Constant Abuse

[Sweetguy40]

I want to get an opinion on what everyone thinks about this. I wont use names or location. Anyway my mom has dementia  and  currently lives with my sister (power of attorney) and brother in law. Being its my mom, I feel I have a right to talk about anything on the phone with my mom. My sister feels otherwise and  doesnt  always like what i discuss with my mom therefore im limited to only talkjing to my mom on Tuesdays and Saturdays.  My mom isnt even allowed her own cell phone she has to  use my sisters and my sister sits close by  to  hear what my mom and I discuss. I think thats very abusive, and my sister is a psychiatrist. Meanwhile my bro in law is even worse. Back in August  2020 I was told my moms house is gonna be sold. They are the  only ones with the key to my moms house apparently im not allowed one. So  I ment them down at the house. While there my bro in law asked if  I was gonna help my sister pack items. I said no cause of how Im treated by them. My bro in  law  called me offensive names.  I told him to shut his mouth. He said make me Ill give you the first punch then pound you. To me thats a threat but according to my sister its self defense.  So I called the police. My bro in law made fun of my mental illness and even offered to get me a gun and bullet to shoot myself. The police came and did nothing because hes allowed freedom of speech. So it seems like nothing gets done about mental and emotional abuse by others.  I even turned  them both in for abuse to adult services and area of againg, they said its not abuse and do nothing for me. Only way I was told I  could handle this is get a lawyer. Im so low income that I cant afford one nor will any local lawyer take my case. What am I to do.

 

Edited April 16, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language

[Wiseman2]

9 hours ago, Sweetguy40 said:

 I called the police. My bro in law made fun of my mental illness 

Contact social services for help with food, housing, medical care and mental health care as well as help with career training.

You've already contacted the police and reported your sister for elder abuse,so there's nothing a private attorney could help you with.

Why, exactly, are your conversations with your mother monitored?

[Sweetguy40]

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

Contact social services for help with food, housing, medical care and mental health care as well as help with career training.

You've already contacted the police and reported your sister for elder abuse,so there's nothing a private attorney could help you with.

Why, exactly, are your conversations with your mother monitored?

The police wont do anything  they  told me they can only do anything if its physical abuse. They told me to get a lawyer. My conversations are monitored because sometimes  the topic  of my moms  and  I  conversations my sister doesnt like so  my sister tells me to change the topic or else shell hang up the phone on my mom and I. Thats just the way my sister is.

 

[d0nnivain]

Get back in touch with Adult Protective Services if you continue to think your mother is being abused.  Be the squeaky wheel that gets noticed.  

They aren't going to address the way your sister & her husband treat you unless it turns physical.  Maybe times are changing & there may be anti-bullying laws you could rely on for help. 

But you must think this through.  If you successfully get your mother away from your sister, what then?  Do you have the resources to shelter your mother?  Do you want to see her in a nursing home?  

It does sound like your sister & her husband are bullies so it may be best to separate yourself from them but if that leaves you unable to talk to your mom, that obviously won't work.  Try negotiating for more days to talk to mom. 

If your mom really does have dementia I can understand why your sister might not want her to have her own phone.  She would not know how to pay the bill, she may not know how to answer the phone or dial it & she's at high risk for losing it or breaking it.   I can't tell you how much money my family & I went through when my mom had dementia because of all the things she damaged or lost  It wasn't her fault but it was expensive.  

As much as you would prefer more access to your mom & you would make different decisions about her care, if she's clean, bathed, well fed & otherwise safe, she is not being abused.   

As for a lawyer, depending on where you live & where she lives, look around for the nearest law school.  Many of them have clinics, staffed by law students, supervised by professors who can act as a free lawyer in cases like yours.   The students would be very eager & work harder than most other public defender / legal services professionals because they are still enthusiastic about practice and aren't burned out.  

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Sweetguy40 said:

My conversations are monitored because sometimes  the topic  of my moms  and  I  conversations

What topics are off limits?

[Caauug]

On 4/16/2021 at 8:37 AM, Sweetguy40 said:

Anyway my mom has dementia  and  currently lives with my sister (power of attorney) and brother in law. Being its my mom, I feel I have a right to talk about anything on the phone with my mom. My sister feels otherwise and  doesnt  always like what i discuss with my mom therefore im limited to only talkjing to my mom on Tuesdays and Saturdays.

Your sister is "Power of attorney" of her mum, her mother lives with her daughter. Your sister, as PoA has a responsibility to her mother to care and protect her as she feels fit  within the law. Your sister has no legal obligation to you, that you have stated.... You have mental illnesses. Your mother has dementia so is unwell mentally and your sister is doing her responsibilities by protecting her mother from you. I don't think this is an attack on you, this looks like your sister is doing what she has to do, protect her mother. 

Sometimes life doesn't turn out the way we want it to.... I am sure your sister does not want her mother to have dementia, but it appears she is trying to make the best of a bad situation. What are you doing to help out?

[Miss Peach]

I had a close relative with similar health issues. Things like having trouble using a phone are common with dementia so that alone wouldn't appear abusive depending on what state of the disease she is in.

[Shampain]

On 4/16/2021 at 12:23 PM, Sweetguy40 said:

The police wont do anything  they  told me they can only do anything if its physical abuse. They told me to get a lawyer. My conversations are monitored because sometimes  the topic  of my moms  and  I  conversations my sister doesnt like so  my sister tells me to change the topic or else shell hang up the phone on my mom and I. Thats just the way my sister is.

 

As a police officer myself I can tell you that in my country we take all forms of domestic abuse very seriously be it psychological or physical...