1yr gf has tinder app?

[Marc878]

34 minutes ago, Jarlstown said:

I just brought up to her about her having Tinder on her phone.  She acted kind of strange, laughing, like in a boardgame when confronted (we played a lot of boardgames during covid).  She said she just had the app from before and never deleted it. I asked when the last time she used it and she said before she met me. 
 

Sorry man. Liars lie

She then pulled out her phone and opened the app to show me that it wasn't logged in and said she didn't have an account.  I said that doesn't really show anything.  Asked her to login with her phone number, and it logged in.  She said 'what the hell it is still here'.  I then asked her if I could see when the last match or last time she did anything was and she said no and wouldn't let me see what she was doing.   Minutes later she said it is deleted.  Then she started grilling me about where I had found her name listed online and demanded that I show it to her, saying that there must be hundreds of people with her name.  I had lost the website I used to find her online so wasn't able to show that, but told her what it had listed (and the whole time had described all this as what the website showed, not that I was personally accusing her) -- I pointed out that if the tables were turned and she had just discovered Tinder on my phone, she would not be 100% fine with it - but now she is accusing me of not trusting her and now she has been giving me the silent treatment for past 30 minutes.  Not sure where to go from here.

Cmon man. You know the score. 

[Gaeta]

Don't fall for that, she is trying to shift the blame on you. Suddenly it's not about her being online but about you not trusting her.

She refused you looked at the app for a reason. 

[Uruktopi]

There is a time for almost everything.

A time for wandering, a time for asking her about and, given what you told us, a time to walk away.

Like now if not yesterday. 

[IslandSanctuary]

You have to dump her. It's the only way to keep your self esteem intact. If you continue this with her now being on Tinder and lying to you then you are setting yourself up to fail in life and be miserable. Don't let people treat you like that. 

[Jarlstown]

53 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Don't fall for that, she is trying to shift the blame on you. Suddenly it's not about her being online but about you not trusting her.

She refused you looked at the app for a reason. 

She said after that that she didn't let me look at the App because she thought I just wanted to look at her account and that would be weird, and she didn't know that I was asking to see the last time she did something. I was like, come on what..?  She claims that she didn't know I just wanted to see the last time she did something.  She recounted the conversation and claims that I didn't ask for that until after she had deleted it.  I remember things a bit differently, but maybe I did misspeak or say something different.  But still, I think it is obvious if your boyfriend wants to see your open Tinder app that they want to see if you are active on there, not to look at your account info or something...

She had stopped talking to me after that then was angry, and then it was silence again so I left and came back home and haven't heard from her since.  Very strange interaction.  

She is acting very angry at me.

[Jarlstown]

15 minutes ago, IslandSanctuary said:

You have to dump her. It's the only way to keep your self esteem intact. If you continue this with her now being on Tinder and lying to you then you are setting yourself up to fail in life and be miserable. Don't let people treat you like that. 

I will say that if this is all true and she actually was doing stuff on Tinder, then that is a complete shock to me - I never would have guessed she would do something like that.  But her reaction to all this is so defensive that it is weird.  I still think that there could be some weird explanation that shows she wasn't doing anything, but she isn't talking to me right now.

I brought it up to her essentially assuming that she would just normally reassure me and show that there wasn't anything to worry about, but it was a heated conversation fairly quickly instead.

 

Also forgot to mention that after she said she deleted her account, she was showing me the website where she was trying to find the Tinder Search website I had mentioned, and when she went back to the home screen she still had Tinder installed.  I commented on it asking why she was keeping the app - she said something about how she has lots of apps on her phone and she isn't using Tinder and she just deleted her account, etc.  After talking about it for a moment she said she deleted the app - I didn't get to see the phone screen to know she actually did but based on the conversation assume that she did actually delete it then.

Edited April 26, 2021 by Jarlstown
typo, forgot something

[Caauug]

1 hour ago, Jarlstown said:

I then asked her if I could see when the last match or last time she did anything was and she said no and wouldn't let me see what she was doing.

Right there is proof of guilt, she knows you would not approve of what she has been doing. Why would she give you more proof of bad behavior? Really, she doesn't need to anymore, the word "No" was enough proof. She will now be in "Under Cover" mode = hide everything, cover tracks extra well...

She deletes the app off her phone.... But did she delete the account? Not likely as you are now onto her, she will need it now more than ever if this blows up and heads south.... Likely a new account with different user name...

1 hour ago, Jarlstown said:

Then she started grilling me about where I had found her name listed online and demanded that I show it to her, saying that there must be hundreds of people with her name.  I had lost the website I used to find her online so wasn't able to show that, but told her what it had listed (and the whole time had described all this as what the website showed, not that I was personally accusing her)

That was smooth, and you fell for it!!! Why do you have to prove anything to her??? It's not you that is guilty of having a "Hook up" app on your phone!!! She has successfully now switched the issue into her frame where you have to provide proof and defend yourself.... Don't fall for this!!!! Switch it back to your frame or just walk away!!!

