Lifegoeson12 Posted April 19, 2021 Posted April 19, 2021 So I’ve gotta question and I’d love people’s thoughts. I broke up with my ex about a year and a half ago. We don’t keep in touch at all. I haven’t really thought about him at all. we have a friend in common she’s more my friend than his. So over the course of the time since we broke up my friend has said he’s gone through a few girlfriends. Me and my ex aren’t connected on any form of social media etc but my friend is. I always had a bit of guilt for how things ended I always felt like maybe I should’ve tried a bit harder towards the end but he used to make me think I was crazy. He was great with the whole gas lighting. So my friend let me have a snoop on his instagram and there is was. His feed read like a history of his dating. Well all except me. He told me I was his only ex he couldn’t have on his instagram. - I think that because I accidentally found out something that he didn’t want me to know ( a very private matter that I think him knowing I knew he was embarrassed) but we ended civilly. I can’t speak for him but I thought it was amicable. My friend gladly pointed out that, although I’m single it’s by choice, I’m very content with my life at the moment, I’m happy, my career is going well and that he’s been in 5 relationships since we split and it shows that he is more than likely the problem and is probably insecure. But is that the case? Does it show that? I feel it might be true considering when we met he had just finished dating someone. Sometimes I feel like a loser because, he’s been in 5 relationships since and I’ve only been in 1 it was about 7 months long but I ended it. I know you’re thinking what are you on about he’s your ex he can date whoever he wants etc but I was just curious to what people thought about it. Does it show that maybe I wasn’t the problem after all and that he just doesn’t know what he wants but is afraid to be alone?
Wiseman2 Posted April 19, 2021 Posted April 19, 2021 4 minutes ago, Lifegoeson12 said: I broke up with my ex about a year and a half ago. Seems like you dodged a bullet. Sounds like he's a serial dater.
SumGuy Posted April 19, 2021 Posted April 19, 2021 If you broke up with him it's him, clearly you found something about him not to your liking. Don't think it is healthily to infer anything from him dating 5 people. He could be a player, they could have all dumped him, he may be very secure and knowing what he wants and just looking for it, he could have no idea what he wants and flits from one girl to the next, all interpretations consistent with the very limited info and facts (curated ones at that) you have. Actually insecurity does not seem to be one I'd assume unless they are all dumping him because of it. You don't need him to have a post you life that is messed up to validate your decision. It doesn't make your decision any less valid if some other woman likes what you disliked.
ShyViolet Posted April 19, 2021 Posted April 19, 2021 I'm not understanding why you are comparing your life to your ex's life. Who is keeping score? Just because he's been in 5 relationships since the breakup and you've been in one, that doesn't mean he has a better life or he's happier. Stop comparing yourself to him, as a matter of fact do not look at his instagram at all. This is not healthy. There is "instagram life" and then there's real life. People present their best selves on instagram. They only post the great stuff, the snapshots that they want the world to see. You don't get an accurate idea of how their life is through instagram. They could be very unhappy or have problems that they just aren't sharing.
Gaeta Posted April 19, 2021 Posted April 19, 2021 He had 5 relationships in 18 months. That's a big red flag. You were just one amoung many. 1
Ami1uwant Posted April 19, 2021 Posted April 19, 2021 Why does it matter how many partners you had? in 15 months I don’t think 5 is a big deal if each lasted a month or less. Sometimes it takes that long to figure out if this person is a match to pursue a LTR with vs saying s res it.
glows Posted April 19, 2021 Posted April 19, 2021 He is still gaslighting you. "He told me I was his only ex he couldn’t have on his instagram." You should do more research on the effects of gaslighting, manipulation and emotional abuse. The effects are long-lasting. It was not a good choice to look at his social media and your friend did you a disservice. Stop all that. You're going down a dark path asking these questions that have no bearing whatsoever on your life going forward. You're at a low point now because your 7-month relationship ended. While you cut yourself some slack, don't let yourself go completely and start messing with your own self-worth. If the relationship ended because of emotional abuse, it's a huge plus that it's ended. Free yourself and stop going back to this manipulator.
SaraSays Posted April 20, 2021 Posted April 20, 2021 18 hours ago, Lifegoeson12 said: So my friend let me have a snoop on his instagram This isn't the behaviour of a decent friend, and it isn't clear why you want to snoop either, given it's over. What's the reason you're stuck in the past, and can't let bygones be bygones?
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