Seems like I'm more invested than he is

[kenziejane]

I've been with my boyfriend for about five months now, and I often wonder if I'm more invested than he is or if he's just clueless. I definitely feel like he was more responsive to me when we first started dating, but the texting throughout the day has kind of petered off. Which I would expected to happen so that's no biggie. But there have been little things here and there that just make me think I don't cross his mind as often as he crosses mine. Not that long ago we made plans to hang out on a Friday night after he got off work. I waited and waited until he finally texted me that he was sorry, but had stopped to get a drink with a friend after work and stayed longer than he thought. No biggie, but it would have been nice to know that's what he was doing so I could make other plans until he was ready to hang out. On Easter, I invited him to my uncle's house. I asked twice and each time he said he'd have to let me know what his family was doing. Then on the actual day, at like 3pm, texted me that he'd forgotten to tell me he couldn't make it. I do honestly believe it, this man has the memory of a goldfish. But I was still annoyed. Then today I had a huge job interview, like could be big for my career. He texted me if I was confident and prepared in the hour leading up...but then I've heard nothing since and that was maybe five hours ago. He was going golfing after work (and I knew he made it there safely due to social media posts) but I just feel like it's not hard to send a 'how did it go?' text and ask since he knew how important this was to me. 

Honestly, I wonder if he's just oblivious. He's wonderful in a lot of other ways...we recently took a trip that he paid for, even when I tried several times to give him money for it. He's attentive and a good listener when we're together. He's expressed several times that he really wants me to meet his parents (the only reason I haven't yet was because the two times I was invited to dinner at their house I was out of town and working). So it does seem like he's interested in this relationship to some extent. I just don't get why he doesn't seem to think of me sometimes. Or maybe I'm just being needy and insecure, which is also possible considering how my last relationship went. 

Any thoughts?

For context, I'm 31 and he's 28.

Edited April 16, 2021 by kenziejane
Spelling correction

[d0nnivain]

He sounds irresponsible.  He probably likes you well enough but he's just not a polite guy who makes an effort.  

[kenziejane]

Just now, d0nnivain said:

He sounds irresponsible.  He probably likes you well enough but he's just not a polite guy who makes an effort.  

Yeah, it's the effort. I feel like I'm putting in more than I'm getting out. 

[BaileyB]

Honestly, my partner would be the same. He cares, he tries to be considerate, but he hates texting and he likes to do his own thing sometimes... I could absolutely see him not texting to ask about the interview if he was golfing. If we had plans and he didn’t show up, I would be upset. But otherwise, if he is an attentive and caring when you are together, I would try not to sweat the small things... 

One suggestion - don’t wait for him. If he doesn’t get back to you, make your own plans. He will be more careful about scheduling when he wants to be with you and you are otherwise engaged... 

Edited April 16, 2021 by BaileyB

[Gaeta]

You said it's on occasion. This is who he is.

Are you an organizer? I am. I don't let people forget. I send reminders. 

 

[basil67]

My partner would also be the same.   Nothing short of an emergency would cause him to text me from the golf course.   The important thing is whether or not they remember to ask when they get home.  

I do however see being stood up because he got distracted on Friday night after work to be problematic.  That said, no relationships are perfect.  If he has only rare glitches, then you may want to look at whether your expectations are too high.  

[basil67]

31 minutes ago, kenziejane said:

Yeah, it's the effort. I feel like I'm putting in more than I'm getting out. 

Perhaps the issue is bigger than you've described here??

[Gaeta]

You have listed very nice qualities. Other than that are you happy?

If l invite a bf to easter dinner and he needs to check his agenda l follow up. I'm not letting anyone ruine my easter by principal he should remember.

Don't view his memory as a sign of commitment. Some people just don't have it together in that department.

[BaileyB]

24 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Nothing short of an emergency would cause him to text me from the golf course. 

Pretty much!

[LibrarianLady89]

27 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

Pretty much!

Haha I understand that. I guess there was like three hours between when I had the interview and when he went golfing. 
 

I’m probably just being too insecure tbh.

[basil67]

22 minutes ago, LibrarianLady89 said:

Haha I understand that. I guess there was like three hours between when I had the interview and when he went golfing. 

Did he ask you about it when you next talked?

[basil67]

I'm confused.  OP are you both @kenziejane and @LibrarianLady89?