Leeleeo Posted April 13, 2021 Posted April 13, 2021 Hey everyone, So my boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years, and living together for 1 year. Before I met him he was single for 1 and half year, and before that married for 10 years with 2 children. When I met him I didn't even know he was married before, he said he was single. Then we started dating and started to get to know each other, talked a little bit about our past and that's when he told me he was separated with he's wife, but that back in his country they had gotten divorced. BTW, this women is back in his country, and is also married over there with someone else, the children are also back in his country. I'm a little bit old fashion, I think that if you're married you are married until you get a divorce, and since here in Canada he has not gotten a divorce then he still married. But is separated, which honestly makes not difference to me. Also, he is a great father, takes care of his kids, sends more more than he should be sending. And he is always communicates with the mother of the children, they talk a lot more than they should in my opinion. and talk about how she feels and how bad is going with her husband. and how stressed out she is. too much communication in my opinion. So I've always felt dirty somehow, being with someone else' man bugs me. The days that I think about it too much, I don't even want to touch him or want him to touch me. I just feel like he's never going to be mine. I have told him this before and that why doesn't he get a divorce, but he says that he has no money for all that, and why would I want to take her marital benefits she gets because of his work. Anyways I'm a pretty independent person and is very hard for me to ask for things. But trust me when I say the last things I'm thinking about is he's benefits, all I'm thinking about is how I want a future, kids, a husband, and that he will never be fully mine. I have told him about all this but is like he is not interested in nothing, so I ask him "why are we together if there is not going to be a future? he says I don't know, I just feel good being with you. I don't even know what that means if every time I ask him about having more kids he says no, that he does not want more kids, and I say that I want a husband and he says he does not want to be married again. So then I don't see the point of being with him If at some point in this relationship I'm not going to end up with a husband, a family and a future! which is what I want for my life. Anyways for a big while now, we've been fighting for anything and everything. He says that my comments are out of place, and that he can't talk to my anything because I always say something out of place that he doesn't like. For example, today he stands beside me as if he was going to fart, and I get up and say "ewww don't fart, they stick!!" and he says "you so delicate". Then I said " who wants to smell you farts, the women that would want to smell your farts you have to marry her". he says "I will make your dreams come true" , and I said, " do what you want honey, either way what does it matter anyways". and then he says "I don't know why I tell you things" and I said " I know right, we always end up like this, saying the same things. Why do we even talk to each other!" Please give me some advice on what to do. So, really I don't know what to do anymore. I'm studying to be a social worker so I've been learning communication skills and trying to use them on the people around me family members, my own boyfriend and my 2 years old daughter. I do not know how to talk to my boyfriend, I really don't. So all I think about when we get mad at each other is to break up, and that I'll be better of without him.
Wiseman2 Posted April 14, 2021 Posted April 14, 2021 Sorry this is happening. Protect your daughter from all this. You're fighting because you're living together. But mainly because he's quite shady about his marriage and country. Move out. Can you stay with family? How is your co-parenting relationship with your child's father?
ExpatInItaly Posted April 14, 2021 Posted April 14, 2021 Why are you with a married man who doesn't want to divorce, remarry or have more kids - if those are all the things you do want? You are right, there is no point staying together. This relationship is not going anywhere. 2
d0nnivain Posted April 14, 2021 Posted April 14, 2021 You are not fighting about little things. The heart of your disagreements are his legal marital status -- a HUGE thing -- and the fact that you don't feel safe in the relationship. You don't trust that he will ever be yours. I think this has run its course.
smackie9 Posted April 14, 2021 Posted April 14, 2021 (edited) Here's the deal. She can't remarry without a divorce so his story about her remarried is BS. Separation is not the same as divorce. They still are legally married and can still share assets. In Canada you have to be legally separated for one full year before anyone can apply for divorce. If there are no real assets, it's like 800 bucks and a notary's signature to divorce. Anywho, he's lying and I wouldn't get too starried eyed because he's good with kids and whispers sweet nothings in your ear. Edited April 14, 2021 by smackie9
Miss Peach Posted April 14, 2021 Posted April 14, 2021 I have dated a separated man who had been apart for awhile and had filed. But I'm with you. I'm not sure I would want to do it again if you want to get married and such in a reasonable time frame. But in this case it seems like he deceived you. They are not the same. It doesn't sound like it's in line with your goals.
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