Dianmar Posted April 14, 2021 Posted April 14, 2021 (edited) I’ve been talking to this guy for nearly two months now. We matched on tinder and haven’t been able to meet as our city is under lockdown. Instead, he will call me and we’ll facetime. He hasn’t hit on me AT ALL or tried to ask me out on a date, but this could be due to the fact that we’re under a lockdown and limited to text message communication. We have bonded over our shared interest in making music. He’s a producer and I sing. Every weekend we’ll exchange new material and naturally it will lead into a conversation about what we did that day, work, etc. He has not shared anything personal with me and neither have I. I don’t see a reason to share my deepest insecurities or how difficult things were in my past life. I’m not sure what his reasons are for being so reserved. Perhaps his deep feelings are reserved for conversations between people who already trust each other and consider each other a huge part of their lives. Still, our conversations are always very light and filled with lots of humour which is something that I am very happy about. I don’t want to stop speaking to this person, but at what point do I accept that this might not be going anywhere? Have I made things too friendly with this person to the point where I unintentionally created this inability to identify the appropriate timing and social cues (as far as texting goes) that may tell whether it is time to talk about "deeper" things? Any/all advice is appreciated! Edited April 14, 2021 by Dianmar
Gaeta Posted April 14, 2021 Posted April 14, 2021 I would not share anything personnal with a man on Tinder that l have not met yet. I'm not sure what you want him to do. Why even being on Tinder if you are in total lock down? Wait it out, the real test will be when you meet. 2
Author Dianmar Posted April 14, 2021 Author Posted April 14, 2021 8 minutes ago, Gaeta said: I would not share anything personnal with a man on Tinder that l have not met yet. I'm not sure what you want him to do. Why even being on Tinder if you are in total lock down? Wait it out, the real test will be when you meet. Do you not want to get to know the person before you meet them? Part of that is sharing personal information. I can’t steer the conversation to bars or venues, so the only choice I have is to proceed to getting to know them.
Gaeta Posted April 15, 2021 Posted April 15, 2021 1 hour ago, Dianmar said: Do you not want to get to know the person before you meet them? Part of that is sharing personal information. I can’t steer the conversation to bars or venues, so the only choice I have is to proceed to getting to know them. No, l do not. l use dating app to make contact, then l meet them, only then l decide if l want to get to know them of course if they feel the same. Right now is covid so l'm not on dating apps. The pandemic will be behind us soon. I can wait June when we're all vaccinated. 1
ShyViolet Posted April 15, 2021 Posted April 15, 2021 4 hours ago, Dianmar said: I don’t want to stop speaking to this person, but at what point do I accept that this might not be going anywhere? I think it's safe to say that it's not going anywhere. Under normal circumstances I would say you should set up a date with this person immediately to see if you have chemistry. If not, then stop speaking to him and move on. But since it's covid and it sounds like it's not possible for you to set up an in-person date right now, this whole interaction probably just isn't going to go anywhere.
glows Posted April 15, 2021 Posted April 15, 2021 I would arrange a video call at the very least if you can't meet outdoors and social distance. Do not keep talking to this person indefinitely. He sounds married/attached/catfishing you. If the conversations and meetings are not progressing normally, stop talking with him. I would not give out any lengthy or personal information about yourself at all, no details about where you live or work either, for example. Save the chit chats and light humour for friends and people you know. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted April 15, 2021 Posted April 15, 2021 7 hours ago, Dianmar said: Perhaps his deep feelings are reserved for conversations between people who already trust each Or have at least met in person. Your expectations on that particular point are too high. You two are strangers, for all intents and purposes. Even though you chit-chat a lot, you are not friends. I thus wouldn't expect someone in this position to share their deep feelings with me, nor would I be interested in offering up mine. Don't put the cart before the horse there, so to speak. Why would you want to discuss your deep feelings with some rando from the internet? But I do agree with you here: If he hasn't even suggested trying to meet once the world normalizes a bit more, then yes, I'd say you're wasting your time. I'd carry on. 1
d0nnivain Posted April 15, 2021 Posted April 15, 2021 I don't understand why you are limited to text messages. I get your city is under lock down & you can't meet but why can't you talk on the phone or have a video call? Ask him if he'd like to have a virtual drink with you & arrange a video chat. Maybe that will spur him to be more flirty. I agree about not sharing deeply personal info with a stranger off tinder. You can get to know somebody without giving up a piece of your soul. Share the superficial stuff: favorites; light, happy, funny discussions about childhood / your past; your interests; 1st think you want to do when the world re-opens etc. 2
smackie9 Posted April 18, 2021 Posted April 18, 2021 This guy is lonely and bored out of his mind. You are his penpal/ friend zoned. If you are seeking romance, stop investing in chat buddies.
spiderowl Posted April 20, 2021 Posted April 20, 2021 It sounds like you share an interest in music and chat as friends but that he has not attempted to take it any further than this. I think if he was interested in a romantic relationship, he would have said something by now, if only that he can't wait to meet you when it is safe to do so. He would probably have commented on your attractiveness and enquired if you had any present admirers. He would be assessing the situation for when you could date. I think he probably just sees you as a friend. Having said the above, if he were my son (who is on the spectrum) he probably would have stuck to talking about music and left the poor girl mystified. He's just not good at talking about emotions at all. 1
chillii Posted April 20, 2021 Posted April 20, 2021 Does sound like it is more just a friend thing to him. And as far as shared interests two people talk about anything if there's anything there not only an interest that sounds more a friend thing too. l'd just imagine a few mths l know she'd be hearing about it from me by then well n truly myself if she was going to buttttt, everyone's different l suppose none the less.
Recommended Posts