redpandapanda2 Posted April 1, 2021 Posted April 1, 2021 My boyfriend of 5 months seems to be very pre-occupied with my attire and me going topless. Let me explain....we travel often to nice hotels etc on the weekends and on one of the trips he suggested we go to a nude beach. He didn't take off his pants, but he wanted me to take off my top. I reluctantly did it -- I wasn't thrilled about it, but he said he really loved it. When we traveled last month, he was obsessed with buying me clothes for the trip. He wanted me in so very revealing tops and when I wore them -- he would take pictures of me at dinner etc. He was taking pictures of my cleavage (which he says he is proud of).... He also was adamant that the resort we stayed at ...had a European bathing section. He walked across the resort with me -- to that area to see if anyone was out there topless. The way he was walking was as if he was obsessed or something. No one was topless and he decided that he didn't even want to go by the pool after realizing that... opted for drinks and a nap instead. His birthday is coming up and he mentioned that he wanted to take me to a private adult resort -- I'm pretty naive but I have a feeling ..going topless is just the tip of the iceberg at a place like that... He's 55 years old -- I'm 44. Would you find this to be disturbing?
Gaeta Posted April 1, 2021 Posted April 1, 2021 (edited) Nothing wrong with a boyfriend who likes your breasts and likes when you showcase them. BUT.... The rest (nude beach, hotel pool, adult resorts) falls in the category of exhibitionists and I think the next thing on his mind is swinging. Not only he enjoys looking at you, but he enjoys other men looking at you. I would ask him if it's something important for him to be happy, if the answer is yes, I'd let him go. Edited April 1, 2021 by Gaeta 3
d0nnivain Posted April 1, 2021 Posted April 1, 2021 Disturbing isn't the right word. It would be a point of contention & a reason to get a new BF for me. He shouldn't be so obsessed & he certainly shouldn't pressure you 2
norealusername Posted April 1, 2021 Posted April 1, 2021 It's weird he wants you to do this in public, like he gets off on other men looking at you. I like my girlfriend to wear sexy clothes but it's for me to look at. It doesn't turn me on if other men are looking at her. I'd rather they weren't looking at her.
Keridan Posted April 1, 2021 Posted April 1, 2021 Yeah, gotta admit, it sounds a little unusual. I don't want anyone seeing the breasts of someone I'm with but me. Don't get me wrong. I LOVE breasts, but if I'm in a committed relationship, those are mine and mine alone. 1
smackie9 Posted April 1, 2021 Posted April 1, 2021 (edited) I would find his behavior annoying. Just because he is your BF doesn't give him the right to make you do anything that makes you uncomfortable. I would find this degrading, because he is objectifying you, treating you like a piece of meat so to speak. To me this is kick him to the curb worthy, but he is not my BF. If you want, you can set boundaries with him, like you are OK to parade around in the privacy of your veranda, but not going to do this in public any more. To me by not speaking up and going along with it, has opened a Pandora's box that needs the lid shut closed. He's not a mind reader, you have to tell him without fear how you feel, and lay it out to him, that this needs to stop. Gosh if my husband obsessively started snapping shots of my cleavage at the dinner table, he would find his phone floating in the toilet. Edited April 1, 2021 by smackie9 8
Crazelnut Posted April 1, 2021 Posted April 1, 2021 So, do you want to stay in a relationship with a man who is so obviously obsessed with breasts (in general) and doesn't seem to care if he asks you to do things that make you uncomfortable? I could not. BTW, do NOT let him take photos or videos of you naked. You WILL find them online, I promise. He WILL post them. 6
Wiseman2 Posted April 1, 2021 Posted April 1, 2021 4 hours ago, redpandapanda2 said: he suggested we go to a nude beach. He didn't take off his pants, but he wanted me to take off my top. he said he really loved it. It seems you're ok with it. Is this the same man?:
glows Posted April 1, 2021 Posted April 1, 2021 This doesn't seem okay at all especially the part where you reluctantly took your top off. That's awful. Don't ever feel you have to please your partner like that. Were you afraid of him saying something or mocking you if you disagreed? 2
dramafreezone Posted April 1, 2021 Posted April 1, 2021 (edited) Why not just have a frank conversation about his sexual preference/proclivities and see if that's something you're prepared to deal with on a regular basis? If not, you know what you need to do. Have you actually expressed to him that you're not comfortable with some of this? If not how would he know? Edited April 1, 2021 by dramafreezone 2
lana-banana Posted April 1, 2021 Posted April 1, 2021 (edited) This is clearly some kind of fetish; how far it goes down the voyeurism/exhibitionism/involvement of others, you'll never know unless you ask. Have a conversation and express yourself. Be clear about your boundaries and comfort level. If he's a mature adult and sincerely interested in you, he'll respect that. Edited April 1, 2021 by lana-banana 1
LynneVicious Posted April 1, 2021 Posted April 1, 2021 1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said: It seems you're ok with it. Is this the same man?: Oo, with what Wiseman pointed out, it sounds like his fantasies are crossing your boundaries at an alarming rate. You e only been together a few months. He’s shown you who he is. Believe him! Since you’re not comfortable with this, I think it’s time to walk away. I think it’ll only get worse. You are a mature woman, not a kid. Before you get gaslit and manipulated, please walk away. Who knows if he’s secretly recording you or what he’s capable of. 2
