Is asking for a guys height a bad thing?

[Marc878]

34 minutes ago, norealusername said:

Also, this guy is likely under 5'9". Most guys lie about their height, anywhere from 1"-6".

Yep, if they quote 6’ it can be well under that. Pics never match current state for age either.

Women tend to understate their weight.

I work with two who post pictures on Linked In. One is probably a good 50-75 lbs heavier than her picture shows. The other ones pic is a good 10-15 years younger. 
 

Do they really think no one is gonna notice?

 

 

[ctwatlanta]

13 hours ago, Cora said:

So my question is....is asking for a mans height the equivalent of asking a woman’s weight?

Yes it is.  It's inappropriate.  Might as well ask him how big his penis is.

I get that everyone has certain likes/dislikes but unless he looks like a circus dwarf I think it's inappropriate to ask for height.  Makes you look extremely shallow and vain.

[elaine567]

 I would be very careful meeting with this guy, make sure you are safe in a public place and people know where you are.
He  has gone from an apparently  nice guy to someone you now feel you have to walk on eggshells around. He is at least "sensitive" to at worst "volatile".
I personally would give him a pass.

[cleverusername]

No, I make it flirty. 

Her- "how tall are you"

Me- "tall enough you can wear any pair of heels you want and feel small"

 

[Wiseman2]

6 hours ago, Cora said:

So we may be meeting this evening after work.  Figured I’d at least meet him just to make certain of my choice. 

He was a bit defensive, but that is as loaded a question as the weight thing. Good you're meeting in person.

[smackie9]

Why keep poking at this with a stick. You meet, you see, you decide. Done.

[Allupinnit]

Please come back and update us after the meet!

[Shining One]

1 hour ago, elaine567 said:

He is at least "sensitive" to at worst "volatile".

I can agree with sensitive, but volatile seems way over the top. Taking offense to a physical attribute question and blocking someone as a result is a very common practice. I'd wager it's the most frequent response women have to being asked a question about their body that they deem too intrusive. If he became verbally abusive in response, then I'd be ready to apply the volatile label.

[Cora]

Quick post as work has been super busy!  I’ll be sure to come back and update after the meeting.  We are just meeting for coffee in a very public place.  I did ask him if he was sure coffee was ok since he is not a coffee drinker and he said he was sure as coffee was just an excuse because he just wants to meet me. We’ve been chatting back and forth all day and he really does sound sincere and like a decent guy.  I know you can’t tell much about someone over a phone call or text which is why I want to meet him to see what he’s really all about.  I did thank him for following up with me to explain what happened as I know he did not have to and didn’t owe me anything.  I’ve been ghosted so many times....was actually ghosted again just last week after meeting a guy for dinner and a drink.  The worst was the guy who ghosted me after dating for 5 months. So I understand he didn’t have to do what he did to give me closure, but I appreciated it more than he knows. I’m excited yet nervous about meeting him.  He said he might be in his uniform.  (He’s a fireman) For some reason that makes me more nervous...the uniform part.  Hopefully it goes well and he’s at least sane.  We shall see!

[Interstellar]

Guys are sensitive when it comes to height just like women are sensitive when it comes to age or weight.

When he asked why you want to know about his height, you should’ve said that you’ve went out with guys shorter than you and taller than you and you’re just curious but he doesn’t have to answer it.

Your first mistake is chatting on the phone for two days non stop.

Edited April 21, 2021 by Interstellar

[Stupidkupid]

3 hours ago, ctwatlanta said:

Yes it is.  It's inappropriate.  Might as well ask him how big his penis is.

I get that everyone has certain likes/dislikes but unless he looks like a circus dwarf I think it's inappropriate to ask for height.  Makes you look extremely shallow and vain.

Perhaps.

But I'm a wide shouldered, tall woman so when i waa dating, although i dated men of all heights, 5'9" was my cut off which is just about taller than me.

And its less about shallow. Its not about the optics of it to other people. Its about my own hangups about my height and build.

I'm small waisted, tall and broad. Ahtletic, I guess. But this was seen negatively when I was young and I was relentlessly bullied.

So its a cycle. Because the guy is too short for me because I feel awkward and too big. But he can't control his height either and has probably had similar experiences to me in the past.

I never asked for height but if they were very skinny (i like a little meat) or significantly shorter than me, I would politely shy off another date.

My hang up. But not shallow as such. Just years of my youth haunting me; like it umdoubtedly haunts many men.

[ctwatlanta]

15 minutes ago, Stupidkupid said:

Perhaps.

But I'm a wide shouldered, tall woman so when i waa dating, although i dated men of all heights, 5'9" was my cut off which is just about taller than me.

