d0nnivain Posted April 23, 2021 Share Posted April 23, 2021 Again, what have you got to lose? The longer you wait, the more it will solidify in his head that you can do better & you have formally rejected him. If you are going to reach out, doing it sooner seems like the better option to me. At least it will keep you in limbo less time. Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted April 23, 2021 Share Posted April 23, 2021 You were only dating him for 2 months. That's nothing. That's such a short time, you still didn't know each other that well. No one just "flips" and dumps someone out of the blue.... the feelings are always brewing for a while, even if they are doing a good job of keeping it hidden and you are not aware. When you told him you were ready to make it "official" and instead of going for it, he told you to "take more time to think about it" that's a sign that he wasn't enthusiastic about making it official, he was having doubts. You don't reach out to someone who dumped you and who clearly told you that their feelings towards you have changed. That will just make you come off as desperate and like you're not accepting reality. If he changes his mind and wants to come back then he'll reach out, but honestly I doubt he will. And you shouldn't be wanting crumbs from a man who has told you that he doesn't want to be with you and his feelings towards you changed. Have some self-respect and dignity. I know you are having a hard time accepting this breakup, but you need to accept it. 4 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Acacia98 Posted April 23, 2021 Share Posted April 23, 2021 (edited) 4 hours ago, HiCrunchy said: He would always tell me that he didn't understand why I liked him, and that I could do so much better. Even when we "broke up" he said I needed to have higher standards for my partner. When anyone tells you the above or anything remotely similar, run for the hills. It is guaranteed that the person will eventually dump you. He would have dumped you even if you'd answered his question perfectly because that's what severely insecure people with serious issues do. Edited April 23, 2021 by Acacia98 2 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted April 23, 2021 Share Posted April 23, 2021 (edited) 58 minutes ago, Acacia98 said: When anyone tells you the above or anything remotely similar, run for the hills. It is guaranteed that the person will eventually dump you. He would have dumped you even if you'd answered his question perfectly because that's what severely insecure people with serious issues do. This 100%^^^ it's like walking on eggshells. This kind of thing will happen again. Even tho you did nothing wrong, they will stonewall you, dump you hastily, punish you...and you are stuck apologizing, trying to smooth things over. That takes a lot of energy. all the medication/therapy in the world doesn't stop it from happening. Edited April 23, 2021 by smackie9 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted April 23, 2021 Share Posted April 23, 2021 It could have been much more daunting for him if he had feelings for you and decided to show his desire for exclusivity rather than pursue other options. You both arrived at that stage at different times, and something stopped you from jumping all in. Given what you've said, it's possible that was the best decision for you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted April 23, 2021 Share Posted April 23, 2021 For the most part "titles" are free. You want to say we are exclusive, fine... You want to call me your boyfriend, fine... What do I care?? How does it change things?? I can still date other women behind your back. I can sleep with other women behind your back. What does a "title" do?? Nothing... it just words. I had one woman that "pinned" me. It was important that she used that term. What did I care, I was still having sex with her. I wasn't married to her and could leave at any point without it costing me a dime. Words are free... if he wanted to call you his girlfriend and be exclusive... why hesitate, let him think whatever he wanted to think. Until I have to purchase a ring and actually spend money, I didn't care what title a woman wanted to use on me. I have to agree with most posters, he was offended/hurt by your delay in becoming exclusive (boyfriend/girlfriend). Lesson learned, next time that happens just smile and agree... its just words/titles and doesn't mean a thing. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
prince0fgame Posted April 24, 2021 Share Posted April 24, 2021 (edited) 14 hours ago, HiCrunchy said: Hi, I wanted to make a new thread to address this issue that I brought up at the end of this thread: I 26F was seeing 24M for a little over 2 months now. He asked to be official bf/gf 2 weeks ago. I asked for a few days to make a decision bc I wanted to be sure about that decision. After a few days passed, I was sure that I wanted to move forward. Then when I tried to give him my answer, he told me it would make him feel better if I thought about it more. I told him this wouldn't change my answer, but thought about it more for a few more days so I was sure as sure can be. When I finally brought it up a second time, he basically broke things off. He told me his feelings had changed in the last week. He tells me the whole "its not you, its me" crap, and that he is too broken for me. He would always tell me that he didn't understand why I liked