MsJayne Posted April 1, 2021 Posted April 1, 2021 The most disturbing thing is that he's grooming you for whatever weirdness he's got in store for you. I'd be worried about his idea of a great way to spend his birthday, hanging out with a bunch of naked strangers wondering what's lurking in the spa jets. He sounds obsessed and kind of creepy. 4
ShyViolet Posted April 1, 2021 Posted April 1, 2021 Ok well he is clearly into some stuff that you are not into. This doesn't make him a bad person or a creep. He just has some fantasies/fetishes that you are not comfortable with. It sounds like you and him are just not compatible. Better to admit that early on and just end the relationship. 2
kendahke Posted April 2, 2021 Posted April 2, 2021 If the resort is Hedonism II, then the one thing I will say is that it is a place that will either bring your relationship to heights you never dreamed possible or it will destroy your relationship. You don't sound like you're an exhibitionist and he sounds like he gets off putting his girlfriend's body on display to other men. One of the two of you needs to change if this is going to work out for you. I dare say you need to break up sooner than later. 1
divegrl Posted April 2, 2021 Posted April 2, 2021 The question is..... do you find it disturbing? Are you uncomfortable with it? The only opinion that matters is yours. I know, A LOT, of couples that do some crazy things... mirroring what you described above. The thing is, both partners are totally into it. It is not ok, when one partner is trying to pressure the other into doing something they don’t want. So take a look at what you actually want... and if your relationship aligns with that. Have a beautiful day 2
Av3ry Posted April 2, 2021 Posted April 2, 2021 Don't yuck on someone's yum. That said, the thing that stands out to me is that you "reluctantly" took your top off. It doesn't sound like you're comfortable with or even want to do it. Never ever do something you're not comfortable with just to please that person, even if it's your boyfriend. Talk to him, be direct and if it's non-negotiable on his side, it's time to consider leaving him and move on, and find someone who's more compatible. Remember that t's ok to walk out of a relationship that isn't working for you. 2
BaileyB Posted April 2, 2021 Posted April 2, 2021 It’s not my thing. But that said, do whatever floats your boat... If you are comfortable with his exhibitionist fetish, have fun.
dramafreezone Posted April 2, 2021 Posted April 2, 2021 6 hours ago, LynneVicious said: Oo, with what Wiseman pointed out, it sounds like his fantasies are crossing your boundaries at an alarming rate. You e only been together a few months. He’s shown you who he is. Believe him! Since you’re not comfortable with this, I think it’s time to walk away. I think it’ll only get worse. You are a mature woman, not a kid. Before you get gaslit and manipulated, please walk away. Who knows if he’s secretly recording you or what he’s capable of. How would he know what her boundaries are if she doesn't tell him? "I don't want to do this." How hard is it to say that?
LynneVicious Posted April 2, 2021 Posted April 2, 2021 11 minutes ago, dramafreezone said: How would he know what her boundaries are if she doesn't tell him? "I don't want to do this." How hard is it to say that? In her prior post, she told him No many times and had arguments about it, only for him to use the “ii wasn’t serious” card. Or something similar.
Wiseman2 Posted April 2, 2021 Posted April 2, 2021 This guy has already brought random men to your hotel rooms to have threesomes with,so going to a topless beach seems tame by comparison. If you find his sexual proclivities so appalling, reflect on why you stay with him. Are either of you married or in other relationships? Most of these episodes seem to happen in hotels. 1
Miss Peach Posted April 2, 2021 Posted April 2, 2021 Has this guy discussed with you what his fetish is? He obviously has one - nudists, cuckhold, voyeur, etc. IMO you need to find out what you're dealing with and whether you two can match up here. Even before I read about the threesome it seemed obvious there is something he's dealing with here you should know about. You two need to get on the same page with your needs and what ones are on or off the table. I haven't read your other posts but in a situation like swingers, threesomes, etc. I personally would be OK for the topic to come up but I would really need to trust who I was with and that any rules/boundaries would be respected at a minimum. I also wouldn't want to feel pressured. It needs to be on your terms too. From my experience in swinger and kink circles please try to have an open mind and not judge what he's telling you. Get it all out there and have an honest dialog. I tend to find especially in kink circles men are shamed so it tends to come out in disrespectful ways. I'm not saying to put up with disrespect but being open to hearing it even if you don't want to without judgement will often help people open up. IMO you need to find out what you're dealing with, whether you can find a compromise, or whether there are any deal breakers. This won't happen if he holds back like he did before by saying it's a joke.
Mrin Posted April 2, 2021 Posted April 2, 2021 Oh wow. You're still with that guy? The topless thing is the least of your worries. 5
SumGuy Posted April 2, 2021 Posted April 2, 2021 On 4/1/2021 at 11:45 AM, redpandapanda2 said: ... His birthday is coming up and he mentioned that he wanted to take me to a private adult resort -- I'm pretty naive but I have a feeling ..going topless is just the tip of the iceberg at a place like that... Agreed, think this is a set up...a lot more than going topless is what he is thinking at this resort...having you go topless is step 1, also known as grooming. Quote He's 55 years old -- I'm 44. Would you find this to be disturbing? Yes, that he pushes it. Fine if two consenting adults wish to do this and BOTH into it...but a pressure campaign and that this seems to be his arousal cake, and not just the icing, disturbing unless you are also 100% on board with it being your cake to.
Recommended Posts