And its less about shallow. Its not about the optics of it to other people. Its about my own hangups about my height and build.

I'm small waisted, tall and broad. Ahtletic, I guess. But this was seen negatively when I was young and I was relentlessly bullied.

So its a cycle. Because the guy is too short for me because I feel awkward and too big. But he can't control his height either and has probably had similar experiences to me in the past.

I never asked for height but if they were very skinny (i like a little meat) or significantly shorter than me, I would politely shy off another date.

My hang up. But not shallow as such. Just years of my youth haunting me; like it umdoubtedly haunts many men.

I get it.  I really do, but put the shoe on the other foot.  Imagine being a 5'5 guy with a complex about his short height, too.  I'd be so embarrassed and mortified to be a really short guy getting height requests before meeting me.  Would completely shatter my self esteem...or imagine a guy asking you for your height and then finding out that you're tall and blowing you off before even getting to know who you really are.  It's tough either way...but hey, good news!  Some of us guys like tall athletic women!

[glows]

1 hour ago, Cora said:

Quick post as work has been super busy!  I’ll be sure to come back and update after the meeting.  We are just meeting for coffee in a very public place.  I did ask him if he was sure coffee was ok since he is not a coffee drinker and he said he was sure as coffee was just an excuse because he just wants to meet me. We’ve been chatting back and forth all day and he really does sound sincere and like a decent guy.  I know you can’t tell much about someone over a phone call or text which is why I want to meet him to see what he’s really all about.  I did thank him for following up with me to explain what happened as I know he did not have to and didn’t owe me anything.  I’ve been ghosted so many times....was actually ghosted again just last week after meeting a guy for dinner and a drink.  The worst was the guy who ghosted me after dating for 5 months. So I understand he didn’t have to do what he did to give me closure, but I appreciated it more than he knows. I’m excited yet nervous about meeting him.  He said he might be in his uniform.  (He’s a fireman) For some reason that makes me more nervous...the uniform part.  Hopefully it goes well and he’s at least sane.  We shall see!

You haven't done anything wrong so toss all that nervousness out the window. If anyone should be nervous it's him and his funny business deleting you earlier or going back and forth. Good for you for being gracious and giving him a chance. See where it goes. 

Really dump and lose all those fears with being ghosted. Some people are best left unseen. It opens you up to better and brighter. 

[Versacehottie]

2 hours ago, Shining One said:

I can agree with sensitive, but volatile seems way over the top. Taking offense to a physical attribute question and blocking someone as a result is a very common practice. I'd wager it's the most frequent response women have to being asked a question about their body that they deem too intrusive. If he became verbally abusive in response, then I'd be ready to apply the volatile label.

This ^^^^ (bolded) is an excellent point because I'm sure it's exactly what happens...and guessing we would be rallying around the woman if the situation was reversed. I think it's important to be careful not to create a dating world full of too many double standards.  There plenty already just conditioned by society. Plus it's the golden rule of treating others as you wish to be treated.

[Beachead]

@Versacehottie

I absolutely agree.

[Cora]

So the meeting went well.  He is a really nice guy and a perfect gentleman.  I’ll admit I had some reservations going into it, but it turned out pretty good. We sat and chatted over coffee for a bit and then went and walked around the mall.  He’s very easy to talk to and I was shocked at how much I opened up to him.  Before meeting I kind of had this idea in my head that I was going to have to walk on eggshells with him and be extremely careful with what I say, but that wasn’t the case.  I think the whole incident with the height thing was a misinterpretation.  Of course I could be wrong as I’m still only beginning to get to know him.  He asked to see me again this weekend and then calls me on my way home to tell me what a great time he had.  
 

Oh and his height was fine....he wasn’t lying about it.  I like his personality and am looking forward to seeing him again this weekend. 

[Cora]

11 hours ago, Beachead said:

Hey Cora,

I think I have to chime in here because I'm probably the guy to talk about this. 

I'm 5'5. It's not just because of genetics. I grew up with a Chronic condition that messed with my height..yet I've been turned down by people who didn't give themselves a chance to get to know me, because that was all they saw.  It's wasn't a good feeling to say the least.  It was aggrivating actually.

Not all women care about height.  I know that. I have been privileged to know quite a few.  But many out there do.  Although I wouldn't call those women shallow as it's just human nature and people have preferences, it doesn't change the fact that it sucks..especially if you're on the short side, because you're being penalized for something out of your control.   Comparing it to weight isn't accurate because you can still do something about your weight. The more accurate comparison is skin colour.  Physical disability.  Visible markings.  

