Author Starrs Posted April 9, 2021 Author Posted April 9, 2021 Just now, Alpaca said: He is taking advantage of you sexually. An object to exploit. The way this guy is talking to you is complete trash. a lot of this is actually due to it being my fault, i honestly feel he is seeking some sort of revenge. honestly when we first met he was really nice, but i was the problem i was the mean one. he even gifted me a nice pair of ugg’s on our first month of dating. he respected the fact i wanted to wait to have sex, but since we’re not “dating” anymore he’s treating me like any other random girl. overall i feel he is a nice guy but issue is he doesn’t trust me at all. when we meet it gets awkward sometimes, because he said he worries i will act up again and be the same person.
Author Starrs Posted April 9, 2021 Author Posted April 9, 2021 thank you guys for all of your help, appreciate it very much. 4
Alpacalia Posted April 9, 2021 Posted April 9, 2021 2 minutes ago, Starrs said: a lot of this is actually due to it being my fault, i honestly feel he is seeking some sort of revenge. honestly when we first met he was really nice, but i was the problem i was the mean one. he even gifted me a nice pair of ugg’s on our first month of dating. he respected the fact i wanted to wait to have sex, but since we’re not “dating” anymore he’s treating me like any other random girl. overall i feel he is a nice guy but issue is he doesn’t trust me at all. when we meet it gets awkward sometimes, because he said he worries i will act up again and be the same person. Whichever is the case. Don't bother because it's not a healthy foundation to begin with. 1
BaileyB Posted April 9, 2021 Posted April 9, 2021 (edited) 13 minutes ago, Starrs said: thing is he said he wants to talk things out. if anything goes wrong i’m getting the cops involved. If your options are “work things out” or “call the cops if things go wrong...” what does that tell you about the decision to meet and possibly get back together? Is this a good plan? Or maybe, you should just call it a day... after all, it’s only been two months. You have nothing to lose here, and your safety and stability to gain. Edited April 9, 2021 by BaileyB 2
Author Starrs Posted April 10, 2021 Author Posted April 10, 2021 15 hours ago, BaileyB said: If your options are “work things out” or “call the cops if things go wrong...” what does that tell you about the decision to meet and possibly get back together? Is this a good plan? Or maybe, you should just call it a day... after all, it’s only been two months. You have nothing to lose here, and your safety and stability to gain. we are definitely not getting back together, it’s too ingrained. and i’m not sure if i even want to see him anymore.
BaileyB Posted April 10, 2021 Posted April 10, 2021 What is the purpose of seeing the man if you have no intention to get back together? Why waste your time?
Author Starrs Posted April 10, 2021 Author Posted April 10, 2021 1 hour ago, BaileyB said: What is the purpose of seeing the man if you have no intention to get back together? Why waste your time? you’re right, i’m not sure i guess it’s due to boredom at this point.
BaileyB Posted April 10, 2021 Posted April 10, 2021 21 minutes ago, Starrs said: you’re right, i’m not sure i guess it’s due to boredom at this point. Your boredom is going to cause you to spend time with a man who has been abusive in the past and potentially puts your safety and emotional well being at risk? Do you seek this kind of drama in your life? 1
Stupidkupid Posted April 11, 2021 Posted April 11, 2021 @Starrs did you actually meet him? Are you okay? I hope you chose not to. This has really bothered me. On the video call did you know he was going to be naked? Did you ask for shy of that? I feel like you need to have a conversation with someone about consent and what that means. None of this guys behaviour is okay.
Author Starrs Posted April 12, 2021 Author Posted April 12, 2021 2 hours ago, Stupidkupid said: @Starrs did you actually meet him? Are you okay? I hope you chose not to. This has really bothered me. On the video call did you know he was going to be naked? Did you ask for shy of that? I feel like you need to have a conversation with someone about consent and what that means. None of this guys behaviour is okay. hi, thank you for asking. no i did not meet him last night. instead we have been texting, and he told me was sorry about doing that, he was horny. he said he would never post pictures of me or share them, he says he cares for my well being and wants me to recover from BPD. i do believe him, because he has helped me financially even before meeting me while we were talking on the app. not only that, but he gave me good advice on how to get my ex to leave me alone. i think he is a good person, he has never forced me to have sex with him. when we were dating, he would be very nice to me. but since i have BPD he lost interest and doesn’t see us in a relationship, which is understandable.
