Starrs Posted April 8, 2021 Posted April 8, 2021 this guy and i have been on and off, i got mad at him saturday and started to blow up his phone. that was my mistake, shouldn’t have done that but it hurt he didn’t want to see me. we were dating but he said i ruined it, now i’m doing better with no more insulting because i was diagnosed with BPD. and i’m getting treated for it at the moment, he called me on sunday and started yelling at me saying stop texting him, i said OK and then he hung up. then he called me 30 mins after telling me he had a rough day and he was angry and wanted to be left alone. i told him to stop yelling at me, he said sorry but i need to stop blowing up his phone and i stopped i’m not doing that again. he said that he showed his friend all the messages i sent him and his friend said “she’s a bit crazy, but she really likes you” i ignored that part. we were supposed to video call on monday but, instead he randomly called me and since when we were dating i would show him my melons and i did it again because he wanted me to. and i feel he is using me, because he said “i want to f you” i told him to chill and he said if you don’t give me head i’ll be mad, i personally don’t like giving it and i said “i like getting u mad” he replied -____- i replied back saying “Lmao, i’m joking” i deleted a few sexual messages in the conversation. he’s been very active on facebook and snapchat. he also mentioned we would hang out saturday and saturday is in 2 days. what do i do? i already cancelled on my friend. i don’t want to text him, because i don’t want to act up anymore. i don’t wanna end up doing nothing and staying home. i feel stuck, he said he would let me know a time either 6pm or like 7 due to him studying for this important exam. i’m panicking
d0nnivain Posted April 8, 2021 Posted April 8, 2021 (edited) There is no need to panic but it's past time to grow up. The on & off thing is a hallmark of a dysfunctional relationship. It's time to get off that merry go round. You & him don't work. Blowing up somebody's phone, trying to address deep emotional issues over text & obsessing over the insights technology offers (being on seen & knowing he's on other mediums) are all problematic on your end. You don't present as a stable, reliable, mature partner. The sexual exchange between you two was degrading IMO, not loving. I'd never speak to somebody again who talked to me like that. Go back to the therapist who is treating you for your BPD (are you bipolar or borderline? they have the same abbreviation). Address your issues. Work on your own self esteem & learn to be calmer. Be done with him. You need to get off this rollercoaster. Edited April 8, 2021 by d0nnivain 4
Author Starrs Posted April 8, 2021 Author Posted April 8, 2021 1 minute ago, d0nnivain said: There is no need to panic but it's past time to grow up. The on & off thing is a hallmark of a dysfunctional relationship. It's time to get off that merry go round. You & him don't work. Blowing up somebody's phone, trying to address deep emotional issues & obsessing over the insights technology offers (being on seen & knowing he's on other mediums) are all problematic on your end. You don't present as a stable, reliable, mature partner. The sexual exchange between you two was degrading IMO, not loving. I'd never speak to somebody again who talked to me like that. Go back to the therapist who is treating you for your BPD (are you bipolar or borderline? they have the same abbreviation). Address your issues. Work on your own self esteem & learn to be calmer. Be done with him. You need to get off this rollercoaster. i have borderline personality disorder.
d0nnivain Posted April 8, 2021 Posted April 8, 2021 (edited) Get that addressed & under control. The condition is causing your mood swings & impulsiveness (blowing up his phone) Then you can start dating somebody else. For now leave him be & concentrate on your own health & growth. Edited April 8, 2021 by d0nnivain 3
Gaeta Posted April 8, 2021 Posted April 8, 2021 You need to make yourself the priority here and get better. This man does nothing to enhance your life, he's a source of stress nothing else. Delete him. It's alright to spend Saturday by yourself, or go visit someone that loves you for real like your mom or a sibling. There will be plenty of exciting Saturday ahead. 1
Author Starrs Posted April 8, 2021 Author Posted April 8, 2021 37 minutes ago, Gaeta said: You need to make yourself the priority here and get better. This man does nothing to enhance your life, he's a source of stress nothing else. Delete him. It's alright to spend Saturday by yourself, or go visit someone that loves you for real like your mom or a sibling. There will be plenty of exciting Saturday ahead. you’re right but thing is it’s not saturday yet, what do i do if he does message me let’s say tomorrow or saturday? i don’t have many friends and i live with my parents i see them daily. my cousins have stuff going on, i have online school as well i stay home all day. i go to the gym that’s about it, i’m 20 and that guy is 26.
