About ready to give up on these dates

[Redguitar35]

I went on a date with a woman. We went shopping for a while, I picked out something for her that she loved, we went back to my house, played a few board games, ate a pizza, then she went on home. Haven't heard anything from her since then. She didn't follow up saying she had a good time or any of that. This is why I hate dates, I don't know what women expect me to do on them. It seems everyone has this date fantasy of something outrageous like being taken skydiving or whatever else Christian Grey or James Bond do in those movies. 

I took this board's advice to try dates instead of just one night stands, even though I said I hate dates. And I'm no more satisfied than before. I'm done with dating. 

Sincerely, 

Red Guitar

Edited April 23, 2021 by Redguitar35

[ExpatInItaly]

5 hours ago, Redguitar35 said:

It seems everyone has this date fantasy of something outrageous like being taken skydiving or whatever else Christian Grey or James Bond do in those movies. 

No women I know expect any of this on a date, much less a first date. I would actually not want a man to arrange a date like this. You're thinking catastrophically again, Red.

And not every date is going to be a smash hit. It's not as though you are the only one who experiences first dates that don't go anywhere else. Plenty of people on these forums come here wondering why there was no second date. It's what dating is about. It's disappointing but you are too quick to look for reasons to support your narrative that the world is against you. 

I personally think you won't find much success in dating until you grow a thicker skin and stop thinking of yourself as the victim. That attitude is nearly certainly going to come through to these women, whether you realize it or not. You can hide behind it, or you can keep working on resolving your past pain that led you to this negative mindset to begin with.

[Redguitar35]

3 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

No women I know expect any of this on a date, much less a first date. I would actually not want a man to arrange a date like this. You're thinking catastrophically again, Red.

And not every date is going to be a smash hit. It's not as though you are the only one who experiences first dates that don't go anywhere else. Plenty of people on these forums come here wondering why there was no second date. It's what dating is about. It's disappointing but you are too quick to look for reasons to support your narrative that the world is against you. 

I personally think you won't find much success in dating until you grow a thicker skin and stop thinking of yourself as the victim. That attitude is nearly certainly going to come through to these women, whether you realize it or not. You can hide behind it, or you can keep working on resolving your past pain that led you to this negative mindset to begin with.

What do these women want to do for dates? You ask them what they want to do and they think it’s the mans job to come up with ideas. Just so they can turn around and complain to their girlfriends that it was a boring date. 

[Weezy1973]

52 minutes ago, Redguitar35 said:

What do these women want to do for dates? You ask them what they want to do and they think it’s the mans job to come up with ideas. Just so they can turn around and complain to their girlfriends that it was a boring date. 

You sound bitter towards women. Why date then if you don’t like them? The main purpose of dating is to get to know the other person to see if you’re compatible. What actually happens on the date is just a vehicle for getting to know each other. Maybe you don’t like dating because you think once women get to know you, they won’t like you?

[Fletch Lives]

It sounds like typical dating. Either she's high maintenance or just not into you.

[Gaeta]

Was this a first meeting?

If yes you did everything wrong. A first meeting should be a coffee or a walk. It's just a face to face meeting to break the ice. You do not pay for a woman's shopping on a first meeting and don't bring her to your house. Reserve that for women you actually *date*. 

The first meeting is to assess if you want to see each other again. If she's not feeling it what is she suppose to do? Continue dating because you spent money on her and brought her home? 

It's like you're doing everything wrong on purpose. 

[Maldives]

I feel ya dude same same ere. I think the trick is to have options that way you care less. Thing is if your like me it's hard even getting one date lol. I gave up months ago on the apps. 

[Alfano]

What did you buy her?

 

And WHY?

[smackie9]

You start out small, like a coffee date, walk around a park and talk. You gauge, you listen, learn what they like, and use that info to get an idea in what to do for the next date.

Instead of waiting for the lady to ty for the date, just contact her and ask her out again. Some women expect the man to take the lead, and there may have been a lost opportunity.

