No response after asked to meet in person and then suggesting a phone call or continuing to text

[max3732]

On a dating app I matched with this woman we exchanged like 7 messages and after what I initially messaged about came to a natural conclusion and jumping off point I said something like "instead of discussing it on here how about at lunch at such and such place at such and such a time? No response from her for a few days.

Then I sent another message saying if she's not up for meeting in person yet how about a phone call or we continue to chat on the app. No response.

Now the match will expire if I don't message her again soon. I know it's likely a lost cause, but was there something wrong with my messages? If I do send another one what kind of message should I send? 

Our messages seemed to be going well. I don't see why she'd match with me and not even want a phone call? Does asking someone to lunch too soon scare them off? 

[cleverusername]

Happens to me too and I get a S---- load of matches. Just move on, plenty of fish in the sea. And nothing was wrong with it, I would have sent the exact same message.

[kendahke]

3 minutes ago, max3732 said:

Our messages seemed to be going well. I don't see why she'd match with me and not even want a phone call? Does asking someone to lunch too soon scare them off? 

She may have been married, or she joined because she was mad at her boyfriend and this was her way of exacting revenge on him.  It had nothing to do with you--by your account, you didn't do anything offputting.  She's not the one, so let that match expire and turn your attention to someone who isn't on the dating site wasting time.

[Alpacalia]

4 minutes ago, max3732 said:

but was there something wrong with my messages?

Not in the least. You've been clear with your interest in moving things along. Can't speculate why she hasn't responded so I suppose all you can do is forge ahead with other dating prospects.

[Trail Blazer]

Nothing wrong at all with setting up a date.  Many women prefer that than to exchange messages endlessly like a pen pal.

If she ignored your message after you suggested a date in person, she's clearly not interested.  Just move on, bud.  It happens to the best of us.

[glows]

You didn't do anything wrong and it sounds appropriate. Don't doubt yourself. Let the match go if it expires. This is also a good way to find out if the person on the other end is real or available or is who they say they are. Avoid endless texting.

[Cersei]

She may be misrepresenting herself and freaked at the thought of meeting you. We see it all the time on Loveshack.

[norealusername]

I don't think you did anything wrong. I get the same thing, the messages go well but ask to meet and get rejected or they vanish. This is why I won't spend a lot of time messaging. There's a lot of flakes plus I think a lot of women have no intention of actually meeting anyone.

[Fletch Lives]

You are doing everything right.

 

This is just normal dating which involves rejection at anytime - sometimes a lot of it.

[smackie9]

This is why you should be messaging multiple women. You need to jump in there sooner tho asking them for a date, as to weed out the ones that are only doing it for attention. If they don't respond, ditch and move on.

[ShyViolet]

When you send someone two messages and they don't reply to either of them, you do not send a third message.  You leave her alone and move on.  You'll never know "what was wrong" with your messages.  There was probably nothing wrong with them.  She's just not interested in you.  That's the way it is with dating apps.  Move on.

[max3732]

11 hours ago, norealusername said:

I don't think you did anything wrong. I get the same thing, the messages go well but ask to meet and get rejected or they vanish. This is why I won't spend a lot of time messaging. There's a lot of flakes plus I think a lot of women have no intention of actually meeting anyone.

Glad there was nothing wrong my messages. I just signed up for a new site that's supposed to be fewer matches, but higher quality ones and I matched with her and was very excited. Especially since we were having a nice conversation over text and she lives close to me. The conversation was about a place she mentioned in her profile and then some common interests.  

[d0nnivain]

Your message was fine. She's  a time waster.  You already know that is par for the course with OLD / apps.  

[BC1980]

Dating apps/websites are a mixed bag. You have to be able to handle a lot of rejection and flaking out. I would take a lot of it with a grain of salt. 
 

You will see all types on dating websites- people who flake, people looking to get laid, cheaters, people on the rebound, people dating several people at once, and there are people who are serious about meeting someone. I've thought about trying it again recently. I would use it to supplement what you're doing in real life to meet people. 

[Miss Peach]

I will offer one alternative idea depending on how long you've been messaging. Personally I prefer to do one phone call just to see if there is any chemistry in conversation. It doesn't have to be long. I have a lot on my plate and a lot of options. I am happy to make time but if I have several guys vying for my handful of free time then I at least like to get to the point where I feel it could have potential. On OLD I don't tend to get the info *I* need to put someone from OLD over other people I meet IRL, friends, meetups, etc. I would hate to waste my time on something and have it be an awkward date.

