crappedmypantsthrice Posted April 11, 2021 Posted April 11, 2021 Pretty sure I just aged myself, and there is a certain segment of posters who won't even get the reference. Also...might be a little bit of a bait and switch. Me and this guy have been on a few dates. Now, he told me up front that he wanted to take things slow, and I respect that. Anyway, the dates have been awesome, no complaints. The only thing is that he still isn't really taking things to the next level as far as physical touch and intimacy goes. Which, again, is perfectly fine. He was up-front about that from the get go. I've been to his apartment a couple of times. No hanky panky...completely innocent and above board. But, hey, we're taking things slow, not dead. So, there has definitely been some sexual texts and pictures and innuendo. So this morning...I want to start by taking full responsibility for starting things- I'm not sorry for it- but I will admit that it was I that got the ball rolling. Anyway, I started some sexual talk, and he replied with some sexual talk. I have to admit, it was nice to hear how much I turn him on. Then, he suggested we meet up halfway, at some random park, for some car sex. Now, I'm no prude. I have no problem enjoying some fun park car sex. At some point. But...we've been taking things slow...building rapport, and do I really want to throw all that build-up away for some half-assed romp in the middle of nowhere? Uh, no. So, I politely declined. But...then my thought was....why would HE want to throw away all that buildup and rapport? It was his idea in the first place. My mind is all over the place but, here is what is rattling around in my brain right now: If he was only into things for the sex, he could have had it long before now. He could have propositioned me on the dates we were on. He could have propositioned me when I was at his apartment. He could have bypassed the taking things slow altogether. So, it's difficult for me to be upset and be like, "Oh what a pig, just wants to f**k." However, the fact that he suggested sex with all the class and atmosphere of a high school sophomore's first time or a Plenty of Fish hookup, that is a little bothersome to me. He could have invited me to his apartment, and while I'm still not sure I would have agreed, at least then it would feel like he was suggesting an intimate time together and not...some random sex session. I guess I'm not really asking what to DO persay. Just wondering....am I crazy for feeling the way I am? Should I be worried about his suggestion? It sort of feels like things have regressed in a way. Previously, I had spent time at his place and we were taking things slow to build toward something. Now, it feels like I'm no longer welcome at his apartment, and we're not building toward anything.
Gaeta Posted April 11, 2021 Posted April 11, 2021 I'm gonna make a wild guess here. He's hiding something related to sex and he wants to build a connection before making you aware of that 'thing' so you're already attached and won't discard him right away. Now it's been 35 years since I had sex in a car (I do understand your title :-)) , my memory of it is it's dark and we don't fully undress in case we get caught. A man telling me he wants to delay sex would worry me more than the sex in a car suggestion but yes, at 55 I'd be pretty turned off by the offer, I'm not some hooker you pick up at the corner and drive to the park. 4
BaileyB Posted April 11, 2021 Posted April 11, 2021 28 minutes ago, crappedmypantsthrice said: Then, he suggested we meet up halfway, at some random park, for some car sex. the fact that he suggested sex with all the class and atmosphere of a high school sophomore's first time or a Plenty of Fish hookup, that is a little bothersome to me. Just wondering....am I crazy for feeling the way I am? No. It would be a total turn off for me too. 1
Wiseman2 Posted April 11, 2021 Posted April 11, 2021 29 minutes ago, crappedmypantsthrice said: he told me up front that he wanted to take things slow, and I respect that. Anyway, the dates have been awesome, no complaints. I've been to his apartment a couple of times. there has definitely been some sexual texts and pictures and innuendo. How long have you been dating? Why bother sexting if you are seeing each other in person? Why can't you invite him for dinner or suggest another date?
