Savannah1990 Posted April 2, 2021 Posted April 2, 2021 (edited) Hi everyone, so I’m texting for a few weeks with a guy I met at a grocery shop. We had a fun conversation and we kind of already knew each other from seeing each other around town. He asked me my number and after that, we started texting for about 3 weeks. That was really fun, we really connected. He jokingly brought up ‘yeah we should hang out, I’ll cook my favourite meal for you!’ I said, ‘that’s sounds great, let’s do that!’ But after that, he just started about something else. And up till now, he hasn’t set up a date. I’m starting to get bored with all the texting, but I also don’t feel that I should be the one begging for a date, while he was the one to first bring it up. I notice that I’m starting to get annoyed, feel like he’s playing games, though our convos seem genuine. Is it fair to be annoyed? Edited April 2, 2021 by Savannah1990
GeorgiaPeach1 Posted April 2, 2021 Posted April 2, 2021 He's only doing what you allow. You're still giving him attention and showing interest, though he hasn't been consistent or put in much effort with you. 3
BaileyB Posted April 2, 2021 Posted April 2, 2021 (edited) To be clear, this isn’t the last guy you posted about - the one who had a girlfriend? If it’s a different guy... yes, I would be annoyed. If you want to be bold, ask him about his dinner invite. See what he says. If not, I would call this guy a friend and acquaintance and keep looking... Edited April 2, 2021 by BaileyB
Author Savannah1990 Posted April 2, 2021 Author Posted April 2, 2021 (edited) 8 minutes ago, BaileyB said: To be clear, this isn’t the last guy you posted about - the one who had a girlfriend? If it’s a different guy... yes, I would be annoyed. If you want to be bold, ask him about his dinner invite. See what he says. If not, I would call this guy a friend and acquaintance and keep looking... O no, this is not that guy, i already totally quite contact with him a couple of days ago. This is another guy. Confusing part of it is that he texts me everyday, several times a day. So he puts the effort into texting. Edited April 2, 2021 by Savannah1990 To complete my story
Gaeta Posted April 2, 2021 Posted April 2, 2021 53 minutes ago, Savannah1990 said: He jokingly brought up ‘yeah we should hang out, I’ll cook my favourite meal for you!’ You didn't see through that? You're the hookup backup girl. You exchanged number and the first thing that comes out of his head is to invite you to his place. Nah, this guy isn't interested in getting to know you. He spoke about a home date to test your reply, and you agreed. Now you've been put on the waiting list, you know like an escort. He won't even have to get his butt out of his place, you'll bring sex to him. 2 1
Author Savannah1990 Posted April 2, 2021 Author Posted April 2, 2021 1 minute ago, Gaeta said: You didn't see through that? You're the hookup backup girl. You exchanged number and the first thing that comes out of his head is to invite you to his place. Nah, this guy isn't interested in getting to know you. He spoke about a home date to test your reply, and you agreed. Now you've been put on the waiting list, you know like an escort. He won't even have to get his butt out of his place, you'll bring sex to him. Uhm, this reply is kinda.. off. Because he actually NOT invited me to his place, he said he would cook dinner for me at my place. And that he would love to see another city together. So it doesnt really sound to me like he was looking for a hook up. And I wouldn’t agree at coming at his place for a first date, so.
BaileyB Posted April 2, 2021 Posted April 2, 2021 I think if he wanted sex, he would have asked for it by now. Is he just lonely and looking for a friend? Maybe, you should prompt him along... “I’m not sure what to make for dinner tonight - wait, you promised to make me a meal once!” See what he says... 2
Gaeta Posted April 2, 2021 Posted April 2, 2021 He's invited himself to your place? or you invited him? We've had a few stories lately all about men keeping on text and not escalating to a proper date. Turns out none of the men were interested *enough* to make an invitation and when the woman initiated the date it faded right before or right after the date. It's up to you if you want to be the pursuer. Ask him if next Saturday is a good time for that dinner and stroll around town. Personally I would not. I am done chasing men that don't show a clear intention of dating me. 3 1
glows Posted April 2, 2021 Posted April 2, 2021 Not sure what's the hesitancy or issue here. Follow up on a meal together and have it on a patio at a restaurant. Don't have him over. You barely know him. Let him know you are interested in seeing him. If he evades the topic, you have your answer. If he sounds enthusiastic and wants to make plans that week or so, you also have an answer!
