Is asking for a guys height a bad thing?

[lana-banana]

I'm glad you had a good time. I am bewildered by the people trying to psychoanalyze a stranger or suggest that he's a terrible person because he overreacted on the internet one time. You asked a question clumsily, he reacted poorly, you both realized it wasn't ideal and apologized, and best of all you like each other! It's a cute story, honestly. Best wishes for the future.

[Alpacalia]

20 minutes ago, lana-banana said:

I'm glad you had a good time. I am bewildered by the people trying to psychoanalyze a stranger or suggest that he's a terrible person because he overreacted on the internet one time. You asked a question clumsily, he reacted poorly, you both realized it wasn't ideal and apologized, and best of all you like each other! It's a cute story, honestly. Best wishes for the future.

I agree.

People's physical characteristics preferences are, in my view, perfectly acceptable. However, if people ask about it in such a matter-of-fact manner, one might not always anticipate a warm reaction. Nonetheless, he did himself no favors by being defensive. 

Edited April 22, 2021 by Alpaca

[Versacehottie]

I totally agree that personal preferences with regards to looks (heck, really anything) are fine.  I suppose the difficult thing, including in this case, is that if the site doesn't require that people fill it out in order to upload their profile or there is a way to circumvent it like this guy did.  Unlike facial characteristics, photos often don't give you the perspective of how tall someone is so it's harder to get the real story.  Much like outdated photos, photos that are cropped at head and shoulders or every photo with a hat, people will often go to great lengths to obscure the hard facts or to try to present themselves in the best light.  They risk the whole thing backfiring, such as guys swiping left on women who don't have a full body shot, women swiping left on guys which have every photo with a hat....or profiles on an app where height is typically included and for some guys/people it's "missing".  

I think if you are looking online, you just have to realize that even lots of photos only tell part of the real story.  The rest of the blanks will be filled in once you meet.  Even if the person looks just like their photos, their mannerisms or voice could be not what you expected or to your liking.   Another reason to meet fairly quickly and not to over invest before having met.  People then will also, like this guys seems to have done, have strategies that may have nothing to do with trying to obscure a physical characteristic in real life but absolutely they are trying to obscure on the app to in a way beat the system or optimize their opportunities on it, such as height and not getting weeded out on that stat alone. 

Glad it seems like it's going well so far, OP

[SaraSays]

I'm excited to hear the next updates on this, and it was lovely to read how well the date went. What a thoughtful gesture, to willingly meet in the coffee shop, despite it not really being his thing. You 2 are very charming to read about.

 

I am very sad and disappointed to read someone disappeared on you after 5 months together. That is appaling. I am sorry you went through that.

[Stupidkupid]

22 hours ago, ctwatlanta said:

I get it.  I really do, but put the shoe on the other foot.  Imagine being a 5'5 guy with a complex about his short height, too.  I'd be so embarrassed and mortified to be a really short guy getting height requests before meeting me.  Would completely shatter my self esteem...or imagine a guy asking you for your height and then finding out that you're tall and blowing you off before even getting to know who you really are.  It's tough either way...but hey, good news!  Some of us guys like tall athletic women!

Yeah.

I'm not single, haven't been for a long time.

I did touch on the point in bold in my last sentence. Essentially, we all have hang ups. I never asked about height. If i met them and they were a little shorter than I would like, I endeavoured to have a good evening but politely declined another meeting. Never ever mentioned height as, you're quite right, I would not want to offend or hurt them.

I'd just say I didn't feel anything romantically, which was honest. 

[Wiseman2]

17 hours ago, Cora said:

We did have a good time. 

Is there going to be another date?

[Cora]

On 4/22/2021 at 3:14 PM, SaraSays said:

I'm excited to hear the next updates on this, and it was lovely to read how well the date went. What a thoughtful gesture, to willingly meet in the coffee shop, despite it not really being his thing. You 2 are very charming to read about.

 

I am very sad and disappointed to read someone disappeared on you after 5 months together. That is appaling. I am sorry you went through that.

Thank you so much!  Yeah, it doesn’t matter how many times I get ghosted it still hurts.  What hurt the most about the five month guy is that we had a mutual friend whom he still talked to daily and when I tried to talk to this mutual friend to find out why and get some closure, she told me she was staying out of it and that I’d have to find out from him.  She stopped talking to me after that.  So I wouldn’t be surprised if they got together.  So now whenever I date someone new that’s always in the back of my mind....like when are they gonna disappear?  When is the other shoe gonna drop?  I hate living like that, but I’m always afraid to get too attached because nothing lasts forever.  Everything has a beginning and everything has an end.....that’s life.  