Gaeta Posted April 11, 2021 Posted April 11, 2021 1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said: Why bother sexting if you are seeing each other in person? She wants sex, he doesn't. She sext him to get the ball rolling but he wants the ball rolling in the car. 4
glows Posted April 11, 2021 Posted April 11, 2021 (edited) Car park sex was something we did when we were still living with parents. Why relive this if it's reminiscent of the old days and out of place? Can he not host either? If it's usually at your place he may not want to impose on you and suggested a parking lot. It sounds like a regrettable logistics/morning wood issue and a suggestion of desperation. I wouldn't overthink this but get to know each other and spend more time in person. Edited April 11, 2021 by glows
cleverusername Posted April 11, 2021 Posted April 11, 2021 (edited) Tell him you want to shower together before hand to make sure you're both clean, that if you wanna have sex it's going to be in a hotel not a car. Edited April 11, 2021 by cleverusername
ExpatInItaly Posted April 11, 2021 Posted April 11, 2021 I too get the reference in your thread title. I am assuming the man in question is also somewhere in your general age bracket, and thus, the mere suggestion of car sex would be a huge turn-off for me. Maybe as a teen or as a spontaneous stop if we were getting hot and bothered on a road trip - but as a planned thing? Very odd for an adult. 1
Stupidkupid Posted April 11, 2021 Posted April 11, 2021 39 minutes ago, Gaeta said: I'm gonna make a wild guess here. He's hiding something related to sex and he wants to build a connection before making you aware of that 'thing' so you're already attached and won't discard him right away. Now it's been 35 years since I had sex in a car (I do understand your title :-)) , my memory of it is it's dark and we don't fully undress in case we get caught. A man telling me he wants to delay sex would worry me more than the sex in a car suggestion but yes, at 55 I'd be pretty turned off by the offer, I'm not some hooker you pick up at the corner and drive to the park. Late 30s and same. Give me a bed. Comfortable. Spacious. Convenient.
smackie9 Posted April 11, 2021 Posted April 11, 2021 Most of us are in our 50s +... I'm 57 so yes I do get it. Yes it is a bait and switch. My take on any guy saying to take things slow is either broken, on the sly or is hiding something. I agree with you that he is trying to give you a false sense of security by saying he wants to slow down, holding back/ being a gentleman. He thinks you caught the bait, and now he's tying reel you in. This guy is something else. Follow your gut instinct...dump and run. *If you meet up with a guy you barley know for car sex, you will be at his mercy. It's not just a turn off....it's dangerous. 2
Author crappedmypantsthrice Posted April 11, 2021 Author Posted April 11, 2021 51 minutes ago, Gaeta said: I'm gonna make a wild guess here. He's hiding something related to sex and he wants to build a connection before making you aware of that 'thing' so you're already attached and won't discard him right away. Now it's been 35 years since I had sex in a car (I do understand your title :-)) , my memory of it is it's dark and we don't fully undress in case we get caught. A man telling me he wants to delay sex would worry me more than the sex in a car suggestion but yes, at 55 I'd be pretty turned off by the offer, I'm not some hooker you pick up at the corner and drive to the park. The delaying doesn't really bother me TOO much. It's actually kind of a refreshing change of pace. You see, I didn't date much in my younger years. I started late, so sex has always come very early into a relationship for me, because I think me and my partner have always been of the "Why waste time, we know what we want" kind of mature mindset. So taking things slow...it sort of feels like this old-school way of courting that I just never really got to experience in my youth. Now, obviously, as you say, if there is some awful secret that he is hiding...then, it definitely makes things a lot less sweet. But, I really like how you put it: I'm not some hooker you pick up and drive to the park to nail. 43 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: How long have you been dating? Why bother sexting if you are seeing each other in person? Why can't you invite him for dinner or suggest another date? We actually already have plans for our next date, so...that's definitely something in the back of my mind as well: maybe I'll just wait and see how the next date goes, and what comes of it. Will this little episode be discussed? Will he finally make a move? I guess I probably also need to prepare myself for the possibility that nothing changes, that he continues moving slow, and this whole sex thing is never really going to happen. 38 minutes ago, glows said: Car park sex was something we did when we were still living with parents. Why relive this if it's reminiscent of the old days and out of place? Can he not host either? If it's usually at your place he may not want to impose on you and suggested a parking lot. It sounds like a regrettable logistics/morning wood issue and a suggestion of desperation. I wouldn't overthink this but get to know each other and spend more time in person. I think maybe you misread my post. Yes, he could host, and that's part of my confusion....why not just invite me to your place? I mean yeah, it's a further drive, but....being somewhere warm and comfortable far outweighs whatever extra inconvenience comes from a further drive. No, it's not usually at my place....our dates typically take place in public/at a restaurant, although as I mentioned, I have been to his place a couple of times as well. I am hoping it's all an innocent misunderstanding as the bolded part sort of says. Like...maybe in the interest of expediency, he was thinking halfway....because we could get to the halfway point quicker than one of us driving to the other person's place. And he was thinking he couldn't make it that long. I think there is also the possibility that he was just calling my bluff. He probably knew there was a 99% chance I was going to say no when he suggested it.
