BaileyB Posted March 30, 2021 Posted March 30, 2021 (edited) 1 minute ago, JewelForever said: The problem with buying myself flowers is that he will think that someone else got me them no matter what I tell him.... and he gets really jealous and overprotective fast..... well then, that’s a whole different problem. If my partner did that - he wouldn’t be my partner. No amount of material gifts would cause me to stay with a jealous and possessive man. Edited March 30, 2021 by BaileyB 4
Author Lost_confused1000 Posted March 30, 2021 Author Posted March 30, 2021 1 minute ago, poppyfields said: My boyfriends bought me flowers after acting like a ****, their way of apologizing. Lol Seriously though, stop nagging him about it, buy them yourself and like I said, he will notice and hopefully inspire him to buy, no need to say a word! I never once told him to buy me any... the only time I brought it up was when I asked if I was doing something wrong 1
poppyfields Posted March 30, 2021 Posted March 30, 2021 2 minutes ago, JewelForever said: The problem with buying myself flowers is that he will think that someone else got me them no matter what I tell him.... and he gets really jealous and overprotective fast..... Bolded - good, perhaps that will inspire him buying them. I'm kidding. Agree with Bailey, jealous and possessive? Sorry, you got bigger problems than him not buying you flowers.
Author Lost_confused1000 Posted March 30, 2021 Author Posted March 30, 2021 Just now, poppyfields said: Bolded - good, perhaps that will inspire him buying them. I'm kidding. Agree with Bailey, jealous and possessive? Sorry, you got bigger problems than him not buying you flowers. Actually I’m glad he’s like that..... he’s the first person to actually act that way .... in all previous relationships no one cared about that aspect..... that’s one of the reasons why I love him
BaileyB Posted March 30, 2021 Posted March 30, 2021 (edited) 3 minutes ago, JewelForever said: Actually I’m glad he’s like that..... he’s the first person to actually act that way .... in all previous relationships no one cared about that aspect..... that’s one of the reasons why I love him And this is how an abusive relationship begins... by confusing controlling and inappropriate behavior for love. Edited March 30, 2021 by BaileyB 4
poppyfields Posted March 30, 2021 Posted March 30, 2021 7 minutes ago, JewelForever said: Actually I’m glad he’s like that..... he’s the first person to actually act that way .... in all previous relationships no one cared about that aspect..... that’s one of the reasons why I love him I get it, I felt that way too with my previous ex. I associated it with love, and that "oh he must really care about me." Trust me, that's not it, not even close. I was a possession that he "owned" and I mean that literally. It really screwed me up and the relationship didn't end well but good luck. 1
vla1120 Posted March 30, 2021 Posted March 30, 2021 24 minutes ago, JewelForever said: The problem with buying myself flowers is that he will think that someone else got me them no matter what I tell him.... and he gets really jealous and overprotective fast..... You know...I was thinking - after you mentioned he wants to put you in an apartment - you've been with him 6 months. Does he show any signs of control? I don't mean to turn your post into anything untoward, but a few things you've mentioned popped my red flag only because of what I went through with my last husband. He was ALL Mr. Wonderful until we got married. There were tiny little warnings before (like him buying me a phone because he wanted me to have the same phone he had - and to be on his phone plan), but once we got married, he wanted to know where I was all the time. He started telling me no one cared about me or loved me the way he did. He was ridiculously jealous and isolated me from male friends and even family members. Just tread carefully and pay attention to your instincts (and I'm sorry if my intuition is still in overdrive because of my own experience.)
