How should I approach my boyfriend about his injury?

[TelenovelaLove]

About a three months and ago, my boyfriend and I got into an argument with one of our roommates, which ended in the roommate kicking my boyfriend in the balls. It was really, really awful; he was on the ground moaning and crying for half an hour. Anyways, we went to see an urologist who said he needed a few weeks of bed rest, time to heal, etc. 

However, it's been almost four months, and he's still physically incapable of achieving an erection and performing like he was able to pre-injury. I'm really concerned because: 1) I would really like children and 2) you know, have sex. We have tried other medical options (viagra), and nothing appears to work.

I'm strongly considering breaking up with him, but I have no idea how to approach it as it's, well, a sensitive matter. I know it was the most devastating injury he's ever suffered, and he often asks me for reassurance that I still love and desire him despite the loss of his sexual ability, but I don't feel satisfied anymore.

Still, it's not like I'm looking for a new relationship during the pandemic but, I'd like to prepare for when it's all over: how should I approach this stage of our relationship? 

 

[ExpatInItaly]

4 minutes ago, TelenovelaLove said:

However, it's been almost four months, and he's still physically incapable of achieving an erection and performing like he was able to pre-injury. I'm really concerned because: 1) I would really like children and 2) you know, have sex. We have tried other medical options (viagra), and nothing appears to work.

What does his urologist recommend at this point? Has he been back to see this doctor?

[TelenovelaLove]

2 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

What does his urologist recommend at this point? Has he been back to see this doctor?

The thing is we did, and also got a referral for a second opinion: there doesn't appear to be any structural issue. We tried some other medicine options (cialis), as recommended, but to no avail.

Edited April 3, 2021 by TelenovelaLove
clarity

[Trail Blazer]

Your boyfriend is about to receive a second kick in the balls.  What an unlucky guy.

On a serious note, I would hope that you guys have moved out and have nothing to do with this room-mate.  He's inflicted a serious injury on another individual which, in mosf countries, would be considered assult.

I don't really have a lot of advice to give here, other than to say that if everything in the relationship is good, except for his injury, then you should be certain that all avenues of medical intervention have been exhausted before you dump him.

For all you know, this could be a psychological issue where he worried that his injury would affect his ability to develop and maintain an election, only now it has turned into a self-fulfilling prophecy.

[Calmandfocused]

If I was your boyfriend the first thing I would do is report your housemate to the police. This is Grievous Bodily Harm. Your housemate deserves to be charged for permanently injuring your boyfriend. They should also pay his medical bills. 
 

I don’t know whether your boyfriend will ever physically recover. What happened to him was very wrong. 
 

I don’t care what the argument was about. No one has a right to put their hands on anyone else. Ever! 
 

Im actually surprised that your boyfriend hasn’t broken up with you! 
 

Put him out of misery and break up with him. 

[d0nnivain]

I was thinking along the same lines as @Calmandfocused  What the roommate did was a crime.  It was also a civil tort.  Your BF should sue this guy for money damages, not that the guy probably has a any money.  

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, TelenovelaLove said:

, my boyfriend and I got into an argument with one of our roommates, which ended in the roommate kicking my boyfriend in the balls. 

Yes. Move out and break up. Not because of the penile injury, but because he's causing drama and gets into physical altercations.

Tell him you can not live in a place where violence and assaults take place.

Your BF seems rather clueless if he did this in the first place, didn't call the police, didn't follow up appropriately with the doctor and stupidity took viagra.

End it on the basis of violence and sheer stupidity.

[Max Overclock]

7 hours ago, TelenovelaLove said:

About a three months and ago, my boyfriend and I got into an argument with one of our roommates, which ended in the roommate kicking my boyfriend in the balls. 

.we went to see an urologist

 

4 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Yes. Move out and break up ... because he's causing drama and gets into physical altercations.

Your BF seems rather clueless if he did this in the first place, didn't call the police, didn't follow up appropriately with the doctor

End it on the basis of violence and sheer stupidity.

I'm not seeing the train of thought here, @Wiseman2. You're stating that the OP's BF is rather clueless and started this and that the OP should end their relationship on the basis that he, meaning the BF, is causing drama?

The OP stated that she and her BF got into an argument with the roommate and that the BF got kicked (assaulted) and ended up on the floor, writhing in pain. It does not appear that he, in fact, was the aggressor here. How do we make the leap to say that the BF, as the assault victim here, was the one that caused the root problem? If we were to collectively say that she break up on this basis, would this not be displacement of the blame (to the one most harmed) for the end of the relationship? I'm not following here,

In addition, they went to the doctor. I believe it would be conjecture for us to assume that they failed to follow up medically when they both went to a urologist to investigate the issue.