ExpatInItaly Posted April 11, 2021 Posted April 11, 2021 2 minutes ago, crappedmypantsthrice said: Yes, he could host, and that's part of my confusion....why not just invite me to your place? I would have asked him exactly that.
glows Posted April 11, 2021 Posted April 11, 2021 Yes. That is likely but what matters too is that you were turned off. Depending on how comfortable you are with him or how annoyed you are at his suggestion, I'd make light of it and joke with him about the venue next time. The bottomline is you aren't impressed so there's no reason to hide that but you could soften the blow and ease into a conversation about sex too.
Author crappedmypantsthrice Posted April 11, 2021 Author Posted April 11, 2021 1 hour ago, BaileyB said: No. It would be a total turn off for me too. Yeah. I think another thing sort of going through my mind as a possibility is....if he has a girlfriend, that could explain why he wouldn't want me coming to his place. Even if they aren't living together, there is always the chance that maybe she stops by, or someone sees us together. Meeting halfway at some random out-of-the-way spot...it would definitely make things more covert. I hate thinking that way. 1 hour ago, cleverusername said: Tell him you want to shower together before hand to make sure you're both clean, that if you wanna have sex it's going to be in a hotel not a car. Nice! You go! As to the shower part...I mean meh. I do want there to be at least some level of spontaneity. 59 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: I too get the reference in your thread title. I am assuming the man in question is also somewhere in your general age bracket, and thus, the mere suggestion of car sex would be a huge turn-off for me. Maybe as a teen or as a spontaneous stop if we were getting hot and bothered on a road trip - but as a planned thing? Very odd for an adult. He is...just slightly older. With back issues too. Which makes me kind of think maybe the whole thing was just a bluff, and he wasn't really serious. Like...he never expected me to go along with it. But, it was a way to keep the sexual talk going. 1
Wiseman2 Posted April 11, 2021 Posted April 11, 2021 13 minutes ago, crappedmypantsthrice said: I guess I probably also need to prepare myself for the possibility that nothing changes, that he continues moving slow, and this whole sex thing is never really going to happen. Do you think he has ED or is hiding something? It's doubtful he's dating you to be friends. Unfortunately you seem quite anxious about this.
Author crappedmypantsthrice Posted April 11, 2021 Author Posted April 11, 2021 59 minutes ago, Stupidkupid said: Late 30s and same. Give me a bed. Comfortable. Spacious. Convenient. Preach it. 41 minutes ago, smackie9 said: Most of us are in our 50s +... I'm 57 so yes I do get it. Yes it is a bait and switch. My take on any guy saying to take things slow is either broken, on the sly or is hiding something. I agree with you that he is trying to give you a false sense of security by saying he wants to slow down, holding back/ being a gentleman. He thinks you caught the bait, and now he's tying reel you in. This guy is something else. Follow your gut instinct...dump and run. *If you meet up with a guy you barley know for car sex, you will be at his mercy. It's not just a turn off....it's dangerous. Er, my gut instinct isn't to dump and run. My gut instinct is confusion and hurt and wondering what exactly is really going on. Trust me, I did not take him up on his offer. 6 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: I would have asked him exactly that. I guess I should have. It just didn't formulate as a thought at the time, until I had time to sit and think about it. The thing is...normally, he does invite me to his house...normally in jest. We'll be flirting, maybe not even sexually, but sort of flirtation on the edge of sexual...and he'll say something like, "Get on over here." Which...it does make me worry that he is hiding something...or someone. He did say "Too bad you're not here" earlier in the conversation, but that's not exactly the same as an invite. 6 minutes ago, glows said: Yes. That is likely but what matters too is that you were turned off. Depending on how comfortable you are with him or how annoyed you are at his suggestion, I'd make light of it and joke with him about the venue next time. The bottomline is you aren't impressed so there's no reason to hide that but you could soften the blow and ease into a conversation about sex too. Yeah, we'll definitely see. I do think he knows I'm not impressed, because he even said to me..."I know you aren't the kind of girl that would have sex in the back of a Jeep." This next date will be interesting for sure...lots to unpack.
Author crappedmypantsthrice Posted April 11, 2021 Author Posted April 11, 2021 6 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Do you think he has ED or is hiding something? It's doubtful he's dating you to be friends. Unfortunately you seem quite anxious about this. Honestly, I don't know what to think. I guess that's part of why I'm all over the place on it, because it could be anything really. I will say back to the....only wanting me for sex thought from the first post....I do feel like....it's a lot of dates and a lot of investment for a roll in the hay he could have had on date 2. Which does lean against him using me for sex. Thank you for re-affirming that it would be highly unlikely for him to be dating me if he wasn't seeing it going somewhere. 1
smackie9 Posted April 11, 2021 Posted April 11, 2021 9 minutes ago, crappedmypantsthrice said: I do think he knows I'm not impressed, because he even said to me..."I know you aren't the kind of girl that would have sex in the back of a Jeep." This next date will be interesting for sure...lots to unpack. This was kinda important to know....it changes the perspective.
glows Posted April 11, 2021 Posted April 11, 2021 He misjudged and said something tasteless in the heat of the moment. If you're looking for the quiet, deep thinker or the gentleman, it may not be this guy. What are your vibes anyway? Is he someone you're interested in actually (mentally/intellectually) or are you on the fence based on your other dates? Also, he may be dating other women. Jeep sex may have been a reality not long ago.
