Can someone give me an example between the difference of 'Basic Conversation' and 'Flirty Conversation'

[IntBrowser]

I think this maybe my issue here once I talk to a woman from a dating app.     I tend to go on about everyday life stuff and thinking I am breaking the ice not realizing no woman really wants to talk about basic stuff.   Im guessing why the phone conversation suddenly came to an end through the bumble app.   

 

 

[cleverusername]

19 minutes ago, IntBrowser said:

I think this maybe my issue here once I talk to a woman from a dating app.     I tend to go on about everyday life stuff and thinking I am breaking the ice not realizing no woman really wants to talk about basic stuff.   Im guessing why the phone conversation suddenly came to an end through the bumble app.   

 

 

Are you asking how to flirt?

[d0nnivain]

I can't flirt in writing at all.  It's easy in person because it's all about smiles, looks, soft touches & tone.  You get none of that on apps, via text or in an email. 

The best you can do is maybe a genuine compliment.  

See if you can move to at least a video chat sooner.  Not that anybody has much going on through Covid lock downs but avoid complaining & talk about something interesting, a movie you saw, a series you are binge watching, where you'd like to go when travel is allowed again. 

[IntBrowser]

2 minutes ago, cleverusername said:

Are you asking how to flirt?

Basically yes,  see need to see some type of example.   Or you can tell me what is considered basic conversation.

[IntBrowser]

3 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

I can't flirt in writing at all.  It's easy in person because it's all about smiles, looks, soft touches & tone.  You get none of that on apps, via text or in an email. 

The best you can do is maybe a genuine compliment.  

See if you can move to at least a video chat sooner.  Not that anybody has much going on through Covid lock downs but avoid complaining & talk about something interesting, a movie you saw, a series you are binge watching, where you'd like to go when travel is allowed again. 

I tend to talk about my comcast drama a lot 

[cleverusername]

1 minute ago, IntBrowser said:

Basically yes,  see need to see some type of example.   Or you can tell me what is considered basic conversation.

Flirting is essentially you playing off information the woman has given you. What are her interests?

 

[IntBrowser]

4 minutes ago, cleverusername said:

Flirting is essentially you playing off information the woman has given you. What are her interests?

 

Just need an example so I can go from there and come up with my own way

[d0nnivain]

5 minutes ago, IntBrowser said:

I tend to talk about my comcast drama a lot 

I don't know what that is.  Are you watching a show? Are you fighting with your cable company?  

Since this subject isn't getting you the results you want -- a date, possibly a GF, perhaps talk about something else in the future.  

[cleverusername]

1 minute ago, IntBrowser said:

Just need an example so I can go from there and come up with my own way

Ok but first, are you asking them about their interests?

[d0nnivain]

1 minute ago, IntBrowser said:

Just need an example so I can go from there and come up with my own way

Assuming that your comcast drama is a show SHE is watching, you would flirt by comparing her to a sexy / romantic scene in the show; suggesting you watch together or visit a location on the show together.  

[Gaeta]

I am a woman and I don't like men flirting with me before we have met face to face. What I like is interesting conversation and a sense of humor. 

[IntBrowser]

7 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

I am a woman and I don't like men flirting with me before we have met face to face. What I like is interesting conversation and a sense of humor. 

what type of conversation would you consider interesting that is not flirty

[IntBrowser]

23 minutes ago, cleverusername said:

Ok but first, are you asking them about their interests?

I think in the 1st convo it was a lot of small talk to break the ice.    Think it may have lasted too long because I clearly got the hint when she said........"My phone needs to be charged its at 3%:  lol

[IntBrowser]

27 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

I don't know what that is.  Are you watching a show? Are you fighting with your cable company?  

Since this subject isn't getting you the results you want -- a date, possibly a GF, perhaps talk about something else in the future.  

My cable and internet went out and I was mentioning how I cancelled comcast and signed up with T mobile

[d0nnivain]

13 minutes ago, IntBrowser said:

what type of conversation would you consider interesting that is not flirty

Anything that shows genuine interest in me & what's I'm about.  You need to engage in active listening.  Really hear what the other person is saying rather than thinking about what you are going to say next.  

The changing your cable topic was too mundane & while we all know dealing with the cable company is annoying as a pre-meet conversation it makes you seem like a whiney downer who can't cope with life's inconveniences.  Keep topics light & upbeat.  No negativity.  Never dump on a new person.  Use your BFFs to vent, not the new prospect.  

Try to limit pre-meet conversations to 20 minutes.  No more than 1/2 hour.  Part of trick is to be fully present when you are talking but leave 'em wanting more.   Show that you are an active interesting person not somebody with hours of time to fill.  You want the relationship to be an addition to your life not a substitute for not having a life.  

