Orange blossom Posted March 11, 2021 Posted March 11, 2021 I fell out of love at least I think. I don’t really ever think about my girlfriend throughout the day. I day feel anything when we hug. I’m meaner to her. When I’m around her I don’t think about how much I love her. But it’s weird we still get along. I still smile more than ever. Monday I felt like liked I loved her Tuesday I felt the same but Wednesday it’s like I felt nothing towards her. But we still got along. I still smiled more than ever. I thought if I lost feelings that she would be annoying and I would t wanna be around her and that’s not the case. Also I can’t remember the last time I thought to myself dang I love my girlfriend or dang she is so beautiful. I tell her she is all the time because she is. But I’m just so lost. Anyone had any similar feelings or problems?
d0nnivain Posted March 11, 2021 Posted March 11, 2021 You posted a similar lament a while back. The Answer remains the same: you are 15 years old. Relax. 6
Author Orange blossom Posted March 11, 2021 Author Posted March 11, 2021 4 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: You posted a similar lament a while back. The Answer remains the same: you are 15 years old. Relax. I feel like if I relax it’s just gonna get worse.
d0nnivain Posted March 11, 2021 Posted March 11, 2021 You are being brainwashed to think that you have to figure out your romantic life at 15, that your relationship with your GF needs to have the same depth as a healthy long term marriage. It doesn't. Stop being mean to your GF but otherwise just live in the moment. If today is fun, great! See what tomorrow brings. 3
Miss Spider Posted March 12, 2021 Posted March 12, 2021 This is happens all through life. Don’t think about it too much. If you think about anything too long it can go south. You’re not always going to feel it. Just enjoy your time together. Have fun. 1
Maldives Posted March 12, 2021 Posted March 12, 2021 Gee buddy you again lol ...your not into her nothing else to work out
SaraSays Posted March 12, 2021 Posted March 12, 2021 The brain is developing til we're 25. What you think today is unlikely to be the same in 10 years. That being said, if you've started to be mean, either stop that immediately, as there's no justification for being cruel, or end things.
lurker74 Posted March 12, 2021 Posted March 12, 2021 No, you didn't fall out of love with her. You were never in love. I know. It sucks when adults try to tell you what you feel. Why don't they understand what you're going through? Well, the truth is we often do because we've gone through the same thing. What you experienced with your girlfriend was limerence (look it up). Limerence is wonderful. It may be the best drug in the world. But it doesn't last. And that's OK. At 15, you are supposed to fall in love and out of love again in 6 months. And trust me, you will both be happier in the long run if you learn how to let go of someone who is not actually your life partner. 1
Author Orange blossom Posted March 12, 2021 Author Posted March 12, 2021 1 hour ago, lurker74 said: No, you didn't fall out of love with her. You were never in love. I know. It sucks when adults try to tell you what you feel. Why don't they understand what you're going through? Well, the truth is we often do because we've gone through the same thing. What you experienced with your girlfriend was limerence (look it up). Limerence is wonderful. It may be the best drug in the world. But it doesn't last. And that's OK. At 15, you are supposed to fall in love and out of love again in 6 months. And trust me, you will both be happier in the long run if you learn how to let go of someone who is not actually your life partner. I cry at the thought of losing her.
Author Orange blossom Posted March 12, 2021 Author Posted March 12, 2021 3 hours ago, Goodguy05 said: Gee buddy you again lol ...your not into her nothing else to work out Iv never even been on here I just recently found this website so I’m lost about what your saying.
Author Orange blossom Posted March 12, 2021 Author Posted March 12, 2021 1 hour ago, lurker74 said: No, you didn't fall out of love with her. You were never in love. I know. It sucks when adults try to tell you what you feel. Why don't they understand what you're going through? Well, the truth is we often do because we've gone through the same thing. What you experienced with your girlfriend was limerence (look it up). Limerence is wonderful. It may be the best drug in the world. But it doesn't last. And that's OK. At 15, you are supposed to fall in love and out of love again in 6 months. And trust me, you will both be happier in the long run if you learn how to let go of someone who is not actually your life partner. When I used to be mean to her it’s like something hurt me inside and I wanted to fix what I did immediately. But now there’s not that voice that goes don’t hurt her you care about her.
Author Orange blossom Posted March 12, 2021 Author Posted March 12, 2021 1 hour ago, lurker74 said: No, you didn't fall out of love with her. You were never in love. I know. It sucks when adults try to tell you what you feel. Why don't they understand what you're going through? Well, the truth is we often do because we've gone through the same thing. What you experienced with your girlfriend was limerence (look it up). Limerence is wonderful. It may be the best drug in the world. But it doesn't last. And that's OK. At 15, you are supposed to fall in love and out of love again in 6 months. And trust me, you will both be happier in the long run if you learn how to let go of someone who is not actually your life partner. It’s as if I don’t have that strong desire to help her or feel sorry for her. I used to always feel so terrible to her. But that’s gone it’s as if I just don’t fee anything towards her.