Author crappedmypantsthrice Posted April 11, 2021 Author Posted April 11, 2021 (edited) 15 minutes ago, smackie9 said: This was kinda important to know....it changes the perspective. How so? Better? Worse? 10 minutes ago, glows said: He misjudged and said something tasteless in the heat of the moment. If you're looking for the quiet, deep thinker or the gentleman, it may not be this guy. What are your vibes anyway? Is he someone you're interested in actually (mentally/intellectually) or are you on the fence based on your other dates? Also, he may be dating other women. Jeep sex may have been a reality not long ago. He's a complete gentleman.....in person up to this point anyway. Yes, I am interested in him....mentally, intellectually, and very much physically. Not on the fence at all. You are right, he very well may be. We aren't exclusive. But him dating other women is one thing. Him having a girlfriend that he wants to hide me from would be a whole other thing entirely. Edited April 11, 2021 by crappedmypantsthrice 1
BaileyB Posted April 11, 2021 Posted April 11, 2021 50 minutes ago, crappedmypantsthrice said: think another thing sort of going through my mind as a possibility is....if he has a girlfriend, that could explain why he wouldn't want me coming to his place. Even if they aren't living together, there is always the chance that maybe she stops by, or someone sees us together. Meeting halfway at some random out-of-the-way spot...it would definitely make things more covert. It’s one way to keep it on the “down low.” You could always tell him that you would prefer to go to his place. Ask him to cook you a nice dinner and then you will see where it goes... and then, you will see how that goes... 1
elaine567 Posted April 11, 2021 Posted April 11, 2021 48 minutes ago, crappedmypantsthrice said: he even said to me..."I know you aren't the kind of girl that would have sex in the back of a Jeep." So why suggest it then?
Wiseman2 Posted April 11, 2021 Posted April 11, 2021 41 minutes ago, crappedmypantsthrice said: Thank you for re-affirming that it would be highly unlikely for him to be dating me if he wasn't seeing it going somewhere. How long have you been dating altogether? Have you had the exclusive talk? Are you or he still talking to and meeting others? It seems to be going well. See how it goes on the next date. Make sure you don't drink. He may be loathe to get the 'date-rape' or 'took advantage' accusation, or simply doesn't want overnight guests.
smackie9 Posted April 11, 2021 Posted April 11, 2021 45 minutes ago, crappedmypantsthrice said: How so? Better? Worse? Just OK.
Author crappedmypantsthrice Posted April 11, 2021 Author Posted April 11, 2021 17 minutes ago, BaileyB said: It’s one way to keep it on the “down low.” You could always tell him that you would prefer to go to his place. Ask him to cook you a nice dinner and then you will see where it goes... and then, you will see how that goes... Definitely sounds like one way to do it. Right now, the first order of business is seeing if he even wants to be physical at all, kiss me, etc. Like I said, a lot to unpack with our next date. After we get that established, the next order of business will be just what you said...giving him the humungous green light to have me over to his apartment for....romantic times. 11 minutes ago, elaine567 said: So why suggest it then? Your guess is as good as mine. Do you have any thoughts? Maybe he was just trolling me, because he knew I would never do it anyway. Here is one possibility: Within the last few days, he and I had a short, joking discussion about uncomfortable places to have sex: outdoors, at the beach, on your home deck, on the floor, etc. Well, I am very much pro-bed. Like...why have sex on your deck, when 20 feet away, you could be inside, in the comfort of a soft, warm bed? So, I suppose he could have brought it up as a nod to/relating to that conversation we just had. I think, as others have said, it's more likely that he just said something dumb in the heat of the moment. Maybe. 8 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: How long have you been dating altogether? Have you had the exclusive talk? Are you or he still talking to and meeting others? It seems to be going well. See how it goes on the next date. Make sure you don't drink. He may be loathe to get the 'date-rape' or 'took advantage' accusation, or simply doesn't want overnight guests. About 6 weeks. We have not. I am talking to others, yes. I presume he is doing the same, but I don't know.
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