him, and that I could do so much better. Even when we "broke up" he said I needed to have higher standards for my partner. I did cry when he broke things off. I told him I didn't want this of course, and asked him to reach out to me if he changed his mind. He told me he will, but is trying to stick with his decisions. How can someone just flip like that? He brought up exclusivity but then 1.5 weeks later doesn't have feelings for me anymore???? I'm so lost. I am in No-contact now, but my heart is so broken. Before all of this, we just laughed and had fun. And I know it wasn't about sex bc we didn't even get physical until date 5. And had many platonic dates too. I am unsure of why this sudden change and if this is truly the end. I really don't want it to be bc for the first time in forever I actually thought I found someone I could be in happy relationship with. Im just so confused. Can someone help me understand? Maybe I should reach out? I told him he could reach out if he changes his mind but its been 2 days now and not a peep. He told me he will, but is trying to stick to his decisions now, not something he used to do. We used to text everyday and now silence sigh.... He is actually insecure and rejecting himself. A lot of guys self sabotage their relationships out of insecurity. I am sure a lot of women know this. It has nothing to do with what you can do, but whether he can accept his insecurities. From a male's perspective, it is less painful to reject yourself than to have a woman you genuinely like reject you. Then it would TRULY be painful. Guys are all about saving face and assuaging their egos. In truth he is a coward and afraid of true rejection. So he decided to beat you to the punch. But little does he know that it is all in his head. You actually genuinely like him. The problem is he doesn't genuinely fully love himself. His projections of "I don't understand why you like me" says it all. He is telegraphing to you how he feels about himself. He has a fragile ego and the best thing you could have done was to coddle him right away and commit. I am not saying he is weak. What I am saying is for guys like him, they need commitment right away. When a woman commits to him right away, he gets an extra wind in his sails, becomes his best self, and in turn, gives her the best version of himself. Of course he can be better. He can be self-validated. But he is human after all. And this is like 45% of the male population. Fragile egos. So if you run into a guy with a fragile ego that you have feelings for, best to commit right away and try to avoid playing games or stalling. Edited April 24, 2021 by prince0fgame Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted April 26, 2021 Share Posted April 26, 2021 He was asking too much too soon and making it very serious. If he had been light-hearted and prepared to give it longer, this could have all gone a different way. I can understand he feared rejection, perhaps because of his issues, but it seems he was just pushing to make things serious before OP was ready. Maybe it's for the best, that he needs someone who is prepared to leap in there with him too soon and then have it all blow up later. You are wise for not ending up in what could have been a very messy situation, OP. I would not wait around for him. He needs to understand he was pressuring you in a new relationship and then took your natural hesitancy as rejection. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted April 26, 2021 Share Posted April 26, 2021 He seems quite immature and insecure. You dodged a bullet. Be glad you only wasted a few weeks on this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Acacia98 Posted April 26, 2021 Share Posted April 26, 2021 On 4/24/2021 at 7:46 AM, prince0fgame said: He is actually insecure and rejecting himself. A lot of guys self sabotage their relationships out of insecurity. I am sure a lot of women know this. It has nothing to do with what you can do, but whether he can accept his insecurities. From a male's perspective, it is less painful to reject yourself than to have a woman you genuinely like reject you. Then it would TRULY be painful. Guys are all about saving face and assuaging their egos. In truth he is a coward and afraid of true rejection. So he decided to beat you to the punch. But little does he know that it is all in his head. You actually genuinely like him. The problem is he doesn't genuinely fully love himself. His projections of "I don't understand why you like me" says it all. He is telegraphing to you how he feels about himself. He has a fragile ego and the best thing you could have done was to coddle him right away and commit. I am not saying he is weak. What I am saying is for guys like him, they need commitment right away. When a woman commits to him right away, he gets an extra wind in his sails, becomes his best self, and in turn, gives her the best version of himself. Yes. Until something happens that reminds him that he's "not good enough" etc. Then he will self-sabotage and dump her. My friends and I dated guys like this when we were younger and didn't know any better. It always ended the same way. People with fragile egos will eventually flee. Committing to them immediately doesn't fix the fragility. It just gives them an ego boost for a limited amount of time. Then you have to work hard day and night looking for new ways to boost their egos and make them feel good about themselves. At some point, what you have to offer just wont be enough. Or you'll get tired of giving, giving, giving and getting little in return. And they'll either dump you in a fit of self-pity or they'll cheat on you with someone whose attention or flattery makes them feel good about themselves. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted April 26, 2021 Share Posted April 26, 2021 On 4/23/2021 at 2:56 PM, HiCrunchy said: I asked for a few days to make a decision bc I wanted to be sure As the guy has mental health issues I guess he wanted to suss out pretty early on whether HiCrunchy was all in or not, so as not to waste anyone's time. As her hesitation told him she was not enthusiastically all in, then he decided that it was better to end it. I am sure he has been there before and this time he cut his losses before getting too involved. Link to post Share on other sites
Highndry Posted April 26, 2021 Share Posted April 26, 2021 If I asked to be exclusive with a woman I was dating and she told me she'd have to think about it, then took a few days, I'd leave as well. Just sayin'... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author HiCrunchy Posted April 28, 2021 Author Share Posted April 28, 2021 My last ex told me he wanted to think about it, and when he took a few days I didn't bother me bc I was already "all in" to begin with. Honestly, I don't regret it. If it bothered him that much, it just wasn't meant to be at this point. On some level, I knew we weren't compatible, so its fine. Im used to being alone anyways. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author HiCrunchy Posted May 8, 2021 Author Share Posted May 8, 2021 Hey guys, in an attempt to move on I signed up for the dating app again a few days post "breakup". Ive been chatting with a few guys but no one im too into right now. Last night, it looks like he made a new profile and I came across it. 😔 His new profile says the way to his heart is "good conversation". Aka he thought I was boring. My heart breaks that he rather go back on the apps than reach out to me. Its only been 2.5 weeks too. Its like, guys only like me till they get to know me and boom im dumped. Its really over now, i had a tiny bit of hope bc all we had were fun times but i guess i was wrong. Yall were right. I was dumb to think he would come back. Women always have exes or dudes they were seeing come back and mine just leave me and never look back. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted May 8, 2021 Share Posted May 8, 2021 54 minutes ago, HiCrunchy said: His new profile says the way to his heart is "good conversation". Aka he thought I was boring. No, I know it’s temping because you are hurt but don’t personalize this. It’s just a comment on a dating app. Had he said “I like long walks on the beach” would you be upset because you had never offered to take him to the beach? This is standard dating app profile stuff - not in any way a reflection of you and your quality as a relationship partner. Be glad this relationship ended. You don’t really want to be in the business of supporting someone with a mental illness. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
prince0fgame Posted May 11, 2021 Share Posted May 11, 2021 (edited) On 4/26/2021 at 6:41 AM, Acacia98 said: Yes. Until something happens that reminds him that he's "not good enough" etc. Then he will self-sabotage and dump her. My friends and I dated guys like this when we were younger and didn't know any better. It always ended the same way. People with fragile egos will eventually flee. Committing to them immediately doesn't fix the fragility. It just gives them an ego boost for a limited amount of time. Then you have to work hard day and night looking for new ways to boost their egos and make them feel good about themselves. At some point, what you have to offer just wont be enough. Or you'll get tired of giving, giving, giving and getting little in return. And they'll either dump you in a fit of self-pity or they'll cheat on you with someone whose attention or flattery makes them feel good about themselves. People who have fragile egos are only fragile at the beginning. Once you penetrate that shield, they will open themselves up. That rotten apple can become a fruitful...insert word, lol. Most humans have fragile egos. But it does not mean they are broken. The key....And this is the number 1 key... Was your initial interest in that fragile ego genuine? Because if it was genuine, they would actually become more self realized...And they would realize they were okay all along. Remember, the game is all about compassion. It's not just "f*** you, you have a fragile ego. you dont deserve love." That's not how it works. Compassion heals all. If we were all genuine with our feelings, the whole entire planet would be healed. Edited May 11, 2021 by prince0fgame Link to post Share on other sites
Author HiCrunchy Posted May 12, 2021 Author Share Posted May 12, 2021 Ummm we matched on a dating app, now what? Link to post Share on other sites
Dis Posted May 12, 2021 Share Posted May 12, 2021 1 hour ago, HiCrunchy said: Ummm we matched on a dating app, now what? The nerve of this guy lol Block him. Nothing good will come of it unless you want to be dumped again Be kind to yourself and don't berate yourself. Someone will love you just as you are so love yourself in the meantime xoxo 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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