SaraSays Posted April 21, 2021 Posted April 21, 2021 A little bit of support from a 3rd party in your community may help with this, so see if there are any free services offered by churches or the local council. Money and jobs are 2 extremely emotional topics - we attach a deep meaning to both. Through volunteering, I've seen people lose jobs, and carry on the pretense for years, that they still had a job, for fear of being perceived as not good enough. They maintained their routine throughout - got up in time for work, put on their work clothes, moaned about the upcoming work day, said goodbye to their spouse, then went to the library, or to a community centre, or to a park for the day. It's hard to imagine the torment they were in.
Author Jbon Posted April 21, 2021 Author Posted April 21, 2021 16 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: A financial planner who could set up an appropriate budget is a better investment. Budgets are based on necessities, not what people make (and therefor waste). Rent should be #1, then food, utilities, etc.. not couples therapy. Living in a cardboard box on the street won't help your relationship. The more you owe the more you lose. Late fees, possible evictions, reduced credit, poor credit scores, etc. Don't waste money on couples therapy. Both of you need to cut back on spending especially phones, entertainment TVs, etc. You also should both be working as many jobs/side hustles as possible. Finger pointing doesn't make save or make money. Sell all unneeded stuff. Unless you address underlying financial habits and priorities this problem and all the ensuing arguments will keep recurring. I appreciate everyone attempting to help my financial situation, but I’m aware of that issue. It does not need to be addressed. You’ve gone off of very little information and assumed you know anything about my bills. I believe that therapy in itself is important. If we chose therapy, it will have to be worked into the budget. I believe it’s important. Thank you for trying to help. I’m not taking financial advice from someone who hasn’t looked at all of my finances. Thank you.
d0nnivain Posted April 21, 2021 Posted April 21, 2021 (edited) Therapy won't fix this. You need better financial literacy. Spend your money wisely. I think Dave Ramsey has a program. There are tons of cites & lots of books on the subject. Read things like Rich Dad, Poor Dad. Still you need to figure out why you want to stay with a man who lies to you about such an important issue. Staying because it's too expensive to move or because you have already invested 2 years is not a good reason. Edited April 21, 2021 by d0nnivain
Author Jbon Posted April 21, 2021 Author Posted April 21, 2021 18 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: Therapy won't fix this. You need better financial literacy. Spend your money wisely. I think Dave Ramsey has a program. There are tons of cites & lots of books on the subject. Read things like Rich Dad, Poor Dad. Still you need to figure out why you want to stay with a man who lies to you about such an important issue. Staying because it's too expensive to move or because you have already invested 2 years is not a good reason. Yes, that’s for me to figure out and deal with. I will look into financial programs. Thank you. 1
chillii Posted April 21, 2021 Posted April 21, 2021 Well he knew how you'd feel and react about him losing the job , so he told a bit of an , well. It's hard now but he's got a new job he's done well , better money , of course he doesn't need reminding every 5mins. lf you love each other hang in there , new job on the way , moneys not everything and it's not love either. 1 1
notbroken Posted April 21, 2021 Posted April 21, 2021 I'd have a problem with a guy that quit his job before having another one and already had money problems / no savings to get by. He's just not responsible with money. His new job likely won't fix much quite honestly. As long as he is spending more than he makes times will be tough. Only you can decide if he's worth that. 2 1
Author Jbon Posted April 21, 2021 Author Posted April 21, 2021 1 minute ago, notbroken said: I'd have a problem with a guy that quit his job before having another one and already had money problems / no savings to get by. He's just not responsible with money. His new job likely won't fix much quite honestly. As long as he is spending more than he makes times will be tough. Only you can decide if he's worth that. You’re so right. That’s very true that no amount of money will be enough if we’re spending above our means. We actually had a talk today about it and he promises that he’s going to fix this and he’s going to be better with his money and I said I would do better too. I believe he deserves another chance. I did tell him that if he were to do this again, it would be over. Everyone is right. It’s hard to be with someone who doesn’t take my feelings into consideration or who doesn’t come to me first before making a huge decision like quitting a job with no new job or savings. He knows how I feel about what happened and he has promised that he’s going to make it right. I am willing to give him a second chance but that’s it. I appreciate everyone’s advice and I think my takeaway is that I’m going to work on my personal finances and just take care of myself first. 2
d0nnivain Posted April 21, 2021 Posted April 21, 2021 Talk is cheap. Pun intended. You two need to sit down & write out a budget. Until you know how much is coming in, how much is going out & have written savings goals you are just spinning your wheels. 1
Author Jbon Posted April 21, 2021 Author Posted April 21, 2021 4 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: Talk is cheap. Pun intended. You two need to sit down & write out a budget. Until you know how much is coming in, how much is going out & have written savings goals you are just spinning your wheels. We do have a budget written down. I’ve budgeted since before we met. We have to wait until he actually starts the job. Right now we’re existing on my income only. Once he gets his first pay, we can adjust the budget. I can’t do anything now but wait.
d0nnivain Posted April 21, 2021 Posted April 21, 2021 Don't you have some idea of how much he'll earn or his hours? Factor the bare minimums into the budget then sock away every other penny into savings or to pay off bills. If you have always had budgets you need to get him up to speed on how to do this.
