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How should I approach my boyfriend about his injury?

TelenovelaLove

By TelenovelaLove
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smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

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Sure kids scrapping after school, baseball injury, play fighting with your brother, etc....but two adults assaulting one another, one on the ground for more than 5 -10 mins is concerning.

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snookin New Member

snookin

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A good person would give him more than 4 months, my guess he will get better with time injury take a while.  two years for my knees and shoulders

Uruktopi Established Member

Uruktopi

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1 hour ago, TelenovelaLove said:

I mean, for all intents and purposes, even if he's not physically ruined, he's functionally a eunuch at the moment...

At least your answer to the situation shows that you dont´t have to worry about a certain poin: your paleocortex works fine.

Wiseman2 Established Member

Wiseman2

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12 minutes ago, TelenovelaLove said:

We thought he'd be fine; it's not the first time a guy's been kicked in the balls or anything. No one expected this. :(

No one expects to fall down a flight of stairs, but they have the sense to go to an ER.

How did she get that close? Why was there an argument rather than "sorry, we'll keep it down"? 

How many people were doing drugs in the house that "we would rather not have police /ambulance involved"? 

And you all still live together?

Edited by Wiseman2
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TelenovelaLove New Member

TelenovelaLove

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2 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

How did she get that close? Why was there an argument rather than "sorry, we'll keep it down"? 

How many people were doing drugs in the house that "we would rather not have police /ambulance involved"? 

And you all still live together?

1. Because we didn't think we were being that loud. We're having sex, noise happens. It's not like my boyfriend having an argument justifies him getting kicked in the testicles.

2. We don't do drugs. We just don't believe in interpersonal conflicts being settled with cops/having someone arrested.

3. We do. We'll likely split after the pandemic ends and it's easier to find new places.

11 minutes ago, snookin said:

A good person would give him more than 4 months, my guess he will get better with time injury take a while.  two years for my knees and shoulders

 

6 minutes ago, Uruktopi said:

At least your answer to the situation shows that you dont´t have to worry about a certain poin: your paleocortex works fine.

I don't understand why I'm being framed as a bad person. I'm a beautiful woman and I know what I want. It sucks what happened to him, but I deserve to have a good sex-life. I'm not really interested in someone who'll potentially be sexually handicapped. I (and other friends I've spoken to) have broken up with men who had erectile dysfunction and none of us thought we were like... "evil" or anything.

ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

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It's already over, OP. 

You're not very invested. Time to let him go. 

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cleverusername Established Member

cleverusername

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This is how it sounds to me:

*Boyfriend having sex with you like you want*

*Neighbor gets upset and kicks boyfriend in balls so hard it causes semi-permanent damage*

*Boyfriend doesn't call ambulance or file police report to protect you and your neighbor*

*Boyfriend can't even get erect now but you are still able to masturbate*

You- "my boyfriend is so selfish"

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TelenovelaLove New Member

TelenovelaLove

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But how do I approach it? How do I let them down as gently as possible?

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TelenovelaLove New Member

TelenovelaLove

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Just now, cleverusername said:

This is how it sounds to me:

*Boyfriend having sex with you like you want*

*Neighbor gets upset and kicks boyfriend in balls so hard it causes semi-permanent damage*

*Boyfriend doesn't call ambulance or file police report to protect you and your neighbor*

*Boyfriend can't even get erect now but you are still able to masturbate*

You- "my boyfriend is so selfish"

I never said he was selfish. I just don't agree that I'm selfish for wanting a functional sex life. 

ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

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Just now, TelenovelaLove said:

But how do I approach it? How do I let them down as gently as possible?

Not calling him "sexually handicapped" would be a start. 

 

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smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

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Be honest and dump him. Everyone is an adult, and will get over it.

Wiseman2 Established Member

Wiseman2

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2 minutes ago, TelenovelaLove said:

How do I let them down as gently as possible?

I wouldn't kick him in the groin again. Just move out and tell him there's too much drama going on. 

Uruktopi Established Member

Uruktopi

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4 minutes ago, TelenovelaLove said:

I don't understand why I'm being framed as a bad person. I'm a beautiful woman and I know what I want. 