Author Starrs Posted April 12, 2021 Author Posted April 12, 2021 On 4/10/2021 at 1:19 PM, BaileyB said: Your boredom is going to cause you to spend time with a man who has been abusive in the past and potentially puts your safety and emotional well being at risk? Do you seek this kind of drama in your life? he only acts like this because he can’t deal with my BPD. that’s why he stopped dating me, he has never hurt me or tried to hurt me. he apologized for that night we video called. but you are right, i think it’s also because i never had a real relationship before i feel like he’s the only guy in the world. he honestly made me happy when we were dating, it felt much more to me than a couple months.
d0nnivain Posted April 12, 2021 Posted April 12, 2021 34 minutes ago, Starrs said: i never had a real relationship before i feel like he’s the only guy in the world. he honestly made me happy when we were dating, it felt much more to me than a couple months. He's not the only guy in the world. My heart breaks for you if this abusive manipulative guy who uses you for sex who has zero respect for you makes you happy. You need to get away from this horrid creature.
trident_2020 Posted April 12, 2021 Posted April 12, 2021 On 4/8/2021 at 3:14 PM, Starrs said: you’re right... he txted me a couple minutes ago and said “you better look good for me this weekend”. what do i say back? He sounds like a controlling ass who tells women what to do and expects them to comply. If you have to ask what to say back in response to something like that you really need to think about what you're looking for from a guy. I'd assume that abuse wouldn't be the answer and that's what you're looking at with this guy.
Author Starrs Posted May 17, 2021 Author Posted May 17, 2021 (edited) I am 20 and he is 26.... we met last year through an app. I got into a bad relationship before him. I treated him badly, and wouldn’t stop. This has been going on and off since February. I have BPD and my therapist made it worse, he told me he was starting to like me again because I seemed happy but I found out he was talking to someone else. And got pissed and argued with him for 3 weeks straight. I did the most and i met him last week because i wanted my gifts back. I gave it to him because I didn’t want them but I wanted them back. He took me to dinner and he said he hates my behavior. I blow up his phone and call him whenever he doesn’t reply when I want. Before he left, I told him that I was going to take a break off social media for a week. Which I have been, and I think it is working. He told me that I need to focus on myself and think about everything I have done. He said he doesn’t want to see me until june, because he can’t take this anymore. He said he wants to see progress and that I’m actually going to stop making false promises. I always make false promises and end up doing it again. It has been almost a week and I have been reading a lot of how to control my feelings and i’m looking for another therapist too. I want to send him a message saying I have realized how badly i have treated him. And apologize. Then i guess i won’t text him anymore i don’t know yet. Is it a good idea? I just keep crying and feel awful I have never done this to anyone he is a good guy too. I feel I need to get it out the way. I definitely understand he wants a break from me. I blamed him for my problems and he said i was scaring him and then i decided to insult him to make him feel bad. I know I did wrong and unfortunately I realize it now. Edited May 17, 2021 by Starrs
Miss Spider Posted May 17, 2021 Posted May 17, 2021 Hey I know it’s hard but I wouldn’t text. I can relate in that I did similar things when I was younger to guys I dated. We make mistakes, you grow up. but you gotta try to accept he wants to be left alone right now. You’ve already said you’re sorry.. now show it. Also own that you might have done too much damaged/ burned down this bridge with him... but accepting that is part of learning and growth. It’s gonna be okay . Sorry you’re going through this. 1
spiderowl Posted May 17, 2021 Posted May 17, 2021 (edited) I think you have burned your bridges with this guy, Starrs. He has had enough. While I can understand you wanting to text him to apologise, please do not do this. He has asked you not to text him. If you persist in trying to contact him against his wishes, he could call in the police and get you charged with harassment. If it has got to the stage where he is saying he is scared of you, then you definitely need to take several steps backwards and not make matters worse. I know you are upset and feel heartbroken at the moment but this is the time to learn from what happened. Finding another therapist is a good idea. You need to be able to talk to someone about your troubles, what is driving your behaviour, and how to manage your feelings in a more constructive way. I doubt this guy will be interested in future but, painful though it is, this is forcing you to evaluate your behaviour and (hopefully) to learn better ways of dealing with problems. Edited May 17, 2021 by spiderowl 2