But when you're on the receiving end of living with  "Less than ideal" physical attributes, you learn how it can be a good thing because people who shut you down for that reason alone are EXACTLY the kind of people you'd be better off without anyway.   It's a screen, filtering out the ones no good for you, from the ones that are which makes life in that regard, a lot more simpler.  

So to those people on here judging the guy as "Sensitive" and what not, you know just as much about what it feels like as a healthy person does about living with a Chronic Illness.

For you, it was just a question.  For him, he guarded up, likely because it drummed a visual of the past 25 other girls who asked him the same question and had a problem with the number.   Credit to him for putting his ego aside, and questioning himself and then giving it a chance.  That's a good testament to his character.  And a credit to you as well Cora, for putting your ego aside and giving him a chance.  That's what this stuff is about.

Hopefully you both have a good time together and this leads to good things.

- Beach

 

I totally get it.  I’m only 5’4” and I’ve dated a guy who was 5’3”.  I’ve also dated a guy over 6 foot and I’ve dated guys all in between.  Height honestly does not matter to me in the least and I realize now how silly it was for me to ask him that question and I get why it could be a sensitive subject.  I care more about someone’s personality than silly physical attributes.  I mean sure there has to be a physical attraction, but it matters less to me then how someone treats me.  
 

I’ve learned my lesson though as I see how superficial it made me look asking him that question.  Thank you for your kind words. We did have a good time. 

[Cora]

12 hours ago, Fletch Lives said:

I can understand short guys being sensitive to height talk.

By the way, don't they list height in the dating profile?

Well I'm glad things worked out.

 

They do, but apparently you don’t have to list your height.  His wasn’t listed.  

[Gaeta]

Nice to hear the meeting went well! 

[norealusername]

Glad it went well. I thought he'd be shorter in person for sure, lol. It's sad that a 5'9" man is made to feel too short from online dating.

[LivingWaterPlease]

I'm not surprised things went well. I figured when he had the humility to contact you after blocking you, to explain his reconsideration, he'd be a guy worth getting to know.

 

Edited April 25, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed content redacted by poster

[d0nnivain]

I'm glad the meeting went well & you had a good time. Do be very careful about opening up to strangers.  Just because somebody is easy to talk to that's no reason to tell them your deepest darkest secrets all at once up front.  A new SO is not a shrink.  Boundaries are important. 

Since you are only 5'4 going forward be more sensitive about asking new men about their height.  I have several female friends over 5'11 so I understand why they want to know & don't care to date a man who is 5'5 but you don't have that issue.  Before somebody jumps down my throat, people are attracted to who they are attracted to.  Me, personally, I always preferred men with dark hair.  I have said before that if you line up all the guys I ever dated, most look enough alike that they could be cousins at least. It doesn't mean there is anything wrong with blondes or shorter men; it's just a preference.  Similarly there have been men who didn't date me because I wasn't blonde or didn't have big enough boobs.  Tastes vary.  

 

15 hours ago, Cora said:

 I’m excited yet nervous about meeting him.  He said he might be in his uniform.  (He’s a fireman) For some reason that makes me more nervous...the uniform part.  

This makes no sense to me.  You are worried about his uniform, an article of clothing, but you think you will be OK with him running into burning buildings & other dangerous situations.  Plus was he planning on wearing the uniform on your date?  If not, what difference does the uniform make?  

The guy is a living breathing hero who has to make life & death split second decisions on a routine basis, yet he overreacted so extremely to your height Q.  One would think in that job he'd have more self confidence.  Plus you said his height was fine (which I understood to mean average or at least taller than you).  Still to do that job one needs a healthy ego so inside he should have felt 7 feet tall no matter his actual height.  I'm troubled by the overreaction.  What else can't he handle in life.  Please keep your guard up @Cora

[chillii]

Glad it was nice op , good to hear of a nice one , best of luck on the wkend too.

Not that it matters for you now but as for the height thing , l don't think it's being superficial at all. But l think of it as l'd think about weight , it should be on his page , so should her height. l mean you can't get much more basic and bear min' than height , weight , hair colour , age n what have you, it's pretty damn sneaky not being open about such basics at least imo. Anyway , happy ending , or beginning eh.

[elaine567]

48 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

  I'm troubled by the overreaction.  What else can't he handle in life.  Please keep your guard up @Cora

^This.
He had a bit of a tantrum, he blocked you, he put you on the back foot and now you are so grateful to him for apologising and getting back to you and you are "opening up" to him...                                          
Be careful.

[Gaeta]

53 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

The guy is a living breathing hero who has to make life & death split second decisions on a routine basis, yet he overreacted so extremely to your height Q.  

It's documentated that a big chunk of the firemen, policemen, military out there have issues related to chilhood. They are indeed heroes but human heroes with issues.