Dating a man who rents a basement apartment

[AtomicTO]

Hi Everyone,

 

I'm a recently single guy who was previously living with my ex.  I moved out in December 2020.  Because of the pandemic and the availability of places in my area, I ended up renting in a basement of a house with three apartments as opposed to a high rise or a condo. For context, I have a good job, am educated and reasonably attractive. A question for the women,  would you still date a man who is 40 and renting a basement apartment?  

Edited April 11, 2021 by AtomicTO
Context

[trident_2020]

I'm a guy who is renting a basement apartment because I sold my condo, moved in with my girlfriend and recently moved out.

I'm financially independent and could buy a nice house and property for all cash if I wanted to.

I would like to think when and if I get back out there and start dating again women won't be so judgmental, in fact I'd be surprised if they were and if so they wouldn't be for me. Then again my last relationship was with a wealthy woman who filtered possible matches by income excluding those under 200k per year or something along those lines.

There's lots of reasons guys end up in basement apartments and it's not necessarily because they're broke unemployed losers.

 

[Versacehottie]

I think as long as it's not your mother's basement, you are good, 🤪

Ok that was half joking.  I suppose some women will feel some type of way about it.  I don't think those are the kind of women you like though, right? Materialistic, status seeking?

I guessing there are a lot of types of basement apartments--rangy from nice to creepy. A creepy apartment above ground could be a turn off just as easily, not because of the cost involved in the renting of it--just as an expression of what you like or are ok with.  I think even people who are living in not their ideal place (like not where they will end up) do the best with what they can and where they are now--which is the important thing to convey.  Same would go for women who conduct their living arrangements like that, right?  Just being honest, that IMO the most important thing to convey is that you make where you are living now (basement or otherwise) nice, relatively clean, neat, some form of expression of you.  

Like all things dating, what you convey also for you future plans will help or hurt you. People buy the dream, you know?  I definitely don't speak for all women but I would guess a majority of them (looking for serious dating/a boyfriend) usually like know where your head is with these things kind of toward the beginning. Some are pretty direct about it and some gather that information more subtly and come to conclusions based on the information they gather.  They gather "what Atomic sees as his future" from many sources, including questions they ask directly about your future, deductions they make from the total information they get from you which probably includes what your place is like.  It's not only, always or necessarily a money/ability to afford smtg but also how you choose to live. Some girls won't mind messy guys, some will. Some girls won't mind a guy who is thrifty with his money at this stage in order to get to the next; some girls will worry that you will always be thrifty; some others might be more thrifty than you are; some girls can't see being on the same page with someone who choses this path.  While I'm sure you don't want to limit your options or maybe it feel offensive to you that people might think like that but in a way, it's a good filter so that you end up with someone who shares your values and is aligned with the type of choices you would make.  If it goes well and progresses, that's ultimately what you need is someone who would respect the type of life choices you make (money spending being a huge one). 

In a way, not everyone is for you and you are not for everyone.  But the right person for you would respect and see your reasons for your choices--which is what matters the most.  If this serves as a filter tool, why not? Good luck

[Alpacalia]

You seem to be going through a transition, which is understandable. You don't need to be embarrassed. The good news is that as we age, the qualities we seek change. If they don't want to date you because of your current living situation, that's their option. It's also up to you if you want to date someone who is against it.

[Shining One]

One can be judged for just about anything. I own and reside in a 3/2 condo. Several women have negatively judged me for it not being a house. Two of those women still lived at home with their parents.

[ShyViolet]

It can be a non-issue or a turn-off, it really depends on what the place looks like.  Just because it's a basement apartment doesn't necessarily mean it will be an automatic turn-off to people.  Some basement apartments are perfectly fine if they are nice, clean, well decorated, etc.  If it's a gross, tiny, unclean basement apartment then of course, that will scare people off.

[glows]

No, I would not judge you negatively for that. It's the "recently single" that would make me think twice. Take some time to adjust and feel more comfortable with yourself and your new place. It's understandable that you're uncertain and feeling a little uneasy in unfamiliar settings or something different to what you've known before. 

Feel good about yourself for dating again or meeting new people. Unfortunately women (or others in general) can sense when you're not comfortable with yourself. The vibes are a little off. You are probably a great guy so give yourself some credit and take some time adjust.

[Wiseman2]

6 hours ago, AtomicTO said:

I'm a recently single guy who was previously living with my ex.  

 This breakup is rather recent. That might be more of a factor for women than your current apartment.

Is this a temporary situation until you can find a better place?

[Calmandfocused]

Yes I would date a man who lived in a basement flat. I can’t see an issue. 
 

I don’t know where you are in the world but basement means access to a garden/ outside space yes? 
 

If so basements are much more preferable IMO, comparatively to apartments in high rise buildings. 
 

Be proud of where you live. You haven’t got to explain yourself to anyone. If someone judges you for this, they’re not the person for you anyway. 
 

However the red flag for me would be that you’re recently single. That is a huge factor. Your accommodation is not. 

Edited April 11, 2021 by Calmandfocused

[Fletch Lives]

You are in the best place you could possibly be to find a good women. It will naturally weed out the golddiggers. They will run. Good riddance! If you find a woman who likes you for you, you'll have finally found a good one!