jspice Posted April 8, 2021 Posted April 8, 2021 You don’t go running when he’s ready to see you. You tell him you’re busy as you made other plans on Wednesday. 6
d0nnivain Posted April 8, 2021 Posted April 8, 2021 Don't play games. But there is no reason to accept a last minute invitation. You are only 20 & in school. At 26 he's at a different life stage. Deal with your own issues. Get the tools you need to stabilize your mood swings. They date a guy from class.
Wiseman2 Posted April 8, 2021 Posted April 8, 2021 Let the dust settle and stop texting him. Talk to your friends and family and get engaged in something else for now.
Gaeta Posted April 8, 2021 Posted April 8, 2021 56 minutes ago, Starrs said: you’re right but thing is it’s not saturday yet, what do i do if he does message me let’s say tomorrow or saturday? i don’t have many friends and i live with my parents i see them daily. my cousins have stuff going on, i have online school as well i stay home all day. i go to the gym that’s about it, i’m 20 and that guy is 26. This man is not a good person for you. He may be 26 but he acts like a 16 years old. Your life will be better without him. Send him a message that it's over, you need to take care of yourself and that means breaking up with him. 2
smackie9 Posted April 8, 2021 Posted April 8, 2021 You want your quality of life and your dating life to get better? Then remove the major source of your problem....him. Your BPD is not the result of why he behaves this way or treats you. Dump him, get better. 2
prince0fgame Posted April 8, 2021 Posted April 8, 2021 Romance is two people hitting the ball back to each other. Like tennis. It is a chemistry. Like H20. When one person no longer reciprocates, the chemistry changes. The H20 becomes C02. People need to get that. Romance is oxygen. Unequivocal love is carbon dioxide. You might be breathing in C02 and not even realize it. 1
Wiseman2 Posted April 8, 2021 Posted April 8, 2021 4 hours ago, Starrs said: we were dating i would show him my melons and i did it again because he wanted me to. and i feel he is using me, because he said “i want to f you” i told him to chill and he said if you don’t give me head i’ll be mad Delete and block creeps who treat you like trash. Tell trusted friends and family about your issues with this. Most of all, what do your doctors/therapists tell you about this sexting behavior? Never send nudes. Keep in mind anything you sext (pics or text) can be posted on social media or pornhub or whatever and go viral in a nanosecond. 3
Versacehottie Posted April 8, 2021 Posted April 8, 2021 2 hours ago, jspice said: You don’t go running when he’s ready to see you. You tell him you’re busy as you made other plans on Wednesday. Agreed, and even better, MAKE other plans! If you want to get past and over him, you need to fill your life up with other things, not hold a space open for him. I think you need to work on yourself as others have said is the priority. Simultaneously you could make plans with friends or family and be focused on that and health in the coming months. I think right now the guy thing (probably with any guy) brings out the most impulsive stuff in you and most negative emotions. While I understand that BPD is a mental disorder, it's still not an excuse to do what you did and expect things to go well or just blow over---that doesn't not mean THIS guy is good for you. It means if you are handling things like this a week ago or less and can't control your impulses and are rationalizing your behavior toward another and kind of expecting a fresh start each time, you are not going to fair well. Like your priority has to be getting that under control so you CAN have a healthy relationship. So it's wrong person and time for you. Doubt he will ever be the right person and you need to use this time to get better and grow so you can be right time, right frame of mind when the right person comes along. This behavior would blow it with a good person/person who is serious and interested in you as well. 4
Author Starrs Posted April 8, 2021 Author Posted April 8, 2021 12 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Delete and block creeps who treat you like trash. Tell trusted friends and family about your issues with this. Most of all, what do your doctors/therapists tell you about this sexting behavior? Never send nudes. Keep in mind anything you sext (pics or text) can be posted on social media or pornhub or whatever and go viral in a nanosecond. i haven’t mentioned that yet, because i was not expecting him to say this. i just wanted to video call that was all, instead he was already naked and he showed me his thing too. i had no choice but to show him mine. i really like him that’s the problem.
