Walk Posted October 17, 2005 Posted October 17, 2005 I feel really stupid, and naive, for asking this, but I seem to be missing some crucial element to what inherently makes a women feminine? I grew up completely tom boy. I can frame in a house, but high heels stymie me. However, I am under the impression that even if I'm not terribly comfortable with 6 inch stiletto's, I can still be feminine. But what is it? How do you act? Talk? Interact? Gestures? Nuances? Anything? Daily femininity in normal situations? Like sitting on the couch with your SO, or making dinner... those kinds of normal situations.
amber245 Posted October 17, 2005 Posted October 17, 2005 6 inch heels are tacky. You would be better with 3 inch heels and learning to walk in them in private first. Why did you grow up as a tomboy? Maybe you have behaved like a boy for so long that it's hard for you to be feminine now. Going to some dance classes will help you. Sexy feminine girls like to shake their bodies on the dance floor.
loony Posted October 17, 2005 Posted October 17, 2005 6 inch stilettos? *loony is fainting from backache*
Author Walk Posted October 17, 2005 Author Posted October 17, 2005 Okay. okay... I'm being sarcastic about the 6 inch heels. However... I'd finally be over 5 foot...
elijahBailey Posted October 17, 2005 Posted October 17, 2005 hey Walk, a few things come to mind when I think of a girl who's feminine.. . decent figure. No need to be the Nicole Kidman type, but a decent figure would be nice . not loud or brash. I like someone who's demure. . spends time and effort to make herself look good. Someone who can't be bothered about how she looks can't be very feminine.
flamingjune Posted October 17, 2005 Posted October 17, 2005 Heels that high aren't made for walking, but they can be a lot of fun. Well according to merriam-webster, feminine is "2 : having some quality (as gentleness) associated with the female sex." In the simplest terms, I think it has a lot to do with refinement and grace, i.e., being well-mannered and more soft-spoken than using big gestures and behaving boisterously. It also has a lot to do with being a bit of a coquette, depending on the situation. A little flirtation, with some mystery and innuendo thrown in, can stir up all sorts of pleasant trouble. If you're seeing someone, sometimes it's about letting your guy take care of you. I don't mean by being helpless, but more like, allowing yourself to enjoy his attentions for a change, vs. you always handling things and being supercharged superwoman all the time. Small things like letting him open doors for you, letting him take you out, giving him chance to make you feel special. Also, what you wear has a huge effect on how you behave. Try spending a week in heels and skirts and compare that to how you move and behave in jeans and sneakers. I tend to move more carelessly when I wear jeans, and am more careful and more ladylike, about say, how I sit, when in a dress. It does take a bit more effort, but it might charm the pants off your guy if he's used to seeing you in more masculine mode. That's so cool that you can frame a house! Being skilled like that, i.e. being strong, capable, and intelligent, and being feminine, don't have to be mutually exclusive.
Outcast Posted October 17, 2005 Posted October 17, 2005 Get yourself some oldies movies and mimic the behaviours you see. Audrey Hepburn was probably the epitome of femininity. Watch Sabrina or Breakfast at Tiffany's. I'm trying to think of more recent stars but 'grace' doesn't generally come to mind when I think of most of them. I actually doubt that femininity is in style anymore. Check out Angelina Jolie - she seems to be idolized by a lot of men. I can't figure out why, but if you want to gain many suitors, emulating her may be the way to go.
Author Walk Posted October 17, 2005 Author Posted October 17, 2005 Outcast: Good suggestion with the old movies. That would be fun and informative. Flamingjune: I'll try the dress/skirts idea. I always feel so self-concious though. Like I really look like an idiot and nobody is telling me. But would probably help alot in getting in the right frame of mind. Instead of just plopping down on the sofa next to him. I'm begining to believe I asked a question that can't really be answered though. So, maybe I'll redefine it... Are their any suggestions as to how a woman could make her guy feel like he's king of the castle? Or top dog, or biggest and best? Anything that a woman has done specifically to make her man feel like he's 'manly'? (This has to be without buying him something, and not just flat out sex.) Like coy, seductive, manipulative, etc.... Or any other ideas/suggestions would be great...
Neptune Posted October 17, 2005 Posted October 17, 2005 Well, there is a point in life where you just have to accept yourself as you are. but I like the question what makes a woman feminine. One thing that stands in my mind is some women have a loud boisterous manly laugh that really gets on my nerves. But maybe that is just me. It is a difficult question to answer unless you can really look at someone. There is always things that would help. I am sure most men and women could use a little advice. Try to consider people close around you, men and women, that you can trust to give you some insight. The problem with that is sometimes the one thing that needs to be said the most is not mentioned. I will have to think about this one some more:)
basscatcher Posted October 17, 2005 Posted October 17, 2005 O my I have some of these problems. I was raised a Country Tomboy Catholic girl. I was called "Butch" on friday by my Vice Pres. I am no butch--I'm definetly straight in my sexual preferences... But I get so independant and have a take-charge attitude that I forget men like to help women. I'm so use to goofing around, wrestling around, being obnoxious at times, I haul my own grocerys 4 bags at a time in each hand up 4 flights of stairs without asking for assistance.. A lot of the things I do I could ask the man for help (this makes him feel needed, and manly.) I do help him however with the task if able. Last night I had a box of photo albums with me when I went to visit a friend and the man met me there so we could go out for dinner. I hauled the box there myself and with a laptop strung over my shoulder too. (It wasnt a light task). When he came I asked him if he would carry the box of albums to my car. He smiled and gladly picked up the heavy box and carried it to my car.. I allowed him to help me, I feminized myself by doing that and making him feel like a man (gentleman). I am careful to balance the help i request as to not appear weak and helpless. I don't like high heels over 2 1/2 inches and they are typically a granny wedge heel. I prefer Levi's, tennis shoes/hiking shoes, t-shirts and sweatshirts (usually in earthtones/greys) over dress slacks, skirts, and dresses. I am a tomboy because of how I was raised. I had brothers so I grew up doing boy things. Kinda of a farm girl too. I stay true to myself but add feminine touches to myself with pastel colors, some lace or ruffles on shirts, I wear my hair long and curl it. Also I wear makeup. Hair and makeup are biggies to looking femine. I don't have long finger nails but i grow them just past the tip of my finger tips and I dont' paint them. I like to wear my clothes on the tight side to show my femine body. I can still be a tomboy but add femine touches to me.. There are men in this world that like a tomboy type woman as long as you add girly touches to yourself. I found a man that likes the idea I like Hockey, I love to fish and can bait my own hook-take off my own fish-fillet them and cook them.. Maybe you can relate with me a little bit and what I said about myself.
