Let's talk about sex, baby.

[Wiseman2]

2 minutes ago, crappedmypantsthrice said:

About 6 weeks. We have not. I am talking to others, yes. I presume he is doing the same, but I don't know.

Are you thinking he's on/off with an ex? That's why he's "just dating"  , just joking, just sexting, etc.? Trying to 'move on" but really can't?

[Alpacalia]

4 minutes ago, crappedmypantsthrice said:

Well, I am very much pro-bed. Like...why have sex on your deck, when 20 feet away, you could be inside, in the comfort of a soft, warm bed? 

Boring. (just kidding)

In all seriousness, he went from "lets take it slow" to "lets do it in a car." So the risqué talk must have worked. Hmmm.

 

[crappedmypantsthrice]

4 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Are you thinking he's on/off with an ex? That's why he's "just dating"  , just joking, just sexting, etc.? Trying to 'move on" but really can't?

It's certainly a possibility. Or maybe just someone he has been friends with for a while, and maybe that person is single now, and now's his chance. Or someone he has matched with on Tinder. 

I am not really thinking any of them, but I do think that they are all possible. 

 

 

1 minute ago, Alpaca said:

Boring. (just kidding)

In all seriousness, he went from "lets take it slow" to "lets do it in a car." So the risqué talk must have worked. Hmmm.

 

 

 

 

[Stupidkupid]

19 minutes ago, Alpaca said:

Boring. (just kidding)

In all seriousness, he went from "lets take it slow" to "lets do it in a car." So the risqué talk must have worked. Hmmm.

 

But comfy...

[crappedmypantsthrice]

7 minutes ago, Stupidkupid said:

But comfy...

Yassssssssssss.

[Alpacalia]

2 hours ago, crappedmypantsthrice said:

Right now, the first order of business is seeing if he even wants to be physical at all, kiss me, etc.

 

2 hours ago, crappedmypantsthrice said:

About 6 weeks. We have not. 

You two have been dating for 6 weeks and there's been no kissing?

[crappedmypantsthrice]

37 minutes ago, Alpaca said:

 

You two have been dating for 6 weeks and there's been no kissing?

I know, I know....trust me I know. 

I know how it sounds. 

I do feel like next time I see him will be make or break. Not that I'm saying it's an ultimatum situation. But internally, I have sort of had a come to Jesus conversation with myself that...if he doesn't kiss me next time...I really doubt that he ever will. 

[Alpacalia]

23 minutes ago, crappedmypantsthrice said:

I know, I know....trust me I know. 

I know how it sounds. 

I do feel like next time I see him will be make or break. Not that I'm saying it's an ultimatum situation. But internally, I have sort of had a come to Jesus conversation with myself that...if he doesn't kiss me next time...I really doubt that he ever will. 

It's just mildly confusing. No kissing. But sexting, and a mention of "meeting up halfway, at some random park, for some car sex" on his part. 

Do you not find that a bit insulting?

Edited April 12, 2021 by Alpaca

[crappedmypantsthrice]

3 minutes ago, Alpaca said:

It's just mildly confusing. No kissing. But sexting, and a mention of "meeting up halfway, at some random park, for some car sex" on his part. 

Yes...it IS very confusing. No mild about it. 

I do think men, and probably some women too, tend to have less fear and more cajones, if I may say that, from behind a computer screen....and in this case, perhaps, from behind a text. 

But go or get off the pot, dude....lol

[Cersei]

I think he's either got ED as someone else said or maybe a very small penis he is ashamed of. In any case he is playing games. I say be upfront and ask him if he ever plans to make a move.

[spiderowl]

I can see why you are bothered here, OP.

Just guessing but, based on another poster's question, I would think he has some sexual issues such as premature ejaculation or is on the smallish size which is why he is 'taking it slow'.  When you and he chatted, he got aroused and then leapt in with that wild suggestion, which he probably thought you would not agree to anyway.

Where does that leave you?  I'm not sure.  I can understand your disappointment with the lack of romance here.  It really is amazing how one small act or comment can almost completely ruin a budding relationship (I've been there too!).  I guess leave him to make contact now and see if he says anything vaguely apologetic.  I do think he ought to say something, even though you started the sexual conversation.  You could say that it wasn't really you and see what he says.  I think you will have to see how you feel after this incident and decide whether he is essentially the kind of guy you like (who happened to get carried away when he thought he had permission) or not.

Edited April 12, 2021 by spiderowl

[Alpacalia]

6 hours ago, crappedmypantsthrice said:

But go or get off the pot, dude....lol

If you're referring to physical intimacy, it seems he tried to, but you were offended by his suggestion. That's understandable if you want more romance. Are you trying to date him on a long-term basis, or is this just a casual thing for you?