Gaeta Posted March 30, 2021 Posted March 30, 2021 1 hour ago, Lost_confused1000 said: He gets me purses, lingerie, clothes, each item costing him thousands of dollars...... phone, car....... wants to buy me an apartment which is amazing and all but to me flowers, All those gifts is for you to brag to your friends, colleague, family. It's all about him and the big male ego stroke it brings him. 2
Gaeta Posted March 30, 2021 Posted March 30, 2021 48 minutes ago, Lost_confused1000 said: The problem with buying myself flowers is that he will think that someone else got me them no matter what I tell him.... and he gets really jealous and overprotective fast..... I rest my case. I called this man controlling right from the start with his **you're prettier than flowers so you won't get any from me** 2
Gaeta Posted March 30, 2021 Posted March 30, 2021 52 minutes ago, Lost_confused1000 said: The problem with buying myself flowers is that he will think that someone else got me them no matter what I tell him.... and he gets really jealous and overprotective fast..... Listen, you're the trophy girlfriend. He wants to dress you up, offer you expensive accessories, put you in an expensive car, and enjoy having you as an arm candy. He's not interested in what makes you happy. He's not interested in what touches your heart (the flowers). We have a saying in French that means *just shut up and be pretty*. 1
d0nnivain Posted March 30, 2021 Posted March 30, 2021 1 hour ago, Lost_confused1000 said: The problem with buying myself flowers is that he will think that someone else got me them no matter what I tell him.... and he gets really jealous and overprotective fast..... That is not over protective. People are over protective about their kids -- setting early curfews etc. He's being controlling & manipulative. There is a BIG difference. 1 hour ago, Lost_confused1000 said: I never once told him to buy me any... the only time I brought it up was when I asked if I was doing something wrong Why in the heck would you ask a man who is buying you all this stuff if you are going something wrong? Good heavens, where is your self respect? Are you a pet who gets treats when she's obedient? 1 hour ago, Lost_confused1000 said: Actually I’m glad he’s like that..... he’s the first person to actually act that way .... in all previous relationships no one cared about that aspect..... that’s one of the reasons why I love him You need to revisit this. What you perceive as caring is not. It's manipulation. This man is not a nice person. He's trying to buy you & it appears to be working. 5
smackie9 Posted March 30, 2021 Posted March 30, 2021 (edited) Flowers bought in a romantic sense is an act of intimacy. Setting you up in an apartment, buying you over the top expensive gifts is not. That's an act of possessiveness/control. Edited March 30, 2021 by smackie9 4
basil67 Posted March 30, 2021 Posted March 30, 2021 4 hours ago, Lost_confused1000 said: The problem with buying myself flowers is that he will think that someone else got me them no matter what I tell him.... and he gets really jealous and overprotective fast..... Not only jealous and overprotective (controlling), but apparently he also doesn't trust your word. How can you justify being with a man who would think you're lying about buying yourself a bunch of flowers? This is a much bigger issue than not being given flowers. 1
poppyfields Posted March 30, 2021 Posted March 30, 2021 (edited) 6 minutes ago, basil67 said: Not only jealous and overprotective (controlling), but apparently he also doesn't trust your word. How can you justify being with a man who would think you're lying about buying yourself a bunch of flowers? This is a much bigger issue than not being given flowers. basil, my previous ex used to stalk me, even while we were dating! And I was flattered, like the OP, telling myself it was because he loved me so much. I fully own the fact I was living in never-never land at the time, but that's how it is sometimes when young, naïve, and not having been loved properly by either one or both parents (in my case, my mom). She's just gonna have to learn this for herself and I wish her tons of luck and hope she doesn't come away from it as scathed as I was. Edited March 30, 2021 by poppyfields
dramafreezone Posted March 30, 2021 Posted March 30, 2021 14 hours ago, Angelle said: She asked him if she was doing something wrong, because he never bought her flowers, and he dismissed what she said, with a compliment. She thinks she's being obvious, but I just don't think he gets how important this is to her. Maybe letting him know how important this is will produce a different outcome.
dramafreezone Posted March 30, 2021 Posted March 30, 2021 1 hour ago, basil67 said: Not only jealous and overprotective (controlling), but apparently he also doesn't trust your word. How can you justify being with a man who would think you're lying about buying yourself a bunch of flowers? This is a much bigger issue than not being given flowers. I mean it's not really fair to criticize the guy for his behavior in some hypothetical situation. She's not going to buy herself flowers so we won't know if he'll overrect to it.