Author Walk Posted October 17, 2005 Author Posted October 17, 2005 padameckla There are men in this world that like a tomboy type woman as long as you add girly touches to yourself. I found a man that likes the idea I like Hockey, I love to fish and can bait my own hook-take off my own fish-fillet them and cook them I can relate to the independent thing. Problem is, when I met my guy, I was trying to be feminine and girly and flirty and stuff. But I'm not really like that, I want to be more like that, but it's not normal for me. I've been trying like crazy to keep it up too, but it doesn't come natural. I get jealous at the teenagers in the mall cause they pull it off without a thought. Me? I spend hours agonizing if he's going to think I'm too .. guy-ish. I really feel foolish saying this, but I think I look freakish with make-up on. I've tried eyeliner and mascara, but it gets in my eyes, and in my contacts, and then I can't see anything further then a foot in front of my face. Every time I try concealer, blush and lipstick I end up looking like Mimi on that Drew Cary show. I've even tried having friends, and professionals, help me. But I end up with a foot thick layer of crap on my face and within two seconds I've wiped half of it away and it's all over my sleeves and collar. If it weren't me, I'd find it really hillarious. (I almost want to post a pic after saying all this just so you won't think I'm freakish looking.)
Outcast Posted October 17, 2005 Posted October 17, 2005 OK first of all you are assuming he thinks you're something awful when he may not. Secondly, you need to trust at least some of the professionals. If you want to get makeup done, find a makeup artist whose work you like; watch them as they work and see how their clients look when they're done. Thirdly, do not try to act a way you're not. If you're not flirty, then it will look goofy if you pretend to flirt. You can walk and talk and sit and dress better but trying to imitate behaviours that aren't natural for you will just fail.
basscatcher Posted October 17, 2005 Posted October 17, 2005 I can relate to the independent thing. Problem is, when I met my guy, I was trying to be feminine and girly and flirty and stuff. But I'm not really like that, I want to be more like that, but it's not normal for me. I've been trying like crazy to keep it up too, but it doesn't come natural. I get jealous at the teenagers in the mall cause they pull it off without a thought. Me? I spend hours agonizing if he's going to think I'm too .. guy-ish. I really feel foolish saying this, but I think I look freakish with make-up on. I've tried eyeliner and mascara, but it gets in my eyes, and in my contacts, and then I can't see anything further then a foot in front of my face. Every time I try concealer, blush and lipstick I end up looking like Mimi on that Drew Cary show. I've even tried having friends, and professionals, help me. But I end up with a foot thick layer of crap on my face and within two seconds I've wiped half of it away and it's all over my sleeves and collar. If it weren't me, I'd find it really hillarious. (I almost want to post a pic after saying all this just so you won't think I'm freakish looking.) Stop trying to be someone your not. Dont worry about if you are awkward in trying to act femine.. You have a man in your life so your not as bad off as you think. I have gf who look like they could pass as men. They put on makeup but very little so they dont look like Mimi. Don't be jealous of those girls in the mall. They are typically fake anyway and most guys figure that out and dump their whiney, snotty a$$'s anyway. Believe me be comfortable with who you are. Do some self investigation ; some soul searching. I spent many many hours doing this for myself. I was mistaken for a boy many times as a teenager. Make a list of things you like that are girly. Pamper yourself with them. I found I love lace and anything satiny. So I bought things that where lacy and satiny for my bedroom.. Not for me to wear publicly.. I show my stronger femine side in private more then anyplace else... Just be yourself. You don't have to try to practice having a sexy walk, or the sweetest giggle, or bat your eye lashes a certain way.. The right man will like you for you... Discover what you like that is girly and spoile yourself with them. You will feel more feminine by doing that. Enjoy the feeling. a little secret about me: I dream of the day I can dress up in red lacey lingerie with garders and stockings, high heels and a red feather boa. I would love to have candles burning seductive music playing and when that special man walks in I can seduce him... (TRUTH IS I AM AFRAID TO EVEN ATTEMPT IT... ) I fear I am too clutsy, to tomboyish. But I WILL get over this, I WILL do this one day for myself. I know I need to get more in touch with myself and with what I like. I need to gain the confidence that I am me and he will accept me the way I am in my attempt to feel and be sexy, seductive, and femine..
cj_gal Posted October 17, 2005 Posted October 17, 2005 be who you are..as my aunt tells me all the time..."there is a lid for every pot...you just haven't found your lid yet"..it's cute...and it makes me laugh..but everytime i find my lid...it runs away...
Recommended Posts