[salparadise]

16 hours ago, crappedmypantsthrice said:

After we get that established, the next order of business will be just what you said...giving him the humungous green light to have me over to his apartment for....romantic times. 

I think he has barriers to full the full intimacy experience. Women seem to inherently integrate the two aspects, and usually require wooing, romantic words and gestures, etc., even if it’s merely a symbolic show of respect. Men who know just how to work that (often men with sisters) get a lot of... But here we have a guy dating a woman who is doing her damnedest to get him laid, and he’d rather avoid sex than be subjected to intimacy. But he’d surely like to get his noodle wet, if he could do so without unmasking, so he proposes a car sex quickie where he can have one without the other. 
OP, I think perhaps you’re going to have to do a bit more than green light him, this may require more of a hands on approach. Good luck. 
 

[Miss Peach]

23 hours ago, Gaeta said:

I'm gonna make a wild guess here. He's hiding something related to sex and he wants to build a connection before making you aware of that 'thing' so you're already attached and won't discard him right away.  Now it's been 35 years since I had sex in a car (I do understand your title :-)) , my memory of it is it's dark and we don't fully undress in case we get caught. 

A man telling me he wants to delay sex would worry me more than the sex in a car suggestion but yes, at 55 I'd be pretty turned off by the offer, I'm not some hooker you pick up at the corner and drive to the park. 

This has been my experience - usually it's been ED from medications but one guy he was worried about a STD disclosure

20 hours ago, crappedmypantsthrice said:

Definitely sounds like one way to do it. 

Within the last few days, he and I had a short, joking discussion about uncomfortable places to have sex: outdoors, at the beach, on your home deck, on the floor, etc. Well, I am very much pro-bed. Like...why have sex on your deck, when 20 feet away, you could be inside, in the comfort of a soft, warm bed? 

Be careful what you wish for here. I had an ex that would NEVER do it off the bed and it drive me nuts. Yes, a bed is nice most of the time but variety is also nice IMO.

[Wiseman2]

16 hours ago, crappedmypantsthrice said:

But go or get off the pot, dude.

Or... just move forward and forget about deciphering all these weird mixed signals.

[Stupidkupid]

2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Or... just move forward and forget about deciphering all these weird mixed signals.

[Fletch Lives]

Haha! Well, I assume you want something more romantic. How about a counter offer..... tell him to take you to dinner and then go to his place or yours and you'll see 

 

Welcome to the cat-and-mouse game we call dating!

Edited April 12, 2021 by Fletch Lives

[crappedmypantsthrice]

21 hours ago, Alpaca said:

Do you not find that a bit insulting?

Yes and no. 

The thing is...we have been on dates. We have another date in the works. We are in pretty regular contact. He reaches out. (I'm talking to him currently, actually)

So, I feel like there is at least some level of interest there. And investment. 

Now, if this was after Date 1, and he had said "Let's take things slow" and turned right around and done this....yeah, I would pretty insulted. 

The emotion I have in this case is more confusion and annoyance than feeling insulted. 

BUT. 

And here is the but. 

If this is like one of those "Pretty Woman" hooker things, where he isn't kissing me bc kissing to him is intimate, and he doesn't want to have that level of intimacy with me.....but he is willing to screw me in the back of a car....then yes, I would be pretty insulted. I guess for now, I will take him at his word that he is just wanting to take things slow. 

 

 

19 hours ago, Cersei said:

I think he's either got ED as someone else said or maybe a very small penis he is ashamed of. In any case he is playing games. I say be upfront and ask him if he ever plans to make a move.

I mean...maybe. Although that doesn't really explain the reasoning for not kissing or any other physical activity, short of sex. 

Also...I actually prefer a smaller penis, so that wouldn't bother me. Just saying...

 

18 hours ago, spiderowl said:

I can see why you are bothered here, OP.

Just guessing but, based on another poster's question, I would think he has some sexual issues such as premature ejaculation or is on the smallish size which is why he is 'taking it slow'.  When you and he chatted, he got aroused and then leapt in with that wild suggestion, which he probably thought you would not agree to anyway.

Where does that leave you?  I'm not sure.  I can understand your disappointment with the lack of romance here.  It really is amazing how one small act or comment can almost completely ruin a budding relationship (I've been there too!).  I guess leave him to make contact now and see if he says anything vaguely apologetic.  I do think he ought to say something, even though you started the sexual conversation.  You could say that it wasn't really you and see what he says.  I think you will have to see how you feel after this incident and decide whether he is essentially the kind of guy you like (who happened to get carried away when he thought he had permission) or not.

 

Thanks....it's definitely a possibility. 

It's hard for me to understand, because I had an ex who had sexual issues.....pre-mature ejaculation, trouble keeping it up, on medications which didn't help.....but that didn't stop him from trying. It didn't stop him from wanting to be with me. So, it's hard for me to have understanding with that, but I can try. 

