Perrus Posted March 31, 2021 Posted March 31, 2021 (edited) Acquired property in 2014, got married 2019 and now I want out. Everything is well but I feel so empty, I actually regret signing those papers. I feel so caged, have had to give up most of my friends, I can’t go out even if it’s once in a while. My parents won’t even give into the idea of me being single again. I’m just struggling so much to the culture of marriage. She’s amazing but I want to be alone. I’m also worried about the property coz it’s an inheritance. Please Help Perrus Edited April 2, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Clarified thread title.
d0nnivain Posted March 31, 2021 Posted March 31, 2021 Only a lawyer can talk to you about the marital status of an inheritance. If it was co-mingled into your marriage, meaning she used it, it may have become marital property. Before you go down the road of divorce, do think about scenarios that would enable you to stay married. If you were able to go out more would that help? Are you sure marriage rather than Covid is why you can't go out? I am concerned about your statement that you "had to give up most of [your] friends". What do you mean by that? Is it a matter that you don't feel like you have as much time for them or did your spouse affirmatively make you cut them out of your life? If the former, that is the nature of adulthood & marriage. Your spouse comes 1st. Rather than divorcing work on time management. 1
Wiseman2 Posted March 31, 2021 Posted March 31, 2021 1 hour ago, Perrus said: My parents won’t even give into the idea of me being single again.I’m also worried about the property coz it’s an inheritance. Talk to an attorney about the divorce and marital property laws. Was this an arranged marriage?
Author Perrus Posted March 31, 2021 Author Posted March 31, 2021 No it wasn’t. I love her, she’s a really good person but I don’t want responsibilities. I want to live freely and eat my money 1
Author Perrus Posted March 31, 2021 Author Posted March 31, 2021 44 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: Only a lawyer can talk to you about the marital status of an inheritance. If it was co-mingled into your marriage, meaning she used it, it may have become marital property. Before you go down the road of divorce, do think about scenarios that would enable you to stay married. If you were able to go out more would that help? Are you sure marriage rather than Covid is why you can't go out? I am concerned about your statement that you "had to give up most of [your] friends". What do you mean by that? Is it a matter that you don't feel like you have as much time for them or did your spouse affirmatively make you cut them out of your life? If the former, that is the nature of adulthood & marriage. Your spouse comes 1st. Rather than divorcing work on time management. Well the tenants pay into my account and the money often helps with groceries. I’m working a very demanding job so practically I don’t have time for friends. Let’s just say I’d rather come home to an empty house full peace and quite than a nagging wife. 1
d0nnivain Posted March 31, 2021 Posted March 31, 2021 If you use the money from the rent to help with the groceries, that is co-mingling. You need to talk to a lawyer. What does your wife nag you about? What was your vision of married life & how is that different from what you are experiencing? Are there ways you can harmonize what you thought it would be & what you are experiencing? It sounds a little like you are a bit selfish, which doesn't work in a marriage.
Author Perrus Posted March 31, 2021 Author Posted March 31, 2021 Here’s a typical day in my shoes. Wake up at 5am to go to work, endure the manual labour then come back at 17h00 to clean, pick clothes up and sometimes cook even though she’s working from home.Go to gym with her, come back eat bath and sleep. Whenever we go out she doesn’t make the effort to look pretty and that really sucks coz I feel like she’s too comfortable. If I raise the issue she tells me about purchasing a weave that costs around 3.5 Iv honestly ended eyeing people outside to get some physical gratification. I feel stuck in a routine, Iv often had to work overtime just so we can get enough money to go out or buy her clothes. To some extent I do feel like I’m selfish but I need to voice out my challenges. This I feel if I stay alone it would be better 1
d0nnivain Posted March 31, 2021 Posted March 31, 2021 That does sound a bit one sided but just because she is working from home doesn't mean it is not work. Where does her money go? Cheating is not the answer. Definitely divorce rather than stray.
Author Perrus Posted March 31, 2021 Author Posted March 31, 2021 And my in laws. I don’t really know much about her finances
d0nnivain Posted March 31, 2021 Posted March 31, 2021 She will have financial disclosures if you divorce.
Wiseman2 Posted March 31, 2021 Posted March 31, 2021 8 hours ago, Perrus said: My parents won’t even give into the idea of me being single again. Why do your parents say this?
Wiseman2 Posted March 31, 2021 Posted March 31, 2021 51 minutes ago, Perrus said: Hard core Christians Did the force this marriage on you? Is divorce forbidden or frowned upon? Talk to a lawyer about marital property laws and your inheritance. Maybe you can get the marriage annulled.
Marc878 Posted April 1, 2021 Posted April 1, 2021 Take the time to read up on Greener Grass syndrome. Sometimes you don’t know what you had til it’s gone. Marriage counseling if you can find a good one is a great option in these situations.
Wiseman2 Posted April 1, 2021 Posted April 1, 2021 16 hours ago, Perrus said: Hard core Christians Agree, what's the worst that could happen? They feed you to lions ?
trident_2020 Posted April 3, 2021 Posted April 3, 2021 On 3/31/2021 at 8:06 AM, d0nnivain said: Only a lawyer can talk to you about the marital status of an inheritance. If it was co-mingled into your marriage, meaning she used it, it may have become marital property. Many people on these forums and others have a lot of knowledge and experience having been through the divorce process. Some attorneys are clueless and incompetent. I often post on a men's divorce forum where legal advice is dispensed by non attorneys all day long and most of it is excellent. Generally premarital assets are separate nonmarital property and her using it doesn't change that.
vla1120 Posted April 14, 2021 Posted April 14, 2021 (edited) On 3/31/2021 at 8:50 AM, Perrus said: No it wasn’t. I love her, she’s a really good person but I don’t want responsibilities. I want to live freely and eat my money You said you love her and she's a really good person. Are you sure this is not a temporary situation? If so, you don't want to impose a permanent solution on a temporary problem. If you haven't tried marriage counseling, you at least owe your marriage and wife a try at working through the issues. Sure, there are benefits to being single, but there are also benefits to sharing a life with someone you love. It's not always easy to find a good match in life. When you say you "don't want responsibilities", don't you already have responsibilities?- to your employer - to pay taxes - clearly you feel a responsibility toward your parents. Don't confuse not wanting responsibilities with just needing some peace and quiet in your life. Instead of going to the gym with her, take that time for yourself. MAKE time to reconnect with your friends. A marriage counselor would also help you sort through these "issues" and maybe help you realize it's not necessarily your wife you want to get away from. Edited April 14, 2021 by vla1120
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