He lives with his parents, red flag?

[poppyfields]

Gaeta, just out of curiosity, what is your opinion of men like JR and Bobby Ewing of Dallas fame?

The American version of mammonies.  Wealthy, successful, married, living with mom, the matriarch.

Again, just a tv show but depicts real life situations among the elite upper crust. 

Edited April 4, 2021 by poppyfields

[smackie9]

43 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Thank you for posting this smackie and lord I wish folks would stop with the judgments and assumptions (like he's lazy, broke, unambitious), watch the video!   That's not always the case.  In fact, it's often the opposite.

This happens in America too especially among the elite upper crust, remember the show Dallas?  The entire family lived together, the mother was considered the "matriarch."  

Ok it was a tv show but it hapoens, it's real.  

OP, calling it "weird" which you've been doing throughout this thread is judgemental and unfair.

No need to make him out to be some weird freak, if you're not attracted to him, don't date him!  

You don't even need a reason.

 

Actually there are a few TV shows that show different generations living together like Mike and Molly, The Goldbergs, Mom, Andy Griffith, Everybody Loves Raymond. They depict various reasons why they are in that living arrangement a lot of people can relate to.

[Acacia98]

On 4/2/2021 at 10:17 PM, Emilyinroses said:

So to me this doesn't sound good. Yes I want to have a serious relationship with someone and possibly live together in the future, but us only, not with his parents. I cannot see me living in this sort of arrangement. 

I don't understand this, is he expecting the person he wants to live with to move into his house with his parents? This sounds too weird to me. What do you think?

If his living arrangements sound unpalatable to you, you're wrong for each other. It's perfectly okay to stop seeing him.

But there's nothing weird about what he's doing. It's perfectly normal in many societies for people to live in multigenerational homes or homesteads and to want to enjoy their time with their parents while they're still alive.

[smackie9]

Most people's attitude about this topic was reflected in the show Get A Life with Chris Elliot. It was repeated in Everybody Loves Raymond.

[Wiseman2]

7 hours ago, Emilyinroses said:

In this case he didn’t say it was for survival, he said it was because he was lonely...

Are you still talking to him? Or just still in shock

[Emilyinroses]

37 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Are you still talking to him? Or just still in shock

No, after that conversation he didn’t text me again. Not even this weekend to wish Happy Easter or anything. So just for that and regardless of the living with the parents issue, it’s a no from me. Guys who spend days without saying a word is not my definition of interest, so I’m out.

Edited April 4, 2021 by Emilyinroses

[poppyfields]

32 minutes ago, Emilyinroses said:

No, after that conversation he didn’t text me again. Not even this weekend to wish Happy Easter or anything. So just for that and regardless of the living with the parents issue, it’s a no from me. Guys who spend days without saying a word is not my definition of interest, so I’m out.

You essentially rejected him Emily when saying living with parents wouldn't work for you, so not sure why you negatively judge him now for not calling wishing you a happy easter.

Did you call wishing HIM a happy easter?  

What do want from (or with) this guy?  I'm confused. 

Serious question.

 

Edited April 4, 2021 by poppyfields

[Emilyinroses]

5 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

You essentially rejected him Emily when saying living with parents wouldn't work for you, so not sure why you negatively judge him now for not calling wishing you a happy easter.

Did you call wishing HIM a happy easter?  

What do want from (or with) this guy?  I'm confused. 

Serious question.

 

I did not reject him, I was honest with him and told him how I feel because that’s how you meet the right match for you: by being honest.

He mentioned nothing about one day he wanted to start a life with his partner in a separate house, or anything. So I guess we’re not a match.

A few days ago he also stopped texting for a couple of days and I initiated texting again. So this time I wouldn’t be doing that again.

I want nothing, I already deleted him.

[poppyfields]

14 minutes ago, Emilyinroses said:

I did not reject him, I was honest with him and told him how I feel because that’s how you meet the right match for you: by being honest.

He mentioned nothing about one day he wanted to start a life with his partner in a separate house, or anything. So I guess we’re not a match.

A few days ago he also stopped texting for a couple of days and I initiated texting again. So this time I wouldn’t be doing that again.