Ami1uwant Posted May 17, 2021 Posted May 17, 2021 You need to address the BPD before you date again. you are in essence stalking trying to control us every move if he doesn’t drop everything and contract you at your be on. he’s done with you. 1 1
Author Starrs Posted May 17, 2021 Author Posted May 17, 2021 2 minutes ago, spiderowl said: I think you have burned your bridges with this guy, Starrs. He has had enough. While I can understand you wanting to text him to apologise, please do not do this. He has asked you not to text him. If you persist in trying to contact him against his wishes, he could call in the police and get you charged with harassment. If it has got to the stage where he is saying he is scared of you, then you definitely need to take several steps backwards and not make matters worse. I know you are upset and feel heartbroken at the moment but this is the time to learn from what happened. Finding another therapist is a good idea. You need to be able to talk to someone about what is driving your behaviour and how to manage your feelings in a more constructive way. I doubt this guy will be interested in future but this is forcing you to evaluate your behaviour and (hopefully) to learn better ways of dealing with problems. i don’t want any legal issues, he said he is worried i will be the one calling the cops on him. because i was accusing him of sending me to the hospital. 1
Author Starrs Posted May 17, 2021 Author Posted May 17, 2021 Just now, Ami1uwant said: You need to address the BPD before you date again. you are in essence stalking trying to control us every move if he doesn’t drop everything and contract you at your be on. he’s done with you. so why is he saying i can contact him after 2 weeks? i feel broken and i can’t sleep i need to send this apology message even if he’s still mad at me. it’s driving me crazy!!
Author Starrs Posted May 17, 2021 Author Posted May 17, 2021 7 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said: Hey I know it’s hard but I wouldn’t text. I can relate in that I did similar things when I was younger to guys I dated. We make mistakes, you grow up. but you gotta try to accept he wants to be left alone right now. You’ve already said you’re sorry.. now show it. Also own that you might have done too much damaged/ burned down this bridge with him... but accepting that is part of learning and growth. It’s gonna be okay . Sorry you’re going through this. it’s driving me crazy though, i didn’t even apologize in person i acted like nothing happened. he also holds my hand and says he likes spending time with me but when i text him he hates it. because i act crazy.
d0nnivain Posted May 17, 2021 Posted May 17, 2021 You aren't acting crazy. You ARE crazy. I don't say that to be mean but you have a very serious mental health diagnosis for which you require competent medical care. Apparently right now the level of care you need is absent from your life because you are between therapists. You have to get that addressed before you can move forward with this guy or anyone else. Your mind & all the thoughts are betraying you. You can't trust them. You may benefit from prescription meds to smooth the rough spots & tame the highs & lows. If you promised this guy you would not reach out to him because he needed a break until June & one of the issues for him is when you break promises & act crazy, if you text him you will only prove to him that he's right to be running away from you. Try journaling. Get a nice notebook & pen. Write to your hearts' content. Put whatever you need to say to him in there In June when you two are talking again, read over what you wrote. In the cold light of day really think about whether you want him to see what you wrote. At that point, hopefully you will have a new therapist & can go over stuff with that person. 2
ShyViolet Posted May 17, 2021 Posted May 17, 2021 You are not ready to date until you get mental help. Find another therapist, one that you feel is actually helping you. Get a treatment plan in place and wait until you see it start working. You have no business dating and causing drama in other people's lives until you get yourself to a more mentally stable place. 1
Wiseman2 Posted May 17, 2021 Posted May 17, 2021 11 hours ago, Starrs said: i was accusing him of sending me to the hospital. How did he "send you to the hospital"? Is there physical violence?
emprosnet7 Posted May 20, 2021 Posted May 20, 2021 On 5/17/2021 at 3:21 PM, Wiseman2 said: How did he "send you to the hospital"? Is there physical violence? If a man does not understand what this illness does, and has a temper, he will resort to violence against the person that has BPD.
emprosnet7 Posted May 20, 2021 Posted May 20, 2021 On 5/17/2021 at 4:18 AM, Starrs said: it’s driving me crazy though, i didn’t even apologize in person i acted like nothing happened. he also holds my hand and says he likes spending time with me but when i text him he hates it. because i act crazy. Please explain everything about you and BPD. Tell us everything that happened until now. How old were you when the problems started? Did you suffer abuse?
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