Either way, assault charges and a lawsuit are likely in order.

Edited April 3, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Language, Some Grammar

[Gaeta]

I don't know how long you've been dating but seems you're pretty quick to jump the ship. I guess you'd be ok with a boyfriend to dump you if you couldn't have sex temporarily for 3 months after an injury/surgery. 

Edited April 3, 2021 by Gaeta

[glows]

Your concerns are valid and if you are not fulfilled (pun intended) in this relationship, then leave. He can take care of himself and he will live.

[mark clemson]

Since you are a GF, not a spouse, you have every right to leave for whatever reason you want. (And you actually have that right as a spouse too in most civilized countries/areas.)

There is nothing inherently wrong with supporting him through this (if that is what you are doing) with the knowledge that you will probably leave. It's a compromise. Others may feel differently but that's my view.

Consider supporting him through to getting compensation for his injury from the former friend (if that is the plan) and then breaking up.

Not everyone is cut out to be with an impotent man. If you support him through to the next stage of his life, you at least did THAT for/with him, which honors what you had with him to SOME extent, rather than simply walking out the door immediately with a "we're done here".

He will (probably) need to find a woman who either doesn't like much sex or is very open to alternate "pleasuring" and likely who also doesn't want kids (or is fine with artificial insemination, assuming he is). If that's not you, that's completely understandable IMO as I think it's a smaller % of folks who would accept him as a partner now.

[Gaeta]

2 minutes ago, mark clemson said:

He will (probably) need to find a woman who either doesn't like much sex or is very open to alternate "pleasuring" and likely who also doesn't want kid

The doctors said there is nothing physically wrong with him. 

[mark clemson]

^^ ok. Sometimes doctors are wrong. BUT thank you for bringing this up, as I missed it.

OP - IF you can get him to seek therapy and he can become non-impotent again, that would probably be a better strategy than leaving him (unless there are other reasons why the relationship really isn't working for you).  So maybe strongly consider giving that a try first. Possibly with three months of therapy (or similar) he'll be back in action, which would be a nice turn of events.

Edited April 3, 2021 by mark clemson

[Gaeta]

If  you've dated only a few months and you've been patient 3 months then ok, no judgement. But if you've been dating 2+ years I find it unusual you're jumping ship that fast. Nowhere I'm reading you love this man so I assume this is a short relationship. 

Edited April 3, 2021 by Gaeta

[introverted1]

10 hours ago, TelenovelaLove said:

About a three months and ago, my boyfriend and I got into an argument with one of our roommates, which ended in the roommate kicking my boyfriend in the balls. It was really, really awful; he was on the ground moaning and crying for half an hour. Anyways, we went to see an urologist who said he needed a few weeks of bed rest, time to heal, etc. 

However, it's been almost four months, and he's still physically incapable of achieving an erection and performing like he was able to pre-injury. I'm really concerned because: 1) I would really like children and 2) you know, have sex. We have tried other medical options (viagra), and nothing appears to work.

I'm strongly considering breaking up with him, but I have no idea how to approach it as it's, well, a sensitive matter. I know it was the most devastating injury he's ever suffered, and he often asks me for reassurance that I still love and desire him despite the loss of his sexual ability, but I don't feel satisfied anymore.

Still, it's not like I'm looking for a new relationship during the pandemic but, I'd like to prepare for when it's all over: how should I approach this stage of our relationship? 

 

So this is a man you'd consider having children with, but not supporting through his injury?

Assuming you care at all about this man, you need to go back to the doctor (or find a new one) and explain the situation.It could be psychological or it could be that additional imagine/testing is needed to uncover the problem.  Either way, a properly trained medical professional can help.

Once the dust settles, I suggest 1) finding a new, non-violent roommate; 2) letting your bf move on to find a gf capable of empathy.

[kendahke]

I'm curious: what was the argument about and who started it? Was it because you're spending too much time there and not paying rent or utilities?

Edited April 3, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Removed Reference to Deleted Inappropriate Comment

[TelenovelaLove]

1 hour ago, kendahke said:

But I'm curious: what was the argument about and who started it? Was it because you're spending too much time there and not paying rent or utilities?

