Author LaPi Posted April 16, 2021 Author Posted April 16, 2021 2 minutes ago, dramafreezone said: I don't believe that. I firmly believe that for every man that says he's single, there's some woman out there that he vibes with so well and that he's so infatuated with that he'll abandon his rules. Maybe that could've been the OP but this breakup probably ruined any chances of that developing. Don't mean to make her feel bad there but it's a lesson to just enjoy the moment. It's comforting when a woman can be in the moment and she's not looking to step 10 when we're on step 2, or just looking for something to go wrong. If he vibed so well with me and he was infatuated, there is nothing more powerful than that. it happened to me, a while ago. Another guy I liked. he messed it up and for me it was it. Then, after 2 weeks he reached out, saying he didn’t want things to end and I actually said I miss you too. because if you really like someone, there is no such a thing as burning bridges so badly, especially at the beginning.
Gaeta Posted April 16, 2021 Posted April 16, 2021 1 minute ago, cleverusername said: No, that sounds confrontational. Explain yourself? As a man if a woman ever offered to meet me so I could "explain myself" I would buy a plane ticket for that night. I think "and left without listening to you. I was hearing but not listening, and I regret it. I i'm willing to have a conversation about we can work through this". hahahaha, sorry I can be bossy. If no one noticed. 1
Author LaPi Posted April 16, 2021 Author Posted April 16, 2021 4 minutes ago, Gaeta said: My teen asked me what's going on, apparently I'm on the edge of my seat with a weird face expression lol. I know players eventually meet 'that special woman'. If OP has time for a project sure. Lol a little pandemic hobby? Lol 1
cleverusername Posted April 16, 2021 Posted April 16, 2021 1 minute ago, Gaeta said: hahahaha, sorry I can be bossy. If no one noticed.
Author LaPi Posted April 16, 2021 Author Posted April 16, 2021 5 minutes ago, cleverusername said: No, that sounds confrontational. Explain yourself? As a man if a woman ever offered to meet me so I could "explain myself" I would buy a plane ticket out of the city for that night. I think "and left without listening to you. I was hearing but not listening, and I regret it. I i'm willing to have a conversation about we can work through this". So true!!
dramafreezone Posted April 16, 2021 Posted April 16, 2021 9 minutes ago, LaPi said: If he vibed so well with me and he was infatuated, there is nothing more powerful than that. it happened to me, a while ago. Another guy I liked. he messed it up and for me it was it. Then, after 2 weeks he reached out, saying he didn’t want things to end and I actually said I miss you too. because if you really like someone, there is no such a thing as burning bridges so badly, especially at the beginning. But you burned the bridge. He gave you his thoughts at that moment in time, 8 dates in. That's not burning.a bridge. Rather than conversing and inquiriing further, you said I'm done. 2
glows Posted April 16, 2021 Posted April 16, 2021 18 minutes ago, LaPi said: Uh? I opened myself up with this guy, that’s the whole point. I wasn’t scared at all to be vulnerable with him, it felt right. And then you walked away. I don't think putting your feelings in a text message is respectful to him or yourself. It's getting those emotions off your shoulders but expecting him to pick up the pieces that you left behind when you did choose that this wasn't what you wanted earlier. Keep it simple and ask him out if you want to talk in person otherwise don't do it at all. 1
Author LaPi Posted April 16, 2021 Author Posted April 16, 2021 1 minute ago, dramafreezone said: But you burned the bridge. He gave you his thoughts at that moment in time, 8 dates in. That's not burning.a bridge. Rather than conversing and inquiriing further, you said I'm done. True. So you are saying that now he’s way too proud and way too hurt by what I did that his infatuation for me is gone? This happened literally Monday night.
Gaeta Posted April 16, 2021 Posted April 16, 2021 In my opinion it's not about him hurting. It's more about him having a different opinion of you now. Sorry. 1
Alpacalia Posted April 16, 2021 Posted April 16, 2021 What is the point of continuing to press him to give you more than he is capable of giving? If you continue to push it, you are not honoring his wishes for what he is willing to give you emotionally at this time. 1 1
dramafreezone Posted April 16, 2021 Posted April 16, 2021 (edited) 4 minutes ago, LaPi said: True. So you are saying that now he’s way too proud and way too hurt by what I did that his infatuation for me is gone? This happened literally Monday night. I don't know. Only thing you can do now is try to re-engage with the idea to converse, not confront. I'm not saying you're going to get the answers you want but I think you'll present yourself in a positive light to him. If it's the end for now, end things on a good note and maybe things change down the line. Edited April 16, 2021 by dramafreezone 1
Gaeta Posted April 16, 2021 Posted April 16, 2021 3 minutes ago, Gaeta said: In my opinion it's not about him hurting. It's more about him having a different opinion of you now. Sorry. The thing is he was not sure of wanting a relationship, then this conversation happened, you abruptly left and said it's done. That might have convinced him he's better single. I still think you should contact him. You'll have your answer. You have nothing to lose.