Author Jbon Posted April 21, 2021 Author Posted April 21, 2021 3 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: Don't you have some idea of how much he'll earn or his hours? Factor the bare minimums into the budget then sock away every other penny into savings or to pay off bills. If you have always had budgets you need to get him up to speed on how to do this. Yes, I have an idea about how much he’ll be making, but right now we can’t save anything because my income doesn’t even cover all the bills. That’s why I’ve had to contact our companies and let them know that we may be late on some things. I’ve managed to cover most of the bills but not everything. We still have roughly 23 days before he gets a first paycheck.
Gaeta Posted April 21, 2021 Posted April 21, 2021 8 minutes ago, Jbon said: That’s why I’ve had to contact our companies and let them know that we may be late on some things. Why wasn't he the one calling them? he's the one who put you in this situation. Is it possible you're the only one with a viable credit score? 2
Author Jbon Posted April 21, 2021 Author Posted April 21, 2021 1 minute ago, Gaeta said: Why wasn't he the one calling them? he's the one who put you in this situation. Is it possible you're the only one with a viable credit score? Yes, I have the better credit score.
Gaeta Posted April 21, 2021 Posted April 21, 2021 You said in your introduction that you were hoping you would not go through that again and here you are with a man that has bad credit so everything is probably under your name?, has lots of debts, lives paycheck to paycheck, quit his job without another one secured, lies, fabricates stories. Unconsciously you are repeating the pattern you wanted to avoid. It doesn't matter that he's a nicer man, you are back exactly where you didn't want to be. Because of him your credit score will suffer. I know you don't want to break up with him but just keep all that we said in mind. Don't let him drag you even further down. 5
d0nnivain Posted April 21, 2021 Posted April 21, 2021 2 hours ago, Jbon said: We still have roughly 23 days before he gets a first paycheck. He caused this mess so why isn't he out doing a side hustle like food delivery to contribute something? 2
glows Posted April 21, 2021 Posted April 21, 2021 You're deciding to stay with him so see what happens then when you're both able to start paying your bills and debts on time. It sounds like you want to give him another chance at this and that's fair. Although this also means getting upset, resentful and angry at him won't help while you both are working towards the same goals. I'm very curious to know what industry he works in as some are more difficult or volatile than others. I wouldn't judge someone based on losing a job suddenly but the way he avoided telling you the truth because of some prior issue or hang up about an ex-gf is really baloney and quite hurtful and damaging to the trust in a relationship. Everyone has their insecurities but I don't think you should continue to make excuses for his past or the way he treats you if he lies to you again. 1
Allupinnit Posted April 21, 2021 Posted April 21, 2021 He didn't quit - he was fired. Nobody quits a job without having another lined up given your precarious financial situation, and if he DID, he's not that bright and knowingly put you in a bad situation that digs the hole deeper and stresses you out needlessly. How could he know he would have another job by May? And then allowed you to keep believing they owed him money that YOU went to bat for. Are you also feeding him for the next 23 days? Putting groceries on a credit card in YOUR name? I know you aren't looking for any financial advice but you are in dire straights. In order to prevent this from happening again your entire relationship with money and how you view it has to drastically change. I don't know how you combine finances when living together as bf/gf aside from splitting rent/utilities, but my H and I pool our money and together we live on the 10/10/80 rule. We give 10% off the top, save at LEAST 10%, and we live on the rest. This keeps us generous, honest, in the black and pads our investments regularly. It's a very simple, tried and true way of managing your money. WE tell our money where to go, our money doesn't dictate what we can and can't do anymore. Who's the boss? I've got my money working for me in my sleep now. Also look into paying off your debts starting with the highest interest rate card first, then tackle the next, etc. Your confidence will begin to soar as you feel the weight of debt begin to loosen its grip on you. There is freedom in the margins. As your credit improves the next credit offers will start rolling in and you have to resist their shiny offers and stick to your plan - that living on credit is not for you. I'm not sure what to say about your relationship as it wouldn't be sustainable for me, but I hope you can take the rest of the advice a bit to heart. We get old fast and you don't want to walk up one day realizing that retirement will never be an option for you because you failed to plan in your youth. 1
smackie9 Posted April 22, 2021 Posted April 22, 2021 What if he's lying about this new job? That it's not bigger pay, or he hasn't really got this job yet? and he's just banking on this job coming through? 2
Author Jbon Posted April 22, 2021 Author Posted April 22, 2021 3 minutes ago, smackie9 said: What if he's lying about this new job? That it's not bigger pay, or he hasn't really got this job yet? and he's just banking on this job coming through? He’s definitely not. I saw the emails from the company. No worries. Thanks!
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