovey, wanted to have sex constantly. Then he started nitpicking stuff. I would eat by his computer and he would freak out about me possibly getting crumbs on his keyboard/mouse which I didn’t but it was a huge concern for him. Then I took his nice car to starbucks to grab a coffee and cane back and left the little green stopper in his car and he made a huge deal I left it in there. After that week I flew back home and he stayed there for work. I FaceTimed him and said something funny and did a little swaying movement with my neck and he said OMG don’t ever do that again I hate when you do that. I’m sitting there thinking....wtf did I do??? This guy is nice and says he loves me which I believe but he nitpicks EVERYTHING! If everything isn’t to his liking it seems. What can I do? I have two small kids whom he hasn’t met yet and wondering if stuff they do would set him off easy too. Not so sure this can be fixed. Any suggestions would be appreciated!
Wiseman2 Posted April 25, 2021 Posted April 25, 2021 11 minutes ago, Pink86 said: So this guy and I have been dating since January .He helps me with my work allllll the time. . I recently flew to his second house to spend 5 days with him. Is this an affair? Have you been to his home? Do you work together? Is this a distance relationship? Step way back. Do not introduce someone like this to your children. How often do you see each other? He seems interested in sex, but quite ridgid and difficult. 2
basil67 Posted April 25, 2021 Posted April 25, 2021 (edited) A guy who nitpicks at everything is not nice. A guy who was truly nice would have broken up with you quite some time ago citing incompatibility. Not saying that you are wrong in what you do, but rather, a good person who (rightly or wrongly) can't cope with stuff their partner does will break up rather than be all controlling. Edited April 25, 2021 by basil67 1
d0nnivain Posted April 25, 2021 Posted April 25, 2021 Why does he have to help you with your work? It's your work. If somebody is paying you to do the work, do it yourself. This guy is never going to tolerate 2 small children. He can't handle mess. He will not tolerate kids who leave fingerprints etc. The comment he made about your neck is your cue to get out. He may say he loves you but he's too rigid & he will make you crazy in the end. Get out now & save yourself the trouble. 3
Author Pink86 Posted April 25, 2021 Author Posted April 25, 2021 He doesn’t have to help me with my work he just does. I don’t ask him to. He tells me when he wants sex and then starts nitpicking everything I do. If I want to turn the fireplace on, he gets mad...etc....
d0nnivain Posted April 25, 2021 Posted April 25, 2021 he is a control freak. This will get worse over time not better
Stupidkupid Posted April 25, 2021 Posted April 25, 2021 Yeah. I'd get as far away from him as possible.
Gaeta Posted April 25, 2021 Posted April 25, 2021 5 hours ago, Pink86 said: He tells me when he wants sex and then starts nitpicking everything I do. If I want to turn the fireplace on, he gets mad...etc.... F that !! Seriously?? I would not have endured that 4 days so forget 4 months!! What is this he tells you when he wants sex? Is this a dom/sub relationship?
ExpatInItaly Posted April 25, 2021 Posted April 25, 2021 I would not continue this relationship. He's way too uptight and he sounds rude.
Wiseman2 Posted April 25, 2021 Posted April 25, 2021 6 hours ago, Pink86 said: He tells me when he wants sex and then starts nitpicking everything I do. If I want to turn the fireplace on, he gets mad...etc.... So you're allow to have sex with him, but everything else you do irks him? He seems like a whole lot of fun, no? Reconsider walking on eggs for a drill sergeant like this. 1
BaileyB Posted April 25, 2021 Posted April 25, 2021 (edited) 15 hours ago, Pink86 said: I have two small kids whom he hasn’t met yet and wondering if stuff they do would set him off easy too. You think? I agree with the others. How much fun is this guy going to be to live with? And, what kind of damage will he do to your children when they are simply being... children? Time to end this, citing incompatibility. He needs things to be the way he likes them and that’s just not going to work long term... Edited April 25, 2021 by BaileyB
Ami1uwant Posted April 25, 2021 Posted April 25, 2021 I agree with some others that he has some OCDs that bother him such as crumbs on the computer or not park I g the car right. I had a mom who moved my stuff around that I then couldn’t find and it annoyed the hell our of me.that kind of stuff can still do.
mark clemson Posted April 26, 2021 Posted April 26, 2021 This is who he is and unlikely to stop without serious desire to stop it on his part and probably extensive therapy (and not guaranteed to stop even then). Meanwhile you are hanging around experiencing what amounts to mild emotional abuse (albeit it's presumably unintentional on his part). There are other fish in the sea - I'd bail. 1
cleverusername Posted April 26, 2021 Posted April 26, 2021 This guy is manipulating you. Get out and don't look back.
FMW Posted April 26, 2021 Posted April 26, 2021 On 4/25/2021 at 1:29 AM, Pink86 said: Not so sure this can be fixed. I agree. I can't even imagine how much he would freak out over the normal every day actions of children. You can choose to keep seeing him casually if you're enjoying the benefits (sex, help with work), but I most certainly wouldn't see a future with him and I would not have your children around him. 1
glows Posted April 26, 2021 Posted April 26, 2021 I think this is more than incompatibility. It's lack of trust and it doesn't sound like he's comfortable at all having you over. The relationship might have progressed too quickly and both of you are realizing you have some differences and not enough foundation or understanding between the both of you. Him appearing to nitpick or be a control freak just tells me this relationship is not what it should be and he's not comfortable around you either. Avoid going over or spending long days with him. You have your own home and life so stay focused on that. If you are looking for someone to help you with homelife, the kids, your work, this may be too much too soon. Dial it way back or end it, whichever you wish.
Maldives Posted May 1, 2021 Posted May 1, 2021 Sounds like maybe Obsessive compulsive disorder Excessive thoughts (obsessions) that lead to repetitive behaviours (compulsions). Obsessive-compulsive disorder is characterised by unreasonable thoughts and fears (obsessions) that lead to compulsive behaviours.
wanderingthoughts11 Posted May 2, 2021 Posted May 2, 2021 if it bothers you now it will always bother you. Imagine with kids? This is not worth it in the end personally from my perspective.
Miss Peach Posted May 3, 2021 Posted May 3, 2021 On 4/25/2021 at 7:29 AM, d0nnivain said: This guy is never going to tolerate 2 small children. He can't handle mess. He will not tolerate kids who leave fingerprints etc. One of my exes would nitpick how I washed my hands, how I cut an onion, etc. It doesn't get better IME. Work on an escape plan so you can take back your work and whatever else he has been doing if you can't cut him off right away. I didn't see where it said you had children but this ex was the worst person ever for my child. And mine is older, self-sufficient, and pretty well behaved so a much easier situation than a young child. The kiddo internalized it initially thinking they weren't good enough until they saw the same happen to me and figured out the guy was just a controlling bully.
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