Author Starrs Posted April 8, 2021 Author Posted April 8, 2021 22 minutes ago, trident_2020 said: Stop texting him your melons. he was already naked on the video call and he showed me his penis and said it needs me.
Wiseman2 Posted April 8, 2021 Posted April 8, 2021 1 minute ago, Starrs said: he was already naked and he showed me his thing too. i had no choice but to show him mine. Yes the choice is to immediately shut down the conversation. Tell your doctors and therapist about this. You could get in serious trouble, restraining orders, etc.
Author Starrs Posted April 8, 2021 Author Posted April 8, 2021 2 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Yes the choice is to immediately shut down the conversation. Tell your doctors and therapist about this. You could get in serious trouble, restraining orders, etc. i haven’t texted him at all since i said “Lmao i was joking” he never replied and i don’t plan on it i don’t want to make things worse. i thought we could have kept hanging and remain friends, but i don’t like how he keeps mentioning sex. i feel he will keep contacting me when he’s horny or until someone better comes along. he told me that this girl from tinder faked on him and he’s desperate looking for the love of his life on apps.
trident_2020 Posted April 8, 2021 Posted April 8, 2021 5 minutes ago, Starrs said: he was already naked on the video call and he showed me his penis and said it needs me. Oh, well that explains everything. 2
d0nnivain Posted April 8, 2021 Posted April 8, 2021 (edited) 12 minutes ago, Starrs said: i just wanted to video call that was all, instead he was already naked and he showed me his thing too. i had no choice but to show him mine. i really like him that’s the problem. Well, you need to stop liking him because he's not a good person. Just because he was naked (gross by the way) does not mean you were required to do anything. You had a choice; you chose badly. Why you chose to show him your naked body speaks more to your lack of self esteem than anything. Talk to your therapist about this. You need better boundaries. He's not interest in being your friend. He wants to use you for sex. Edited April 8, 2021 by d0nnivain 4
Versacehottie Posted April 8, 2021 Posted April 8, 2021 agree with the boundaries thing...it's all really loose. In terms of what he is doing to you and expecting of you and that you don't feel comfortable but do it anyway. As well as the boundary of blowing up his phone and going batsh*t on him and then expecting things to be fine and a regular date to occur a week later.
Gaeta Posted April 8, 2021 Posted April 8, 2021 1 hour ago, Starrs said: i had no choice but to show him mine. You ALWAYS have a choice. Showing up naked was his choice, you could have chosen to hang up. There is no law saying you have to show your body when a man shows his d÷ck. 3
Author Starrs Posted April 8, 2021 Author Posted April 8, 2021 2 hours ago, Versacehottie said: agree with the boundaries thing...it's all really loose. In terms of what he is doing to you and expecting of you and that you don't feel comfortable but do it anyway. As well as the boundary of blowing up his phone and going batsh*t on him and then expecting things to be fine and a regular date to occur a week later. you’re right... he txted me a couple minutes ago and said “you better look good for me this weekend”. what do i say back?
d0nnivain Posted April 8, 2021 Posted April 8, 2021 2 minutes ago, Starrs said: you’re right... he txted me a couple minutes ago and said “you better look good for me this weekend”. what do i say back? You tell him that you are done with his crap & if he can't be nicer to you & take you on a proper date you will find something else to do. When he doesn't do that you block him & never look back. 4
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