AlwaysAdored Posted October 17, 2005 Posted October 17, 2005 Two weeks ago my fiance moved out while I was at work with absolutely no warning. He called me as soon as I got off and told me his was on his way to his parents (3 hrs. from our home). I thought he meant for a visit, but when I got home everything was gone. Since then we have been talking. I want to work this out. Let me give you some background on his reasoning. He is 24 and I am 26. I had children very young before I ever met him (he was excellent with my children). I am accustomed to the demands to parenting and taking care of a family, however, he went from being a carefree college kid to being a father, husband(almost), etc. He got really freaked out when he started realizing how big of a deal this was going to be and ended up feeling that he was not equipped presently. This is when he left. Since then he has decided to go back to Purdue for his bachelor's (Purdue is 5 1/2 hrs. from me). In the mean time, he has since moved to Michigan (9 hrs. away) to stay with his brother and work two jobs to save money for his return to school. He will be at Purdue for 2 1/2 years and he doesn't start til' January. I have told him that I would stick by him no matter where he went and that we could still be together. He is pulling me both ways. On the one hand he tells me that he loves me and misses us and that he feels like this is his home. On the other hand, he tells me that we need a break and I need to move on and it isn't fair to drag me along when he doesn't know what's going to happen. He keeps telling me if it is meant to be then it will be and if you love someone let them go and if it was really love they will come back to you and true love lasts. I think he wants to go "become a man" and then when he's done at Purdue he will come back to us and take care of us the way he wants to, but I don't understand why we can't go through this together, but he says it's something he has to do on his own. I am struggling with whether or not to move on or to wait for him to get done with Purdue in 3 yrs. He says "Why can't you just wait and see what happens". I am afraid I will wait and he will call me from Purdue ( he wants to maintain contact and still visit me and the kids) and tell me how he is marrying someone else, but at the same time, I don't want to give up if there is still hope because I believe he is THE ONE. What do I do?
westernxer Posted October 17, 2005 Posted October 17, 2005 Don't wait on him. College = chicks. It's just a matter of time, I believe.
J dub Posted October 17, 2005 Posted October 17, 2005 If he is "the one", he wouldnt allow you to slip away so easily. And if he did, he will do what it takes to get you back. You have nothing to lose at this point than to simply move on, besides precious time, that is. Sorry about the heartache, but you sound intelligent and you have a sound heart. Let someone who will love you 100% find you, not someone who isnt sure.
suegail Posted October 17, 2005 Posted October 17, 2005 This is only my opinion, but I would say it sounds as if he's being honest to a certain point, but stopping short of telling you the entire truth, that in his mind the relationship has ended. It's hard to let a person down, but in this case it's your kids too and he is probably going through some grief - - I'm sure it's hard; you did refer to him as your 'fiance' you were apparently engaged, had plans for always being together, and it's just not easy to let go in a situation like that even when you know it's something you feel strongly about, and he must obviously feel that way and has thought this over for some time. I think it is a good idea for you to move on though I know it will be hard to do if he continues to kind of waver somewhere in the middle, not really giving you answers you need to hear.
JohnJohn Posted October 18, 2005 Posted October 18, 2005 It sounds like he wants to keep you "on the bench" while he explores other options at college. I wouldn't wait. Explore other options yourself and see where you both are at in three years. In the meantime do move on, as said in the previous posts.
scobro Posted October 18, 2005 Posted October 18, 2005 I think you should move on.He is going to get into other interests at college it is just the hard facts.It is a completely different lifestyle than what you two were having.Move on for your own good.
downcydeguy Posted October 18, 2005 Posted October 18, 2005 Yea, you need to move on. He's 24 and has no intention of being a father yet. Being a single mother is tough by itself, let alone trying to deal with heartache for 3 years on top of it. He may visit sometime but that will quickly fade. I wish you all the luck in the world in finding a great father for your children.
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