Alvi Posted April 25, 2021 Posted April 25, 2021 (edited) What's your take on this? I went out twice with this guy that I met on a dating site. We met on Wednesday evening for an ice-cream and yesterday we went hiking together and grabbed a bite to eat (we both had a day off). Yesterday, we spend around five hours together. The conversations kept flowing between us just fine, we laughed a lot, we do have the same outlook on things or so it seems so far, seems like we are looking for the same things, have same hobbies, etc...Of course this is way too early for any declarations or commitments but I do like him so far. At the end he asked to meet me on Sunday again. No particular plans were set but that was fine. Great, right? Well, today, he phoned me and asked to meet his parents tomorrow for a dinner. He told me that he would understand if I think it is too soon and would not press me. I told him that I need some time to think about it. What do you think about this? I am leaning towards a no, but what would I say so that he doesn't get upset? Why would he even want to introduce me to his parents so soon? Is it some sort of shyt test to see what his parents think of me? I had it done to me few times before when I was younger. Few guys, whom I barely knew, would invite me to meet their folks and if they didn't like me, poof, he would dump or ghost me immediately. Of course, I don't want to date a momma's boy who is in his late 40th in any case. My ex fiance didn't want me to meet his parents till he was sure that we were on a solid ground first, which was around 8-9 month into the relationship. But do you think he needs his parent's approval before us being anything? I have to say that I am shocked a bit and feel unsettled about him. P.S. This has nothing to do with a religion or his culture. Edited April 25, 2021 by Alvi
d0nnivain Posted April 25, 2021 Posted April 25, 2021 It's a tad early but don't over read it. Parents are people too. If he said friends would you feel as freaked out? If not substitute the word friends for the word parents. Think of it more like a double date only one where you have to use your good manners. Doing this now will give you insight in him. If you don't like what you see, you will have only wasted 3 dates on him. 2
norealusername Posted April 25, 2021 Posted April 25, 2021 It's weird. Just tell him you think it's too soon to meet his parents. Maybe you can get his reasoning on it.
basil67 Posted April 25, 2021 Posted April 25, 2021 Meeting his parents also gives you information about him 1
Author Alvi Posted April 25, 2021 Author Posted April 25, 2021 So I did text him asking me why he wants me to meet his parents so soon. He replied saying that he wants me to meet them. I asked how they feel about meeting a virtual stranger. He told me that they are curious about me. Huh??? Wonder what he told them about me. I am even more confused why now. Perhaps I should go and meet them and see. I think this is some sort of a test.
Ami1uwant Posted April 25, 2021 Posted April 25, 2021 What are your ages? does he still live at home? he could be the type that get hounded by family to meet e Rayo even hedates.
Gaeta Posted April 25, 2021 Posted April 25, 2021 I would decline it. If he takes it badly than you know he's got some serious problems. I find it's unfair to the parents. They're gonna start imagining there is something serious betwene you 2 and 80% chances you won't make it to 3rd date. The guy is ahead of himself, it's ridiculous. He should occupy himself at getting to know you and making a great impression on you, not parading you in front of his parents cause they're curious. If they are that curious he can show them a picture. 3
cleverusername Posted April 25, 2021 Posted April 25, 2021 (edited) Age and culture matter. Is he jewish? Is this shabbat dinner? I've had women invite me over for it early on before. It could be a cultural thing for this guy. Edit: you said tomorrow. The dinner thing is irrelevant but the cultural thing might be applicable. Edited April 25, 2021 by cleverusername
Wiseman2 Posted April 25, 2021 Posted April 25, 2021 6 hours ago, basil67 said: Meeting his parents also gives you information about him Exactly. Go. Why not? It doesn't mean anything. It's a great way to get a glimpse of what he's like.
basil67 Posted April 25, 2021 Posted April 25, 2021 4 hours ago, Gaeta said: I find it's unfair to the parents. They're gonna start imagining there is something serious betwene you 2 and 80% chances you won't make it to 3rd date. Not if they meet many of the women this man dates. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted April 25, 2021 Posted April 25, 2021 (edited) I would personally decline that invititation. Way too soon for me. I would feel too much pressure and I just don't feel it's a good idea to blend worlds that quickly. I also wouldn't worry about whether he gets upset. He has to know it's a pretty gamble asking a woman he hardly knows to meet his parents. If he gets bent out of shape about it, he's got bigger issues. Based on past experience - I'm wary of men who try to move that quickly, so this would be a no-go for me. Edited April 25, 2021 by ExpatInItaly 2
Alpacalia Posted April 25, 2021 Posted April 25, 2021 Hopefully his last name isn't "Bates." It's fine if his enthusiasm perplexes you. It's really up to you if you feel comfortable. Friendship introductions are also an excellent way to assess compatibility too.