I want nothing, I already deleted him.

Fair enough, it's always best to be honest. 

However even though your intention was not to reject, HE may have interpreted your words that way.   

Frankly, when I read what you said to him, I thought you were rejecting him.

Which is fine, this is not a situation you're comfortable or wouid be happy with, which is certainly your prerogative. 

No doubt he sensed that as well, which imo is why no call today, there was no point, 

You're done.  He's done.

Next.

[Emilyinroses]

Just now, poppyfields said:

Fair enough, it's always best to be honest. 

However even though your intention was not to reject, HE may have interpreted your words that way.   

Frankly, when I read what you said to him, I thought you were rejecting him.

Which is fine, this is not a situation you're comfortable or wouid be happy with, which is certainly your prerogative. 

No doubt he sensed that as well, which imo is why no call today, there was no point, 

You're done.  He's done.

Next.

You’re right, he might have sensed that too. Although a few days before he also didn’t say anything for a couple of days, before that talk.

I guess I was probably rejecting the idea of living with parents, not rejecting him in specific, but I guess in his case that comes together.

Next.

[LivingWaterPlease]

I'm not lonely in one sense of the word, but am in another. I've been on my own for a long time. I have a very full life, but the idea of living with family seems comforting to me. And I know plenty of singles who are cool, sought after, have full lives but lonely in a sense, too. The sense that it's comforting to have others in your living space.

But, others may enjoy not having family in their living spaces! Nothing wrong with that!

It does seem you've made a decision that's right for you! And, as you mentioned, he's quit texting you so "all's well that ends well!"

 

[Emilyinroses]

6 minutes ago, LivingWaterPlease said:

I'm not lonely in one sense of the word, but am in another. I've been on my own for a long time. I have a very full life, but the idea of living with family seems comforting to me. And I know plenty of singles who are cool, sought after, have full lives but lonely in a sense, too. The sense that it's comforting to have others in your living space.

But, others may enjoy not having family in their living spaces! Nothing wrong with that!

It does seem you've made a decision that's right for you! And, as you mentioned, he's quit texting you so "all's well that ends well!"

 

Yes I guess he is looking for someone who is ok with his living arrangements that’s why he said that so early. So it’s clearly not me.

[BC1980]

15 minutes ago, LivingWaterPlease said:

I'm not lonely in one sense of the word, but am in another. I've been on my own for a long time. I have a very full life, but the idea of living with family seems comforting to me. And I know plenty of singles who are cool, sought after, have full lives but lonely in a sense, too. The sense that it's comforting to have others in your living space.

But, others may enjoy not having family in their living spaces! Nothing wrong with that!

It does seem you've made a decision that's right for you! And, as you mentioned, he's quit texting you so "all's well that ends well!"

 

I live alone, and I don't love it. I don't want to live with my parents, but I can't say I enjoy coming home to an empty house. I trend more to the extrovert side, so it's a challenge for me to live alone. 

[BluePink123]

On 4/2/2021 at 3:17 PM, Emilyinroses said:

Met this guy on OLD and he seemed nice and said he is looking for a serious relationship. 

We talked on the phone and he told me that years ago he convinced his parents to sell their House that was too big for them, he also sold his flat and they bought another house where they all been living together.

He said he likes to be near his parents, that they won't live forever, wants to enjoy them, etc. He didn't mention they have any health issues or anything.

So to me this doesn't sound good. Yes I want to have a serious relationship with someone and possibly live together in the future, but us only, not with his parents. I cannot see me living in this sort of arrangement. 

I don't understand this, is he expecting the person he wants to live with to move into his house with his parents? This sounds too weird to me. What do you think?

@Emilyinroses Why don't you ask him if he expects his future wife to live with his parents in this home? If he says no, then what's the problem? 

I think it's nice he wanted to be with them until he gets married and also saved him money. Living alone is lonely. It's great he has a great relationship with his parents!

If he thinks a future wife will live in this home with his parents, well that's a different story unless it's some kind of mansion. 