After she falls in love with you, then you can buy her that big ocean front home!

[elaine567]

I get the worry over gold diggers, but the basement apartment may also put off some quality women too, women who won't want to date below their "level".
The recent breakup is an issue but the "renting" and the "basement" living at 40 IS going to put some women off, especially those who have their own act together.

[d0nnivain]

As long as the neighborhood was good & the apartment itself neat / clean the location would not even be on my radar.  If the relationship progressed to a point where we were talking about living together, I would probably want something with more light but that is about where I would live not where you you live alone.  

[Fletch Lives]

7 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

I would probably want something with more light

That man-cave thing would not do it for you, huh?! lol

[Gaeta]

I don't care at all where a man lives as long as he's living on his own, pays his rent, is hard working, and has goals & dreams to move toward. When I date I prefer spending our time together at my place. I don't understand women spending their weekend at their bf's. My comfort is in my home with my bathroom, my closet & my kitchen. That being said I am not looking for a man to father my children or to support me financially. 

[SaraSays]

I can't think of a time I have cared where he lived, let alone judged it, assuming it was clean and tidy. The only time someone's home left a scar on me was seeing the flat of an acquaintance's boyfriend. From the moment the door was opened, there was a vision of mess, mould, dirty cups and plates, and dust everywhere.

[lana-banana]

My lord, no. It's an apartment! It's meant to be transitory! Who on earth cares about someone else's apartment as long as it's clean, the appliances work and the bills are paid?

Edited April 11, 2021 by lana-banana

[smackie9]

It wouldn't matter to me because an apartment here is worth around half a million and not many can afford that. Having a full time job, a car, with nice/respectable living conditions are ok to me. I work in an industry where I see how people live. There are single men out that are home owners where the living room consists of a Foosball table and a stereo. Rock posters on the walls, camping gear in the dining room...and when we go to remove their bed and stuff it's a cobweb infested, dirty mess. Big fat no.

Edited April 11, 2021 by smackie9

[MsJayne]

We don't have basement apartments in Australia, but I guess it's the same as a guy renting a room in a share house here, because that's what students and young people do when they're too broke to afford anything better. It's also what a lot of of men end up doing when a divorce strips them of almost everything and they have to get out of the family home. This was the situation with my now-de facto, but I didn't judge him for it,  I just rightly assumed it was convenient for him. Granted he was already in the process of building a home on a nearby island when I met him, but even if that hadn't been the case it wouldn't have made any difference. You choose a woman who judges you for where you live and you're going to end up in a relationship with a pretentious twit. If that's the kind of woman you prefer, that's great, but pretentious usually comes accompanied by stupid.

[Starswillshine]

Wouldn't bother me. Especially given your circumstances. I would rather someone who is smart with their money than someone who is wasteful. For example, a single guy in your circumstance purchasing a huge home. 

[Miss Peach]

I think the big thing is that you make it look nice and clean.

 

There are some women who want things to look nice for their friends, social media, etc. It will probably be a turn off for those types but they are more superficial anyway. For me I might want so info as to what has been going on in your life but not a deal breaker per se. But if a lot of bad decisions lead you there and you haven't learned anything from the experience I would hesitate if I were looking at you for a serious relationship. If you have a good plan and have a good reason then I would be totally good with it.

[heavenonearth]

The woman who will not date you because of it is a shallow one and you would be better off without that sort of woman.

[dramafreezone]

Not a woman but I think reasonable women consider circumstances.  If a woman's really into you she wouldn't even care if it was an indefinite arrangement.

For some women it will be a dealbreaker.  So what, you can't control that.  Some women won't like the way your nose looks, or the shoes you wear, or the way you inhale.  You can't concern yourself with every factor that may turn a woman off, as long as you know that some women won't care.

[Wiseman2]

As long as it's not your parents basement, you're good

[Phallacy]

I’m with Fletch. In my dating experience, there are men that -

Can’t get dates

Get dates but no sex

Get sex but no relationship 

While I was ‘renting’ a 1 bedroom apartment, I fell into the last tier😎

So while you could argue that I should have stayed a ‘renter’ to keep the ONS coming, I never would find a relationship🤣

Interestingly, I found a 3 year cohabiting thingy after purchasing a home.

I always caution single men to avoid the words RENT, SHIFT or HOURLY with women.

A woman living alone is a diamond in the rough and the rare diamonds I met were either widows or receiving alimony. The irony was that these gals made it clear they would not date a renter.

Have fun guys!!!

 

[trident_2020]

31 minutes ago, Phallacy said:

I always caution single men to avoid the words RENT, SHIFT or HOURLY with women

 

Yes, it's all about the wording and the connotation although I'd like to think that only matters if she's really on the fence about taking it a step further as you find out more about each other on that first meetup.

"I've got my own place and I'm keeping it simple even though I can do better while I'm figuring out my next move in life" is different than "I'm trying to find an hourly job where I don't have to work the night shift that pays better so I can afford something better than a basement apartment".

You don't have to use the word "basement" at all. Let her find out for herself when she comes over the first time. By then it probably won't matter.