Livenow13 Posted April 2, 2021 Posted April 2, 2021 Girlfriend of six years broke up with me a few weeks ago. I was so hurt I had to reach out to her. We talked some and I asked if she would meet up for a talk. I wanted to know why she went from wanting a baby to being so cold to me when she broke it off. At our talk she mentioned that she has hopes we can start over again someday but it won’t be any time soon. She also has mentioned and shows at times she has moved on. Kind of the woman she is but we have also split up before and got right back together. She can give mixed signals but this time I know she has lost feelings and that emotional attraction she had for me. I asked if she wanted to go to a bbq with me in two weeks and she said she would but just as friends. Again more mixed signals. Anyways, do I go into no contact until the bbq or try to contact her a couple times a week or just let it be?
Gaeta Posted April 2, 2021 Posted April 2, 2021 Hello Livenow13: I am sorry for your breakup. What she did is let you down easy with the word *someday*. It is an official breakup but she's trying to soften the blow. When people give you mixed signals it's because they're not invested anymore. The best thing to do is to cancel your invitation to that bbq and to go no contact. I know you think that by keeping contact with her it's a way of pulling her toward you, it actually has the opposite effect. Each communication will push her further away. Yes you let it be from today and keep no contact. 1
BaileyB Posted April 2, 2021 Posted April 2, 2021 (edited) 1 hour ago, Livenow13 said: Anyways, do I go into no contact until the bbq or try to contact her a couple times a week or just let it be? You go no contact. I wonder if she has met someone else and she is exploring other options, while keeping you on the back burner as a “friend.” That’s not a kind thing to do to you. 1 hour ago, Livenow13 said: At our talk she mentioned that she has hopes we can start over again someday but it won’t be any time soon. A woman who loves a man doesn’t break up with him, tell him that she wants to get back together but - not anytime soon. Seriously, how long does she extend to keep you waiting? So unfair. I’m sorry this has happened to you. What was her reason for ending the relationship? Edited April 2, 2021 by BaileyB
Author Livenow13 Posted April 2, 2021 Author Posted April 2, 2021 So she ended it because she felt neglect. I do have somewhat of a hunch she is seeing someone else but I don’t know if it’s just my mind. At the end she did say she was going to start accepting dates. The reason she ended it was due to neglect in her eyes. She said I was bringing up stuff from the past when in actuality I was the one always telling her lets move forward. The only reason I feel like she is wanting to try again is because she is a straight up person and I believe she would tell me we don’t have a chance after I told her I could see us making it work again and arguing through with our plans. Second she told my sister that she wanted me to take time and “heal” and see what really makes me happy...
Gaeta Posted April 2, 2021 Posted April 2, 2021 She was straight up, she said maybe but NOT anytime soon. Not anytime soon means you go on with your life, she goes on with her life and maybe in 5-10 years you will reconnect. OP, it's over in her heart.
Author Livenow13 Posted April 2, 2021 Author Posted April 2, 2021 It hurts but I needed to hear real answers. I need to get past this denial stage. So hard to think we would get here after all the times and extreme love we had. Even couples would stop us and call us lovebirds as everyone around us did. Sorry just venting guys. I have to repair my identity and heart
d0nnivain Posted April 3, 2021 Posted April 3, 2021 17 hours ago, Livenow13 said: Girlfriend of six years broke up with me a few weeks ago. I was so hurt I had to reach out to her. We talked some and I asked if she would meet up for a talk. I wanted to know why she went from wanting a baby to being so cold to me when she broke it off. At our talk she mentioned that she has hopes we can start over again someday but it won’t be any time soon. She also has mentioned and shows at times she has moved on. Kind of the woman she is but we have also split up before and got right back together. She can give mixed signals but this time I know she has lost feelings and that emotional attraction she had for me. I asked if she wanted to go to a bbq with me in two weeks and she said she would but just as friends. Again more mixed signals. Anyways, do I go into no contact until the bbq or try to contact her a couple times a week or just let it be? The break up make up cycle is highly dysfunctional. Let this break up be forever. Forget about the BBQ. You can't be "just friends" with a recent EX, especially whe you want more. You fix a relationship by working together to deal with what's wrong. You don't break up. Go completely NC. Be done. If she feels like you are neglecting her at a time when you thought you were working to move forward you two are too far apart to make this work. Especially if she's already seeing somebody else, there is nothing to repair here. It's simply over.
Wiseman2 Posted April 3, 2021 Posted April 3, 2021 17 hours ago, Livenow13 said: Girlfriend of six years broke up with me a few weeks ago. I was so hurt I had to reach out to her. We talked some and I asked if she would meet up for a talk. I wanted to know why she went from wanting a baby to being so cold to me when she broke it off. At our talk she mentioned that she has hopes we can start over again someday but it won’t be any time soon. She also has mentioned and shows at times she has moved on. Kind of the woman she is but we have also split up before and got right back together. She can give mixed signals but this time I know she has lost feelings and that emotional attraction she had for me. I asked if she wanted to go to a bbq with me in two weeks and she said she would but just as friends. Again more mixed signals. Anyways, do I go into no contact until the bbq or try to contact her a couple times a week or just let it be? Unfortunately 6 years is a long time to be coasting along in limbo. She got tired and fed up. Your goals and plans do not line up. She doesn't hate you, she just doesn't want to be in limbo as far as commitment, family, marriage, etc. is concerned.. At some level you already know this. These aren't mixed signals. This is the friendzone. She is dating others. 2
Gaeta Posted April 3, 2021 Posted April 3, 2021 17 hours ago, Livenow13 said: I have to repair my identity and heart It's not an easy task to let go of a long relationship. I was 5 years with my ex and yes it's like losing our identity. All my first times doing something or going somewhere without him made me cry. The good news is it will pass. I moved everything around in my home, bought 2-3 pieces of new furniture, got back into old hobbies I had let go, and exercise does help.
Author Livenow13 Posted April 3, 2021 Author Posted April 3, 2021 What would you guys say if I asked her to marry me in July and she said yes but wanted me to do it again because she stated she deserved to be asked in more of a romantic way
Wiseman2 Posted April 3, 2021 Posted April 3, 2021 2 minutes ago, Livenow13 said: What would you guys say if I asked her to marry me Was that what the beef was about?
Author Livenow13 Posted April 4, 2021 Author Posted April 4, 2021 (edited) For me somewhat and for her as well obviously. I thought she valued the fact of me proposing to her as much as she said she wanted that. Again just confused how someone says they believe in our love, could not want to accept. I didn’t do it I’m a super romantic way but had a ring and proposed as usual. Probably a lot of beefs in her mind. Wanted to be treated like a princess she mentioned toward the end Edited April 4, 2021 by Livenow13 More info
ExpatInItaly Posted April 4, 2021 Posted April 4, 2021 15 hours ago, Livenow13 said: What would you guys say if I asked her to marry me in July and she said yes but wanted me to do it again because she stated she deserved to be asked in more of a romantic way I think this was but another sign that she was losing interest in this relationship and actually started checking out a while ago.
d0nnivain Posted April 4, 2021 Posted April 4, 2021 15 hours ago, Livenow13 said: What would you guys say if I asked her to marry me in July and she said yes but wanted me to do it again because she stated she deserved to be asked in more of a romantic way I'd say you dodged a bullet. If she turned you down & is complaining about the lack of romance in the proposal she does not understand marriage in the slightest. Marriage is work. It's not hearts & flowers & romance. Because that is her emphasis IMO she'd make a terrible partner. She's immature & foolhardy. This was never going to work. Accept that it's over. Grieve. Heal & move on to a healthy relationship with somebody else. 1
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