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Can you fall in love over time and not at first sight?

sophiestic

By sophiestic
in General Relationship Discussion

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sophiestic Member

sophiestic

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Is it possible?

I've been seeing an old crash of mine for 2 months now but I do not feel "in love". He is a very good and kind guy. 

Wiseman2 Established Member

Wiseman2

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24 minutes ago, sophiestic said:

Is it possible?

I've been seeing an old crash of mine for 2 months now but I do not feel "in love". He is a very good and kind guy. 

Are you attracted? Is there chemistry? He could be the nicest guy in the world, but if you're not attracted you can just be friends.

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sophiestic Member

sophiestic

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In the beginning, I felt attracted but now I don't. I tend to have chemistry with the "bad boys" who aren't relationship material. So, I wanted to break the habit and gave him a chance. I feel pressure. Why do I  always want the one whom I can't be with and not the one who actually cares... 😥

Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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Yes you can fall in love over time but you have to feel it's happening a little bit each time you spend time with him. If you don't feel anything growing over 2 months then no, it's not a situation where you will suddenly fall in love, you will grow attached but that not love. 

Edited by Gaeta
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Fletch Lives Established Member

Fletch Lives

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If you are dating someone for two months, if you were going to fall in love, it would have happened by now. 

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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Some people take time to warm up. 

I always needed that instant spark / chemistry . . .whatever.  It never developed over time for me but the feelings did deepen over time  

3 hours ago, sophiestic said:

In the beginning, I felt attracted but now I don't. I tend to have chemistry with the "bad boys" who aren't relationship material. So, I wanted to break the habit and gave him a chance. I feel pressure. Why do I  always want the one whom I can't be with and not the one who actually cares... 😥

This ^^^ is your actual problem.  You want the excitement.  You want what you can't have.  You think you can reform the "bad boy."  You have to get over that.  Try to find self confident people rather than arrogant cavalier ones.  You get the excitement without all the bad stuff.   

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mark clemson Established Member

mark clemson

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Yes, I would say generally that people can fall in love over time, and indeed it may sometimes lead to a more intense love, particularly if the person involved is not fully available at the start.

Whether falling in love will happen for you with this specific guy however, is very much an open question.

While I'm not too much of a fan of the "redpill" stuff WRT to dating, this certainly is some truth to it for some people and situations. You might consider researching the concept of a "beta buck".

Edited by mark clemson
Weezy1973 Established Member

Weezy1973

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On 4/17/2021 at 5:02 AM, sophiestic said:

Is it possible?

I've been seeing an old crash of mine for 2 months now but I do not feel "in love". He is a very good and kind guy. 

It’s possible, but if it isn’t happening after 2 months, I suspect it won’t.

 

On 4/17/2021 at 5:35 AM, sophiestic said:

I tend to have chemistry with the "bad boys" who aren't relationship material.

And definitely won’t if you’re attracted to bad boys. 

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sophiestic Member

sophiestic

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Thank you all for your responses! How do you suggest I end this without hurting him?

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Trail Blazer Established Member

Trail Blazer

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After two months, if you're not feeling it by now then chances are you never will.

What exactly is this relationship currently that you have to end it without hurting him?

Are you guys sleeping together and otherwise acting as though you're coupled-up?

SumGuy Established Member

SumGuy

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Of course you can.  Also people fall in love at first sight then it crashes and burns.

There is no one way to fall in love, and no guarantees either.

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sophiestic Member

sophiestic

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On 4/19/2021 at 3:07 AM, Trail Blazer said:

After two months, if you're not feeling it by now then chances are you never will.

What exactly is this relationship currently that you have to end it without hurting him?

Are you guys sleeping together and otherwise acting as though you're coupled-up?

Well, pretty much this is how it is. We meet at the weekends, watch a movie and then sleep together. The next day, he makes breakfast and he tells me to stay at his place, but I need my own space. I feel pressured. Also, we can't go out since everything is closed due to covid. But I guess if I had feelings, I wouldn't be bored spending time with him. 

spiderowl Established Member

spiderowl

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On 4/17/2021 at 1:02 PM, sophiestic said:

Is it possible?

I've been seeing an old crash of mine for 2 months now but I do not feel "in love". He is a very good and kind guy. 

Yes, it's definitely possible.  It happened to me and we were married for many years.

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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On 4/18/2021 at 2:27 PM, sophiestic said:

 How do you suggest I end this without hurting him?

Not possible.  When you reject somebody it hurts them.  However, you hurt them more by sticking around & dragging this out.  

You tell him that this isn't working for you & you then walk away. Quick, clean & definitive is the kindest thing you can do 

Uruktopi Established Member

Uruktopi

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You will hurt him if you drop him, but he will recover at it´s time. 

You will hurt him for the time it lasts if you stay whith him for the wrong reasons in a handicapped relationship. 

Be generous, leave him.

dramafreezone Established Member

dramafreezone

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On 4/17/2021 at 5:02 AM, sophiestic said:

Is it possible?

I've been seeing an old crash of mine for 2 months now but I do not feel "in love". He is a very good and kind guy. 

Yes of course it's possible.

That doesn't mean you're ever going to fall in love with this guy.  it's not something that just happens spontaneously. 

We fall in love with the way that other person makes us feel, not in love with the actual person, so it doesn't matter if he's good or kind.  That's not what causes our attraction to increase. If he's not doing anything to make you feel differently then you've already been feeling (i.e. making you feel sexy, desired, smart), then it can't happen.

Think about it, does anyone ever say "oh wow, he's so nice, it makes me feel sexy."  Doesn't make any sense does it?  He has to have the type of charm to make you feel good about yourself.  His own goodness as a person won't ever help you to fall in love with him.

Edited by dramafreezone
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notbroken Established Member

notbroken

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So this guy is 'normal and boring'  but is good to you and you like him.  No fireworks.  I have a feeling you are going to be with a 'bad boy' with fireworks and wish you were with 'Mr. Normal' again.   You like the chase.  The uncertainty of the 'bad boy'.   It wears off with them too - and then it is just abusive.   Mr Normal may not be such a bad guy and may be WAY better long term material, but it will require a mindset change. 

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