Author Savannah1990 Posted April 2, 2021 Author Posted April 2, 2021 (edited) 18 minutes ago, Gaeta said: He's invited himself to your place? or you invited him? We've had a few stories lately all about men keeping on text and not escalating to a proper date. Turns out none of the men were interested *enough* to make an invitation and when the woman initiated the date it faded right before or right after the date. It's up to you if you want to be the pursuer. Ask him if next Saturday is a good time for that dinner and stroll around town. Personally I would not. I am done chasing men that don't show a clear intention of dating me. Yeah, I’m actually feeling exactly what you feel. Done chasing as well and done accepting BS, so I’m not gonna suggest a date. It really seems like guys these days don’t even know how to properly court a girl/woman. Am I the only one feeling this way? And why is that, did datingapps made it too easy for them? Are women too active and aggressive, compared to earlier? (I’m all for emancipation and really don’t want to sound oldfashioned, but I can only notice how sh*tty a lot of women get treated buy men these days.) Edited April 2, 2021 by Savannah1990
Author Savannah1990 Posted April 2, 2021 Author Posted April 2, 2021 21 minutes ago, BaileyB said: I think if he wanted sex, he would have asked for it by now. Is he just lonely and looking for a friend? Maybe, you should prompt him along... “I’m not sure what to make for dinner tonight - wait, you promised to make me a meal once!” See what he says... I don’t know, he doesnt really comes across as lonely. Just a normal, fun guy with a good job and active live. But I don’t know what’s going on behind the scenes
Gaeta Posted April 2, 2021 Posted April 2, 2021 1 minute ago, Savannah1990 said: Yeah, I’m actually feeling exactly what you feel. Done chasing as well and accepting BS. It really seems like guys these days don’t even know how to properly court a girl/woman. Apparently men will do things like that because we allow them. The guy texts for 3 weeks and you've been answering for 3 weeks. I was caught in that game in the past and for much longer than 3 weeks. I'm embarrassed to say I waited as long as 3 months for a man to come up with a date invitation, he only lived 10km from me! He never did come up with an invitation and I dumped him, but wasted 3 months accepting his excuses. 3
Wiseman2 Posted April 2, 2021 Posted April 2, 2021 1 hour ago, Savannah1990 said: I’m starting to get bored with all the texting, but I also don’t feel that I should be the one begging for a date, while he was the one to first bring it up. I notice that I’m starting to get annoyed, feel like he’s playing games. Makes sense. Pull back and don't text endlessly. As far as you know he could have a GF, etc. 1
Alpacalia Posted April 2, 2021 Posted April 2, 2021 Try to refrain from house dates in the beginning and that you "prefer to be outdoors." If he's interested beyond just getting cozy, he will be mindful of that. 3
prince0fgame Posted April 2, 2021 Posted April 2, 2021 (edited) 1 hour ago, Savannah1990 said: Hi everyone, so I’m texting for a few weeks with a guy I met at a grocery shop. We had a fun conversation and we kind of already knew each other from seeing each other around town. He asked me my number and after that, we started texting for about 3 weeks. That was really fun, we really connected. He jokingly brought up ‘yeah we should hang out, I’ll cook my favourite meal for you!’ I said, ‘that’s sounds great, let’s do that!’ But after that, he just started about something else. And up till now, he hasn’t set up a date. I’m starting to get bored with all the texting, but I also don’t feel that I should be the one begging for a date, while he was the one to first bring it up. I notice that I’m starting to get annoyed, feel like he’s playing games, though our convos seem genuine. Is it fair to be annoyed? As a universal rule of romance, a guy should ALWAYS escalate once you give him the green light. It's like tennis. He hits the ball to you. You hit it back. And then he hits it back. In this situation you hit the ball back to him....and he just let it flounder. It's no longer a romantic interaction. And the longer you stay in the interaction, the more desperate you will feel. But deep down inside you already know this. The rule of romance, just like in tennis, is that you do not let the ball drop. You return the serve. Otherwise it is one-sided! Edited April 2, 2021 by prince0fgame 2
LivingWaterPlease Posted April 2, 2021 Posted April 2, 2021 Maybe he thought it was a great idea but didn't want to go to the effort to actually follow through. Idk. 27 minutes ago, Savannah1990 said: Yeah, I’m actually feeling exactly what you feel. Done chasing as well and done accepting BS, so I’m not gonna suggest a date. It really seems like guys these days don’t even know how to properly court a girl/woman. Am I the only one feeling this way? And why is that, did datingapps made it too easy for them? Are women too active and aggressive, compared to earlier? (I’m all for emancipation and really don’t want to sound oldfashioned, but I can only notice how sh*tty a lot of women get treated buy men these days.) Look at it as a great way to weed guys out who aren't ones you might want something long term with.