Edited April 23, 2021 by d0nnivain

[cleverusername]

4 minutes ago, IntBrowser said:

I think in the 1st convo it was a lot of small talk to break the ice.    Think it may have lasted too long because I clearly got the hint when she said........"My phone needs to be charged its at 3%:  lol

Can you post what you said? Like the first 4-5 back and forth messages? It would help us help you

[Gaeta]

12 minutes ago, IntBrowser said:

what type of conversation would you consider interesting that is not flirty

Talk about the things you enjoy, your hobbies, sports, kids, your work, trips you've taken or dream of taking, keep it light. Ask her questions about things she enjoys, hobbies, kids, her work, etc. I would absolutely tell someone my adventure with the cable company BUT I would make it a fun story to laugh about, not something frustrating. 

[IntBrowser]

6 minutes ago, cleverusername said:

Can you post what you said? Like the first 4-5 back and forth messages? It would help us help you

I dont know when the next match is coming or next new phone conversation but I plan to talk less and less about me and just have her do 85% of the talking.    That will be something brand new for me

[IntBrowser]

14 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

Anything that shows genuine interest in me & what's I'm about.  You need to engage in active listening.  Really hear what the other person is saying rather than thinking about what you are going to say next.  

The changing your cable topic was too mundane & while we all know dealing with the cable company is annoying as a pre-meet conversation it makes you seem like a whiney downer who can't cope with life's inconveniences.  Keep topics light & upbeat.  No negativity.  Never dump on a new person.  Use your BFFs to vent, not the new prospect.  

Try to limit pre-meet conversations to 20 minutes.  No more than 1/2 hour.  Part of trick is to be fully present when you are talking but leave 'em wanting more.   Show that you are an active interesting person not somebody with hours of time to fill.  You want the relationship to be an addition to your life not a substitute for not having a life.  

and I am not known for being an actual listener and want to change that.

[cleverusername]

1 minute ago, IntBrowser said:

I dont know when the next match is coming or next new phone conversation but I plan to talk less and less about me and just have her do 85% of the talking.    That will be something brand new for me

Yes do that and play with her based on her response. Your goal should be getting her to offer up information. For example, a girl I matched with had a picture of her scuba diving;

Me- You like to SCUBA dive huh?

Her- Yeah!

Me- Me Too!

Her: No Way!

Me- Yup! I have my license! Plus, you know what they say, safety in pairs  

Her- hahahaha, that sounds awesome!

Me- I come with the added bonus of being able to help you in and out of those tight wet suits

Her- hahahaha, sounds like a plan!

Like that........

[d0nnivain]

1 minute ago, cleverusername said:

Me- I come with the added bonus of being able to help you in and out of those tight wet suits

Her- hahahaha, sounds like a plan!

 

Be careful @IntBrowser  While the above worked for cleverusename telling a woman you have not yet met that you want to undress her could rub many women the wrong way as being too overtly sexual too soon.  Using his same example though, talking about a shared interest is key.  To amp up the flirting without going too far into the sexual, maybe a reference to buddy breathing -- a technique in SCUBA / rescue -- may have been a lighter pun which is still flirty but not necessarily naked.  Less is more.  

Your plan to listen more & talk less is a good one.  

The clever lines as cited above are not a requirement.  Not everybody is that witty. 

[Gaeta]

9 minutes ago, cleverusername said:

Me- I come with the added bonus of being able to help you in and out of those tight wet suits

 

I would probably hang up if I heard that. 

How old are you cleverusername?

[Gaeta]

12 minutes ago, cleverusername said:

Me- I come with the added bonus of being able to help you in and out of those tight wet suits

I meant to add. 

See you may think this is clever but women hear stuff like that 100 times a day and it gets old very fast. 

[d0nnivain]

@IntBrowser

As you can see by the different reactions from the woman cleverusename was talking to, Gaeta & me, you have to have a sense of the woman you are talking to.  The woman in his example laughed it off.  I would have shut it down saying something like -- we're not there yet & I can get out of my own gear without your help, thanks -- & Gaeta would have stopped talking to you altogether.   Part of being a good listener is to hear what the other person is telling you & respond accordingly.  Cleverusename got a flirty laugh in response so it was a green light.  My response would have shown a yellow light warning you to dial back the suggestiveness & obviously Gaeta was a red light, game over.   

Do you now at least see / understand what you are listening for?  

[cleverusername]

15 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

I would probably hang up if I heard that. 

How old are you cleverusername?

Mid-late 20's

3 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

@IntBrowser

As you can see by the different reactions from the woman cleverusename was talking to, Gaeta & me, you have to have a sense of the woman you are talking to.  The woman in his example laughed it off.  I would have shut it down saying something like -- we're not there yet & I can get out of my own gear without your help, thanks -- & Gaeta would have stopped talking to you altogether.   Part of being a good listener is to hear what the other person is telling you & respond accordingly.  Cleverusename got a flirty laugh in response so it was a green light.  My response would have shown a yellow light warning you to dial back the suggestiveness & obviously Gaeta was a red light, game over.   

Do you now at least see / understand what you are listening for?  

This! Both of you are completely valid in your reactions! This is why I was looking for some more info from OP as to the woman's personality. My approach only worked with this one woman this one time, and I wouldn't use it one every woman. Again you have to tailor your flirting to the individual. Very hard to describe how to actually flirt, it comes with practice and communication.