mortensorchid Posted March 12, 2021 Posted March 12, 2021 You're 15. Wow ... Well, this is a unique moment to tell this to a 15 year old but I remember I had met my high school sweetheart when I was 15 and we'd be together for the next 4 years, so let me say these things ... First of all, you're 15. At 15 you are not an adult, not by any means. You are a kid still. Second, if you are in junior high school (or even high school), people tend to change partners at the speed of lightening. Chances are you are not in a serious, adult relationship by any means. You might be experiencing many things for the first time ever and every generation thinks they are the first ones to discover. Some things are standard and mundane (ex. coffee), other things are more serious (ex. having sex for the first time). Also, please know this - a lot of the things that you expect out of love / relationships have come from movies, books and TV. We have an expectation that the relationship has to be hot and passionate and exciting at all times, like we see in movies, books and TV. What are are seeing / reading is not love / relationship, that's infatuation. The endorphins are pumping and you are happy, passionate and exciting together. That is going to wear off in about 6-10 months. When it does, you better like that person. Not love, just LIKE them. And if you don't? You're in trouble, because you are stuck with that person and they with you. Long term relationships are dramatic things because you both go through so many changes and emotions, and sometimes that relationship is boring. But remember this as you get older : It can be boring or whatever else, but who is this person that you are with? Do you want drama, temper tantrums, angry screaming, etc.? Do you want that person to cheat on you or throw you over for some trash instead of a decent person? Do you want to build a real relationship with someone or just want a hookup? Because there are so many people out there who join forces with the wrong person and you see what happens. That's for your future to think about. 1
smackie9 Posted March 12, 2021 Posted March 12, 2021 (edited) You are 15, you are still developing and understanding your emotions/feelings. It's quiet normal you know. There is this thing called Dopamine. It is what is released in your brain and lets you feel attraction/ lust/love towards someone. It's a hormone. This is what nature has given us to bond, and continue the species. Getting bursts of it sends us over the moon. It's so very addictive, and in early stages comes in enormous bursts. But it's temporary. As time goes on, it starts to taper off, those rush feelings happen less, and shorten their duration. This is what is going on with you. You will have days of rush feelings, and other days of not so much to nothing. It's nothing to be alarmed about. Basically you still have your training wheels on, and will for probably 5 more years if not more. It's confusing, and we all go through it. Relax and enjoy the experience, and don't forget about doing good things for yourself, things that make you happy, and feeling positive about yourself. You are only human you know. You've got this. Take care Edited March 12, 2021 by smackie9
Author Orange blossom Posted April 16, 2021 Author Posted April 16, 2021 I wanna start by saying my girlfriend and I have been together 5 months. It’s clear at this point in our relationship I have lost feelings. This has been going on for about 2 weeks maybe more. At first I didn’t wanna accept it. There’s have been times before where I felt different towards my girlfriend. But the longest it lasted was about 3 days then everything went back to normal. But it just hasn’t been like that . I try reconnecting my feelings over and over. Before I lost feelings. I was so energetic and happy. It doesn’t matter what it was. Just her being mine made things better. I always thought she was so beautiful. ( I still think she is) . I would wanna help her no matter what. It doesn’t matter what it was. Heck I remember there was something across the room she wanted. She got up to get it and I picked her up threw her on the couch and said don’t get up I don’t want your legs to get tired. Something so simple yet I still wouldn’t let her do it. I had a want to do that. It’s sounds like I’m lying. But it was like a magnetic pull telling my brain “ go get it for her “. Now I still do stuff for her. But I don’t have the want. I don’t have the pull to do it. I just do it. Before the thought of looking at other girls and other girls disgusted me. Now I look way more than I used to. I don’t feel as bad for it. Before when I would be around her I would non stop think wow she’s beautiful and so on. Now I’m just there no special feeling. I used to overthink everything about her. Every time I did it was like pain in my heart I felt so terrible. Now it’s not like that. This is my first real serious girlfriend. Can someone please give me advice.