 

Where I live, by the time I get dressed, drive to the meeting location, meet, drive back, etc. I'm committing to at least 1 hour without even factoring the time spent hanging out. So total time for me is 2 hours for a 1 hour date. Most of my dates last longer than that. So I won't be able to do other things I need. Right now during a pandemic without using OLD (IRL meeting only) I have 4 men trying to date me. I think I'll be able to add 1-2 in the next week or two. I have 2-4 nights per week I can date or hang out with friends. The rest of my time I need to reserve for something else. I couldn't date all these guys, see friends, run errands, etc. even if I wanted to.

 

If you've been messaging for a month or something crazy then I would file it under time waster. If not, I would potentially see about the phone call, try in person again, and then write them off.

Edited April 19, 2021 by Miss Peach

[dramafreezone]

21 hours ago, max3732 said:

On a dating app I matched with this woman we exchanged like 7 messages and after what I initially messaged about came to a natural conclusion and jumping off point I said something like "instead of discussing it on here how about at lunch at such and such place at such and such a time? No response from her for a few days.

Then I sent another message saying if she's not up for meeting in person yet how about a phone call or we continue to chat on the app. No response.

Now the match will expire if I don't message her again soon. I know it's likely a lost cause, but was there something wrong with my messages? If I do send another one what kind of message should I send? 

Our messages seemed to be going well. I don't see why she'd match with me and not even want a phone call? Does asking someone to lunch too soon scare them off? 

Who knows dude?  Don't try to make sense of it, don't take it personally.

Just move it from messaging to setting up a date as soon as possible in the future.

Edited April 19, 2021 by dramafreezone

[spiderowl]

It sounds like she wasn't that interested.  However, I have dropped guys in the past because they press to meet too soon.  Usually it is not that they want to meet that's the problem, but more that they are expressing impatience at the 'chore' of messaging.  It makes me feel guilty at expecting them to carry on messaging until I know them better.  As I don't want them to experience me as a nuisance they have to message, I tend to drop out at that point.  I don't want to rush into meeting anyone before I have got a good sense of what kind of person they are.

Also, in this day and age, meeting in real life can be a problem, depending on what the rules are where you live.  Maybe she thought you were ignoring Covid rules or something.

[dramafreezone]

28 minutes ago, spiderowl said:

It sounds like she wasn't that interested.  However, I have dropped guys in the past because they press to meet too soon.  Usually it is not that they want to meet that's the problem, but more that they are expressing impatience at the 'chore' of messaging.  It makes me feel guilty at expecting them to carry on messaging until I know them better.  As I don't want them to experience me as a nuisance they have to message, I tend to drop out at that point.  I don't want to rush into meeting anyone before I have got a good sense of what kind of person they are.

Also, in this day and age, meeting in real life can be a problem, depending on what the rules are where you live.  Maybe she thought you were ignoring Covid rules or something.

Meh, I'll take getting "dropped" for asking her out too quickly.  There's no universal way to manage that initial phase of courtship, and what one woman prefers another gets turned off by it.

Maybe that's for the best though, some guys don't like to text much so if that's important to you then you two aren't compatible.

[Wiseman2]

13 hours ago, BC1980 said:

You will see all types on dating websites- people who flake, people looking to get laid, cheaters, people on the rebound, people dating several people at once, and there are people who are serious about meeting someone. 

Agree. It's a needle in a haystack, and sifting through the nonsense is most of the work.

Develop a plan to quickly rule out assorted timewasters and reduce burnout.

[max3732]

9 hours ago, spiderowl said:

It sounds like she wasn't that interested.  However, I have dropped guys in the past because they press to meet too soon.  Usually it is not that they want to meet that's the problem, but more that they are expressing impatience at the 'chore' of messaging.  It makes me feel guilty at expecting them to carry on messaging until I know them better.  As I don't want them to experience me as a nuisance they have to message, I tend to drop out at that point.  I don't want to rush into meeting anyone before I have got a good sense of what kind of person they are.

Also, in this day and age, meeting in real life can be a problem, depending on what the rules are where you live.  Maybe she thought you were ignoring Covid rules or something.

Interesting perspective.

7 messages or so and then asking to meet might express impatience at the 'chore' of messaging?

Couldn't she just ask how I was approaching covid? I've probably been more careful than just about anyone. Why not also go for a phone call?

[chillii]

lf it was me l would've preferred a call or two first , see if l even like talking to her and her me first. No clue though if asking her to lunch was pushing it , could've been more about things people have suggested here . Def' wouldn't even consider messaging her again though she's obviously not interested if she saw your others.