[LivingWaterPlease]

1 hour ago, BluePink123 said:

@Emilyinroses Why don't you ask him if he expects his future wife to live with his parents in this home? If he says no, then what's the problem?

If he thinks a future wife will live in this home with his parents, well that's a different story unless it's some kind of mansion. 

Good point, BluePink! I thought after writing my post the size of the house would make a difference in me wanting to live with family, too!

[WWYD]

2 hours ago, S2B said:

Big huge red flag!!!!!! Run!!!

Being 41 is a 'big huge red flag'?!

 

 

Edited April 4, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language

[Gaeta]

8 hours ago, poppyfields said:

Gaeta, just out of curiosity, what is your opinion of men like JR and Bobby Ewing of Dallas fame?

The American version of mammonies.  Wealthy, successful, married, living with mom, the matriarch.

Again, just a tv show but depicts real life situations among the elite upper crust. 

Living in houses the size of a train station, it kind of fall in a different category.

I have only seen this in American shows though, I have never heard of rich people here living with their parents. I mean even Celine Dion has her own Island in my city with a huge castle on it and her parents had a separate house on that island. 

[poppyfields]

1 hour ago, Gaeta said:

Living in houses the size of a train station, it kind of fall in a different category.

I have only seen this in American shows though, I have never heard of rich people here living with their parents. I mean even Celine Dion has her own Island in my city with a huge castle on it and her parents had a separate house on that island. 

I've seen it for real, like I said among the elite upper crust. 

Grew up with neighbors who were in this category.

Four sons, three went into the family business and all but one lived at home even after marriage.  

HUGE estate, they all had separate living quarters, mom was the matriarch.

The mom was actually my mom's very best friend. 

[Emilyinroses]

1 hour ago, S2B said:

But still - I’m ole and I live with my sister and her husband - but this is a 7000 sq ft house. So we definitely have plenty of space for privacy and still get together everyday to get tasks done together.

it’s a lot to keep up with so it takes all of us to maintain the house. But honestly, we have a blast with the whole arrangement.

but it’s different if he’s living with his parents and doesn’t intend to cut that cord.  He’s made his priority known so he finds a gal that’s willing to accept the arrangement. 

Exactly. He said he intends to live with his parents until they are alive, so that leaves no space for any woman he knows to ask any further questions or any space for him and a girlfriend to decide together what to do. It’s his way or the highway basically. 

He is already putting conditions in a future relationship. It’s his life, his rules. Just not for me. Hope he finds someone that is ok with that, mansion or no mansion. I’m not. 

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, Emilyinroses said:

. He said he intends to live with his parents until they are alive, 

Is this part of his culture? Are you two from the same cultural, religious and socioeconomic backgrounds?

This may fascinate you:

 

Edited April 5, 2021 by Wiseman2

[Emilyinroses]

5 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Is this part of his culture? Are you two from the same cultural, religious and socioeconomic backgrounds?

This may fascinate you:

 

Yes we are part of the same culture and no his decision is not normal in our culture. Is normal to live with your parents until you finish Uni or start working and then either get married or get your own place.

Sorry to say that most guys his age that live with their parents are either freeloaders or are going through a temporary phase in their lives (relocating, divorce, etc). 

I’ve never heard of anyone his age living with parents because they are lonely. 

[cleverusername]

Maybe his mom just makes a really killer meatloaf dinner?

 

[Emilyinroses]

2 hours ago, cleverusername said:

Maybe his mom just makes a really killer meatloaf dinner?

 

My mom does too and I love to have her at mine or go to hers to have dinner together, and then back to my own space.

[mortensorchid]

It is a red flag.  He is probably covering up the fact that he is in dire financial straits or he lost everything.  Aside from that he might be insecure as well.  

I was with someone who lived with his mom.  I was still living at home with my parents during that time.  I bought my condo, moved in, and we were still together.  Then... He revealed his true self to me over time, eventually he broke it off, came back, then broke it off again.  Today he's nearly 50 and still loves with his mom.  He chooses that for himself.  I do not, and neither do most people.  And if I have to tell you why?  Then we have a huge problem. 

[Gaeta]

There is an easy way to figure it out. Who owns a property is public information.