spiderowl Posted April 3, 2021 Posted April 3, 2021 (edited) It is strange he is so committed to texting, OP, but has not followed up. Guys don't usually bother texting unless there is something in it for them (to be blunt). Have you two be sexting or just texting? If sexting, then he's enjoyed that and is not bothering to do more. He could already have a girlfriend he has to prioritise. You have been receptive to his suggestion that he cook for you and he hasn't followed through. I would not pursue him further; he should make an effort if he is interested. I think he has something else going on at the moment - another girl he's with or interested in. It's clear that he liked you or he wouldn't have texted for such a long time. I think maybe he's interested in another woman or possibly he's not interested in women except as friends. He's gone to a lot of trouble to keep in touch with you so there was something that interested him. I'm not surprised you are confused though. Maybe respond a little less and see if he takes action if he thinks you are losing interest? Does he seem like a shy kind of guy? Edited April 3, 2021 by spiderowl 1
Author Savannah1990 Posted April 3, 2021 Author Posted April 3, 2021 1 hour ago, spiderowl said: It is strange he is so committed to texting, OP, but has not followed up. Guys don't usually bother texting unless there is something in it for them (to be blunt). Have you two be sexting or just texting? If sexting, then he's enjoyed that and is not bothering to do more. He could already have a girlfriend he has to prioritise. You have been receptive to his suggestion that he cook for you and he hasn't followed through. I would not pursue him further; he should make an effort if he is interested. I think he has something else going on at the moment - another girl he's with or interested in. It's clear that he liked you or he wouldn't have texted for such a long time. I think maybe he's interested in another woman or possibly he's not interested in women except as friends. He's gone to a lot of trouble to keep in touch with you so there was something that interested him. I'm not surprised you are confused though. Maybe respond a little less and see if he takes action if he thinks you are losing interest? Does he seem like a shy kind of guy? We've just been texting, no sexting involved at all. We talked abouy a lot; our jobs, he asks me how my day was, our family etc. So we got to know each other a bit more. And the texting was frequent, on a daily basis, several times a day. It could be he's just shy or dont want to be pushy. bc a week after he mentioned cooking for me, he said we could also go for a nice walk after that (this was just a few days ago). I again respondend enthusiastic, but again, he didnt follow through. Maybe he expected me to finish it by saying 'Great, when shall we meet?" but that just feels to agressive for me. I really like it when, in the begining, a guy takes the lead/pursues. And im also used that when I give a green Light, they propose a day or timeframe 1
basil67 Posted April 3, 2021 Posted April 3, 2021 It sounds to me like he sees you as a friend. Has he ever said anything which any of your close girlfriends wouldn't say? I mean, suggesting getting together for a meal can be quite platonic.
Author Savannah1990 Posted April 3, 2021 Author Posted April 3, 2021 11 minutes ago, basil67 said: It sounds to me like he sees you as a friend. Has he ever said anything which any of your close girlfriends wouldn't say? I mean, suggesting getting together for a meal can be quite platonic. Yeah, he did once say that I look hot on a picture on IG. But it could be he sees me as a friend, I dont really know actually..
Author Savannah1990 Posted April 3, 2021 Author Posted April 3, 2021 (edited) 4 minutes ago, S2B said: Be specific with him at this point... otherwise you will be in the friend zone. ask him - when do you plan to take me out on a date? or just quit allowing him to waste your time. If he’s that clueless then you seriously don’t want to TRY and date him. how old are you two? maybe I should be specific. But theres something about being specific that feels like I'm pursuing him and that just feels so wrong. we're between 25 and 30 Edited April 3, 2021 by Savannah1990
basil67 Posted April 3, 2021 Posted April 3, 2021 5 hours ago, Savannah1990 said: Yeah, he did once say that I look hot on a picture on IG. But it could be he sees me as a friend, I dont really know actually.. I can imagine telling my BFF that she looks hot in an IG photo. Would he make a bad friend?
Fletch Lives Posted April 3, 2021 Posted April 3, 2021 If the guy does not ask for a date in two weeks, he's either not into you or has a major issue. 5
Gaeta Posted April 3, 2021 Posted April 3, 2021 7 hours ago, Savannah1990 said: It could be he's just shy bc a week after he mentioned cooking for me Shy men don't invite themselves to woman's house for a first date. What he does is create a false sense of familiarity by talking a lot on text and then it'll be easier for him to invite himself to your place. 4
introverted1 Posted April 3, 2021 Posted April 3, 2021 (edited) 19 hours ago, Savannah1990 said: so I’m texting for a few weeks with a guy I met at a grocery shop. We had a fun conversation and we kind of already knew each other from seeing each other around town. He asked me my number and after that, we started texting for about 3 weeks. That was really fun, we really connected. He jokingly brought up ‘yeah we should hang out, I’ll cook my favourite meal for you!’ I said, ‘that’s sounds great, let’s do that!’ But after that, he just started about something else. And up till now, he hasn’t set up a date. I’m starting to get bored with all the texting, but I also don’t feel that I should be the one begging for a date, while he was the one to first bring it up. I notice that I’m starting to get annoyed, feel like he’s playing games, though our convos seem genuine. Is it fair to be annoyed? Fair has nothing to do with it. You don't know this guy. You're not in a relationship or even a friendship. He's basically a text buddy. Does it really matter why he's not asking for a date? Maybe it's low interest. Maybe it's grooming you for a ONS. Maybe he's just bored and uses text to fill his time. Maybe, maybe, maybe. He's a grown-ass man and I am willing to bet the farm that he knows how to ask for a date when he wants one, so the bottom line is: If you're enjoying the dynamic, carry on. If you're not, stop. It's that simple. Edited April 3, 2021 by introverted1 3
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