Justin_EMT Posted October 17, 2005 Posted October 17, 2005 Im not even sure how to start this, just got off the phone with my ex and strongly debating throwing my phone against a wall. We broke up about 9 months ago, 2 f***in days before my bday no less. She had cheated on me two weeks beforehand (I didnt find out until 6 months later when I read her journal). Anyhow, I have spent the past 9 months basically being a pussy and trying to get her back. Cried all the damn time, begged, you name it I did it wrong. Fast forward to now, I moved 1/2 way across the country mainly to get away from her and heal. We talked on the phone nearly daily and had a friends with benefits thing going on before I moved. Anyhow, she always says she cares about me as much as she always has, but she doesnt love me the way I love her. She loves me....But not the way I do... So, I get off the phone with her today, tell her I had hopes of us trying again sometime, she tells me that she doesnt know what the future holds, but right now she doesnt want to be with me. She says she does want to be friends ( ya i know we all know how that works out) I tell her Im not sure if i want to or not. Part of me does, part of me doesnt. I ask her if she loved her ex that she cheated on me with, she says she hasnt really loved anyone, she thought she did, but in retrospect hasnt loved anyone. Shes 25, im 28 btw. So, wtf do I do. I honestly, really do love this girl and would go to hell and back for the chance to be with her. But, I also know the chances are soooo slim that Ill be killing myself daily holding onto that hope. do I just say f*** it and disconnect my phone? Thatll be the last straw, and I am sure she will know i dont wish to speak anymore. Or do i just play limited contact and keep in touch with her very periodically just to keep the door open for the future? Hell i know logically, i should kickher to the curb completely. She cheated, she lied about it, shes a hypocrit (tells other peopl eshe wants the truth, but wont do it herself) Shes made out with a married man before (not while with me, but still), has never truly loved anyone, and is a knit picker. She constantly finds something to complain about, is part of the reason I became such a f***in pussy, I was partly afraid to open up because of it. I know this sounds like rambling, but would appreciate some support. If I cancel my phone it will be the end, so dont want to make any hasty decisions. Justin
heartnsoul Posted October 17, 2005 Posted October 17, 2005 No pain...no gain. You need to stop contact with her. One never truly appreciates what they HAD til it's gone. It's an age old method but usually works. Doesn't sound like you have any other option. She says she loves you but not as much as you her which tells me you're too readily available to her. Why should she change anything about the situation if she doesn't have to? There's no threat of loss. She gets to have her cake and eat it too. You're going to hurt either way and it sounds like you've been going thru some serious tourment for 9 months now. I think the advantage to leaving the situation is much better than the alternative.
Author Justin_EMT Posted October 17, 2005 Author Posted October 17, 2005 God this f***in' blows, I should just cancel the phone and cut off contact. I know itd prob be best, because chances are very good that if I keep up contact, sooner or later, I am going to have to hear about some guy shes nailing and that would tear me up all over again. What scares me, though, is knowing that if I do it, she will prob respect my decision and just never talk to me again. So much for abscence makes the heart grow fonder. I honestly doubt shed miss me and try and contact me in the future, she'd prob just respect the NC decision and go about her life. God damnit and I have a freakin anatomy exam tomorrow. How the hell to focus when you just got part of your hear ripped out.
RecordProducer Posted October 17, 2005 Posted October 17, 2005 If you forgive infidelity, be prepared that they might cheat on you again. Especially since you've begged her to be with you. Now she knows she could walk all over you in case you get back together. I vote for no contact! If she loves you, she will come back to you.
heartnsoul Posted October 17, 2005 Posted October 17, 2005 I'm sorry, I feel your frustration. I'm sure you know her but never underestimate the power of the feelings of loss of someone significant. I've been there before. It took me 3 months after kicking him out to realize that I didn't want a life w/out him. No contact is truly the best. I know it's easy for me to sit here and tell you to cut someone that you love immensly out of your life BUT all you're doing by remaing in the picture is torturing yourself! Not only that but if you sincerely think that she'll let you go easily, you're not holding onto much of a relationship/friendship. Baby step option: Make changing numbers a last resort. Start small. Don't answer her calls right away. Change the predictability of contact. If you normally call her daily....wait a week. If she calls you...don't pick up the first few calls. See if the shift changes anything. However, I think your ultimate goal should be strict NC. Browse some of these threads....there's a lot of excellent words to help you through this!!
Author Justin_EMT Posted October 17, 2005 Author Posted October 17, 2005 I think ill prob do it that way heartnsoul. Im kind of too much of a damn pansy to just turn it off now. Ill prob wait a couple weeks, get a new phone, and then turn it off. I know ill be shooting myself in the foot if i just turn it off now as i wont be able to really talk to anyone, plus its alittle sudden. Ill just slow down the talking with her, then cut it off soon. This is going to be very f***in hard, but why even want to be with someone that doesnt love me? On a side note, this whole healing process is going to be harder based on the fact that I dont have any family or friends here. Just moved to seattle to get away and become a better person, but didnt know anyone here. Foolish and hasty probably, but necessary in the end I think. Oddly enough, i was torn between moving and staying, but the ex said something that pushed me over the edge. Anyone have a clue how long it normally takes someone to mostly get over there EX with NC? My first couple serious relationships took about a year, and i really really do not want tospend another year in misery over this girl. Justin
pippen_2k Posted October 17, 2005 Posted October 17, 2005 I did the begging and pleading, and made myself look really pathetic for a good 4-5 months after my ex broke it off with me... and man I dont EVER wanna go back down that road again... Ive never felt so miserable in my life! and to see you have been doing this for 9 months? man I give you sympathy cause thats a long time to be feeling this low... Its just too much stress in your life which you really dont need! Once I said enough is enough of that self torture, and totally cut off all contact I felt better a couple months later... Its now been like 5 months since ive talked or seen her and I can say im almost 100% cured. Take the major steps now and forget the baby steps.. Cut her away for good.. and if she does change her mind im sure she will find a way to get in contact with you.
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