[dramafreezone]

On 4/20/2021 at 9:23 PM, Cora said:

I matched with this guy on Tinder.  We exchanged a few messages on the app and then we switched over to text.  We chatted non stop for two days......very good conversations about everything under the sun from what we were looking for, to dealbreakers, favorite movies/music, our family etc. Just your basic getting to know each other texts.  We had lots in common and both admitted we felt a strong connection.  We were up until 2am this morning texting as we could not get enough.  He asked to meet up for lunch or dinner or to perhaps attend a festival this weekend.  We both were excited about meeting each other....or so it seemed.

Then today he texts me good morning and we start chatting again before work.  I ask him “how tall are you?”  Totally not thinking anything of it as I was just curious.  He says “why?”  I’m like why what?  He says “why do you want to know my height?”  I told him I was just curious.  He says “and this was going so well.”  He tells me his height which was 5’9”.  Which I have no issue with at all.  He then asks “what is your weight?”  I totally didn’t see that coming, but I guess it’s only fair.  He just took me by surprise.  I asked why do you want to know my weight? He says “same reason you want to know my height.”  Gosh I guess I deserved that one.  I then tell him I’m sorry as I totally didn’t mean anything by it and instantly regretted asking him.  Well he blocked me.

So my question is....is asking for a mans height the equivalent of asking a woman’s weight?  Is it really taboo to ask such a question?  I honestly never looked at it that way and just took it as an innocent question, but I guess I’ll be more cautious in the future about asking a guy for his height.  It really wasn’t important to me....was honestly just trying to know more about him and make conversation.  Is he just ultra sensitive about his height?  I don’t know why he would be as he is not short by any means.  And I’ve dated men shorter than me before.  Does not bother me.  It just sucks because I had such an awesome time chatting and getting to know him and was excited to meet him.  Really felt a connection and he seemed really into me as well.  All for it to go down the toilet with one stupid question from me.  Sigh...

On one hand I get it....I am sensitive about my weight even though I’m pretty fit/eat healthy/work out regularly etc. Still telling someone my actual number on a scale leaves me feeling very vulnerable.  So if that’s how he felt when asked about his height then I totally get it.  Just never saw the two as being equal I guess.  All he had to say was he wasn’t comfortable giving his height and I would have dropped the subject.  But maybe he thought I was too superficial.  I just think blocking was a bit extreme.  However, I guess he has his reasons.

Thoughts?

If it's not a big deal to you then it's a question I would advise never asking again.  What's the upside to it if it doesn't matter?  You only risk offending the guy.  Take it as a learning experience.

[prince0fgame]

On 4/21/2021 at 12:23 AM, Cora said:

I matched with this guy on Tinder.  We exchanged a few messages on the app and then we switched over to text.  We chatted non stop for two days......very good conversations about everything under the sun from what we were looking for, to dealbreakers, favorite movies/music, our family etc. Just your basic getting to know each other texts.  We had lots in common and both admitted we felt a strong connection.  We were up until 2am this morning texting as we could not get enough.  He asked to meet up for lunch or dinner or to perhaps attend a festival this weekend.  We both were excited about meeting each other....or so it seemed.

Then today he texts me good morning and we start chatting again before work.  I ask him “how tall are you?”  Totally not thinking anything of it as I was just curious.  He says “why?”  I’m like why what?  He says “why do you want to know my height?”  I told him I was just curious.  He says “and this was going so well.”  He tells me his height which was 5’9”.  Which I have no issue with at all.  He then asks “what is your weight?”  I totally didn’t see that coming, but I guess it’s only fair.  He just took me by surprise.  I asked why do you want to know my weight? He says “same reason you want to know my height.”  Gosh I guess I deserved that one.  I then tell him I’m sorry as I totally didn’t mean anything by it and instantly regretted asking him.  Well he blocked me.

So my question is....is asking for a mans height the equivalent of asking a woman’s weight?  Is it really taboo to ask such a question?  I honestly never looked at it that way and just took it as an innocent question, but I guess I’ll be more cautious in the future about asking a guy for his height.  It really wasn’t important to me....was honestly just trying to know more about him and make conversation.  Is he just ultra sensitive about his height?  I don’t know why he would be as he is not short by any means.  And I’ve dated men shorter than me before.  Does not bother me.  It just sucks because I had such an awesome time chatting and getting to know him and was excited to meet him.  Really felt a connection and he seemed really into me as well.  All for it to go down the toilet with one stupid question from me.  Sigh...

