Negotaurus Posted April 22, 2021 Share Posted April 22, 2021 Curious question. In my last relationship my ex pitifully told me he will "end up having to look elsewhere if I don't send him pictures of myself". Thing is he was already cheating on me anyway, getting "footage" from other women. If your partner ever told you "If you don't do this or that, I will have to cheat on you", would you leave right after that or give them "the benefit of the doubt" I guess? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 22, 2021 Share Posted April 22, 2021 I would take them at their word & break up with them on the spot. In fact that is exactly what I did when somebody said that to me years ago. My exact response was something along the lines of "Don't bother cheating. We're done." Anybody who says garbage like that to you, needs to be removed from your life immediately. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
hippychick3 Posted April 22, 2021 Share Posted April 22, 2021 I cannot believe anyone would find this at all acceptable. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
understand50 Posted April 22, 2021 Share Posted April 22, 2021 I would break up and leave them. This is not a healthy relationship. I hope you did not give in and send pictures. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted April 22, 2021 Share Posted April 22, 2021 Only someone with seriously low self-esteem or dysfunctional tendencies would stay with a person like this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted April 22, 2021 Share Posted April 22, 2021 10 hours ago, Negotaurus said: he will "end up having to look elsewhere if I don't send him pictures of myself". Thing is he was already cheating on me anyway, getting "footage" from other women. Wow. You dodged a bullet. You were wise not to release images of yourself. Once images are sent, there is no control over them or where they end up. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted April 22, 2021 Share Posted April 22, 2021 (edited) I think it depends on the context, tone of the threat, and what was being asked. For example if the threat was "murder someone or I'll cheat on you" the cheating aspect would actually be secondary. It's certainly manipulative at any rate. In the extremely unlikely event my wife made this threat, I would "turn the problem into an opportunity" to explore what's going on with her that she feels she needs to be that manipulative, why the threat is cheating (rather than e.g. divorcing or something else), how serious she might be, whether she was unhappy in our marriage and/or thinking of straying, and perhaps finding out some other things. Depending on answers and how serious the situation seems to be, I might want to, e.g: - Start "working on our marriage" to address issues uncovered (preferably together) -Take my own advice from around here and seek marriage counseling - Possibly do nothing/shrug it off (after exploration as described above) - Start packing my bags/initiate divorce proceedings Leaving would be only one of several possible options and not the "reflexive" one. While it IS a sign of an unhealthy relationship, it would make sense to figure out the "depth" of the unhealthiness and/or what might really be going on/driving this. I think doing this instead of chucking a 20+ year relationship with kids over what might be transitory anger/irrational thinking doesn't mean I have low self-esteem or dysfunctional tendencies, I think it makes me intelligent. Now if this was a GF of 1 year pulling this stuff, I might be more inclined to just end it, as it would generate trust issues without the "backing" of 20 years of a relationship to counterbalance it. Even with the GF of 1 year I might explore it a little to make sure she wasn't just "playing games" to try to get her way with something. YMMV. Edited April 22, 2021 by mark clemson 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted April 23, 2021 Share Posted April 23, 2021 On 4/22/2021 at 3:31 AM, Negotaurus said: In my last relationship my ex pitifully told me he will "end up having to look elsewhere if I don't send him pictures of myself". Thing is he was already cheating on me anyway, getting "footage" from other women. If your partner ever told you "If you don't do this or that, I will have to cheat on you", would you leave right after that or give them "the benefit of the doubt" I guess? I would be gone so quickly that the only sound they would hear is the slam of the door. This kind of manipulation, this particular threat, has no place in a healthy relationship. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
The Outlaw Posted April 24, 2021 Share Posted April 24, 2021 They can bite me. I'm out. I'd hope the door would hit their *** on the way out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SumGuy Posted April 24, 2021 Share Posted April 24, 2021 On 4/22/2021 at 4:31 AM, Negotaurus said: .... If your partner ever told you "If you don't do this or that, I will have to cheat on you", would you leave right after that or give them "the benefit of the doubt" I guess? Immediately leave, I don't take to threats or ultimatums. There is no doubt to give benefit to with such ultimatums. This guy is the very epitome of douche bag entitlement. I'd make it simple, don't worry hon, you don't have to cheat. Then leave, and never speak to them again. If they somehow ask if that means you will do what they want, just clarify...oh no it is over, so go f whoever you want. Granted, be careful any guy who would say such things might be get violent. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted April 25, 2021 Share Posted April 25, 2021 On 4/22/2021 at 6:31 PM, Negotaurus said: he will "end up having to look elsewhere if I don't send him pictures of myself". This would be a double cause for dumping from me. First for not respecting a woman's sexual boundary and for the coersion he employs to try and persuade her into it. In our current world where 'revenge porn' is a thing, it can be very risky for a woman to share naked photos of themselves. The man who does not respect a woman's choice to make sure no questionable photos of herself end up on the interwebs is not a good man. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted April 25, 2021 Share Posted April 25, 2021 On 4/23/2021 at 9:26 AM, mark clemson said: I think it depends on the context, tone of the threat, and what was being asked. What was being asked was naked photos of herself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted April 25, 2021 Share Posted April 25, 2021 25 minutes ago, basil67 said: What was being asked Ok. But the OP overall is a general question, so I answered accordingly. Quote If your partner ever told you "If you don't do this or that, I will have to cheat on you", would you leave right after that or give them "the benefit of the doubt" I guess? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Negotaurus Posted April 26, 2021 Author Share Posted April 26, 2021 On 4/25/2021 at 3:28 AM, basil67 said: This would be a double cause for dumping from me. First for not respecting a woman's sexual boundary and for the coersion he employs to try and persuade her into it. In our current world where 'revenge porn' is a thing, it can be very risky for a woman to share naked photos of themselves. The man who does not respect a woman's choice to make sure no questionable photos of herself end up on the interwebs is not a good man. I've always thought it's messed up as well. I've been around some very toxic people myself and everybody told me I was being a "drama queen" or "too difficult" for sticking to my boundaries. Coming to this forum is quite the relief since it helps me see I was not being a "prude" or "boring". Some people act like respecting your body is an issue whenever it doesn't suit them. It's sick. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted April 26, 2021 Share Posted April 26, 2021 5 hours ago, Negotaurus said: I've been around some very toxic people myself and everybody told me I was being a "drama queen" or "too difficult" for sticking to my boundaries. Time to find some new friends. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Logo Posted April 28, 2021 Share Posted April 28, 2021 That is immature and toxic behavior. Sorry. But if someone threatened me like that, I would walk away from that relationship in a heartbeat. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Blind-Sided Posted April 28, 2021 Share Posted April 28, 2021 If I had anyone threaten to break up with me as a tool of control.... I would IMEDIATLY kick them to the curb, and not even be nice about it. And... in the case of someone wanting nude pics... I would also turn turn them in to the police saying they were a sex criminal. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Peach Posted May 18, 2021 Share Posted May 18, 2021 I would leave because it's obviously they have no respect for your boundaries if they have to resort to that. Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted May 18, 2021 Share Posted May 18, 2021 (edited) On 4/22/2021 at 4:31 AM, Negotaurus said: In my last relationship my ex pitifully told me he will "end up having to look elsewhere if I don't send him pictures of myself". Yes, I would leave, no question . Then spend a good amount of time pondering why I would have been dating such an ***hat in the first place i hope you never sent them. Someone like that prob wouldn’t be above revenge porn Edited May 18, 2021 by Cookiesandough 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Angelle Posted May 26, 2021 Share Posted May 26, 2021 (edited) Definitely leave. I edited, because I misread the post, but if he's saying things like that, then he doesn't deserve you. Edited May 26, 2021 by Angelle 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Donnas Posted June 8, 2021 Share Posted June 8, 2021 Help him pack his bags. this is him forcing you to do something you dont like.Bye bye Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted June 11, 2021 Share Posted June 11, 2021 Tell him he can't cheat because he is now single. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Indigo Night Posted June 15, 2021 Share Posted June 15, 2021 I'd send a bunch of cat pictures if he wants p"""y and then block him. 😜 No man that respects you will EVER give you an ultimatum to get nude pics! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Trail Blazer Posted June 28, 2021 Share Posted June 28, 2021 On 4/22/2021 at 6:31 PM, Negotaurus said: Curious question. In my last relationship my ex pitifully told me he will "end up having to look elsewhere if I don't send him pictures of myself". Thing is he was already cheating on me anyway, getting "footage" from other women. If your partner ever told you "If you don't do this or that, I will have to cheat on you", would you leave right after that or give them "the benefit of the doubt" I guess? The benefit of what doubt? There's no doubt that their behavior is reprehensible and deserves no less than instant dumping. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Daisydooks Posted June 28, 2021 Share Posted June 28, 2021 On 4/22/2021 at 4:31 AM, Negotaurus said: Curious question. In my last relationship my ex pitifully told me he will "end up having to look elsewhere if I don't send him pictures of myself". Thing is he was already cheating on me anyway, getting "footage" from other women. If your partner ever told you "If you don't do this or that, I will have to cheat on you", would you leave right after that or give them "the benefit of the doubt" I guess? I would tell him to f*** off right then and there How is this even a question, hun?! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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