[crappedmypantsthrice]

16 hours ago, Alpaca said:

If you're referring to physical intimacy, it seems he tried to, but you were offended by his suggestion. That's understandable if you want more romance. Are you trying to date him on a long-term basis, or is this just a casual thing for you?

 

I am dating him to explore to see if there is potential for long-term. Right now, we're keeping things somewhat casual, but I wouldn't say casual in sort of the sexual/online dating definition of casual. Most people nowadays say "casual" and mean they are looking for friends with benefits or something. 

As to the bold....let me clarify. When I said go or get off the pot, I was referring to our in-person dates. 

 

 

9 hours ago, salparadise said:

I think he has barriers to full the full intimacy experience. Women seem to inherently integrate the two aspects, and usually require wooing, romantic words and gestures, etc., even if it’s merely a symbolic show of respect. Men who know just how to work that (often men with sisters) get a lot of... But here we have a guy dating a woman who is doing her damnedest to get him laid, and he’d rather avoid sex than be subjected to intimacy. But he’d surely like to get his noodle wet, if he could do so without unmasking, so he proposes a car sex quickie where he can have one without the other. 
OP, I think perhaps you’re going to have to do a bit more than green light him, this may require more of a hands on approach. Good luck. 
 

You're going to have to spell it out for me. When you say "hands on approach," you don't mean for me to grab him by the nards, right? 

 

5 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Or... just move forward and forget about deciphering all these weird mixed signals.

 

Yeah, that's kind of where I have landed on it. 

Just gonna wait till our next date and see what happens. 

[crappedmypantsthrice]

36 minutes ago, Fletch Lives said:

Haha! Well, I assume you want something more romantic. How about a counter offer..... tell him to take you to dinner and then go to his place or yours and you'll see 

 

Welcome to the cat-and-mouse game we call dating!

Haha, isn't it grand?

[RecentChange]

Weird.

Its all just a little weird is it not?

I am 42 - so I am guessing around your age. I was kinda following along until I got to the "six weeks no kissing" part.

I understand different strokes for different folks, but I don't think I could handle that (unless it was a platonic relationship that took a turn).

I don't mind car sex, if it weren't for the lack of travel due to the pandemic, I would usually be able to say it's something I have indulged in recently.

But PLANNED car sex? No, no no no. Car sex (for me at least) is HOT because it's when you are at a wedding, and just can't stand it any more and need to sneak off.  Or at a beach or on a mountain drive and just can't wait to get back to the hotel.

But meet up for car sex? When not a teenager? Weird. 

Mixed singles to the max from this guy when it comes to sex. 

OP sounds like you need to take the reins and see where this goes. It seems like he has some sort of baggage when it comes to sex, hence the inconsistency and hiding behind a screen. 

[Alpacalia]

45 minutes ago, crappedmypantsthrice said:

Yes and no. 

The thing is...we have been on dates. We have another date in the works. We are in pretty regular contact. He reaches out. (I'm talking to him currently, actually)

So, I feel like there is at least some level of interest there. And investment. 

Now, if this was after Date 1, and he had said "Let's take things slow" and turned right around and done this....yeah, I would pretty insulted. 

The emotion I have in this case is more confusion and annoyance than feeling insulted. 

BUT. 

And here is the but. 

If this is like one of those "Pretty Woman" hooker things, where he isn't kissing me bc kissing to him is intimate, and he doesn't want to have that level of intimacy with me.....but he is willing to screw me in the back of a car....then yes, I would be pretty insulted. I guess for now, I will take him at his word that he is just wanting to take things slow. 

There's a certain level of intimacy with kissing versus the other "stuff."

Whereas with sex he can be totally disconnected from the person.

This could all be a big nothing but just something to be mindful of. Given you are feeling "confused and annoyed" perhaps a better approach would be to dial it back with the naughty phone chats. 

On the other hand, one of the most perplexing dating issues to contend with, is dating the wrong person for us.

[Gaeta]

Once l came across a man that didn't like kissing. Yep! They exist. I'm glad l let that one go. 

[BaileyB]

1 hour ago, RecentChange said:

But PLANNED car sex? No, no no no. Car sex (for me at least) is HOT because it's when you are at a wedding, and just can't stand it any more and need to sneak off.  Or at a beach or on a mountain drive and just can't wait to get back to the hotel.

But meet up for car sex? When not a teenager? Weird. 

This made me laugh out loud. 

I feel the same about PLANNED car sex. There must be a reason why this is the best option he could come up with, because why anyone would chose this for their first time with a new person is beyond weird. 

[Mrin]

This is all so weird. The no kissing thing is over the top.

I would just next to him and move on