On one hand I get it....I am sensitive about my weight even though I’m pretty fit/eat healthy/work out regularly etc. Still telling someone my actual number on a scale leaves me feeling very vulnerable.  So if that’s how he felt when asked about his height then I totally get it.  Just never saw the two as being equal I guess.  All he had to say was he wasn’t comfortable giving his height and I would have dropped the subject.  But maybe he thought I was too superficial.  I just think blocking was a bit extreme.  However, I guess he has his reasons.

Thoughts?

I think when you are talking to a guy online, you want it to closely resemble real life chemistry as much as possible.

I've had women that were 6'2 had chemistry with me as well as women that were 5'2.  This is in real life.

I think this is what he meant. It was going well. It resembled real life romance. And then you reminded him that this is all artificial. 

In the same breath, I've been attracted to women that were 175 lbs and women that were 115 lbs. But that's all in real life.

I think as a general rule, you want to keep the illusion that you both see each other as "energy" that you can connect with.

You can always judge/reject him later on when you see him in person. There is no need to put up a barrier online, when online itself is already a MAJOR barrier to a real connection in the first place.

It would be a shame for a romance to fail even before it starts because of the barriers of online dating. 

 

Edited April 24, 2021 by prince0fgame

[Cora]

So I’m wondering now if I should take this as a lack of interest on his part?

So we were supposed to meet up tomorrow for some festival.  Well he calls me today and asks if I’m one to read into things?  I tell him honestly I do and it’s a bad habit of mine.  He then says, well please don’t read into this, but something came up and I now have to teach a class tomorrow at work.  He went on to say that the guy who was supposed to teach the class tomorrow had a health emergency come up with his daughter and he was asked to cover for that guy.  I obviously say no worries and that I understood.  I told him there is always next weekend to which he replies....or this coming week after work?  I tell him sure, that works too. 

I’m just wondering now if he’s truly lost interest and just doesn’t know how to tell me or if I am as he says.....reading into things and he is still interested, but unfortunately had a work thing pop up?

Thoughts? 

[Wiseman2]

29 minutes ago, Cora said:

told him there is always next weekend to which he replies....or this coming week after work?  I tell him sure, that works too. 

He seems interested, but keep in mind you're both still talking to and meeting others. Just back up on the texting and see if he  reschedules.

[Cora]

@Wiseman2Very true.  He has since deleted his profile on the dating app or either he unmatched me again.  Either way I can no longer see his profile.  This worries me a bit as to now I’m thinking what’s he trying to hide?  Like is he really married or something and doesn’t want his wife to find out?  This would of course be my luck.  I don’t mess around with married men.  My mind is in overdrive with these thoughts now.  I’ve done a background check on him because you can never be too careful and frankly I don’t trust these random men I meet off of the internet.  I did not see anything about him being married, but it doesn’t mean that he’s not or not trying to hide something.

 

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Edited April 24, 2021 by Cora

[Gaeta]

Slow down, his reasons seems legitimate and only time will tell if he's genuine. We all have to go through this process. Dating is about taking a chance. 

[salparadise]

46 minutes ago, Cora said:

My mind is in overdrive with these thoughts now.  I’ve done a background check on him because you can never be too careful and frankly I don’t trust these random men I meet off of the internet.  I did not see anything about him being married, but it doesn’t mean that he’s not or not trying to hide something.

 

Yea, I don't trust these random women on the internet either.

So you ran a background check and nothing was amiss, but you're worried to death over a bunch of imaginary what-if this and what if that? Geesh. I'm sure you could conjure up some even more dramatic possibilities if you try a little harder. 

Oh and btw, asking his height in this context is precisely equivalent to a man asking a woman her weight. Why do people assume that anything goes in one direction, and everything is off limits in the other? And I think it's hilarious that they can't know what you're packing, and can't ask and feign demure at the same time.

[Cora]

6 minutes ago, salparadise said:

Yea, I don't trust these random women on the internet either.

So you ran a background check and nothing was amiss, but you're worried to death over a bunch of imaginary what-if this and what if that? Geesh. I'm sure you could conjure up some even more dramatic possibilities if you try a little harder. 

Oh and btw, asking his height in this context is precisely equivalent to a man asking a woman her weight. Why do people assume that anything goes in one direction, and everything is off limits in the other? And I think it's hilarious that they can't know what you're packing, and can't ask and feign demure at the same time.

It’s just that I have not been cautious enough in the past and have paid for it. 

[d0nnivain]

It's waaaaayyyyy too early to read "I have to work because somebody got sick" as anything other than what he said at face value.  He called. He told you in advance.  Life happens.  

What do you mean you "did a background check" on him.  Looking him up on the internet is one thing.  Paying for a deep dive private eye may be a step too far.  