Backinthesaddleagain Posted April 16, 2021 Posted April 16, 2021 My advice is to drop her and move on. The love is gone, and staying together will serve no purpose and only hurt you both more in the long run. Sorry I don't have better news. 2
SumGuy Posted April 16, 2021 Posted April 16, 2021 1 hour ago, Orange blossom said: .... I would wanna help her no matter what. It doesn’t matter what it was. Heck I remember there was something across the room she wanted. She got up to get it and I picked her up threw her on the couch and said don’t get up I don’t want your legs to get tired. Something so simple yet I still wouldn’t let her do it. I had a want to do that. It’s sounds like I’m lying.... Culture is everything, but depending on circumstances that would be considered controlling and not nice, unless there is some physical reason her leg would get tired from simply crossing the room. Quote But it was like a magnetic pull telling my brain “ go get it for her “. Now I still do stuff for her. But I don’t have the want. I don’t have the pull to do it. I just do it. Good to ask yourself why, it is not necessarily bad you no longer feel driven to do it. Quote Before the thought of looking at other girls and other girls disgusted me. Now I look way more than I used to. I don’t feel as bad for it. Before when I would be around her I would non stop think wow she’s beautiful and so on. Now I’m just there no special feeling. I used to overthink everything about her. Every time I did it was like pain in my heart I felt so terrible. Now it’s not like that. This is my first real serious girlfriend. Can someone please give me advice. You may have passed from the initial deep infatuation head over heels phase into a more typical love phase. I'm certainly a romantic, and love the feeling when she walks on water, but know so well it is not realistic, she is a human with faults just like me and keeping her on a pedestal only invites me to judge her when she is less than perfect. That isn't fair or healthy for anyone. Movies songs, and books might have you believe we are supposed to feel this way all the time for it to be love, not true. Sure our media celebrates it, after all it is intoxicating and fleeting. I'm way older I suspect, mid-50s, I can say for myself it has faded and never come back (though doesn't mean I am still not in love) and at other times it has come back, faded, come back, etc. You are not bad because you are no longer disgusted by other girls. As long as you don't ogle, stare, go out of your way to check them out, etc. your good in my book. That you still feel guilt about it, even if not as much, man you are still in love. That you worry about it, means you are still in love in my book
Wiseman2 Posted April 16, 2021 Posted April 16, 2021 Ok, don't string girls along. You're both 15 so have a lot of other friends, family, school, etc to stay busy with. It's fine to feel all over the place at 15 y/o, but set yourself free and step back from the intensity.
d0nnivain Posted April 16, 2021 Posted April 16, 2021 Your relationship ran it's course. That happens. 5 months is a good run for 2 15 year olds. Breaking up with her is better & kinder in the long run to both of you than trying to force something that isn't coming naturally. 2
Gaeta Posted April 16, 2021 Posted April 16, 2021 All I hear is that you thought she was so beautiful, then I hear some more about how she's beautiful. Sounds to me that you never thought of her as a person to get to know but as a trophee to have. So, yes. Time to breakup 1
mortensorchid Posted April 17, 2021 Posted April 17, 2021 It depends on the situation... The first 6-10 months you are with someone is the infatuation stage. Infatuation wears off and when it does you better like that person. Not love, just like them. Because if you don't you're in trouble because you are stuck with that person. If you are saying to yourself the tired old excuse of "I love you but I am just not IN love with you " that's what's happened. Dump her and move on? Well ... if you don't even like her anymore then yes. Is there something else you are looking for? Are you expecting to move in with her and she is saying no, or vice versa? First of all, NO to moving in on either of your parts in this case. Because you are not looking for a lover you are looking for one to take care of the other.
Author Orange blossom Posted April 17, 2021 Author Posted April 17, 2021 10 hours ago, mortensorchid said: It depends on the situation... The first 6-10 months you are with someone is the infatuation stage. Infatuation wears off and when it does you better like that person. Not love, just like them. Because if you don't you're in trouble because you are stuck with that person. If you are saying to yourself the tired old excuse of "I love you but I am just not IN love with you " that's what's happened. Dump her and move on? Well ... if you don't even like her anymore then yes. Is there something else you are looking for? Are you expecting to move in with her and she is saying no, or vice versa? First of all, NO to moving in on either of your parts in this case. Because you are not looking for a lover you are looking for one to take care of the other. Don’t get me wrong I think she’s an amazing person I do like her I could talk to her all day. But I just feel like I don’t smile as hard as I used to.
glows Posted April 17, 2021 Posted April 17, 2021 The decision is really yours. I have to say that those things you mentioned don't sound too healthy. Why do things for her when she can do them herself? Step back and maintain your independence and autonomy as individuals. Seems to be a lot of pressure acting or behaving a certain way and your standards of what being in love means is more limerance/infatuation or a crush. Real love comes with time when you accept someone for their flaws and remain inspired by the things you do together or who that person is as a person (likes/dislikes/differences). It takes time. Also why do you second guess yourself if you want to break up with her? If it 's not working, end it because I can guarantee you she senses you pulling back or not as interested. She might dump you first if you're not treating you well or reluctant to communicate with her.
Stupidkupid Posted April 17, 2021 Posted April 17, 2021 (edited) A few bits of advice. - never man handle women like you did your girlfriend. Its not okay to not let her walk across the room. Its not helpful. Its not valiant. Its not okay. - at your age, everything is about your hormones. You're focused on how she looks. Attraction is, of course, important but how beautiful a woman is, is not the sum of who she is. - if you feel like you don't want to be with someone any more, depending on the length of the relationship, talk through your concerns and if theres no future or you are still deeply unsure then gently end the relationship and move on. - be kind, but honest. Don't leave ambiguity. Thats not fair. - don't expect to feel, after a year or 2, the same way you felt in the first few months. You settle into each other, you learn the real person: their history, their quirks, their not so good traits and they learn yours. But this is where real love happens. - see point one again. Edited April 17, 2021 by Stupidkupid
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