BankerMan Posted April 11, 2021 Posted April 11, 2021 I ran into my neighbor at a bar last night. I've been wanting to ask her our for awhile now. She introduced me to her friend. This morning I got an email from my neighbor asking me if I would be interested in exchanging numbers with her friend. Do I just come right out and tell my neighbor that I've been wanting to ask her out. My neighbor may be dating someone (not sure). Her friend was attractive and I would take her out though I'm not sure how to pivot from getting rejected by my neighbor to, "sure I'll take second place". I really want to date my neighbor but I don't want to come off as a jerk. Do I just ask my neighbor out and forgo the opportunity with the friend?
Gaeta Posted April 11, 2021 Posted April 11, 2021 What do you have to lose? I would tell her I'm flattered her friend is interested in me but who I'd really like to take out on a date is her. 8
Wiseman2 Posted April 11, 2021 Posted April 11, 2021 (edited) 11 minutes ago, BankerMan said: I ran into my neighbor at a bar last night. I've been wanting to ask her our for awhile now. Ask her out. It's that simple. It's either a yes or a no. Then you'll know to go out or distance yourself. Edited April 11, 2021 by Wiseman2 1
smackie9 Posted April 11, 2021 Posted April 11, 2021 Just saying tho and I think your gut might be right on this, if your neighbor was really interested in dating you she wouldn't be handing over her friend's number, for women are territorial and competitive. 5
glows Posted April 11, 2021 Posted April 11, 2021 I would not date someone else if I'm interested in the other person. This is too confusing and odd. Forego the date with the friend anyway. Yes, do ask your neighbour out. 2
crappedmypantsthrice Posted April 11, 2021 Posted April 11, 2021 Go out with the friend. In one scenario, maybe you and the friend hit it off. And, you're meant to be. All's well that ends well. Or maybe you don't quite have that connection. But you establish a friendship. In this case, the neighbor knows that you are available. And it will endear you to her that you gave her friend a chance. And, you will be more of a part of her circle of friends. Also....if the neighbor is interested now....or maybe she is with someone, but breaks up in the future, knowing you are out there dating is only a plus...you will be a high-value commodity in her eyes. The only thing that could possibly go wrong is if you treat the friend like dirt or maybe you guys have a complicated entanglement with each other. As long as you treat the friend right, like a gentleman, and IF things don't work out, as long as it's amicable....you should be good. The friend will only have good things to say about you. Another plus. If you go for the neighbor first, there are a few scenarios that could play out, not really in your favor...one is she isn't available. Even if she IS available, I see NO way that she would do that to her friend. None. Nonnnnne. If she is the kind of friend that reaches out to a guy on behalf of her friend....there is no way she is the kind of friend who would then date said guy, knowing how her friend would feel. Second, maybe you ask the neighbor out and she says no, whether unavailable or not. Or, maybe you go on a date or two with neighbor (by some miracle), and it just doesn't work for you guys. Then, let's say you decide to give the friend a try, and you guys hit it off... at some point, and it WILL....it will come out that she was your backup plan. It will come out that she was Plan B. And, that will just not go well. So, I say go for the friend first. Best case scenario, it works out. Second best scenario, it doesn't, but you will ingratiate yourself to your neighbor. 1
Gaeta Posted April 11, 2021 Posted April 11, 2021 (edited) Maybe the neighbor doesn't know you fancy her and when you tell her you'd like to take HER out on a date she will find it exciting. The friend is no-one for you, don't date her to get closer to the neighbor, that's messed up. Chances are if you date her friend the neighbor will never date you afterward. Edited April 11, 2021 by Gaeta 3
BaileyB Posted April 11, 2021 Posted April 11, 2021 No, don’t date the friend hoping that you will get closer to the neighbour... that won’t happen. It is odd that she would essentially set you up with her friend if she was in any way interested... that said, you have nothing to lose by saying “Sure (I’ll take your friend out). But, the person that I would really like to get to know more is you.” See what she says. 1
d0nnivain Posted April 11, 2021 Posted April 11, 2021 Do not date the friend. The minute you do, you may become invisible to the neighbor. I would politely decline but tell the neighbor the truth -- you can't date her friend because you would rather date her. 4
cleverusername Posted April 11, 2021 Posted April 11, 2021 Tell her that there is someone in your building you had a little crush on but weren't sure was single, then politely decline. If she asks who, then there is your chance.
dramafreezone Posted April 11, 2021 Posted April 11, 2021 (edited) I think generally if a woman is not genuinely concerned about you dating someone she knows, it's an implicit comment that you're not good enough dating material for her, so hey, here's my friend instead. You don't really like the other woman, so I wouldn't begin anything with the friend. As for the neighbor, I don't think she's into you but no harm in shooting your shot. Edited April 11, 2021 by dramafreezone
mortensorchid Posted April 11, 2021 Posted April 11, 2021 That is a rather sticky situation to be in. You know, many years ago I had this friend in high school who I will call Jane. She introduced me to her friend Bob because she was going to fix us up. Bob then told me that he didn't feel that way about me but was really interested in Jane. Next thing I know, Jane and her bf break up and then she and Bob took up together. Needless to say we were no longer friends. In an ironic twist, however, I ended up resolving something between the two of them 25 years later, but that's another story. If I were you, I would tell your neighbor that you are not really interested in the friend but you are interested in her. I mean, if you really want to be with the neighbor then attempt it. The friend? Just say you're not interested in the friend.
MsJayne Posted April 12, 2021 Posted April 12, 2021 Obviously the friend asked the neighbour to ask you to exchange numbers. If you're not at all interested in the friend, don't pretend you are as a way of infiltrating your neighbour's friendship circle because that's just going to lead to awkward stuff. I would just take a deep breath and ask the neighbour out, and then the worst thing for her will be the awkward moment she has to tell her friend you rejected the offer. I would be very careful, because as smackie says, women are territorial and competitive, and depending on their age and level of maturity it could lead to a falling out.
ShyViolet Posted April 12, 2021 Posted April 12, 2021 I think if someone was interested in you, they wouldn't be trying to set you up with someone else. That's just not something that people do if they themselves are interested. 1
vla1120 Posted April 12, 2021 Posted April 12, 2021 1 hour ago, mark clemson said: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZUqSNbJuGOw They really need to add a laughing emoji to the responses. 1
Fletch Lives Posted April 13, 2021 Posted April 13, 2021 If she liked you she'd have asked you out and not tried to set you up. Leave her alone.
Andy_K Posted April 13, 2021 Posted April 13, 2021 If your neighbour was interested, she wouldn't be trying to set you up with someone else. If you're actually interested in the neighbour's friend and find her attractive, get in touch with her and see how it goes. If you're only interested in the neighbour, you might as well make your interest clear to her. I wouldn't hold out much hope for it going well though.
Wiseman2 Posted April 13, 2021 Posted April 13, 2021 Why let these two decide who you want to date? Ask out whoever you are actually interested in. The easy route isn't always the best route.
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