I never said that you are evil. Neither that you are a specially caring person.

None of those categories seem to apply. 

Sadly, of course

 

cleverusername Established Member

cleverusername

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Posted
2 minutes ago, TelenovelaLove said:

But how do I approach it? How do I let them down as gently as possible?

"Have a good life. Sorry, but the 1 year of memories and bonding together don't make up for the fact you can't get erect after being assaulted while I stood by and watched"

Then kick him in the balls one more time for good measure

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dramafreezone Established Member

dramafreezone

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17 minutes ago, TelenovelaLove said:

I never said he was selfish. I just don't agree that I'm selfish for wanting a functional sex life. 

I don't think you're selfish or a bad person.  You just need to find a guy that you feel more strongly about, and he deserves a woman that feels more strongly about him.

Edited by dramafreezone
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TelenovelaLove New Member

TelenovelaLove

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Would it be too honest to say something like, "I really value having a healthy sex life and potentially children, and I don't think this relationship can provide that anymore. I'm sorry."?

Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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12 minutes ago, TelenovelaLove said:

Would it be too honest to say something like, "I really value having a healthy sex life and potentially children, and I don't think this relationship can provide that anymore. I'm sorry."?

but it's not the truth. 

The real reason is you want sex and he can't provide it, and you're unwilling to support him any longer in his recovery.  

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cleverusername Established Member

cleverusername

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Can he not keep you sexually satisfied in other ways in the interim? There are ways to work around this until you're sure it's permanent. 

Either you're way over thinking this or you were already on your way out and this gave you an excuse to act. 

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dramafreezone Established Member

dramafreezone

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21 minutes ago, TelenovelaLove said:

Would it be too honest to say something like, "I really value having a healthy sex life and potentially children, and I don't think this relationship can provide that anymore. I'm sorry."?

You don't know if his sterility has been compromised.  You're just concerned with not being seen as a bad person, and *that* is selfish.

The best thing for him is the truth.

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Uruktopi Established Member

Uruktopi

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Posted (edited)
35 minutes ago, TelenovelaLove said:

Would it be too honest to say something like, "I really value having a healthy sex life and potentially children, and I don't think this relationship can provide that anymore. I'm sorry."?

What about something like: "Your thing is not working and your appliance warranty do not cover a bf replacement while you recover. So, don´t take it personally, I´ll get a new one as soon as the conditions allow me to do it easier than right now"

Edited by Uruktopi
ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

Posted
Posted (edited)
40 minutes ago, TelenovelaLove said:

Would it be too honest to say something like, "I really value having a healthy sex life and potentially children, and I don't think this relationship can provide that anymore. I'm sorry."?

You don't get it. 

He's going to know what this about, regardles of how you word it. But who knows, maybe he is not into you anymore and can't get aroused for you. You are assuming this is all about him. Might have a lot to do with you, too. 

It's best to part ways. It might save him having to be honest that he's lost attraction for you, for whatever reason. 

Edited by ExpatInItaly
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Uruktopi Established Member

Uruktopi

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A Doppler test may allow doctors to find if there is a non local effect of the stike affecting his blood flow there. 

Fixable in most of cases.

There may be psychological reasons for it. 

Fixable in most cases.

I hope he recovers soon, but no sooner than her leaving him.

That would be in his best interests.

Edited by Uruktopi
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mark clemson Established Member

mark clemson

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, TelenovelaLove said:

I don't understand why I'm being framed as a bad person.

You're not a "bad" person.

Speaking generally, the internet teems with emotionally damaged and vindictive people who have "expectations" for how others should behave that don't align particularly well with reality. Those not actually IN a situation feel free to apply their most idealistic/unreasonable ideas of what others "should" do and then "judge" them when they don't live up to these ideals. As if they've never broken up with a BF/GF before themselves??

This is the kind of thing you sometimes run into on the internet. In actual reality, OF COURSE all sorts of folks move on from all sorts of partners for all sorts of reasons all the time. If you're giving him a fair shot to get better and it's not happening, well that is the situation. You'll last as long as you last.

I still think you should consider the counseling route to see if he gets better.

While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
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