basil67 Posted March 30, 2021 Posted March 30, 2021 Just now, dramafreezone said: I mean it's not really fair to criticize the guy for his behavior in some hypothetical situation. She's not going to buy herself flowers so we won't know if he'll overrect to it. If I pulled this out of my rear end, you'd have a fair point. But the OP said that this would be his reaction. I trust her knowledge of him. 1
elaine567 Posted March 30, 2021 Posted March 30, 2021 5 hours ago, vla1120 said: Maybe his reason for not getting flowers is the same as my reason for not liking them. Once you cut a flower, it's dead. I'd rather enjoy flowers in their natural setting, still alive That is how I feel about flowers too. It just hit me one day out of the blue. All these cut flowers are dead or dying. Why would I want a gift of dead things? 1
Alpacalia Posted March 30, 2021 Posted March 30, 2021 (edited) 8 hours ago, Fletch Lives said: < listen to Mr. Flower King. Gift giving and knowing what a woman wants is romantic. Let's just say he's not the most romantic guy. Tell him "It would be so nice if somebody gave me flowers" a few more times, maybe he'll get it. It's good to be da king! He has no trouble with gift giving. Inappropriate gifts. Flowers I think are reserved for wifey. OP, what are you going to do? Edited March 30, 2021 by Alpaca 1
MsJayne Posted March 30, 2021 Posted March 30, 2021 I have to agree with the other ladies experience, expensive gifts are not about love or affection, they're about impressing you and about making you feel beholden. Flowers hold no value for him because they can't be used to manipulate you. My partner picks frangipani from the garden and puts them on the table with a candle when we have dinner, (which he often cooks), and that's worth far more than bought flowers, or expensive gifts. I would be very, very careful about moving into an apartment which your BF has paid for - that's the last bastion of your independence gone. If you allow someone else to run your life you're going to end up worrying about a lot more than flowers. Buying you a car within six months of dating is about cultivating dependence and diminishing your capacity to provide a lifestyle for yourself. He's making you an employee, not a partner. 3
CalipsoRose Posted March 31, 2021 Posted March 31, 2021 No offense but this is honestly ridiculous. He is not a mind reader. You HAVE to tell him thats something you'd like, in a subtle but obvious way. Say something like "I think its so sweet when guys get girls flowers." Or something to that affect. or even "I love flowers. I wish I had some fresh flowers so I could use my vase." But for you to assume he's going to just think to get you flowers like he's in some romantic comedy movie is high-school immaturity level thinking. Just being honest.
Wiseman2 Posted March 31, 2021 Posted March 31, 2021 13 hours ago, Lost_confused1000 said: No he’s divorced and has 2 kids which might explain why he’s not as romantic.... So he's wasting money that could rather go for a better life for his kids and thier future on tawdry designer nonsense to keep you around? Flowers won't fix his lack of judgement.
Trail Blazer Posted March 31, 2021 Posted March 31, 2021 13 hours ago, Lost_confused1000 said: The problem with buying myself flowers is that he will think that someone else got me them no matter what I tell him.... and he gets really jealous and overprotective fast..... Uh huh.... You have far bigger relationship issues at play than not being given flowers.
Trail Blazer Posted March 31, 2021 Posted March 31, 2021 13 hours ago, Lost_confused1000 said: Actually I’m glad he’s like that..... he’s the first person to actually act that way .... in all previous relationships no one cared about that aspect..... that’s one of the reasons why I love him You're seemingly conflating jealousy and possessiveness as a marker for him loving you. Someone who loves you, trusts you and therefore doesn’t feel insecure. He's just a controlling person. It has nothing to do with love. 2
cbr600r Posted March 31, 2021 Posted March 31, 2021 I thought that surprising a woman with flowers was a romantic gesture because it's a surprise. If he buys you flowers because you nagged him to do it, won't that defeat the whole purpose?
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