Edited April 23, 2021 by smackie9

[Versacehottie]

In all honesty, I don't think you will find any date fun or satisfying until you feel (much) better about yourself.  

In the negative headspace, that sure sounds depressed, certainly extremely bitter, you have little to offer or accept from human connection, especially a romantic one.  You need to sort yourself out first.  Sorry. & good luck & I get worried when someone sounds this far down.

[BC1980]

2 hours ago, Gaeta said:

Was this a first meeting?

If yes you did everything wrong. A first meeting should be a coffee or a walk. It's just a face to face meeting to break the ice. You do not pay for a woman's shopping on a first meeting and don't bring her to your house. Reserve that for women you actually *date*. 

The first meeting is to assess if you want to see each other again. If she's not feeling it what is she suppose to do? Continue dating because you spent money on her and brought her home? 

It's like you're doing everything wrong on purpose. 

Good advice. A first date or meeting should be used to assess if there is enough chemistry or enough in common to actually want to date the person. You can tell pretty quickly if there is potential. A guy can pay if he wants, but going dutch for coffee is sufficient.

[Redguitar35]

2 hours ago, Gaeta said:

Was this a first meeting?

If yes you did everything wrong. A first meeting should be a coffee or a walk. It's just a face to face meeting to break the ice.
 

 

That sounds more like a job interview quiet honestly. It sounds professional and keeping each other at a distance. I’ve also done those meetups and had them go nowhere except right in my wallet to pay the bill. 
 

Quote

You do not pay for a woman's shopping on a first meeting and don't bring her to your house. Reserve that for women you actually *date*. 

The first meeting is to assess if you want to see each other again. If she's not feeling it what is she suppose to do? Continue dating because you spent money on her and brought her home? 

It's like you're doing everything wrong on purpose. 

I didn’t buy anything. I said, “hey that looks pretty cool.” She said “yeah it is” and she bought it. 

[Redguitar35]

42 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

You start out small, like a coffee date, walk around a park and talk.

Coffee dates are awkward,  impersonal and not much fun in my view. That feels like a job interview and I do not want to do that. I refuse to sit for an interview. I’ve done that and had it go nowhere. If you guys want to do something fun I’m all ears. 

Edited April 23, 2021 by Redguitar35

[Gaeta]

6 minutes ago, Redguitar35 said:

 I refuse to sit for an interview. 

Then don't make it an interview. Do something outside, go for a hike or visit a flea market. Stay out of your home or hers. 

When you said you picked out something for her you left us all thinking you had bought her something. 

Listen, you want a girlfriend or you just want to do as you wish all the time? If you want a girlfriend you've got to get with the program. 

[Redguitar35]

6 hours ago, Gaeta said:

Then don't make it an interview. Do something outside, go for a hike or visit a flea market. 

I did that. I took her to the outlet mall and everyone here is belittling it. Like this individual:

One night stands where we just meet for sex was more fun. This dating stuff is not.

Edited April 23, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed quote from hidden post

[SaraSays]

5 minutes ago, Redguitar35 said:

I did that. I took her to the outlet mall and everyone here is belittling it. Like this individual:

One night stands where we just meet for sex was more fun. This dating stuff is not.

Shopping isn't generally a positive activity to embark upon, though. It's neutral in value or negative. That's why you see some people now shopping online, as they find it cumbersome to go to shops. I hate going with people, as I want to get in and out quickly.

i don't believe I know anyone who derives joy from shopping as an activity. They either dislike it, or see it as a pure necessity.

[Gaeta]

3 minutes ago, Redguitar35 said:

I did that. I took her to the outlet mall and everyone here is belittling it. Like this individual:

I enjoy flea markets and garage sales. I  like first meetings with no table in between us and everything around us can be used for conversation starters. But that's me, another woman may prefer to be invited to a restaurant which to me is boring. 

Stick to things you enjoy, that way you'll filter out incompatible women. I still think you should stay out of your home and hers for first meeting. Your home is your sanctuary, only the previledged ones should be invited over. If a man invited me to his  house on a 1st-2nd date I'd think he's a lazy dater and probably 100 women walked through his place already. 