The argument was because we were apparently having sex too loudly, which I guess was an issue because we had sex often before the injury. She said something after the kick along the lines of: "try having sex now".  

We've been together for a bit over a year, yes, but of course I'm going to think about whether my man can fulfill me sexually, or if they're capable of having children eventually, if our relationship develops like that. I mean, for all intents and purposes, even if he's not physically ruined, he's functionally a eunuch at the moment...

Edited April 3, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Removed Reference to Deleted Inappropriate Comment

[Sun Seeker]

If this is what it takes for you to break up with him then yes do him a favour and do it sooner rather than later so he can meet someone that actually cares about him, not just herself. He deserves a lot better.

[OnlyHonesty]

The problem is likely to be more psychological, rather than physical. Think about it. This is why Viagra is not working.

[smackie9]

I understand this is hard, and you are feeling helpless as to what's really going on. You do have a lot of concerns that are justifiable and that doesn't make you a bad person. After 4 months, if I were him, I would be in panic mode. I think with patience, helping him find solutions like seeing a specialist, getting a MRI, counseling, maybe trying your own research, this can be resolved. Doctors do misdiagnose and miss things. So get on the net and do your research. Get a second, third or fourth opinion. If any doctor disagrees about him seeking another opinion is a big red flag. Good professional doctors welcome anyone to get another opinion.

[smackie9]

9 minutes ago, OnlyHonesty said:

The problem is likely to be more psychological, rather than physical. Think about it. This is why Viagra is not working.

That's not necessarily really true. If there is an unseen physical issue with flood flow/blood getting to the penis Viagra won't work either. There could be broken blood vessels still healing. injuries can take longer than 4 months. Plus there could be nerve damage which isn't easily detectable. If he was on the ground for half an hour, why the hell didn't anyone call an ambulance and the police? So ridiculous.

Edited April 3, 2021 by smackie9

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, TelenovelaLove said:

The argument was because we were apparently having sex too loudly, which I guess was an issue because we had sex often before the injury. She said something after the kick along the lines of: "try having sex now".  

We've been together for a bit over a year, yes, but of course I'm going to think about whether my man can fulfill me sexually, or if they're capable of having children eventually, if our relationship develops like that. I mean, for all intents and purposes, even if he's not physically ruined, he's functionally a eunuch at the moment...

Do you all live in the same house? Why didn't he call 911 the police and an ambulance? Why didn't he have her arrested for assault? Is she also sleeping with him?

Penile fracture or testicular rupture is a medical emergency. Did he ever follow up with the urologist?

What do you mean by "referral for a second opinion"? A second opinion is not a follow up, it's an independent (not referred) consultation when there  are doubts about a diagnosis or treatment..

No MD (in their right mind) would prescribe Viagra to a young healthy man after penile/testicular injury.

[TelenovelaLove]

30 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Do you all live in the same house? Why didn't he call 911 the police and an ambulance? Why didn't he have her arrested for assault? Is she also sleeping with him?

Penile fracture or testicular rupture is a medical emergency. Did he ever follow up with the urologist?

What do you mean by "referral for a second opinion"? A second opinion is not a follow up, it's an independent (not referred) consultation when there  are doubts about a diagnosis or treatment..

No MD (in their right mind) would prescribe Viagra to a young healthy man after penile/testicular injury.

1. Yes, we do. We didn't call the police because we'd straight up prefer not to interact with them (edit: as in, the police), and we def don't want to get anyone arrested. 

2. I didn't call an ambulance cause I thought he'd recover. It's not like he's never taken a kick to the balls before--this one was just different. And there was no fracture/rupture.

3. The urologist recommended another urologist to us, in case we wanted a second opinion.  

Edited April 3, 2021 by TelenovelaLove

[TelenovelaLove]

1 hour ago, smackie9 said:

That's not necessarily really true. If there is an unseen physical issue with flood flow/blood getting to the penis Viagra won't work either. There could be broken blood vessels still healing. injuries can take longer than 4 months. Plus there could be nerve damage which isn't easily detectable. If he was on the ground for half an hour, why the hell didn't anyone call an ambulance and the police? So ridiculous.

We thought he'd be fine; it's not the first time a guy's been kicked in the balls or anything. No one expected this.

[dramafreezone]

Well, maybe you'd be doing him a favor by breaking up with him.  I don't think you're marriage material right now.  You know that whole "for better or worse" blurb they throw in the ceremony?  Yeah well this is a test of that and you're faltering.