Don't understand what is going on with my flatmate

[Horses634]

My flatmate and I have always been really good mates but in February time we started spending even more time together and I noticed he was giving me more attention that usual. We would go to the library together, watch Netflix together etc. And then over a month ago our flat hosted drinks and I got really drunk and he came into my room and then we almost got together. After that we started having some ‘sleepovers’ together where we cuddle and sleep basically (mostly after we had drinks). Then right before the holidays things escalated and we almost had sex. I got with him again after the Easter holidays last Friday and we almost had sex again and i slept with him the entire night. Ever since then I feel as if he has been completely avoiding me as we usually spend a lot of time together in the flat along with my other flatmate. Things are always a bit awkward after we get together but now I just feel that I have done something wrong or he hates me or something. To make matters worse he went on a date on Tuesday just a few days after we got together. I know he is single and can do whatever he wants but I don’t understand why he would do that so soon after we got together? I felt so jealous and had to leave the flat because it hurt me so much He went on a date before but that was literally the day after that i went on a date so I didn’t think it mattered too much. I think he knows I like him because I left the flat and probably knows that I left because of him. I don’t know if he feels bad because he knows I like him and doesn’t want to hurt me and so maybe this is a he is avoiding me? I just don’t understand it, I mean even thought it was awkward before he would still give me attention and be friendly and hug me and stuff but for this past week I feel like he is pretending I don’t exist. I would hate to think that I make him feel so awkward that he can’t even see me. To make matters I think my feelings are getting kind of intense as I know him well as a person and I have no idea how to handle it. Sorry for the rant guys but I would like some advice on this because I just feel so confused and hurt and just miss hanging out with him as a friend in general.
Could it just be possible that he is leading me on ?

[GeorgiaPeach1]

23 minutes ago, Horses634 said:

My flatmate and I have always been really good mates but in February time we started spending even more time together and I noticed he was giving me more attention that usual. We would go to the library together, watch Netflix together etc. And then over a month ago our flat hosted drinks and I got really drunk and he came into my room and then we almost got together. After that we started having some ‘sleepovers’ together where we cuddle and sleep basically (mostly after we had drinks). Then right before the holidays things escalated and we almost had sex. I got with him again after the Easter holidays last Friday and we almost had sex again and i slept with him the entire night. Ever since then I feel as if he has been completely avoiding me as we usually spend a lot of time together in the flat along with my other flatmate. Things are always a bit awkward after we get together but now I just feel that I have done something wrong or he hates me or something. To make matters worse he went on a date on Tuesday just a few days after we got together. I know he is single and can do whatever he wants but I don’t understand why he would do that so soon after we got together? I felt so jealous and had to leave the flat because it hurt me so much He went on a date before but that was literally the day after that i went on a date so I didn’t think it mattered too much. I think he knows I like him because I left the flat and probably knows that I left because of him. I don’t know if he feels bad because he knows I like him and doesn’t want to hurt me and so maybe this is a he is avoiding me? I just don’t understand it, I mean even thought it was awkward before he would still give me attention and be friendly and hug me and stuff but for this past week I feel like he is pretending I don’t exist. I would hate to think that I make him feel so awkward that he can’t even see me. To make matters I think my feelings are getting kind of intense as I know him well as a person and I have no idea how to handle it. Sorry for the rant guys but I would like some advice on this because I just feel so confused and hurt and just miss hanging out with him as a friend in general.
Could it just be possible that he is leading me on ?

Never poop where you eat. In other words, never endanger your work or home situation by letting your hormones get out of control. 

Men almost never want a strictly platonic friendship from a woman. That's what they have male buddies for. 

As the sexual gatekeeper, it's up to you to stop things before they get flirtatious and inappropriate. 

[d0nnivain]

No it's not probable that he's leading you on.  Rather he thinks you have been toying with him all this time.  This man has no idea that you like him.  You did not get together  You had some half hearted BS non-hookups where you teased him by not having sex.  Never get in bed to "cuddle" with another person if you do not intend to have sex with them.  Otherwise you are a **** tease.  It's just bad. 

This poor guy thinks you only want to be with him when you have been drinking & there's nobody else but you don't even have sex with him.  He has concluded you are using him. 

Set the record straight or suffer in silence.  The choice is yours.  You created this mess.  You can fix it. 

Also it's a really bad idea to get together with somebody you live with because now if he doesn't feel the same way one of you has to move because you are never going to be OK with him bringing other women over. 

[smackie9]

OK so is he beta, and was not really pushing the moves on you? or were you saying no to him?

 

[Horses634]

41 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

OK so is he beta, and was not really pushing the moves on you? or were you saying no to him?

 

Basically in the beginning he would ask me to cuddle with him after we had a few drinks and to sleepover and stuff and would also come into my room often and hug me and stuff but the last few times after we went out together I was the one who came into his room. 

[Horses634]

1 hour ago, d0nnivain said:

No it's not probable that he's leading you on.  Rather he thinks you have been toying with him all this time.  This man has no idea that you like him.  You did not get together  You had some half hearted BS non-hookups where you teased him by not having sex.  Never get in bed to "cuddle" with another person if you do not intend to have sex with them.  Otherwise you are a **** tease.  It's just bad. 

This poor guy thinks you only want to be with him when you have been drinking & there's nobody else but you don't even have sex with him.  He has concluded you are using him. 

Set the record straight or suffer in silence.  The choice is yours.  You created this mess.  You can fix it. 

Also it's a really bad idea to get together with somebody you live with because now if he doesn't feel the same way one of you has to move because you are never going to be OK with him bringing other women over. 

Sorry it isn’t quite like that. Basically he doesn’t like having sex when I am drunk so we just do other stuff instead haha. And I feel really hope I didn’t give him the impression I’m using him or that I only want him when I’m drunk because that was never my intention. 

[d0nnivain]

1 minute ago, Horses634 said:

I feel really hope I didn’t give him the impression I’m using him or that I only want him when I’m drunk because that was never my intention. 

So when you are stone cold sober talk to him about what you are feeling.   Problem solved.  

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, Horses634 said:

 we almost had sex again and i slept with him the entire night.  he went on a date on Tuesday just a few days after we got together. 

Stop drinking and sleeping together. It's that simple. Keep roommates as roommates and date outside of the flat. This drinking and cuddling is sort of creepy and awkward for everyone. Consider getting a lock on your door.

[kendahke]

10 hours ago, Horses634 said:

why he would do that so soon after we got together?

because to him, the cuddle sessions don't mean anything. It was something to do. He's still looking to date other women besides his roommate.

I have to agree with Wiseman and GP... this is not only creepy, but messy.  Stop cuddling your roommate. Find a guy who's not your roommate for that and go do that at his place. Unless you sit your roommate down and have a heart to heart talk with him about wanting him to be your boyfriend and he agrees, stay out of each other's rooms.  The people you date who you bring over are going to pick up on that vibe because of your natural inclination to be territorial in your own living space.