Blind-Sided Posted April 25, 2021 Posted April 25, 2021 I don't know..... Some people see "Meeting the Folks" as a huge thing. But some people just see it the same as meeting a friend. Also... it could just be situational. Maybe his folks just wanted to get dinner, and he thought... cool... but I don't want to blow off a new/potential GF on a Friday night. To me... I'm close with my folks, and if they wanted me to come to dinner, I would ask a new prospective to come to dinner with me. And on that note... "Dinner with my folks" isn't a big event since I see them all the time, and I call my mom a few times a week. (normally so so she can see my kids) AND... as @basil67 said... it's a good way to get a "Total Picture" or more insight to this guy. Personally... I would do it, and not give it a second thought. 1
Wildflower_xo Posted April 25, 2021 Posted April 25, 2021 Hi there! It sounds like your first two dates went great and it depends on his relationship with his parents - whether they have a friend-like relationship or whether they are going to have expectations after meeting you. Does he introduce a lot of his friends/romantic interests to his parents? I would personally say no. After two dates you don't really know the person that well and maybe he is just really infatuated. Just to share a related story - I am in Greece and I dated a guy at the end of last year who I had a great and super long first date with. On New Year's Eve, I couldn't get back to my city because of coronavirus so he invited me to celebrate with his friends and introduced me to his grandma, and then his parents via Facetime! At the time, I was so infatuated with him I was like "oh he really likes me and thinks we have a special connection too". But after a few weeks of dating, I realised I'd rushed in a bit too fast and some of his values didn't align with mine. He had also lost his job due to covid which wasn't his fault but he spent all his time sleeping until 4/5pm and then drinking. I approached him to end it, and it was a bit awkward because after a short period he had already introduced me to everyone he knew as his girlfriend!
Gaeta Posted April 25, 2021 Posted April 25, 2021 (edited) 1 hour ago, Blind-Sided said: To me... I'm close with my folks, and if they wanted me to come to dinner, I would ask a new prospective to come to dinner with me. Funny cause I am very close to my parents as well and because of that I am very protective of them so I would never bring a stranger in their house. A man that I met only once is a stranger, I have no idea what is his character and his temper. I would not bring him into my own home so forget about taking him to my parents. Edited April 25, 2021 by Gaeta
d0nnivain Posted April 25, 2021 Posted April 25, 2021 I agree that going to the parents' home would be too much but to meet them is no big deal. It's a meal with people. My parents were fun people. When they were alive I ate dinner with them at their club every Friday for the last 10 years of their lives because it was fun & the food was good. When dating, if a guy wanted to see me on a Friday I invited him along. I told him the deal. . .this is what I did & who would be there. He could come or not. It was a no pressure situation. Most men said OK. DH ended up joining the club. Everybody who is freaking out about this seems to be mixing a dinner invitation up with a marriage proposal. It's not. Calm down & go.
ExpatInItaly Posted April 25, 2021 Posted April 25, 2021 34 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: Everybody who is freaking out about this seems to be mixing a dinner invitation up with a marriage proposal. No, I can assure you that I can distinguish the difference. I am simply personally not comfortable mingling family with a man I barely know. Others might be fine with it. That does not mean either side is right or wrong, or that people who are uneasy about think it's some huge commitment. People's boundaries are simply different. OP needs to listen to her gut and go what works for her. 2
Gaeta Posted April 25, 2021 Posted April 25, 2021 40 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: When they were alive I ate dinner with them at their club every Friday for the last 10 years It's not the same as bringning a stranger into their home, and have your mother cook for a man you met once and may not even meet a 3rd time.. 1
Gaeta Posted April 25, 2021 Posted April 25, 2021 To me it's not about it having a special meaning or it being a commitment. I respect my parents too much to bring over any joe blow I met online a week prior. I have to filter that guy a couple of months to make sure he has a good character and he will have the most respect for my parents.
Lotsgoingon Posted April 25, 2021 Posted April 25, 2021 Could be red flag, that he is not separated emotionally from his parents. Yes, this invitation is stunningly quick. But doesn't have to mean disaster: might be one of his family members just challenged him to bring a date. 1
ShyViolet Posted April 26, 2021 Posted April 26, 2021 I think it's totally weird that he wants you to meet his parents after two dates. I would definitely decline, and this would make me wary about this guy going forward. 1
Negotaurus Posted April 26, 2021 Posted April 26, 2021 This would be a massive red flag for me, mainly due to the experiences I've had. I wanted to take it slow with the ex while he wanted me to meet his parents and make it official. I declined, in the end he fooled me into meeting them. He drove me to his mum while I thought we were going out to a cafe. Really messed up. If you declined and he has trouble respecting that, walk away. In my ex's case it was a selfish way of "locking me down". Ironically enough he was cheating on me the entire time :')
ZA Dater Posted April 26, 2021 Posted April 26, 2021 This happened to me once and I immediately declined without even hesitating. It came across as desperate and I found it incredibly off putting. Having said that I know guys who do try get to gets to meet their parents as quickly as possible to try and get the date to commit to the relationship as fast as possible. 2
Wiseman2 Posted April 26, 2021 Posted April 26, 2021 Go, have fun, see what happens. Don't place too much meaning on it. 1
SaraSays Posted April 27, 2021 Posted April 27, 2021 There's an extent of informality in dating nowadays. This is 1 of many strange instances like this I have heard of, and I struggle to make sense of it. Meeting friends and immediate family members on date 1 or 2, going to weddings as a partner after just 2 or 3 dates - I've heard each 4 or 5 times now.
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