 

 

[Cora]

16 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

It's waaaaayyyyy too early to read "I have to work because somebody got sick" as anything other than what he said at face value.  He called. He told you in advance.  Life happens.  

What do you mean you "did a background check" on him.  Looking him up on the internet is one thing.  Paying for a deep dive private eye may be a step too far.  

 

 

I just did one of those online background checks.  Not sure how accurate they are, but it makes me feel at least somewhat better before I meet up with a stranger.  
 

I do believe him.  I don’t feel he is lying.  I guess my own insecurities are running away with me.  I’ve had so much happen in the past that it’s difficult for me to trust what people tell me now.  Can’t be too careful and just don’t want to be played for a fool I guess.  

[mark clemson]

Put on some Iz and chill, girl. No point getting wound up over every little thing with a man you've only met in person with once. That's self-sabotaging (IMO). He could be gone next week. What will come of that? Nada - it was nothing. He could be the next "the one." But you only find that out IF it actually happens.

Chill. For your own sake.

 

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Where troubles melt like lemon drops...

 

[Cora]

7 minutes ago, mark clemson said:

Put on some Iz and chill, girl. No point getting wound up over every little thing with a man you've only met in person with once. That's self-sabotaging (IMO). He could be gone next week. What will come of that? Nada - it was nothing. He could be the next "the one." But you only find that out IF it actually happens.

Chill. For your own sake.

 

 

Ha you got me there!  I do need to chill.  That is very hard for me to do for some reason.  My mind never turns off.

[Versacehottie]

2 hours ago, Cora said:

Ha you got me there!  I do need to chill.  That is very hard for me to do for some reason.  My mind never turns off.

Don't you trust YOURSELF?  I mean what is the worst that will happen? That a guy blows you off for a second date and you don't end up having a relationship with him?  If that happens, you don't want him anyway.  All this checking and worrying and coming up with crazy scenarios will hurt you for the one thing that you do want to do well (ie how you conduct yourself for your part of the relationship) and won't change a thing if he's playing you.  You just have to get a tougher skin and learn how to pick yourself back up if that happens. Or better yet don't let it get you down. If someone is not meant to be in your life because they are a liar or a bad person or even just not right for you, it's a blessing to get that info so you move onto the person that is.  The overthinking stuff has got to stop. You can learn coping skills which I would suggest you do.  It can't be your go-to coping strategy.

[IntBrowser]

That question for me which makes me go......OH BOY is "Do you drive? lol      Maybe I can say "no but I am 6'6  lol

[Wiseman2]

7 hours ago, Cora said:

@Wiseman2 Like is he really married or something and doesn’t want his wife to find out?  This would of course be my luck. 

My mind is in overdrive with these thoughts now.  I’ve done a background check on him 

Whoa. Relax. It's one date. All you need to do is either go on more dates if there's mutual interest...or not.

If anxiety and obsessing are bothering you this much, the place to be is in therapy to sort this out.

 

[Stupidkupid]

2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Whoa. Relax. It's one date. All you need to do is either go on more dates if there's mutual interest...or not.

If anxiety and obsessing are bothering you this much, the place to be is in therapy to sort this out.

 

Yep.

@Cora  Maybe you could chat to someone about your anxiety? It does help.

Also, he actually took the time to call you to postpone, not text. I like that a lot

[Beachead]

@Cora

13 hours ago, Cora said:

So I’m wondering now if I should take this as a lack of interest on his part?

So we were supposed to meet up tomorrow for some festival.  Well he calls me today and asks if I’m one to read into things?  I tell him honestly I do and it’s a bad habit of mine.  He then says, well please don’t read into this, but something came up and I now have to teach a class tomorrow at work.  He went on to say that the guy who was supposed to teach the class tomorrow had a health emergency come up with his daughter and he was asked to cover for that guy.  I obviously say no worries and that I understood.  I told him there is always next weekend to which he replies....or this coming week after work?  I tell him sure, that works too. 

I’m just wondering now if he’s truly lost interest and just doesn’t know how to tell me or if I am as he says.....reading into things and he is still interested, but unfortunately had a work thing pop up?

Thoughts? 

Although he cancelled, he wants to meet up with you later in the week.  

So don't contact him (This is on him to make it up) and see if he ends up following through by reaching out again to secure a date and time for that plan.   You'll know what's up by the end of this week.

For now, work on controlling your anxiety by concentrating on other things in your life.  If your anxiety starts getting the better of you, you're going to stop being yourself and might even protect yourself out of a potentially good thing.   

- Beach

Edited April 25, 2021 by Beachead

[Cora]

Thanks guys, but it looks as if he’s ghosted me now.  So I don’t think this is going to go anywhere... Been my luck lately.