spiderowl Posted April 3, 2021 Posted April 3, 2021 OP, she might genuinely have 'triggers' because of what's happened to her in the past, but it may be that she has triggered the events that have happened in the past. She sounds very volatile and distrusting. Those traits are not necessarily because she has been treated badly; they might be personality traits. I think you need to avoid people like her - she is trouble. It will not do you any good to try to solve her problems. You are not responsible for her issues. I know you want to help her but you can't. You have done more than most. It would be a mistake to think that a troubled person is that way because of the way they have been treated in the past. This may not be the case and you would then be falling for all the excuses in the world for behaving appallingly. Her behaviour was not acceptable, full stop! Give up on her and find yourself someone who is not troubled and who is capable of a normal relationship.
Stupidkupid Posted April 8, 2021 Posted April 8, 2021 On 3/31/2021 at 2:59 PM, Gaeta said: On a side note. I'd like to warn you about having unprotected sex with women you've known shortly and obviously had no time to get STD tested. You are smarter than that. There was no need to jump into bed under these circumstances, if you took a little longer before being intimate it may help you keep a cold head and make better decisions. People lie about their sexual health, and about when was the last time they had sex. You've put your safety into the hands of a stranger. Can't do condoms literally made me twitch. Allergic? Buy a different type. Too large? Buy smaller condoms. Too small? Buy bigger, thinner, ribbed... whatevee OP take some responsbility all around. 4
Classicfiction Posted April 9, 2021 Posted April 9, 2021 Op, you sound like a class A manipulator. As someone with "triggers" I can tell you that I tend to attract and be attracted to men who gaslight and play with my emotions. Yes it is from past events. Childhood stuff and so on.. it tends to build on itself. With that in mind, a woman with significant trauma is not going to attract a 100% normal man unless she's dealt with her trauma. She's going to attract someone who will recreate the traumatic event in some way because thats how the subconsious works. You literally blame shift your entire recollection of events and I can completely see how you most likely pushed and pushed at this woman's buttons until she exploded... then went "Omg poor me getting hurt by these unstable women, and all I wanted to do was help." Suuuuure.. And then you convinced her to shoulder all the blame and she ended up feeling like s*** and not understanding why she reacted to you manipulating her. Dude, you were pushing her buttons and you know it. 4
Versacehottie Posted April 9, 2021 Posted April 9, 2021 4 hours ago, Classicfiction said: Op, you sound like a class A manipulator. I agree with this sentiment. In that, at the time you started this thread OP, you knew this women for 2 weeks. How in the world are you in a position to comment on so-called "triggers" and all the other psychobabble that you are making judgments on her--you wouldn't even know her well enough at that point. There's just so much more in both the 2 most recent women as well as the way you describe your own relationship history and blurred lines with exes and ongoing litigation that points to the deduction that there is NO way that it is "'just" these women. 3
poppyfields Posted April 9, 2021 Posted April 9, 2021 (edited) 6 hours ago, Classicfiction said: Op, you sound like a class A manipulator. As someone with "triggers" I can tell you that I tend to attract and be attracted to men who gaslight and play with my emotions. Yes it is from past events. Childhood stuff and so on.. it tends to build on itself. With that in mind, a woman with significant trauma is not going to attract a 100% normal man unless she's dealt with her trauma. She's going to attract someone who will recreate the traumatic event in some way because thats how the subconsious works. You literally blame shift your entire recollection of events and I can completely see how you most likely pushed and pushed at this woman's buttons until she exploded... then went "Omg poor me getting hurt by these unstable women, and all I wanted to do was help." Suuuuure.. And then you convinced her to shoulder all the blame and she ended up feeling like s*** and not understanding why she reacted to you manipulating her. Dude, you were pushing her buttons and you know it. Wow, that is some amazing insight, thank you for posting it. Just learned something new myself. You need to post more often! Edited April 9, 2021 by poppyfields 1
balletomane Posted April 9, 2021 Posted April 9, 2021 (edited) 7 hours ago, Versacehottie said: I agree with this sentiment. In that, at the time you started this thread OP, you knew this women for 2 weeks. How in the world are you in a position to comment on so-called "triggers" and all the other psychobabble that you are making judgments on her--you wouldn't even know her well enough at that point. There's just so much more in both the 2 most recent women as well as the way you describe your own relationship history and blurred lines with exes and ongoing litigation that points to the deduction that there is NO way that it is "'just" these women. I agree. OP, you need to step back and take a look at your own behaviour here. You have a rationalisation or an excuse for all the choices you make that cause raised eyebrows, but you pathologise or are highly critical of this woman's choices even though your own are no better. You seem to have a history of dating women in turbulent situations, which suggests that part of you is drawn to that turbulence. And when you post to ask for advice in the past, you set up a different account and told lies about how long you'd been dating, presumably to avoid perceived criticism and to try and get what you wanted to hear. Hiding things in order to elicit specific responses is manipulative behaviour in itself. It sounds as if you've been acting similarly with this woman. You bought her morning after pills and kept asking her "what she was comfortable with", even though buying the emergency contraception makes it very clear what your own expectations were. By asking the same question repeatedly you were trying to nudge her into the answer you wanted. That's pressure, and this is why she will have been upset with your tone - something that you seem to find difficult to believe or accept. She does not sound as though she is in the right place to date anyone, but frankly neither do you. Edited April 9, 2021 by balletomane 3
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