[Versacehottie]

1 hour ago, Redguitar35 said:

Coffee dates are awkward,  impersonal and not much fun in my view. That feels like a job interview and I do not want to do that. I refuse to sit for an interview. I’ve done that and had it go nowhere. If you guys want to do something fun I’m all ears. 

I agree that coffee dates are not the best as a general statement/in comparison to other dates.  

That said, a FUN person can make anything fun.  I just don't think you are in the headspace to be a fun person at all.  You are looking for a payoff as well as being bitter and depressed. That is not the spirit of a good date.

Edited April 23, 2021 by Versacehottie

[Versacehottie]

6 hours ago, Redguitar35 said:

What do these women want to do for dates? You ask them what they want to do and they think it’s the mans job to come up with ideas. Just so they can turn around and complain to their girlfriends that it was a boring date. 

You mean like you are doing???

[d0nnivain]

6 hours ago, Redguitar35 said:

What do these women want to do for dates? You ask them what they want to do and they think it’s the mans job to come up with ideas. Just so they can turn around and complain to their girlfriends that it was a boring date. 

Then those are terrible prospects who are not nice people. 

When I was dating I preferred that a man who asked me on a date picked the location & activity.  It gave me a sense of him.  I tend to have expensive tastes & never wanted somebody to assume I was a gold digger or snooty.  

In fact the man who is now my husband picked a terrible place & day for our 1st date.  We went to a cheap Mexican place on a Monday. I was convinced it was because he didn't care.  He thought he stepped up his game by selecting that place. I didn't share my disappointment aloud with anybody.  Instead I planned & paid for the 2nd date at a venue I preferred.  

Have a go - to activity / venue where you are comfortable doing something you enjoy.  It will help you be more relaxed on the date.  Just because you do the activity a lot (if you have several 1st dates), the ladies in Q don't need to know they aren't the only person you ever took there.  Plus if it's something you enjoy you can have a bit of fun even if the date doesn't work out.  

Not every date will turn into an LTR.  

[Snow_Queen]

Are you picking the same types of women? This would explain part of the problem. Why not try running some date ideas by them and ask what they about it? A decent woman will provide feedback and not tell you it’s a man’s job. I’d say that’s a red flag indicating they may not give much in a relationship, creating an imbalance.

When I met my husband, he was totally different from the usual type I dated. Turns out, that was a big part of my problem as to why I never hit it off with anyone. We click more than I’ve clicked with any person I’ve ever known.

[glows]

It probably should have ended after the shopping date and a light meal or a walk outside. I didn't think there was anything wrong with the mall idea. It might be something both of you are into. Not a big deal. 

It's also usually 50/50 who makes the first move after. It's surprisingly pleasant when the guy does. I think you should just ask her out this weekend and see whether she's free for brunch this Sunday. 

Edited April 23, 2021 by glows

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, Versacehottie said:

I just don't think you are in the headspace to be a fun person at all.  You are looking for a payoff as well as being bitter and depressed

Yes, exactly. You are not going to have much luck when you're generally so bitter about women, OP. We've all said this, in several of your previous threads.

It's like you're looking for reasons to be mad at women that support your narrative that you're hard done-by. 

[Redguitar35]

51 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Yes, exactly. You are not going to have much luck when you're generally so bitter about women, OP. We've all said this, in several of your previous threads.

It's like you're looking for reasons to be mad at women that support your narrative that you're hard done-by. 

I was in one relationship that lasted six months about three years ago, and then got dumped very abruptly, two weeks before Christmas. I find out she's engaged to the man of her dreams and she blogs about how it was love at first sight. After I put a crap load of effort into that relationship.

How would you feel if you nursed your girlfriend through depressive episodes, took her to the airport, took her shopping, out to dinner, etc., etc. Only to get dumped right before Xmas. And then have it rubbed in your face lol when you find she got herself a new man who is "love at first sight."? How could anyone not be stung by that experience? 

[SaraSays]

Why are you looking at her social media accounts?