I can't open up to people romantically, I'm lonely and I want to be in a relationship.

[ZHguy]

So, today I had a hookup with a guy. After we finished I was taking to him. I noticed something about me, I didn't want to open up to him. 

By open up I mean... When you are infant of a good looking person you are attracted to, I don't want to show that I am attracted to that person. That silly goofy love thing of 'oh my god, this person is hot and I'm so into them'. Yeah, I Don't want to do it. I realised that I prefer to keep slightly closed. But very marginally closed off, not too much. It's like a wall. I'm afraid that if express my entire interest in that person, the person will look at me, make fun of me, then thing I'm a desperate horny person who is needy. Of course I am all those things anyway. I'm 23 and I've never been inn a relationship with a guy or a girl. I'm lonely. I need someone. 

Date number 1 was a couple weeks ago. I did not have a haircut in 6 weeks, nor my eyebrows threaded in 6 weeks. I felt unattractive and so that was my mood in that date. Although my date kept on making me feel sexy. I wasn't gonna buy it. My haircut and eyebrows have been threaded and I am working out, so I feel sexy now. I have a very hard time forming a connection with people romantically. 

I also think people are disappointing. They don't like me and they will always leave me. As they have always done.

 

Edited April 14, 2021 by ZHguy

[glows]

How well did you know that guy you hooked up with? How long have you been seeing each other?

[ZHguy]

27 minutes ago, glows said:

How well did you know that guy you hooked up with? How long have you been seeing each other?

Don't think about the guy. He's not important. 

This was my observation when I was chatting to him after having s*x. Also, this closed off way is how I've been with everyone. 

And to answer your question, the first words we spoke to each other was after having s*x. 

[d0nnivain]

Stop putting the cart before the horse.  No more hook ups.  Try dates instead.  Go on a few before you have sex with the person.  Open up very gradually not all at once.  

[chillii]

So you just go sleep with someone without showing or feeling anything , nice.

[SaraSays]

The brain is growing and changing til we're roughly 25. Lots of things you think now will change. When you get to your 30's, you'll likely see life very differently. However topsy-turvy things feel right now, this will pass.

In the meantime, focus on things that grow the soul and character - volunteer to support the needy, learn to rock-climb, start a small business, pursue something creative just for the pleasure of making art, learn a new language, learn to code a basic application, fundraise in the community, and so on.

[BaileyB]

Why do you have such a negative view of other people?

On 4/14/2021 at 4:04 PM, ZHguy said:

Don't think about the guy. He's not important. 

Are you always this rude?