1 hour ago, Jarlstown said:

but now she is accusing me of not trusting her and now she has been giving me the silent treatment for past 30 minutes. 

 And now this whole thing is your fault!!!! Yep, and keep this up and it will be your fault she had to download Tinder and seek other guys to hook up with.... This is just another sign of her poor behavior, don't let her do it to you!!! She is the guilty one, not you!!! Jam it back onto her or walk away, I suggest just walk away.

All her behaviors are pointing toward her cheating on you. She denied using the app = lie. She tried "Gaslighting" then "blame shifting" the issue onto you. She has been playing you as a simp, and now she is trying to deflect it all back onto you. I think she has done this before maybe in another R, and it has worked. If she succeeds in getting you to rug sweep this what will she do next time? Just think, a few years down the line.... after the big wedding and a couple of kids.... Oh, who's kids would they be??? Your name on the birth certificates so you pay support when you have had enough of her running around.

What ever you decide, do not co-habitat with her. She has broken your trust and has bitrade you. I would even go to say has had affairs or hook ups while with you. She does not want to work on the R as she is with holding information from you. This is a form of having power over you, not something you want in a R.... 

Actions speak louder than words. Her actions have proven guilt of poor behavior and poor boundaries. Look at her actions, not what she says, talk is cheap and lies come easy. She has shown she does not respect you or value you.

Now is the time to look after the most important person in your life - You!!! Exercise, get fit and eat healthy.  

[Caauug]

15 hours ago, Jarlstown said:

Since we graduate in less than a month, we had been planning on getting an apartment together in Atlanta since we both got jobs there, and she has been fairly high stress about the whole signing the lease process trying to get it done asap.

This is her first step of locking you down.... For the most part, men control commitment. You are what she now desires in a mate. I didn't say you were the only one she desires in a mate, or that you were filling all her desires as a mate. 

Even though you have been dating over a year, it appears hypergamy is still very strong with your GF. She's still looking for the "Bigger Better Deal" or she thinks she can do better. She may already have prospects in mind but has not locked them in as far as she has you locked in. When she does, she will monkey branch off to who she thinks is the better mate.

She has destroyed all trust you had in her. Be very careful, protect yourself, she has her own best interests in mind, not yours. Look after yourself.

[Marc878]

54 minutes ago, Jarlstown said:

I will say that if this is all true and she actually was doing stuff on Tinder, then that is a complete shock to me - I never would have guessed she would do something like that.  But her reaction to all this is so defensive that it is weird.  I still think that there could be some weird explanation that shows she wasn't doing anything, but she isn't talking to me right now.

I brought it up to her essentially assuming that she would just normally reassure me and show that there wasn't anything to worry about, but it was a heated conversation fairly quickly instead.

 

Also forgot to mention that after she said she deleted her account, she was showing me the website where she was trying to find the Tinder Search website I had mentioned, and when she went back to the home screen she still had Tinder installed.  I commented on it asking why she was keeping the app - she said something about how she has lots of apps on her phone and she isn't using Tinder and she just deleted her account, etc.  After talking about it for a moment she said she deleted the app - I didn't get to see the phone screen to know she actually did but based on the conversation assume that she did actually delete it then.

You’d do well to drop the hopium pipe.

You are seeing what you want to see versus what is.

Ignore now - pay later

[LivingWaterPlease]

Her anger toward you about being discovered isn't a good sign, either.

[Jarlstown]

43 minutes ago, Marc878 said:

You’d do well to drop the hopium pipe.

You are seeing what you want to see versus what is.

Ignore now - pay later

Usually whenever we've gotten into a big fight or something, the other would spend a bunch of time on some gesture, like I've made cakes for her to say I'm sorry, or crafted some sort of cards, and she has done the same for me.  If she does treat this the same as one of those big fights, and comes over tonight with a cake or some I'm sorry gift and says that she really never did anything - What should I do then?  Should I be inclined to believe her, or do you think that is just her trying to bury it or something?

 

Obviously if she doesn't do anything then it will be kind of clear that there is a problem..

[Marc878]

From what you’ve posted there’s a problem but it’s obvious you don’t want to see or believe it.

Go back and read your thread. If this were a close friend what would you think?

[ExpatInItaly]

7 hours ago, Jarlstown said:

Asked her to login with her phone number, and it logged in.  She said 'what the hell it is still here'.  I then asked her if I could see when the last match or last time she did anything was and she said no and wouldn't let me see what she was doing.   

Busted. 

This would have been an incredibly easy way to resolve everything and put your mind at ease. She freaked because she knew she was caught. There isn't some weird explanation. It's very simple: she has been using a dating app. She got careless and got caught. 

Her anger is just noise to deflect from her bad behaviour. 

[Uruktopi]

"...and comes over tonight with a cake" 

Do an internet search for the meaning of "cake eater"

[Marc878]

You are a chump only if you allow it.