Author LaPi Posted April 16, 2021 Author Posted April 16, 2021 I don’t think he has a bad opinion about me at all. The conversation we had was not even confrontational. It was very emotional. We hugged the whole time, we slept in the same bed, still hugging, the next morning there was this super sad atmosphere around us, but we were still trying to smile at each other, we hugged and kissed to say goodbye. it was one of the more peaceful “break up” I ever had in my life. I don’t see how he could possibly have a bad opinion about me. also, reaching out showing some level of regret, shows that I am trying to be mature and that I care. or am I seeing this all wrong?
glows Posted April 16, 2021 Posted April 16, 2021 (edited) You'll have to choose if you're all right with having his company but no relationship or labels to it or any other commitment. He didn't share your thoughts on it earlier and after your reaction, it's doubtful he'll trust you or look at you the same way. Even if you both start talking again or seeing each other, it's starting from the beginning. You'll have to get comfortable with that possibility. I think things are more uncertain for you now if you reach out to him than they were before. I agree with Gaeta that you've got nothing to lose. You also seem upset and torn over this enough to warrant clearing the air. There' are too many what ifs (to you). Other people might think or see it as more straightforward and dump him right away but that's not how you feel so honour that and don't second guess yourself so much. Edited April 16, 2021 by glows 1
Gaeta Posted April 16, 2021 Posted April 16, 2021 9 minutes ago, LaPi said: I don’t think he has a bad opinion about me at all. I didn't say bad, just a different opinion. I'm surprised you spent all this time together after the conversation and he didn't try salvage what you had started together. You will have your answer soon.
Author LaPi Posted April 16, 2021 Author Posted April 16, 2021 How about now? Still too long? I don’t like to be dry. Hey, this feels a bit unreal, just days ago I was all happy and flirty and now I miss your presence. It was difficult for me to be that vulnerable and I left without listening to you. I was hearing you, but not listening, and I regret it. I’m just wondering now if it would be a good idea to talk, what you think?
Author LaPi Posted April 16, 2021 Author Posted April 16, 2021 7 minutes ago, glows said: I think it's fab. Send it. Ahaha for real or you are just sick of me? Lol honestly, the amount of thought I am giving this man is unbelievable.
glows Posted April 16, 2021 Posted April 16, 2021 2 minutes ago, LaPi said: Ahaha for real or you are just sick of me? Lol honestly, the amount of thought I am giving this man is unbelievable. I wouldn't reach out to him if it were me. Your thoughts don't align and reaching out to him would be to clear the air and perhaps meet as friends one day. That connection might evolve into a platonic friendship but you've already evolved past what he has to offer (not a relationship). You're looking for something else. I second those other comments about getting divorced. I know you don't like hearing it but I do think it's holding you back from bigger fish in the pond and perhaps meeting someone worthwhile who's more open to long term commitment. This is for you to interpret as you see fit and not meant as slight on your character or what you wish for yourself long term. Like I said before, we're all on a journey. 2
chillii Posted April 16, 2021 Posted April 16, 2021 (edited) lt's nice , and it's as good as any if you don't mind putting it on the line. lf he is interested he'll have no problems with that at all and if he isn't l'm sure he'll be nice about it too. Edited April 16, 2021 by chillii
Dis Posted April 16, 2021 Posted April 16, 2021 3 hours ago, Gaeta said: It's not that at all. This not about wanting to get married again. This about a woman wanting to be in a relationship and the man dreaming of a life with no relationship. There is nothing to negociate. What could he possibly negociate on? She hangs to him for 6 months to see if his desire for a relationship comes back? ^^^This 10000% Let's not give OP false hope here 1
Dis Posted April 16, 2021 Posted April 16, 2021 2 hours ago, LaPi said: How about now? Still too long? I don’t like to be dry. Hey, this feels a bit unreal, just days ago I was all happy and flirty and now I miss your presence. It was difficult for me to be that vulnerable and I left without listening to you. I was hearing you, but not listening, and I regret it. I’m just wondering now if it would be a good idea to talk, what you think? No. No, no, no. No. He knows where you stand and you know where he stands...on two different pages 1 1
Sun Seeker Posted April 16, 2021 Posted April 16, 2021 It's unbelievable how the bad advice has continued in this thread from posters giving OP so much false hope. That she did something wrong, that she should have just enjoyed the moment, that she should have cared so much about what he wanted, that he could have changed his mind in the future, that this 'breakup' actually ended something that was going to be amazing... OP you did nothing wrong. After one month and 8 dates he 100% knew whether there was relationship potential with you. The answer was no. It's that simple. I would not reach out to him as you both want different things from each other. If he wanted the same thing you want, he would have reached out to you already. If you do decide to contact him, do it only for your own benefit/closure, if that's what you need. Not to try to get him back or get things to work again. He made his decision, his life is better without you in it. Believe him and don't settle. 6 1
Dis Posted April 16, 2021 Posted April 16, 2021 2 minutes ago, Punterxx said: It's unbelievable how the bad advice has continued in this thread from posters giving OP so much false hope. That she did something wrong, that she should have just enjoyed the moment, that she should have cared so much about what he wanted, that he could have changed his mind in the future, that this 'breakup' actually ended something that was going to be amazing... OP you did nothing wrong. After one month and 8 dates he 100% knew whether there was relationship potential with you. The answer was no. It's that simple. I would not reach out to him as you both want different things from each other. If he wanted the same thing you want, he would have reached out to you already. If you do decide to contact him, do it only for your own benefit/closure, if that's what you need. Not to try to get him back or get things to work again. He made his decision, his life is better without you in it. Believe him and don't settle. Again, yup^^^^ I would hate to see OP reach out only to get hurt again
glows Posted April 16, 2021 Posted April 16, 2021 (edited) I don't think anyone was suggesting the OP did anything wrong. Some of the replies are a lot more neutral and taking into account the OP's attraction to the guy as well and her appearing to regret what she'd done or said earlier (those are her own words so scroll back). Ultimately it's her choice not anyone else's. I think there's a danger of projecting too much one's own issues or hang ups about contacting someone. I personally wouldn't but that is my choice, individual to the OP's. Someone else might feel differently. And it's a text by the way. Not a nuclear bomb. At the very most he doesn't reply or says no. This is not a big deal and I think making it out to be is more damaging in the long run. What this guy says or does shouldn't matter if he's not going to be what the OP wants. Edited April 16, 2021 by glows 2
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